Proletarian
29th May 2005, 07:27
Cynics Multi-Choice Questionnaire
Having grown steadily more cynical during my 30+ years in the RAF, I would like to offer a couple of suggestions for a cynics multi-choice questionnaire.
Q: You are attending yet another presentation by a visiting senior officer recently posted into a senior appointment at some headquarters unit. He talks in all the usual clichés and finally mentions his “vision”, do you:
1. Listen with rapt attention at his ground-breaking, innovative and thought provoking insight into how things will change under his dynamic leadership.
2. Takes notes so that you can share these pearls of wisdom with those unfortunate enough to have missed this essential guide to the future.
3. Add another tick to your ‘buzzword bingo’ card.
4. Wake suddenly, after a swift elbow in the ribs, as your snoring is beginning to disturb your immediate neighbour. Groan loudly as your hear the V word, break wind as quietly as possible and attempt to fall back asleep.
Q: You find in your mail a manila envelope containing yet another meaningless questionnaire forwarded by some ‘focus group’ formed to try and justify the introduction of some new organisation or system which is less efficient and more bureaucratic than the one it replaced. Do you:
1. Accept with good grace that in these troubled times we all have to acknowledge the continual change and reorganisation that are essential drivers towards a leaner and more efficient RAF. Fill the form in carefully and return it the attached envelope.
2. Fill in the form quickly and efficiently believing that your considered opinions will be of great value to those conducting this essential research. When you reach the ‘Any additional Remarks Section’, you find that your comments are so long that you run out of space and have to attach an additional typed page.
3. Tear open the envelope. Swear loudly in protest at why you have been singled out yet again for one of these bl%+dy questionaries. Tick one or two boxes and scrawl various abusive comments on one or two of the early sections, give up on the rest. Chuck it back in the envelope and throw it in the outmail.
4. Recognise yet another questionnaire by the size and shape of the envelope. Accept that the real decisions have already been made and that this is just an exercise in appearing to consult people. Rip it in two and throw it in the bin.
Q: You find yourself in change of a Registry and looking back through the records it’s apparent that many files have been destroyed. Are files destroyed to:
1. Ensure that the registry is ‘lean’ with only the most essential files available.
2. Create space for new files on the same topic, but containing only new material
3. Make your life easier, until you decide to destroy the wrong file.
4. Ensure that in the future certain individuals cannot be held to account for their actions when the chickens finally come home to roost.
Proletarian
Having grown steadily more cynical during my 30+ years in the RAF, I would like to offer a couple of suggestions for a cynics multi-choice questionnaire.
Q: You are attending yet another presentation by a visiting senior officer recently posted into a senior appointment at some headquarters unit. He talks in all the usual clichés and finally mentions his “vision”, do you:
1. Listen with rapt attention at his ground-breaking, innovative and thought provoking insight into how things will change under his dynamic leadership.
2. Takes notes so that you can share these pearls of wisdom with those unfortunate enough to have missed this essential guide to the future.
3. Add another tick to your ‘buzzword bingo’ card.
4. Wake suddenly, after a swift elbow in the ribs, as your snoring is beginning to disturb your immediate neighbour. Groan loudly as your hear the V word, break wind as quietly as possible and attempt to fall back asleep.
Q: You find in your mail a manila envelope containing yet another meaningless questionnaire forwarded by some ‘focus group’ formed to try and justify the introduction of some new organisation or system which is less efficient and more bureaucratic than the one it replaced. Do you:
1. Accept with good grace that in these troubled times we all have to acknowledge the continual change and reorganisation that are essential drivers towards a leaner and more efficient RAF. Fill the form in carefully and return it the attached envelope.
2. Fill in the form quickly and efficiently believing that your considered opinions will be of great value to those conducting this essential research. When you reach the ‘Any additional Remarks Section’, you find that your comments are so long that you run out of space and have to attach an additional typed page.
3. Tear open the envelope. Swear loudly in protest at why you have been singled out yet again for one of these bl%+dy questionaries. Tick one or two boxes and scrawl various abusive comments on one or two of the early sections, give up on the rest. Chuck it back in the envelope and throw it in the outmail.
4. Recognise yet another questionnaire by the size and shape of the envelope. Accept that the real decisions have already been made and that this is just an exercise in appearing to consult people. Rip it in two and throw it in the bin.
Q: You find yourself in change of a Registry and looking back through the records it’s apparent that many files have been destroyed. Are files destroyed to:
1. Ensure that the registry is ‘lean’ with only the most essential files available.
2. Create space for new files on the same topic, but containing only new material
3. Make your life easier, until you decide to destroy the wrong file.
4. Ensure that in the future certain individuals cannot be held to account for their actions when the chickens finally come home to roost.
Proletarian