Razor Sharp ATC chirps

[I.R.PIRATE]

Was flying into Herat Airport in Western Afghanistan this morning, and arrived there during a specifically busy period. This transpired between the controller and a Russian IL-76......

IL-76:" Herat tower, this is UR7755, rekvest texi."

TOWER :" UR7755, taxi and line up rwy 01, report ready, expidite

IL-76 : "UR7755 roger."

CONTINOUS UNITERRUPTED RADIO CALLS 3MINS

IL-76 : " UR7755 ready for take-off."

TOWER : " UR7755 Roger, cleared for take-off, next call 10nm

IL-76 : " UR7755 Clear take off, call you 10nm out next.

JUST AFTER ROTATION AS THE GEAR IS RETRACTING

IL-76: " Herat tower, UN7755 Eyerborne"

TOWER : " My greatest compliments, very well done, now report
ten miles out please."


:E

[pointer41]

One of the better ones I've heard - out in Africa! goes as follows:
The chap was approaching an airport in a C-130, with the guy doing the radio work having a slight stutter. With the added stress of his first approach, and a route check, the slight turned to quite. (Take note sometimes I stutter too, so no poking fun of stutterers...)

Anyway, as the lad calls the tower, he stutters and the 3 sec tx went on for a while. As quick as a flash the tower responds: "Last call on tower, sorry we don't do morse code".
End of tx.

[gofor]

Not really a sharp ATC chirp overheard at LAX arrivals, quite the opposite , but then again they are American!

A bird (sorry birdlady!) controller vectoring some aircraft downwind and giving a speed instruction to which the pilot correctly acknowledges.

Then..
ATC: "AirlineXXX ...Roger"

AirlineXXX: " Sorry ma'am could you say again"

ATC: "Disregard sir I was just ROGERING you"

Well what can I say .. only in America do you get such fine service:E

[EladElap]

Learjet 31 on downwind at FAXX

Learjet31: ZS-XXX established on a left downwind for runway 30

FAXX tower: Orbit to your left and report re-established

Learjet31(very disgruntled): Do you know that it costs us $2500 for each orbit.

FAXX tower(very quickly): Well in that case give me $10 000's worth.

[jetjoke]

On the decent into JFK, I heard this the other day:

JFK tower: American XXX be advised we have traffic your 11 o'clock 3nm 1000 feet above and helicopter traffic 2 o'clock 5nm 1000 feet below

American XXX(quick reply) Roger, we have them on the fishfinder!

ONLY in the States!

[I.R.PIRATE]

Heard a Russian chap today, he was travelling on the Victor 338 air route, and kept on calling it the Viskey 338. Id say that pronunciation is probably correct in Russia. :E

[Rand$]

My favorite is one i heard from Bamako, Mali a while back while on a night freight run:

AF1 with a drawn American twang: Bamako Air Force One Good evening.

Bamako with a real african accent: Ahh..Eh Force Wun good eevenin. Go ahead.

AF1: Air Force One is POINT at time 22:31, FL410, estimating exit POINT at time 23:00.

Bamako: Roga. say POB and aircraft type.

AF1: (hesitates with mike keyed) Uhh...we have 26 POB and we're a B744.

Bamako: Roga.

A few minutes pass and we can just feel it comming and then what kept us crying for the rest of our flight...

Bamako: Eh Force Wun, Bamako.

AF1: Bamako, Air Force One go ahead

Bamako: Eh Force Wun, say oparata.

AF1: (hesitates with mike keyed again and asks other crew to confirm what they said) Uhh...Bamako, Air Force One operater is the United States Air Force.

Bamako: (as if nothings different in his head) Eh Force Wun, Roga.

guess he was just doing his job as he was told.

:=
Rand$


...and cents.

[126,7]

Am surprised Bamako didnt ask for
"ehcrafts registrehtion mahkings."