View Full Version : You Have Got To Be Joking!!!!!!!

7th Jul 2005, 01:32
True Story

Bird Strike at one of the company outports. Destroys outer wing fence and damages part of the leading edge.
After taxiing the a/c to apron and dissembarking @40-50 pax the Capt phones maintainence watch and explains the scenario. The guy on the other end asks if a photo could be taken and emailed through for an examination by the gingerbeers.
After some deliberation!!!!!!! by the engineers the question was asked of the Capt if he had any TINSNIPS!!!!!!(WOT THE [email protected]@K)
"if you have some tinsnips just get up the ladder and cut off the wing fence and fly it back to ----"
Before anyone starts slagging off this is 100% fair dinkum I kid you not!
This issue is being investigated further by others further up the food chain

Can just imagine my next roster EP's, CRM and SHEET METAL COURSE but please supply own tinsnips!!!.

7th Jul 2005, 01:52
Mate, they could have just got the Triton out and done a few mods!

Getting tinsnips through secruty is a piece of cake anyway!

I can just see the poor sod now, trying to fix his plane, wearing his hat, tie and jacket with only his ball point pen and bare hands while the ginger beers read the paper and recieve emails from the FO while he holds the ladder!

kinda like being watched by engine LAMEs while you top the engine oils in full regalia!!!!! my favourite!!!!

Cheers mate.


7th Jul 2005, 02:14
Ah, but your F/O would have been fined because he or she wasn't wearing their high-viz vest Buzzy and if they were, they would have been fined because thier ID card was on the inside of the vest and thus not displayed in the approved manner. :yuk: :}

I can't take nail clippers with me on the aircraft, be stuffed if I can work out how I'd get tin snips on! :yuk:

7th Jul 2005, 03:16
I was gonna say what's wrong with using the Leatherman that we used to carry in our Navbags amongst the assorted bits of string, wire, fasteners, nuts and bolt for running repairs....................

I find it really quite difficult to use these new paperless computer nav bags to unscrew the oil dipstick that some previous dipstick has screwed unbelievably tight. That's assuming it is still useable after the bashing it got getting the cowl open.:sad:

with only his ball point pen hmmmm my fancy retractable pencil thingy is a much more dangerous weapon, given the scars on my left chest from forgetting to retract it when putting it back in my pocket. :8

7th Jul 2005, 04:36
I think it may finally be dawning on those that fly just what the impact of the LAME-less tarmac can/will lead. Maintenance Watch can dispense all the suggestions/advice they want but when it comes to safety first I would much rather have an engineer actually putting his name to paper and certifying the aircraft fit for flight

7th Jul 2005, 05:12
How true Keg,
at the expense of sounding a muzzy! The simpler days were more appealing to Mr.Buzzy!


Bolty McBolt
7th Jul 2005, 06:21
I say let the Techies fix it..
Every techie I have spoken to about no LAME transit reckon they know more than enough to acquit the job...Just call the sheet metal work "on the job training" then they can account for the asymmetrical lift with a bit of cleaver stick and pedal work and not complain about excess trim required in the tech log. Makes for a Cruzi night shift for me when it gets back to base

To serve and protect all those who fly..:ouch:

chimbu warrior
7th Jul 2005, 07:17
And where is McGuyver when you need him? He could use a paddle-pop stick and a piece of gum to fix it!

Mind you, just wait until operators start outsourcing their maintenance watch to call centres in third world countries. Then you will have the Chinese dictionary in one hand, and the whippersnipper in the other.

7th Jul 2005, 08:04
pmsl chimbu

mind you, why would he need to fix it if he had a paddle pop stick and some gum. He could build a dash 8 out of that...

Watch out, the management kind will be reading this and paging their receptionist - 'GET ME MCGUYVER ON THE LINE NOW!!!'

Capn Bloggs
7th Jul 2005, 09:35
"if you have some tinsnips just get up the ladder and cut off the wing fence and fly it back to ----"
If it's on the CDL, who cares whether it's there or not? Gimme a frikkin' hammer, I'll knock it off! Just make sure it doesn't hit the FO on the head on the way down.

7th Jul 2005, 10:46
You can expect more of the same in the future with the LAME less

There is nothing technically wrong with this advice as the aircraft can fly perfectly fine without one(just a minor performance penalty) and the only people who can certify an aircraft for flight are the LAME and the pilot in command.

Normasars- you didn't tell us what he did. Did he cut of the fence himself or wait for a LAME? I'll bet he cut it off himself to get home and complained about it later.

7th Jul 2005, 10:54
Oh come on guys, sometimes we really need a LAME.

Captains are paid to make this call along with their F/O.

The MEL must be applied only in consultation with the captain.

Why would captain go out on a limb?

7th Jul 2005, 12:14
Angela Lansbury is available I hear.. She was good with getting things sorted...

8th Jul 2005, 05:20
Just a thought, but what did the Configuration Deviation List "CDL" say ?
{Part of flight manual normally}
The concept of removing bits off airliners is not new, but must be done with manufacturers data and I would think a type/category LAME (or MA holder) to carry this out.

I'm curious
If its not too much too ask, wouldnt mind at least knowing the aircraft type involved in the incident.
I would prefer not to know the operator :ugh: :ugh: :ok: :ok:

Capt Basil Brush
9th Jul 2005, 14:26
I think the whole scenario is a wind-up anyway.

The first 2 words give it away - "Bird Strike". The aircraft is grounded straight away until an inspection from an engineer - tin snips or no tin snips.


Pimp Daddy
9th Jul 2005, 14:36
The first 2 words give it away - "Bird Strike". The aircraft is grounded straight away until an inspection from an engineer - tin snips or no tin snips.

Actually no, my company (funnily enough, same as the one involved here) provides for continuation to a maintenance base provided the impact site can be determined, there is no visible damage, and it is not on the prop or gear.

Obviously a bent glare shield is damage = LAME comes to visit.

Capt Basil Brush
10th Jul 2005, 00:42
Fair enough Pimp Daddy. The last few airline jobs I ve had the aircraft is grounded after a bird strike.

Either way, it sounds like "visible damage" was certainly present, so still grounded.

15th Jul 2005, 01:20
Ummm....seeing as though i am not in the aviation industry, would someone please fill me in on what "LAME" is an acronym for.... have figured out most of your other ones...:O

Gucci Gal