View Full Version : D1ckhead of the day award.

20th Aug 2005, 19:30
The hooded youth who decided to steal a laptop computer from a shop in Manchester. He spent 1/2 an hour casing the shop, then went in posing as a customer, before grabbing the laptop and running off.

Police are now looking for him, with the aid of video pictures. The name of the shop he decided to rob?

CCTV surveillance systems.

He was filmed from all angles by 8 high quality cctv cameras.
Definitely one who should be removed from the human gene pool

20th Aug 2005, 19:41
aye 419, read that in the Times, what a complete muppet.

Better one though..
Guy walks past a cop car in Washington, enters a shop with the intention to rob it, even though there's a cop standing drinking coffee at the counter.
The shop is H&J leather and Firearms, a gunshop.
Robber fires a few shots, the officer, the clerk and several customers all open fire,what do you get...

...an ex-muppet.


Krystal n chips
20th Aug 2005, 20:08
Heard of a case in your part of the world where a "yooful" member of one side decided to rob a Post Office owned by a rather high up member of the other. Said owner was entitled to keep a personal protection weapon it seems----the career option for said yoof was thus terminated forthwith ! :E

20th Aug 2005, 21:50
What about my mate Simmo who decided to ring in sick whilst on holiday in Greece. Sadly, the international operator had to put him through to the office and asked his manager whether she would accept a call from Greece.

P45 on his desk when he returned home...


henry crun
20th Aug 2005, 23:38
There was the thief who pulled his balaclava down over his face before entering the store to rob it.

He didn't realise it was inside out and his name tag, sewn on the inside, was conveniently in view on his forehead.

Onan the Clumsy
20th Aug 2005, 23:50
There was the thief who pulled his balaclava down over his face before entering the store to rob it.

He didn't realise there were cameras outside the shop as well as inside.

21st Aug 2005, 04:32
Remember reading of something similar years ago. Can't remember exact details but story went along these lines.

Thug breaks into woman's apartment, rapes her then demands money. Woman says she doesn't have any, he threatens more violence, she says she only has a cheque book. OK, says thug, write me a cheque. What name should I make it out to, she asks? Charles A. Meriwether, says Charles A. Meriwether, who was arrested half an hour later. :rolleyes:

16 blades
21st Aug 2005, 05:30
In the days of vehicle number plates consisting of plastic raised letters stuck onto the plate (or metal embossed plates), a chancer of a crook, after carrying out a robbery in winter, thought he'd made a clean getaway, managing to outmanoeuvre the bizzies by reversing into a snowdrift to get past the arriving police cars - and then driving out, leaving behind a perfect compacted 'mould' of the rear of his vehicle, including his registration number........

.....and just to compound his stupidity, it WAS his own car.

A distant relative of mine once (according to Blades family legend) stole a radio from a shop many moons ago, then had the cheek to return it to the shop after getting it home and finding it defective. They replaced it for him without question...


cessna l plate
21st Aug 2005, 09:06
Sadly, this tit comes from my home town.
Bloke walks into the bank, with balaclava on correctly, and hands the teller a note, to the effect of "give us the cash".
All good so far. Sadly, he wrote the note on the back of an envelope, the front of wich had his name, address, post code the lot. Even our local plod didn't take too long to pop round.

My favourite has to be this from a few years ago.
Local misunderstood young lad decides to aleviate his boredom, he will partake of a little burglary of the domestic kind.
He spots a suitable looking house, and as luck would have it, occupied by a little 80 odd year old bloke. Lovely thought the scrote, breaks in, grabs a few things, as the old bloke comes to see what is happening. Scrote then decides, as an added bonus, he will give the old fellow a swift beating.

Old bloke served during the second world war................ with the SAS!!!! Gues what happened to the scrote?

None of the above
21st Aug 2005, 10:30
I remember seeing a screen shot from a CCTV camera with a perfect view of a miscreant's fizzog. The idiot had climbed the camera pole in an attempt to cover the lense.................. whilst looking straight into it.

21st Aug 2005, 10:52
That last one reminds me of the security guard in our place who was caught on tape adjusting the CCTV camera in the IT department just before some laptops went missing.


Buster Hyman
21st Aug 2005, 13:30
Just recently in the States, two Aussies were swiftly caught after robbing a bank! They were in some small town & were easily apprehended as they were the only two around with Aussie accents!

Oh the shame....

Lance Murdoch
21st Aug 2005, 13:54
VFE, reminds me of a story my step father told me about his time working at the job centre. He received a phone call one afternoon which went 'Ive got a problem, Ive just got home from work and my giro hasnt arrived!', followed by a brief pause and a profanity and then he hung up!:O

21st Aug 2005, 18:07
That is a classic Lance! Cheers for sharing that! :}


21st Aug 2005, 19:47
Cornwall - couple of months ago two thieves raided the cashier at a petrol station. They were caught just down the road when they ran out of petrol! ( TRUE)

Solid Rust Twotter
21st Aug 2005, 20:19
A slightly dim thief in Ndola, Zambia chopped a hole in the base of a giant Coke bottle advertising mockup. When arrested he threatened to sue the store owner for false advertising as the bottle was empty....:rolleyes:

21st Aug 2005, 20:53
My friend (a fast driver) had slowed down to exit the Interstate. Some dolt smashes into the rear of his car but then takes off without stopping.

Police arrive. Turns out the dolt's front number plate had fallen off in the crash.

Police go dolt's house and find damaged car minus front number plate and dolt a bit over the line in alcohol content.


22nd Aug 2005, 00:18
...The American bank robber who burst in and said......

'Freeze motherstickers, this is a f**k up!'

If the storey is true, the bank now proudly displays a plaque almost to that effect!


22nd Aug 2005, 04:16
I have a friend in Brisbane who owns a business specializing in all manner of industrial breathing equipment. He also sells and services air compressors. Some years ago, he was asked to supply and fit a state of the art scuba compressor and air distribution system for a floating gin palace that was being built in a local shipyard.

The very expensive system was duly installed and payment requested from the boat’s owner. This gentleman was of foreign extraction and decided that possession was 9/10s of the law. He and his megayacht did the eventual runner with many thousands outstanding.

Time passed (a couple of years) and the gin palace returned to Brisbane with a different crew aboard. They had been experiencing a few problems with the air system and thought to themselves “All the documentation for this gear comes from this supplier here, so we might as well get it fixed here.” They duly called my mate, who kindly agreed to come and have a look.

“Oh dear, it is definitely the nurdle flange that is causing the problem, I will have to take it back to the workshop” he was heard to say. He even managed to get the crew to lug all the heavy bits and pieces and put them in his truck. He also completely disabled the control system for the compressed air starters for main and auxiliary engines, by removing essential items he had installed two years earlier.

Once the ginpalace had been rendered lifeless and all the gear was back in his workshop he contacted the crew and told them to contact the shifty owner and let him know that his boat wasn’t going anywhere until certain accounts had been settled in full.
The owner just about exploded apparently, but there was really nothing he could do and eventually paid the next day, in cash. I was led to believe that my friend was reluctant to accept a cheque.


22nd Aug 2005, 06:11
Used to have a young fella working for me that was as thick as two short planks. The kind you could literally send to someone else's office for a "longstand" or to the hardware store for some horizontally striped paint and a left handed screwdriver.

Thought he knew everything and that he was the smartest bean in the drawn though.

After his employment here had ceased ( due to his erratic and just plain dumb nature) i saw him on the street where he offered me discount Versace clothing. Turned out he was working for a large Dept Store (David Jones - for the aussies out there) and was light fingering the lot.

Was unbelievably stunned when i informed him they have more cameras than he thinks and the reason he couldnt see them was because he wasnt supposed to. I advised him to return said goods asap and claim ignorance and an honest mistake but shortly thereafter his employment was abruptly ceased and charges laid.

Came from a very well-off family too...


Lance Murdoch
22nd Aug 2005, 10:23
A pair of idiots tried to rob my local garage, which was next door to a police station, panic button pressed, thirty seconds later garage swarming with police!:p