growler
12th Oct 2000, 19:06
Following the decision to merge Britannia Airways into Hapag-Lloyd, the directors of Hapag-Lloyd have announced that English will be adopted as the common language within the airline in preference to German. However, to help the German staff who are less able with speaking English, it was concluded that for the sake of uniformity some minor changes to the spelling of some English words would be made, the changes to be phased in over a 5 year period. The result is to be known as EuroEnglish.
In the first year, s will be used instead of the soft c. Also, the hard c will be replased with k. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but FMS komputers kan have one less button.
There will be growing staff enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome ph will be replased by f. This will make frases 15 per sent shorter.
In the third year, staff akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Management will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent es in the languag is disgrasful, and should go.
By the fourth year staf wil be reseptive to steps such as replasing th with z and w with v.
During ze fifz year ze unesesary o kan be droped from vords kontaining ou and similar changes vud ov kors be aplied to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru!
In the first year, s will be used instead of the soft c. Also, the hard c will be replased with k. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but FMS komputers kan have one less button.
There will be growing staff enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome ph will be replased by f. This will make frases 15 per sent shorter.
In the third year, staff akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Management will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent es in the languag is disgrasful, and should go.
By the fourth year staf wil be reseptive to steps such as replasing th with z and w with v.
During ze fifz year ze unesesary o kan be droped from vords kontaining ou and similar changes vud ov kors be aplied to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru!