View Full Version : Things to piss yor neighbours off

12th Jul 2005, 10:50
The wind chime thread got me thinking about this.

When you've got to the point where you just can't be bothered to being pleasant and civil for whatever reason to your neighbours, what sort of fun can you have with them just to piss them off?

One of my neighbours does the loud music till 4am thing quite regularly. Tried talking to him and screaming - neither worked. Thought I'd just annoy him now and have some fun along the way.

If I was a guy and had an annoying female neighbour I would reguarly walk around naked in my yard . But since the rolls are reversed I don't think it would annoy him ( maybe it would get him to turn the music down though :ooh: )

ANy other ideas to drive the neighbours crazy? Being a bit evil every now and then surely is good for you.;)

Lon More
12th Jul 2005, 11:00
One of my neighbours does the loud music till 4am thing
Fight fire with fire. If you're going away for a weekend, set up your stereo on a timer starting at 4a.m.- speaker boxes up against the wall - select the sort of music you're sure he'll hate and enjoy your weekend.
Is he having a barbeque, or is there freshly washing on the line - a great time to burn all that garden rubbish.
Is he proud of his garden? Spray your weeds with weed killer and some of it could land on his prize blooms.

Good luck with the problem, if all else fails you might consider moving.

tall and tasty
12th Jul 2005, 11:30
Oh a trick my big sis did was spread nice fresh horse manure on the roses on a hot summer day, near the fence and let the neighbours suffer in the heat of the day and then she set fire to the muck heap.

She also invites around the class from hell her middle childs noisest friends and lets them play all day in the garden.

My brother annoy the neighbours by dirty bike riding and rally driving around the paddocks.

As both sides my neighbours are elderly I play heavy rock music (only because they listen to the TV very loudly at midnight) just to get my own back.


12th Jul 2005, 11:53
Get an ASBO court order against them. Great fun.

Biggles Flies Undone
12th Jul 2005, 11:59
dirty bike riding
Is that like dirt bike riding, only two-up? :p

A pint or two of maggots from the local angling shop poured through his letter box while he's on his summer hols usually guarantees an interesting buzz when he returns home :E

Atlas Shrugged
12th Jul 2005, 12:17
The Oz Mates will know these 2 words:

Dynamic Lifter!

Works every time

12th Jul 2005, 12:27
I find the 'take up two parking spaces' trick works a treat!!!!!

I had a neighbour knock on my door recently advising me that i had parked in 'their' space.

I politly reminded them that it was still a public road and I pay my taxes as well as they do!!!!

My cat also seems to be a nuisance to my neighbour. He keeps eating their plants apparently:D

tony draper
12th Jul 2005, 12:40
One has stated war with neigbours is a slippery slope,one has made lossa coin out of warring neigbours,install cctv system in neigbour number 1's dwelling,discretely approach neighbour number 2 ,pssst neigbour has had CCTV installed.

"What! that feckin bounder is spying on me! quickly install me a camera system,how much do you want?"

"Err sorry guv one is a tad busy at the mo"

"Nonsense my man name your price"

tee hee tee hee.

12th Jul 2005, 12:53
Hmmm! The neighbour problem!

Yes, the wind chimes are still ringing out loud here.
Problem will be fixed soon:p

Anyway, back on topic. This neighbour of mine, she of wind chime fame, really is a persistent pest (polite way of putting it).

Not content with throwing biscuits over the fence for my dog (biscuits which she damn well bought - we never :mad: asked her to), her son (4 years old) is the most annoying, spoilt little:mad: you have ever seen or met..really is enough to put you off having kids.

The neighbour speaks in a loud, annoying half Scots - half English accent (obviously doesn't know what the :mad: she is), speaks to her son as if he is 20. I give a quote "Andrew, would you go and do something constructive"...eh?? The kid is only 4..

Anyway, why i'm a typing this? Dunno! Helps me feel better i suppose.

A new fence is going up..all 8ft of it:D to block her off. In the meantime, the dog biscuits are still raining down - she's been told numerous times to quit doing it - no chance)! The only way to get it across to her now, i feel, is to chuck chocolate, crisps, lollies etc over the fence so her son can enjoy:suspect:

Did i mention she's a fat cow (i reckon 20stone) and wears leggings:yuk:

12th Jul 2005, 12:58
Why not send your neighbour a tub of vaseline through the post, as a gift? With a polite note telling her she's going to need it where the wind chimes are going.... :E

12th Jul 2005, 13:01
Two possibles, best completed under cover of darkness :)

Fish taped to car exhaust on inlet manifold, for that lovely fresh feeling inside the car.

Or with the aid of some rubber gloves squish some dog mess up underneath the car door handles, then wait till they go driving.

Would like to be able to say that I'd never done either :(

Oh well :E

tall and tasty
12th Jul 2005, 13:11
the dog biscuits are still raining down - she's been told numerous times to quit doing it - no chance)!

colmac, best thing to do is tell her it gives the nice doggie the runs and he is liable to do it on the pavement or anywhere where her little one will play. Put her off sending them over the fencevery very quickly.

Don't forget the razor wire/security alarms and the trench, she might get the idea.

As for leggings why do woman go for the big bright coloured ones?? They should stay on the runways of Milan/PAris and NY for those who are bean poles and no one else.

TnT:p :p

12th Jul 2005, 13:15
Ta, TnT.

Already told her the dog's had the runs after she feeds her. She stops. For like a day.

I quite liked the dog crap idea about putting it on the under side of the handles..very good:ok:

*stop hi-jacking this thread, colmac*:suspect:

tony draper
12th Jul 2005, 13:19
Throw a few rusks over the fence for her sprog.

12th Jul 2005, 14:16
I find that the chainsaw at 6am after the students have had a party really gets the message accross. I have been known to blow my trumpet through their letterbox in the early hours after they have been really noisy.


terrain safe
12th Jul 2005, 15:08
Neighbours seem to have a Kareoke (sp) party regularily, very annoying when on earlys the next day. Have to admit did ring doorbell for a few seconds last time at 5.30 before going to work. It felt great....:D :D

12th Jul 2005, 15:27
How to piss the neighbours off?

I'll send the MIL round to yours............ :E

Windy Militant
12th Jul 2005, 16:33
A frequency generator and a large Bass bin. Amazing what a few hours of Infra sound can achieve!:uhoh: :\ :ooh: :yuk:

12th Jul 2005, 20:31

One might want to use an old CB radio (the old 27MHz AM type). One that is cheap, nasty, been tampered with in all ways possible... but still working.

Then tape a 35ft-ish length of any type of wire to the nearest wall (with masking tape will do) facing broadside to your offending neighbour in a square shape with the two wire ends meeting in the centre of the bottom horizontal parallel to your floor. Connect the two wires directly to the RF output to your CB radio. It doesn't really matter which wire goes to the inner and outer of the connector. As long as they're both connected up. Marvel at your handiwork!

Power up your CB radio. Ensuring you're using the AM mode, yap loudly into the microphone. All things considered, if due lack of consideration was given to your install, you should be hearing yourself on yer neighbours sound system. This can then be used as a paging with your neighbours. Message forth at free will!!!



colonel cameron
13th Jul 2005, 03:00
Before we went to Circuit breakers, removing the fuses from the fuse box and chucking them away worked for a day or two, however repeated attacks are fraught with the obvious danger of being caught.

13th Jul 2005, 03:54
rebelrabbit has the right idea. Intervene in their fun politely and while it's still happening. Revenge annoyance only leads to tit-for-tat neighbour wars.

My Gran went a bit deaf when she passed 90. Very deaf in fact, but she hated wearing her hearing aid. (With false teeth, hearing aid and 'bottle bottom' glasses she referred to herself as the Bionic Woman) To compensate she turned her TV sound up until she could hear it without the hearing aid. Then she fell asleep in her favourite armchair.

The glass vibrated in her windows and paint flaked off the doors - you could hear her TV from a hundred meters. Honestly. I've no idea how the neighbours tolerated it for so long, but complaining would have done no good - she couldn't hear you! And who could beat up on a lively, jolly ninety year old?

She was my gran and I loved her dearly but there's no doubt she was the neighbour from hell for quite a few people.

13th Jul 2005, 05:38
I had a neighbour who's son used to do 'burn out's' at 10 at night, in his old shit box 180B.So i put a chain around the diff and chained it to the power pole. He didnt do very many burnouts that night with the diff ripped out of his car!:ok:

+'ve ROC
13th Jul 2005, 10:21
There is always the age old dog-sh1t-in-a-burning-paper-bag-on-the-doorstep gag!

A particular favourite of mine in my youth..........

My grandparents were having problems with scrambler motorbikes screaming up the (private) lane next to their house at all hours..... I always suggested a taut wire strung across the lane at about 12 inches high...


13th Jul 2005, 10:41
Feed your neighbour's noisy dog "Ex-Lax" laxative chocolate.

13th Jul 2005, 10:50
A small amount of petrol in a tin under the bonnet; connect a spark plug to a lead and place it in the tin: watch to see the results when the start up; make new friends when the anti-terrorist branch turns up.:}

13th Jul 2005, 16:51
I've heard burning crosses have worked for some in the past.

13th Jul 2005, 19:43
Three rows of barbed wire above rear wall.
When they erected star bricks to cover the wire, put in another three rows!:ok:

14th Jul 2005, 06:07
Just a word to the wise....

If youre going to do the "go away for the weekend and leave the speakers against the wall on 11" trick, empty your fridge first.

I had a neighbour do this (presumably to ward off burglars) over New Years Eve. Unfortunately my son was only 1 year old and i drew the short straw to look after him. All night long i could hear every word! to make matters worse it kept my son up and between their music and his screaming, neither of us were very happy.

After finally getting some limited sleep i knocked with no answer, figured out what was what, and promptly switched off their power and pulled the main breaker.

The neighbour (who i am still on speaking terms with) came over 2 days later asking if our power went out too.....

I told her what happened.

Apparently her fridge stank when she got home...i could just cry.

14th Jul 2005, 11:04
There's a CD available specifically for this problem if you have a good stereo: tracks include power drills,noisy orgasms and kid playing drums. Got to be worth ten quid. CD (http://wishingfish.com/revengecd.html)

14th Jul 2005, 11:12
Wait until they go away and pour heaps of mustard and cress seeds through their letter box, with a light sprinkling of water you'll give them a nice new door mat to come home to.

14th Jul 2005, 22:19
Fish taped to car exhaust on inlet manifold, for that lovely fresh feeling inside the car.
That's not where the fish goes... THIS is where the fish goes!

One would use the entire fish, and one would cut it into a fine dice. A blender or food processor works too. Once said fish is in very small bits, one would deliver it here...
...in the fresh air intake at the base of the windshield. This is where the air for air conditioning and heat enters the car. It is also where the fish enters the car. Forever (or at least as near to forever as one would require...).

Owing to the rather permanent nature of the effects of such an undertaking, this is generally not considered a first strike weapon.

15th Jul 2005, 08:28
Wait for a warm sunny calm saturday afternoon, so all your neighbours have their washing out and windows open.

Light a small fire in your incinerator and allow to smoulder. Add plenty of plastic bags to the fire.

Go out for the rest of the day.

I know this works - one of my neighbours does it regularly :mad:

15th Jul 2005, 08:41
Collect all the ads from the sunday papers and any supplements and magazines you can find. Double glazing, time-shares, conservatories. The worse the better. Write to the Mormons, Jehovahs Witnesses, Scientologists etc. Fill them all in using your neighbours name and address.

You get the picture?

Sit back and enjoy...... :E

Lon More
15th Jul 2005, 10:06
av8boy Much easier to add, I'm told, is milk or yogurt.If you can gain access to the car, half a pint of Gold Top deposited on the carpet under the seats should be good for several weeks' enjoyment.

Burnt Fishtrousers
15th Jul 2005, 13:13
Recently we had this bloke from round the corner who used to stand there and let his dog crap on my lawn...can you believe the front of the fu***r. My neighbour had reported this to me, and told him politely to decist, but met with abuse.I saw him let the dog do it recently when coming home ,maintained my composure, followed him up the road and round the corner so I was able to ascertain where he lives.

2 weeks ago, having let the Madras curry work its way through I took a dump into a large Tupperware box and at midnight emptied the contents strategically next to the drivers door of his car parked on his driveway....we havent had the problem since....he knows that i know it was him and thats that ..lesson taught.

I think this approach was far better than shouting and screaming at him , complaining to the local authorities issuing ASBOs etc...,he now knows what its like to find crap on HIS property which means he may excercise a little self respect towards others as far as his dogs lavatorial habits are concerned.

Im a firm believer in an eye for an eye etc. If his dog does it again and anyone witnesses it and informs me, the next stage is to order half a ton of horse manure to be delivered on to his driveway when hes at work ....

15th Jul 2005, 13:33
colmac747 A new fence is going up..all 8ft of it:hmm:
Don't give your neighbour any ammo. If your fence is over 2m, then it will probably need planning permission. This is reduced to 1m, adjacent to a road!

15th Jul 2005, 13:51
One of my neighbours does the loud music till 4am thing quite regularly. Tried talking to him and screaming - neither worked.

somone mentiond a smilar solution earlier, but it needs to be taken 1 step thurther
(note this only works on the non handyman minded)
at 4 am, you flick the circuit breaker ,usually they think the power is out, and go to bed, when you wake at 7 am to go to work, or for the revenge, you go and flick the circuit breaker back on!

resulting in everything coming back on at previous volumn! usually scaring the shite out of the sleeping person trying to recover from hangover etc

another thing my father does, he had a new neighbor move in behind him, and installed a large satelite dish in the back yard, sure enough, a few month later, a large tree beside our property died, it was poisoned! and directly in line of said dish!

he got hold of an old Microwave oven and removed the microwave generator, and reinstalled it at the end of long metal tube, this has the effect of becoming a microwave gun! he then aimed it at the satelite dish revciever, and every month he turns it on for a few mins! every month, there is a service man next door, replacing the reciever! been going of for about 9 months now! must be getting expensive all those recievers and all!

15th Jul 2005, 14:26
My neighbour, an otherwise very personable chap, has a problem with his car. At least, I assume he does - he has to rev the engine into the screaming-for-mercy range every time he backs it off his drive, and then accelerate from 0-60 in about 4.5 seconds flat down our residential (30mph limit, with kids/dogs/cats etc) street. It's a BMW something-or-other convertible by the way - does that explain it?

The best bit - and I nearly had a seizure trying not to laugh out loud - was when we were sitting outside the local pub one night. A BMW driver peeled off the roundabout nearby and accelerated away hard past the pub (just like neighbour would have done) - neighbour's response? "Arse-hole....."

Might try the fish.......

He also has enough security lights to fully illuminate about 3 junctions worth of the M1, but don't get me started on that.

15th Jul 2005, 15:11
You could always get hold of some of that 20 10 10 stuff!

Its a nitrogen based fertiliser and it makes anything grow like hell!!

My mate's dad was having trouble with a neighbour so late one evening he scales the fence into the unsuspecting neighbours garden and proceeded with spreading this 20 10 10 stuff all over the lawn!!

the next thing we know is that he is working overtime with his lawnmower trying to keep down the grass! Everytime he gets his mower out even now makes us laugh!!- No further troubles....Justice was done without rolling up sleeves!! :E

15th Jul 2005, 15:16
Stick my 600W of bass amplifier against the wall, plug in the fender, stick in the earplugs and do some practicing. Even my 90% deaf polish neighbour notices cos it shakes things in his house

Darth Nigel
15th Jul 2005, 15:19
having let the Madras curry work its way through I took a dump into a large Tupperware box
..and then wash the Tupperware box and return it to the shop??? :O

The other good trick is to write rude words on the lawn with undiluted weedkiller. Takes a few days :p

And for those with electrical problems... popping the CB and then pouring superglue (cyanoacrylate) in it tends to make it hard to turn back on.

(I had a mate who confessed that he had done the opposite, and superglued the CB on because "the damned thing kept popping on him" ... He only 'fessed this one after a beer or two while watching the certified electrician rewire his entire distribution panel :E at enormous expense because something had melted in it)

15th Jul 2005, 20:51
...an old Microwave oven and removed the microwave generator, and reinstalled it at the end of long metal tube, this has the effect of becoming a microwave gun!
Any good on moggies? :E

16th Jul 2005, 02:31
Am I right in saying that to create such a 'gun', you would just place the microwave emitting element in one sealed end of the tube, and to turn it on you would have a gastight flap at the other end to allow the microwaves out?

Or are the elements in a microwave oven focused, i.e. the microwaves sent in a particular direction?

Just curious - may come in useful around here... those kids next door give me many sleepless nights... :E :E

Cheers, Jack.

16th Jul 2005, 03:35
Pick an evening when you know it is going to rain then spread your word(s) on the offenders lawn with fertiliser. Much more devious than weedkiller - and can't be dug out:E

16th Jul 2005, 06:18
Playing around with a home-made 'microwave gun' sounds like fun.

Trouble with microwaves is they're small and tricky. Invisible, too.

So, if you try that trick and get it slightly wrong, you probably won't notice any ill effects.

....until your eyes begin clouding up with cataracts.

You might try to cure those by rubbing dog poo on 'em.

16th Jul 2005, 11:41
When they are on holiday, make a fake police aware sign - you know the ones with a couple of police IDs on them and stick to front windscreen.

Wait for the council to come along, pick up the car and crush it after a couple of weeks. Think that would p*ss them off good and proper.......

Beware i think if you were to get caught you could be in quite a sticky mess, and the neighbours will have won again.

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