View Full Version : Snipping or Tying?

27th May 2005, 19:59
It has come time to consider a more permanent form of contraceptive. The question is, should I let someone close to me genitals with a sharp knife? Or should Mrs Ozzy let someone close to hers with some string (the tying part I assume).

Recommendations and reasons?


27th May 2005, 20:02
If you're over 40 try nudity !!

27th May 2005, 20:26
Sharp knife?


27th May 2005, 21:39
Mr FLCH, a very ageist remark there. ;) Good thing JB isn't as PC as your home country!
....... oh and by the way, are you gonna stop having sex with the lights on once you turn 40? Or is puritanical groping in the dark already SOP in the FLCH household? Hmmm?.......

Ozzy people more qualified than me will give better founded answers, so I'll refrain. Let me point out to you the third alternative though, as favoured by 'someone I know well'.
Tell your missus that yes you are seriously considering getting it done because you know that for you the procedure is much less invasive than it is for her. Be seen regularly perusing relevant sites on the internet and be able to knowledgeably discuss the ease and painlessness of undergoing a vasectomy. Claim convincingly that of course you are not afraid of losing your ability to perform.

Keep this up for about 30 years, and above all never ever get around to making the actual doctors appointment, and voilà: your problem will have solved itself! :ok:

27th May 2005, 22:00
It's less painful if you get the missus fixed up.

27th May 2005, 22:08
What a bunch of nancy boys you all are (except Flaps). Be a real man. Get 'em chopped off.

(But ask for a GA...)

27th May 2005, 22:11

Get yersel' to the vets - they can do it a lot more cheaply. Failing that your wife could probably perform the task with a couple of bricks!



Seriously, it is a relatively simple procedure for blokes and a lot more involved for women.

27th May 2005, 22:30

Couldn't agree more, seriously invasive surgery for women, a no-brainer for us blokes (actually outside the body proper) No comments please about where we keep our brains!


Sure, I was as scared as H*ll and I mentioned this to the surgeon. He said 'no worries, I've chased 'em round the table before now'.

For anyone who considers that their family is now complete and who has reached the age where they cannot face the prospect of any more nappy changing (I reckon I did 35-45% of my last 2, in my mid 40's) it really is the only way to go.

I do think it's unfair to expect women to go through the equivalent unless it's done at the same time as another abdominal procedure; but that's another whole debate!

To any guys out there who are considering it, but are wavering due to being apprehensive, the op ain't really a big deal at all. Just go for it.

One thing, though. Do talk it through with your partner; it's for both of you. She might have issues of her own (like, what happens if one of our children dies and I think we should have another?) If it's on the NHS they will be looking for support from your partner. You might find talking that through a whole lot tougher than the op (been there).


The Odd One

27th May 2005, 22:44
me umblest 'pologies Flaps 40. However I must point out that I am above the age of 40, can not one poke fun at ones age ? .By the way if you really must know poking fun is the only poking I get to indulge in these days unfortunately Mrs. FLCH saw me in the buff !!....I rest my case your honor.

27th May 2005, 23:34
Just nobody mention bricks... :eek: :bored: :{ :ugh: :ooh:

27th May 2005, 23:36

Good points, well made.

I watched my (ex) husband's "procedure"; dead fascinating... wanted to make sure job done properly:p So to all you guys out there wondering.... it is not so much "snipped" as cauterized. It will be painful for a couple of days (like a kick in the cods, apparently) and it is recommended that no heavy work is undertaken i.e. desk duties. You will also need to "acquire" some supportive pants - you'll need all the support you can get. Other than that, you will spend a lot of time in the bath so that wieght can be taken off "things"!

Then, of course, there is the "testing" procedure to make sure that it has worked. You will be supplied with a couple of "receptacles" and, when full, these are sent off to the lab. Around a month later after two clear samples, you get a nice little letter.



PS - just to be cynical here - the one who has the op is the one who can play away :suspect:

28th May 2005, 00:00
We tied the knot and I can garuntee that my wife has not been pregnant since we were married!

28th May 2005, 01:00
I sometimes can not simply be less then amazed at what someone will discuss on this forum.

But to join in, I would definately get the missus to have the op. I will get shot down in flames but what happens if you split up with her? How would your new partner take your "jaff-ness". Would you not feel inadequate after? I can imagine (awaiting more abuse) that after a woman has the op that the lack of periods is a godsend? Ive never met an older bloke thats been put off by the fact he can bang a chick that wont get knocked up? Excuse my rationess. Discuss.

28th May 2005, 01:08
Agreed its your duty to fertilise as many chix as you can.........well don't just sit there!

28th May 2005, 01:18
The op is not painful, (unless they run out of gas as happened to me:} ), the worst thing is when the kids run up and jump into your lap. Now that hurts for abou two weeks. Lifting heavy objects( anything over 3 Kilos), riding a bike (motor or push) and climbing stairs/ladders is out for two weeks also.

The best bit is that you can still go hunting, ytouare just firing blanks, therefore environmentaly friendly.:E :E

28th May 2005, 01:53
cosworth211 - you may want to go and do a little, teensy, weensy bit more research about what actually happens to women who are sterilized and the different types of sterilization before passing comment on the subject from the female perspective...... You may find it broadens your knowledge considerably... :ok:

FLCH - if you do a little research on the equivalent operation for women (tubal ligation as its called in the US), and long term, I think you'll be surprised at how many women seem to become pregnant again. Not really the desired result!

28th May 2005, 02:07
I can imagine (awaiting more abuse) that after a woman has the op that the lack of periods is a godsend?
Duhhh. That's a hysterectomy you're thinking of, cosworth211. Most people (both men and women) have only their tubes dealt with if they want to avoid pregnancy. Errm ... it's not medicine you're studying at uni is it? :uhoh:

Val d'Isere
28th May 2005, 06:45
Anyone want to object to sexual equality?

By which I mean both have it done. That way there's no argument.

Strange though, from my experience sexual equality only seems to apply these days when it suits the female...... :rolleyes:

B Fraser
28th May 2005, 06:52
Why don't you give your lady some of that food that puts them off sex for life....... I think it's called wedding cake :}

Capn Notarious
28th May 2005, 06:53
They used to be called Filshie clips. Done using a general anaesthetic: which is risky.
For any male suggesting " get the wife done " is an attitude of the dark ages, selfish. Playing in the adult play pen demands adult responsibility.
What do I know? Assisted at 100 plus vasectomies and taught family planning.

Bo Nalls
28th May 2005, 07:04
"Get yersel' to the vets - they can do it a lot more cheaply"

You'll also get a free lampshade thrown in to wear around your neck for a week :} :}

28th May 2005, 08:13
Anyone want to object to sexual equality?

By which I mean both have it done. That way there's no argument.

You can't really play the equality card in this situation because one of the procedures in question is internal surgery requiring a general anaesthetic and the other is a more simple, external procedure done with a local anaesthetic.

Having said that, I have to admit that if I did not want more (or any) children, then I would make sure that I did not have them. That's just a personal choice ... I prefer to take responsibility myself for what happens to me.

28th May 2005, 08:25
How does that work then???? Expose your personality?

28th May 2005, 08:25

I had the snip in 1994. Seemed logical at the time with two kids one of each.

Then about 6 months later the wife upped and left :mad: I had a good couple of years hunting and firing blanks ;) There is a great line which needs to be said at the appropriate moment "It's OK dear I fire blanks and if you don't believe me, here feel my scars":O :O

However that was not the end of the story as I met wife number 2 a few years back and she wanted a sprog so with the help of a doctor with a bloody big needle, a test tube and a lot of cash we produced this one :D :D


On On

28th May 2005, 09:08
Stick a lolly stick in the safety overide of the microwave door and stand in front of it on full power for 3 mins...that should do the trick!!

Seriously, go for the chop, GA is for wimps, my surgeon used hypnoval on me and I talked to him throughout the whole thing. Not that I remember any of it and was home in 3 hrs.
You also qualify for a real nice tie with some oranges on it.

JAFFA CLUB TIE.....jaffa= seedless....:hmm:

28th May 2005, 09:12
seedless means something else where I grew up;)

tall and tasty
28th May 2005, 09:16
Get yersel' to the vets - they can do it a lot more cheaply. Failing that your wife could probably perform the task with a couple of bricks!

whirls that took me back to every dog we had in for castration and the wife asked if we did a special could she throw her hubby in too for the day.

Its an easy op on a dog or easier on a farm aniaml just a large set of babistas - nasty looking instrument that crushes and snips at the same time.

Sorry Ozzy putting you off? Just borrow some kids they are the best contraception you can have. They will always interrup just when you think I have 5 mins to spare

TnT :p :p

28th May 2005, 09:21
How about the rubber sheep rings?

28th May 2005, 09:38
Nah ... they only work on rubber sheep. :rolleyes:

Val d'Isere
28th May 2005, 09:42
Oooh! You can get rubber sheep? :E

Second thoughts, I'll stick(?) to the real thing. The baaa-ing turns me on. ;)

28th May 2005, 10:07
I had the snip a few years ago when we decided that we were exremely lucky with two great children, one of each sex, I beleive they say a pidgeon pair.
It was done in less than a hour on a local anaesthetic, although when I looked down and saw smoke (it was the cauterizing thingy) I was alarmed!! as I suppose most guys would be.
Had to wear tight brief type underpants for a fortnight ....not the usual boxers, and not try to lift very heavy things etc.
She who is loved, cherished etc was very supportive at the time, and the doc did tell me that it can be reversed with microsurgery.

The main reason for my surgery was that I thought, and still do think, that it is a very invasive procedure for a lady, and maybe there is also an effect if she was to start thinking that she was no longer complete in terms of maternal issues. I am now getting myseld tied up in my own words, but I am pretty sure that the girls on this forum will know what I mean.
Come on fellas, it's not that bad, I speak from experience!!
:ok: :ok:

28th May 2005, 23:29
sure that the girls on this forum will know what I mean.
...er... actually, no!

True, it can be quite a nasty op for a woman to undertake with all the risks that general anaesthetic entails but, as for the completeness argument, I'm sorry, I don't think that enters into it. The op is NOT an hysterectomy.

You also qualify for a real nice tie with some oranges on it
My ex didn't get a tie. I had heard about these ties and wondered what the design would be. I imagined something not dissimilar to the pawnbroker's symbols with a cross throught it but have since been corrected!!



29th May 2005, 05:25
My CD and I discussed this at huge length. In the end she went, simple logic really:

After six kids she was not at all happy at the prospect of having more, even if something should happen to me and several of the sproggets. On the other hand, while I was not really prepared to contemplate another whole life after anything should happen to her and said sprogetts the physical demands ofsuch an event would hardly be too much to bear!

Not sure, but CD did not seem too unhappy that the prospect of my straying should be curtailed, even though it had not even reared its ugly head in 25 years! (Well, you ever know!)

29th May 2005, 20:57
TnT, I already have two girlies as kids. And I love them to bits. It's the new ones I am thinking about. I just can't imagine the sight of a human being taking a knife to me bollocks

29th May 2005, 22:36
I just can't imagine the sight of a human being taking a knife to me bollocks

Watching is not compulsory. In fact I expect it would be frowned upon as the sight of a knife heading towards your scrotum would more than likely cause said bollocks to retract as far into your abdomen as is possible.

Boy, would that piss the surgeon off.

Seriously, vasectomies are brilliant. One small snip and Bob's your auntie. :E

29th May 2005, 22:48
I thought the tie had a gun with a cross on the barrel and the abbreviation I.O.F.B (I only fire blanks).

Not that I would know...... I'm allegedly still armed and dangerous....but completely harmless as I've forgotten how to..... :E

29th May 2005, 23:23
I just can't imagine the sight of a human being taking a knife to me bollocks
Don't worry Sweetheart, you won't be able to see it!!! Your wife can :E but you can't :ok:

The op itself is painless; just discomfort for a few days. That's all. Don't be wimp; JFDI :ok:



29th May 2005, 23:45
"painless; just discomfort for a few days."

Er, 'scuse me, Whirls - if you count carrying 'em round in a shopping trolley for a week or two while they go red, huge, purple, blue, green, then yellow like the danglies of a colleague of mine did after his "minor op" as "just discomfort" then, OK...... :\

Put me off sex for life..... :ugh: Well, a couple of days, maybe ;)

29th May 2005, 23:51
Not being funny here Sh1te, but I suspect that I might know a bit more than you.

Modern techniques are such that the procedure is painless and the pain afterwards is no worse than catching yourself on the crossbar of your pushbike! Actually, it might be a bit worse but it's hard to tell when men are such wimps when it comes to pain.

Negative, negative, negative. Now, why don't you just think of the fun you can have providing the samples! ;)

As I say to all you blokes - JDFI. The best gift you can give to your wife - or yourself, depending on your circumstances :ok:



Edited to point out (being a Chartered Accountant) that, unless either can be done on the NHS, a vasectomy with Marie Stopes would cost around £250 whereas female sterilization is around £750. So boys, it makes sound business sense to get yourself done.

However, vets can still do it cheaper and they are legally allowed to treat humans!!

henry crun
30th May 2005, 02:33
250 Quid ! what a ripoff.

As suggested earlier, make friends with a sheep farmer and pay him a visit just after lambing time.
That is when they change the ram lambs to wethers.

All over before you realise it has happened.
You will jump around stiff legged for a couple of minutes but in no time you will be grazing....eerr... eating, as if nothing had happened. :D

16 blades
30th May 2005, 04:42
the pain afterwards is no worse than catching yourself on the crossbar of your pushbike!

Only a woman, who by definition does not possess love spuds and has never therefore experienced this pain, could make such a comment!

"It's no worse than the most painful experience you have ever had in your life" is how that should have read, Whirls.

...or perhaps "It's no worse than being buggered with a rusty pitchfork"


30th May 2005, 06:48
"It's no worse than the most painful experience you have ever had in your life"
Only a man who has never been pregnant, had periods or given birth could make such a comment :ok:



30th May 2005, 06:56
Thats another good reason for the hysterectomy/get the whole plumbing ripped out outta the missus brigade!

Capn Notarious
30th May 2005, 07:05
Now in addition to the physical procedures: there is the expense. I read in a financial column, that a child costs £160,000 at 0 to 16 years. Surely for that outlay one could afford commercial pilot training?
No point preaching to those that don't want to be converted.

30th May 2005, 08:47
Had the snip nearly four years ago. The best thing I ever did:ok: The ladies seem to like it;)

Price wise it was, as usual, the same price here in Euros as you lot pay in pounds:D :)

May the Matatu be with you (whenever you want it - safely!)

Matatu Man:cool:

30th May 2005, 08:55
Only a man who has never been pregnant, had periods or given birth could make such a comment
Give him a bit of leeway there, Whirls ... getting buggered with that rusty pitchfork must have hurt him a bit. :uhoh:

30th May 2005, 09:25
I know it hurts, Cheerio ... not from experience, you understand but because the guys all say it does. All one has to do is look at the agonised faces on "Funniest Home Videos" to understand that it's no joke ... judging by the sheer numbers of videos sent in it seems to be a distressingly frequent occurrence though.


(My own small nephew once gave me a black eye ... nowhere near as painful as your own injury, but it felt at the time as though he'd broken my nose. These toddlers definitely know how to use their hard heads.) :{

30th May 2005, 10:09
The crucial question for me was not whether the op or immediate after-effects would hurt, but whether 'the act' would feel the same without the little tadpoles. I checked with a mate before letting the surgeon at my gonads.

For those in the mil, the snip seems to be positively encouraged. Only took me a couple of months to get to the table after the first appointment with the MO.

Unfortunately, I got an infection which meant they grew to the size of large eggs (not quite tennis balls), leaving me in considerable discomfort whilst visiting a station somewhere near Walter Ash with the wife. Now those of you in the RAF will know what happens when you walk into a Med Centre without an apointment; "We have an appointment in 3 weeks with the dentist"... "We've only got the nurse in at the moment"..."The Medical Centre is closed between 0845 and 1630 for admin and arse scratching" etc etc. I walked in, staggered up to the desk and a young SAC(W) walked over and looked at me as if about to say one of the above phrases, at which point I simply said "I think I need to see a doctor".

No idea what I looked like but I was in some pain... she just said "don't move" and disappeared. Two minutes later my Gonads were in the hands of a very helpful and lovely lady with a smile on her face that I can still remember to this day. She gave me some extremely powerful antibiotics which started working immediately and all was well with the world (thanks Dr Mac). .

Would I recommend it? Yes if you've already got kids or don't want any, but the docs will talk all that through with you (and your missus!). Does it actually hurt? Had mine local anaesthetic, and it was uncomfortable but I think it was mostly in my mind. On the table the doc was having a bit of trouble with mine as they had decided to retreat to somewhere just beneath my larynx:

"Sir Toppam, this would be a lot more straightforward if you'd just relax..."

"Yes, I appreciate that, but they're not your gonads."

ALso, didn't help that I was driven to the hospital by an old guy who'd had one of the first ever ops carried out in about 1970, and insisted on regailing every single detail, including the rusty hedge trimmers they used and the way the anaesthetic didn't work...felt every single cut etc etc etc ..:mad: He also managed to find every bump on the raod back between Peterborough and Norwich ... Thanks Terry!!!!

Overall, the nicest thing you can do for the other half, and would I recommend it? Despite all the above, YES!



30th May 2005, 12:36
Had mine snipped a decade or so ago, completely trivial, even with a local. It was just a snip for me, none of this cauterising stuff. I'd put a bit of thought into it, and would really like to emphasise a couple of points:

:ouch: Be completely sure you want to do it. Regardless of it being 'easier' than getting the missus fixed, you don't want to resent the concept later.

:ouch: Be aware it will not prevent your wife having more children, just you being the father. I'm not suggesting this will happen, but just get your head around the concept.

:ouch: Supportive undies. I wore boxers, big mistake.

:ouch: Spend a day on your back, and a week off the nest. If you try and exercise your equipment after 2 days (like I did, to see if it still worked) you will discover sensations that would bring a glow of appreciation from NKVD torturers.

:E You need to operate the equipment about 20 times to clear the magazine. Make the missus keep a diary. If you have been married for more than 10 years drink stout and eat oysters for this unusually busy time for you...

31st May 2005, 01:57
It doesn't hurt, there are no side effects - apart from the lack of any further children - and everything appears to work exactly as before.

Actually "V" day turned out to be pretty hilarious as far as I was concerned. There were three of us in the waiting room, all dressed in a shortie gown and looking nervous as we tried to make polite conversation. I was last in. Chatting up the nurse who gave me the local anaesthetic I learned that she was from Singapore. Ten minutes later, we discussed the difficulty of finding a decent bowl of Laksa in London while she checked that my nuts were properly numb. It sounds like something from an erotic dream, having your (numb) nuts manipulated by a charming young asian lady in a white coat, black stockings and a nurses cap. Erotic? Not really but definitely exotic!

During the procedure the surgeon's wife called him up from her car to ask how much longer he would be, as she was driving around the block, unable to find a parking space. Surreal.

I walked to the tube station crabwise - nothing to do with my 14 years in the RAF - and made it back to Ruislip safely without anyone kicking me in the groin. If you ever see a hunchback shuffling sideways up Tottenham Court Road clutching his crotch in both hands you'll know he just came from the Mary Stopes clinic.

Later my nuts swelled up to the size of a small orange and turned blue, yellow and green. Mrs. B thought it was hilarious and, since it wasn't painful, I could certainly see the funny side. As this was before digital phtography I haven't got a photo but it would have been a fine one for the album, don't you think? It was just seven days later that I was able to try out the tackle to see if it still worked properly. It did.

A couple of months later, back in Borneo again, I had to send off my sample for testing in the special container provided for the purpose. Pop it into the pre-addressed jiffy bag and off to the Post Office. Now, what do we put on the Customs Declaration Form? Best to tell the truth I suppose.

Vasectomy - is it a problem? Nah, go for it. Its a real hoot from start to finish... :ok:

31st May 2005, 09:11
Got done years ago and it seems I had a shorter and better time than many previous posters.

Done under local, and they even gave me a Walkman to listen to - only took three tracks of the tape!

"Uncomfortable" afterwards, but much less than a kick in the nads or drunkenly slipping across the crossbar after Happy Hour! Considerably less than when 3 year old son-and-heir launched himself unexpectedly onto lap.

Only problems:

1. Tape in Walkman was James Last - I can't stand James Last!

2. Nurse in attendance was known to me socially/professionally (from aeromed flights) - small talk with her at such a time was rather surreal.

Best days work I ever did......

9th Jun 2005, 15:30
Firstly anybody saying it does not hurt is some kind of masochist - when I had it done a few years ago the first injection went into a round bit and the second one went into something that is not round.

After the doc had got me off the ceiling it was a simple 'cut and stitch' job (no cauterising....)

It would probably been ok after that but got back to my friend's car to find a parking ticket. In my haste to get in I'd misread the parking charge. However there was some relief as if I paid the charge plus a small fine within 3 hours then it would be quite cheap.

Walked to the local council tower block - it was as I approached I started 'coming back to life'.Not happy to find that the lift was not working so walking up 9 flights of stairs it was.

I grabbed the counter at the payment desk and said through gritted teeth "I think I owe you some money.....". My mate then chipped in with "Sorry if you can't understand him but he's just had his balls cut off".

I was the subject of much laughing from everyone who worked there and many other council customers!

By the time I'd got back to the car I had two large rugby balls in my trousers.

A bag of frozen peas really did it for me when I got home!!

9th Jun 2005, 15:44

Recently, you accused me of being a bit cheeky, however, I think your comment about women and the pain of childbirth is a bit insensitive to men's feelings.

What about the pain of conception that men go through?

Do you ladies ever consider that?


10th Jun 2005, 17:57
SAS, I'm sorry; you are right. It WAS very insensitive of me and it's not fair that I should imagine that women are the only ones who can suffer :E



Onan the Clumsy
10th Jun 2005, 18:20
what a ripoff No no no no no...it's either a little snip, or cauterisation.

If you're worried about wanting more childer at a later date (expanding the mill maybe) then you cold always freeze a few wads first. I always wondered if the children that grow from frozen sperm prefer to live in Arctic regions.

Failing all of the above, strap your wrist watch around the root of yer trunk for about twenty minutes. That should do the trick :ok:

10th Jun 2005, 23:58
Well this has been very enlightening. Smell yer gonads being burned or lie back and get them snipped off while the pain will return within hours. Watch yer groin swell to the size of a punnet of strawberries. Oh, and try imagining the pain of childbirth, that'll teach yer.

Fairly simple choice really. No one, and I mean no one attacks me gonads with a sharp object or a burning spear.

Thanks folks!


11th Jun 2005, 02:47

If a chap has his connecting tubes cut (and sealed off, I presume) what happens to the tadpole factory?

Does it eventually give up? Or are them creatures being re-routed somewhere else?

Worried of Turnham Green.

11th Jun 2005, 03:08
You will produce around 50,000 "tadpoles" per minute throughout your adult life, 24 hours a day, non-stop. Each one will last about a fortnight before breaking down and being reabsorbed. Having a vasectomy makes no difference at all to this process, it's business as usual in the "factory."

11th Jun 2005, 03:40
the procedure is much less invasive than it is for her

Exactly why I had "it" done instead of suggesting that she have "it" done. No regrets.

11th Jun 2005, 05:40
Following the safe arrival of the second of our children, the wife and I decided it was time to seriously consider our future family-planning. Since she had trouble with both chemical and mechanical contraception, and I was none too keen on latex, we got the ball rolling and approached our doctor with a view towards a vasectomy.

The counselling consisted of several sessions of “Are you sure that’s what you want?”, then I got my appointment at the army hospital at Catterick. The procedure would involve both cauterisation and the removal of a section of the tubing. Reversal would not be an option.

The nurse doing the pre-op was nice, a chap called Brian IIRC. The doctor had a strange sense of the dramatic, asking if I minded having a couple of med students in to watch the procedure – I hope all 14 of them enjoyed the show.

The only pain I experienced at the time was a tugging sensation just under my lungs, strangely, then into the car and home before the local wore off.

I was away from home when I got the result of the samples, in the same post arrived a letter from the wife’s solicitor informing me that she wanted nothing more to do with me – the two events were unconnected.

Several years later I remarried, my new bride well aware of the situation, and we have become resigned to the fact that no more progeny will be forthcoming. I still feel that the decision made was the right one for the circumstances, though I do understand my wife's feelings of unfulfilment.

11th Jun 2005, 06:35

Not necesarrilly true! If you see my post on page 2 you will realise that I was in the same position as you. However we managed to produce another sprog and I did not have a reversal.

PM me if you want further details.

On On