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View Full Version : Idea for new airline....a winner!!!!


WindSheer
28th May 2005, 16:26
I am on to something here, and am open to financial backing.

I intend to start the Uk's first specialised chav airline..................... BLING AIRWAYS!!

Services could start with a single A380 in a high density config, transporting shellsuit clad blingers to Northern Spain and Corfu!!
The cabin crew could wear gold shoes, and sell gold plated chains and cans of stella instead of the usual nonsense!

Anyone else care to add........

:p

Fernando_Covas
28th May 2005, 16:32
How about fitting Burberry seat covers?

WATABENCH
28th May 2005, 16:40
Windsheer - You are a genius!

I think you should add DLM and VAR for sure, also add Big bore exhausts to the engines, black out the windows and put in a pioneer sound sytem, then get it to do a fly past in Weston Super Mare so all the Rudeboys can stare in Chav amazement!:E

crazypilot
28th May 2005, 16:57
Sounds a good idea - although would have to disagree with Fernando_Covas' suggestion of introducing burberry headrest covers as this would ultimately lead to the airline making heavy and unnecessary losses as you would have to replace the full 800 covers at the end of each flight coz the 'scavs' would have knicked them all ;)

CP

Little Friend
28th May 2005, 17:12
I fear, as with all smart ideas someone got there first...

Remember when, after a two hour delay, the above mentioned group of (w)bankers 'lost it' and wanted to 'clap side up mi head'
but had to content with showing me the middle digit, spitting and throwing duty free at the aircraft.

Good old easyJet

Jerricho
28th May 2005, 17:19
Anybody seen the movies "Soul Plane"? sounds very similar.

(Those that haevn't seen it........don't bother)

Flypro
28th May 2005, 17:45
Forget Nav lights........What we need for this airliner are CHAV LIGHTS;)
Lotsa those little blue thingies!!!!!

lexxity
28th May 2005, 17:56
Don't forget the sticker for the cockpit "Baz.....Me B*tch"

You could offer a lizzy duke franchise on board:E

WindSheer
28th May 2005, 18:00
I knew I was onto a winner.

I am in the process of starting a website....

www.chavelbling.com

I am liking the ideas, talks are already underway for some additional destinations. Bourgas being one, along with of course....Beefa!
The deal is done with airbus, 1 firm order for a 900 seat A380 with the option of another 600 a/c to be delivered at the rate of 200 per year.
The first hub will be Bristol - Bling capital, followed by Birmingham as extra a/c follow.

Keep them coming!:ooh:

Conan the Librarian
28th May 2005, 18:18
Not quite so sure about a 380 though. High capacity - Yes! But it might be preferable to have something more likely to go very badly tech at the far end.

cheers,

Conan

Fernando_Covas
28th May 2005, 19:12
Will the IFE system be mildly warm?

Jerricho
28th May 2005, 19:19
Yeah, and have some kickin' bass :ok:

Solid Rust Twotter
28th May 2005, 19:49
Wonder if it would be worthwhile to jettison the working bits to be reused, eject the crew in a capsule and allow what's left to sink somewhere in the Atlantic?

Just a thought.....:E

redsnail
28th May 2005, 20:12
Imagine the modded air scoops and wings?

Need to have a few baby carriers if it's going to be targeted at Chavs. Still, the grog service won't have to be flash. :yuk:

Tiger
28th May 2005, 20:46
So I guess it would be based at Southend. 3 class travel, er Chigwell class = First, seats covered with suede faux, Southend class= club, seats covered with faux fur, Canvey Island class= economy seats covered with leatherette.

All uniforms have Burberry Cap. Jewellery a must for all, plenty of E Dukes cubic zirconia and gold chains.

Anyone can continue.....

Noah Zark.
28th May 2005, 21:03
Not forgetting the pink, blue, & green neon lights in the wheel bays, and the little neon lights on the end of all of the aerials, static wicks, etc.
What about lowering the suspension? i.e., don't lower it when landing. You won't get your bum much closer to the ground than that !

Firestorm
28th May 2005, 21:06
I heard there's a new chav corporate jet service starting in Glasgow: NedJets!

redsnail
28th May 2005, 21:42
Priceless Firey :D :ok:

sixmilehighclub
28th May 2005, 21:57
Ladeeeeez and gents, when you check the fasten seat belt sign bling on above ya heads, youz av to kick back in your cribs and hold tight, ya know it......

Capn Notarious
28th May 2005, 23:01
Beemer or Corsa chavs, get special favours if they can write a 200 letter essay, subject Largin it

WATABENCH
29th May 2005, 00:11
Insted of BRS/BHX as bases, why not set up new Chav airports too, 'Newport boyo Chavnational - South Wales' or 'Trowbridge innit Chavnational - Wiltshire, or even 'Northern Scally Chavnational - Blackburn'
Were going to make millions Windsheer me old mucker - Better tell the boss were leaving i guess
:E

How bout Recaro\'s as your seats, and the seat belts can have those pads on them that say stuff like \'GTI or TURBO or ****!

Loose rivets
29th May 2005, 00:56
Yeh, and a set of them hub caps that keep goin round when youve stopped. :D

Tiger
29th May 2005, 07:15
Of course the planes would have to be named.

Chardonnay Beyonsay Tracy

Tyler Morgan

Shaz

and the crew would have to learn to talk proper

"free (3) toy-lits on board today"

and a major selling point would be the baby buggy parking facility ....on board

Solid Rust Twotter
29th May 2005, 07:40
Passenger modules or pallet seating on a C17. Just despatch them off the ramp with an extractor 'chute while cruising at FL250 over the Pacific. Perhaps one of those small bulldozers to chivvy any stragglers that may have been in the bog off the ramp.


..Which is guaranteed to get Greenpeace involved. Polluting the worlds oceans in that manner, and so forth..... :rolleyes:

Conan the Librarian
29th May 2005, 11:31
Errrr.... Pardon me for saying - but hasn't something like this been done before? Something about Douglas Adams, large, one way Spaceships and Golgafrinchans? Could remake it though and maybe call it

"Chavhikers guide to the Galaxy" (or Essex) or somfink..."

Ok - am going now.... Promise!

Conan

noisy
29th May 2005, 12:07
The aircraft livery & decor would of course feature three stripes and adidas logos....

Lon More
29th May 2005, 12:14
Solid Rust Twotter Great idea, just as long as no Japanese fishing boats beneath


the rescued crew of a Japanese fishing boat claimed a cow fell out of the sky and sank their boat.

crazypilot
29th May 2005, 13:31
Ok....lots of high-density A380 aircraft, bases/destinations including Bristol and BHX, top-notch IFE....and now everyone can fly...better not let Tim Clark/EK here of this....it's a similar plan!

EK--- keep discovering ;)

colmac747
29th May 2005, 13:45
Remember to include a furry dice in the cockpit:ok:

Can we see a picture of the a/c painted in Burberry colours?:O

Solid Rust Twotter
29th May 2005, 13:53
Refining this as we go....

Depressurize at altitude to put them to sleep while crew goes on O2, then bulldoze the piles of slumbering chavs out the back of the C17. That way no money is wasted having to replace seating.

WindSheer
29th May 2005, 14:19
I am in the middle of getting the livery sorted for the a/c. The tail will be burberry due to popular demand, with a go faster tapestry/stripe down the side, along with Kenwood stickers in the flight deck windows.
The main gears will be modified slightly to incorporate alloys, along with low profile Uniroyal's. She will also be lowered as requested, with skirts and spolier fitted.
The a/c can only operate onto gravel free ramp area's to prevent chaos when the skipper hand brake turns her onto stand!
The holds will also be modified to include bass tubes and 6 x 9's so that 50cents can be played whilst loading.

The flight deck uniform will be changed quite dramatically to a bouncer type outfit. Short length black technics jacket, along with an ear piece to replace the headset.

We are working closesly with First Choice on their star class idea, to develop our very own Chav class service. Cabin crew can wear and smoke whatever they want.

I am liking this, my fortune has finally come!!:cool:

paddyboy
29th May 2005, 16:52
The flight deck uniform will be changed quite dramatically to a bouncer type outfit.

Not forgetting the cabin crew...:)

http://xs30.xs.to/pics/05210/burb_intro_social.jpg

Perhaps a little too classy but it's a start!

WATABENCH
29th May 2005, 16:53
Think you need to draft 'GOLDIE LOOKING CHAIN and BLAZING SQUAD' in to launch the new service.
OOH and definate new Chav route STN-REU, Ryanair will go bust!:E

Paddyboy - you are nothing but a pure genius!!!
But wheres her lizzie duke bangles?

Lon More
29th May 2005, 17:30
That's the toilets (http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y204/Badyin/chav/ChavLav1.jpg) and the in-flight entertainment (http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y204/Badyin/chav/chavcondom.jpg) sorted then

Burnt Fishtrousers
29th May 2005, 18:36
Windy

Your airline wont get off the ground.............not with all that Elizabeth Duke gold aboard.

At least an Airbus has got more spoilers than you can shake a Burberry umbrella at.

How about a shade of metallic lime green with Kenwood written down the side, and big bore jet engines

Lon More
29th May 2005, 18:47
with Kenwood written down the side


So what have food proccessors (http://www.tribaluk.com/detail.php?ProdID=53484272&referrer=decide) to do with it?

Fernando_Covas
29th May 2005, 21:12
Is this the CEO?
http://xo.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/chav.jpg

lexxity
29th May 2005, 21:16
This is a great idea, male cabin crew would need to be dressed in the chav regulation holiday uniform, which any self respecting chav knows is a pair of 3/4 length white trackies with the drawstring thingers at the bottom, brand new WHITE trainers (replaced for every flight) and a hackett polo shirt with the hackett written THIS big.


Of course the top will not be required in hot weather as a skinny white chest is just soooo attractive!

Fernando_Covas
29th May 2005, 21:17
The male cabin crew uniform

http://www.chavscum.co.uk/4images/data/media/10/08-10-04_0903.jpg

colmac747
29th May 2005, 22:26
Any chance of a sneak preview of the a/c in Burberry?
Chav's don't have to be visible:p

paddyboy
29th May 2005, 22:53
Any chance of a sneak preview of the a/c in Burberry?

It's on the horizon(so to speak).

Watch this space....;)

WATABENCH
29th May 2005, 22:53
Windy's just told me that the burberry paintwork is just being finished and a pic will be available soon, also that the boarding music will be 'The Streets - Dry your eyes mate' this is so they can cane it out of the Kenwood system whilst sat next to an FR plane with no one on it as we nicked all their Chav customers, whilst Mr O'leary is crying into his Guiness:E
Max Power magazine has offered free advertising so long as they can race a 130 bhp Renault 5 turbo 'chipped of course' against it down Runway 27!

Tiger
30th May 2005, 07:03
...surely you mean runway 127! (check your road atlas!);)

B Fraser
30th May 2005, 07:49
Any chance of a sneak preview of the a/c in Burberry?


Many years ago, I saw an a/c in Burberry and if I recall correctly,it was an HS-125 which I presume was the Burberry corporate jet. If it's still flying, I reckon the paintshop had a call for an urgent respray :yuk:

Can anyone find a piccie on the web ?

Lon More
30th May 2005, 08:00
The male cabin crew uniform

He even seems to have learnt the sign language for t:mad:r

Barnaby the Bear
30th May 2005, 10:40
Don't forget the white Reebok classics!!!! :}

colmac747
30th May 2005, 19:25
Well. i've been waiting all day with baited breathe to see the exclusive Burberry designed a/c and still no pic:mad:

*goes and bangs head on wall hoping to see aforementioned a/c*:O

Ronaldsway Radar
30th May 2005, 22:07
Under-carriage Neon Lighting effects....
Goldie Looking Chain at the opening ceremony...
Mr T as senior captain....
and....
my Nan as senior hostess, you should see her on a friday night!! :D:D

Craggenmore
31st May 2005, 09:56
http://tinypic.com/5ev3eq

quality!

Jerricho
31st May 2005, 10:04
Can't find the plane, but have found the tug (http://www.chavscum.co.uk/4images/details.php?image_id=1815&mode=search)

Lon More
31st May 2005, 12:34
have found the tug

Naah, that delivers the on-board sales tat

pamann
31st May 2005, 13:35
First destination has been launched today with a website link for holiday/tourist attractions!

http://www.sheppeyscum.com/

Flights start at £3.17 including all taxes and charges direct from Southend, Chatham, Harlow or Croydon (South).

The post office doing various promotions. Method of payment; Family Credit or Stolen Credit Cards.

There's also a "just pay the airport parking fee's" promotion at your local job centre!

Burnt Fishtrousers
31st May 2005, 16:18
Lon More

"So what have food proccessors to do with it?"

Something to do with car stereos old chap...

Dozza2k
31st May 2005, 18:04
will airbus modify the spoilers to make them mahoosivly oversized, like on most chav roadsters?

Firestorm
2nd Jun 2005, 08:20
This is wihout a doubt the best thread that I have read on Pprune in yonks. I'm off to the Doc to get my ribs and hernias put straight from laughing so much! Brightens a dull day!

italianjon
2nd Jun 2005, 11:40
Can you get modified exhausts on the RR Trent?

spannerless
2nd Jun 2005, 12:24
I think you missed it RR are cooking they already invented the big bore exhaust!

See the current Trent series you dont get a bigger arse than that!

Except on a Saturn 5 rocket!

Spannerless.

:O

italianjon
2nd Jun 2005, 12:41
Interesting...

the A380-NASA Fitted with Saturn 5's because RR Trent's Big Bores were just not Bling enough.

We could fit spinning Hub Caps too!

Does the aircraft cruise at Ludicrous Speed, which leaves a burberry patterned wake?

panda-k-bear
2nd Jun 2005, 14:40
Fernando,

Where did you find that picture of our chief pilot?

:D

Firestorm
3rd Jun 2005, 10:34
Will it leave Burberry pattern contrails? In flight magazine can be Max Power.

mary_hinge
3rd Jun 2005, 11:04
And don’t forget the ground services……………

Duty free shops with a till labelled 5 items or less, the Chavs can then take 10 items (of Elizabeth Duke Jewellery) and try to pay with Giros, Milk Tokens and stolen credit cards.

The Car Park, slots marked for pick up / set down only so they can park there untaxed / un-insured bald tyre Burberry death traps near the door, so as not to wear out the Adidas trainers

Modifying the customs declaration form (for the trans-Atlantic flights) to allow the “Family Name” to contain up to 5 different surnames and 3 nationalities.
:E

rubik101
3rd Jun 2005, 16:02
Not to Corfu, the runway's too short!

Alberville
4th Jun 2005, 01:02
I've been working on the advertising -

Picture this - the afore mentioned A380 arriving in IBZ to the tune of 'The Crazy Frog', before the slogan comes up -

'The Estate's Favourite Airline'

Does it work?

Firestorm
4th Jun 2005, 09:12
But how do you do wheel spins in a jet? Mind you, doughnuts on the apron will be impressive! :D

WindSheer
5th Jun 2005, 10:56
Marshalling onto stand will no longer be done with 'ping pong bats'.

It will now be Ali G bling hand signals!!

Squawk 2650
6th Jun 2005, 13:57
Potential problem…. Wouldn’t all the ‘bling’ in the cabin swing the compass?? Or interfere with all the flight deck instruments?? Couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to turn off their mobile phone either!!

I can see the ‘catalogue kids’ throwing their hats out the pram!

S
:cool:

BillHicksRules
6th Jun 2005, 14:59
Rubik101,

But it is very very wide!!!

Cheers

BHR

WATABENCH
9th Jun 2005, 14:12
C'mon then Windsheer, were all eager to see this A380 with burberry tail!
Also first long-haul chav route POP, gota be aint it, after selling hols for 5 years a while back, POP was defo most Chavtastic route sold!
Can we sell one way tix?

Lon More
9th Jun 2005, 18:05
Potential problem…. Wouldn’t all the ‘bling’ in the cabin swing the compass?? Or interfere with all the flight deck instruments??


Not a problem, as they pass 55N30W on the way from EGCC to LEAL it all goes quiet..............

PilotOnline
21st Jun 2005, 12:03
Overnight stop in Liverpool!



http://www.boreme.com/boreme/z-caption/caption-images/plane-no-wheels.jpg

answer=42
21st Jun 2005, 12:26
Where is 747focall when you need him?

We want a post about the danger posed by the A380 emergency slides to chav ankles and necks. And we want it now.

Pre-flight pax briefing: 'In an emergency, please remove your bling before leaving the cabin.'

PerArdua
21st Jun 2005, 12:32
We will need to lower the pilots seat so all you can see is the burberry cap on backwards and don't forget the pre flight checks.... Music...Drum&Base...On...Loud, [email protected] lights to blue, etc

FLZERO
21st Jun 2005, 12:41
Ah got ta, got ta, got ta get on up.

A380 rag top anyone? Feel the wind in yer corn rows.

Zero:cool: