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15th May 2005, 12:47
Now that winter is here (dununda that is) I think we should give some consideration to a rugby team comprising entirely of prunettes. I'll slip into my coaches gear and propose a few positions that these worthy ladies could fill.

Whirls and tart1 for the front row as they always look like they can hold their own in any situation.

er82 as a back rower as she (and her assets) sound like they can hold anything together.

TnT sounds like a natural winger. Just the thought of her and her long pins topped of by a suitable mini flashing up the wing (well I can dream can't I) suggests that the home team will win every time on account of everybody has stopped to watch.

Onans girl friend sounds like an obvious fullback 'cos she seems to cop everything that gets booted her way.

Heligirl as fly-half of course (pun intended)

Onans MIL as the beast with the sponge and the bucket of ice cold water that's used to get fallen hero's (heroettes) up and running after they have been monstered by the opposing 500 lb forward.

I now seek submissions from the rest of the proon community for suggestions on how to fill the rest of the positions. We'll need a name for this team of course so as a first suggestion may I offer,


(a bit poor I know but I've run out of whisky)

Over to you blue leaders, the season is up and running.


15th May 2005, 12:57
superb idea... count me in!! as long as some of the boy prunes offer to be the masseurs and rub-downers in the showers after!

what colours will we play in??? I'd say the virginal white, but don't think any of us could wear that with pride!! i'd say something like a deep saucy red, but would probably look too much like the welsh rugby team, so we'll stay away from that.
green in't my colour, and blue is just too 'cold'...

perhaps a nice yellow... or maybe pink!!

15th May 2005, 12:59

pick me, pick me, pleeeeeese


15th May 2005, 13:18
as what..... the masseur or the rub-downer?? you can't have both jobs.... that would just be greedy and you'd probably not be able to cope with all us women by yourself!!

15th May 2005, 13:24
Jeez er82, at my age I would probably have problems handling one lady by herself let alone the whole team :{ :{ :{

Still I am prepared to give it a try......old dog, new tricks.....woof.


15th May 2005, 13:43
Yup. Count me in. Being broad-shouldered (in both senses of the word) and...er... not particularly tall, I would probably make a good number 2 (that's HOOKER for those unversed in the grand game). However, being a girl, I am genetically predisposed to being unable to throw. This might be a bit of a problem with line outs.

As for strip? Well, because of my Irish extraction, I would favour green but I do think pink should feature somewhere.

What about our emblem, mascot and name? Mighty Ducks is [email protected] Sorry. We can do better than that.

Can we choose our own Masseurs and Rubber-downers? I take it they are two separate roles which two chaps each :E



15th May 2005, 13:58
I nominate my MIL as the tackling practice dummy.

15th May 2005, 15:08
Can I play?

After all, they do say studs are essential and no-one else is in my league.

Haven't done it for a while, but all I need is to polish up me tackle, clean up the scrum and I'll be able to get it on the bar....sorry, past the horizontal....sorry, well up there. The feeling when you score after a pass is like no other. Nothing beats a quick "uuup an uunder" as Eddie Waring used to say. I love grabbing a firm hold of that round leathery thing, manouevring past the fly, and charging it up the middle, going in between the pins and into the end zone, touching down as you go (close shaves excepted). Lobbing it in a huge arc from a distance is also very satisfying, though accurate shooting is easier close up.

Communal shower, booze up and rude songs afterwards......magic!

15th May 2005, 17:49
It's all sounding good.... I can't throw either, but I'm sure we'll be able to slove that somehow.

being a bit of a naughty lass, can I suggest that we only play against mens teams...... that way, when things aren't going too well, we can take it in turns to stand in the centre of the pitch and flash, thus rendering all the blokes unable to do anything but stand and stare, leaving the wings free for us to run in lots of tries!!

We should also have no problems with the scrum. Again, the blokes won't be able to do anyhing because they'll be watching us grope each other (which we won't of course, but that's their fantasy and they'll see what they want to see!!).

Team colours - pink and green could go well together. More a minty-green than a dark one, and a nice ice pink....

Mascot - surely some bloke wearing very little! (or if not, he can be just mine!)
Team name - very difficult...... should probably be very sad and include something to do with flying...... the Flying..... Tarts?!

As for choosing our own masseurs and rubber-downers (good idea to have one each!), it's probably only fair that we take offers from those on here..... Guys? Anyone want to offer such services?!?!

15th May 2005, 17:59
ONE Each???

Are you crazy?? What's wrong with 2 each? or 3 each??

Can I come?? :E


15th May 2005, 18:04
sorry... meant to say one of each!! you can have more if you like... a little entourage of helpers.....!!

all proonettes welcome. but we need a name.....

and what position would you be?!?!

15th May 2005, 18:18
How about falps for ref, with wholi and flyblue as linesmen (or whatever the Rugby equivalent is called).

15th May 2005, 18:24
I'm qualified to coach. If I can concentrate on anything with a gang of lovely prunettes running around!

er82's already doing extra training for the Welsh jibe;)

15th May 2005, 18:30
I'll help... always nice to have youthful teens around :E

And it's also nice to have older women playing sport in the mud...

15th May 2005, 19:11
ATC at CWL gotta burd on transfer list.....she could be entire front row!:uhoh:

aero :}

(hiding in Andes now)

15th May 2005, 19:13
CWL ATC used to have some fit ones too:{

15th May 2005, 19:48
Now are we all going to get serious and get this thing organised - we could always challenge the All-Blacks as a "season opener" - are you ladies going to be ready for it though???:E

Serious Training has to start NOW

15th May 2005, 19:54
Can I play too? :E :}

15th May 2005, 19:55
CWL ATC used to have some fit ones too
6 months ago that would have ended in serious tears.

You might just get away with it now....

15th May 2005, 20:27
timmcat... how about Touch Judge?

I'm for pink & green as our strip. OK, so far we haveÖ

1. Loosehead Prop..........Position vacant
2. Hooker......................Whirlygig
3. Tighthead Prop...........Position vacant
4. Lock.........................tart1
5. Lock.........................Position vacant
6. Blindside Flanker.........I think thatís how itís spelt! Position vacant
7. Openside Flanker........Position vacant
8. Number 8..................Redsnail
9. Scrum half................Iíd like to nominate Whirlybird; think she has the right attributes for this
10. Fly half......................Helligurl
11. Left Wing..................Tall n Tasty (no reflection on your politics if youíd rather be Right Wing)
12. Inside centre.............er82
13. Outside centre..........Sparkle
14. Right Wing.................Position vacant but see Left Wing
15. Full back...................Onanís Girlfriend

I've used my best judgment for Reddo and Sparkle - hope that OK gals! Depends a lot on your physique i.e. weight advantage and height. We need broad shoulders as locks and flankers are usually tall but a bit more nippy.

So, we need 22 masseurs, 22 rubber-downers (should I call them physiotherapists instead?), 1 doctor, 1 coach, 1 manager, 1 referee, 2 touch judges (timmcat?).

Volunteers please?



edited to allow for masseurs and physios for the reserves.

15th May 2005, 20:33
I'll tackle any thing and won't take a backwards step.
Does that help? :D

15th May 2005, 20:47
I'm very excited about being a lock (?).

I'm not that tall but I'm fairly nippy!! :)

One drawback - what I know about rugby can be written on the back of a postage stamp. :(

15th May 2005, 20:50
Pretty standard for a lock then:E

15th May 2005, 21:24

Martin Johnson was a lock. You will be behind me in the scrum. I have to put my arms around the props in the scrum and when the ball is fed in, I have to try and hook it out with my feet so that my scrum half (hopefully Whirlybird) will grab it and take it into play. The other players in the scrum just grope each other really!.

You can kick the ball forward, or run with it but you can only ever throw or pass it behind you otherwise it's called a knock on.

3 points for penalties (i.e. other team does something naughty and we may get the chance to kick the ball over the goal posts - if it goes over, 3 points). However, with penalties, depending on tactics, we may want to go for a line out.

5 points for a try i.e. get the ball on the ground with downward pressure over the opponent's goal line.

Another 2 points for converting the try i.e. kick the ball over the goal.

Rucks and mauls are like big playground fights - just join in whenever. Rucks are on the ground; mauls are on your feet.

Does that help?



15th May 2005, 21:25
Can I be the physio? :E

15th May 2005, 21:31
'The other players in the scrum just grope each other really!'

I had always suspected this to be the case! :D

And the whole game just looks like one massive punch-up to me anyway! :rolleyes:


15th May 2005, 21:39

15th May 2005, 22:10
Oooooo, oooo! Me me me!!

I wanna be the team doctor!!!

(I'm not really, but I'll take a look anyway.)

15th May 2005, 22:44
I've been told I'm pretty good with the old massage, if anyone needed a rub down with the Sporting Times.

However, I'd certainly volunteer to hold the soap in the shower, or anything else that needs holding in the shower for that matter.

And what's more, I offer my services for just £50 a time.

Not much, but it's all I can afford ;)

15th May 2005, 22:52
But ShyT, it goes without saying that you be on the "support team". I thought about having you and Thomas Coupling (or maybe PPRUNE FAN#1) as my personal team. Now THAT would be entertaining :E :E

However, Sporting Times is no good; better off with the Racing Post (or in my case The Financial Times - it IS pink after all!)



15th May 2005, 22:56
Probably better to send Art along if TC's involved...if he has the correct qualifications...... :E

15th May 2005, 23:01
Of course, I forgot about Art. Sorry Shy, you're sacked. I'm having Art instead - he's funnier and better looking :p

So, can you and PPRUNE FAN#1 manage tart1?

We're still short of quite a few strapping young men with strong hands on the "support" side! So c'mon, where's the rest of ya!



Mr Chips
15th May 2005, 23:02
Whirlygig you appear to know waaayyy too much about rugby.. more than most international players do! Kind of you to volunteer as hooker (my old position!) - I thoughtr that this thread was just an effort to spot who would make a good hooker!!! As for your lack of thowing abilities, it doesn't seem to have affected Steve Thompson's career any.....

I'd like to see Reddo in the front row, more becuase of her, shall we say "temprement" (sp?)

Finally free

15th May 2005, 23:05
Mr. Chips, why I thank you - you are soo right about Steve Thompson; I hadn't thought of that. You know what they say about hookers - they never retire!! Aren't you a bit tall for a hooker? But then I suppose it's position that no-one wants to be in!!

As I will be throwing to girls, my lack of throwing abilities shouldn't be too much of a problem, after all.

I put Reddo at number 8 but do you think she'd make a better prop?

...and whose masseur are you?



15th May 2005, 23:11
"So, can you and PPRUNE FAN#1 manage tart1? "

No problem, even if we do have to share; but I think I can still manage a whole tart all by myself!

Actually, at this rate, we few male volunteers might have to BE shared. Gently though, I'm old and quite delicate :E

Eeh, if only :rolleyes:

I'm off to bed now to dream of scrums. :ok:

15th May 2005, 23:16
Morning all. Just got up and coffee's on.

Now, who is going to be the tight head.

Good job I didn't try to start a cricket team methinks, trying to find a proonette to be twelth man would be a bit of a challenge. Mind you in my time I have come across a few girls with b.....
on second thoughts I'll leave that one well alone.


15th May 2005, 23:20

Talking cricket now are you? It IS summer now in the Northern Hemisphere.

When I was a student, I volunteered to make the sandwiches for Englefield Green thirds (and THAT will place my college:ok: ) and ended up being the twelfth man. The pads came up to my waist and bent around mid-thigh (which wasn't very helpful) but I declined the offer of a box (because I already....). However, I did not disgrace myself with my cricketing performance so, perhaps next season we have a prunettes cricket team!



But please... no soccer. Could do shinty or hurling though!

Mr Chips
15th May 2005, 23:31
Well now Whirlygig, all three hookers when I played were tall and mediumk build. Whilst we weren't the usual "goblin" shape, it did make us more versatile outside of the scrum - especially at lineouts. Impressed that you remember my height! If you really know your rugby, my style was more Phil Greening (Wasps and England) than Steve Thompson (Northampton and Blackpool Beach cos he is a donkey)

I'm still thinking Reddo in the front row.. although would she be better as a flanker? Quick off the scrum to nail the scrum half? Perhaps good at "rooting" around on the floor at the break down? (Aussie/English humour there)

15th May 2005, 23:38
Mr. Chips, No.5 is still free as are both flankers (and no.8, although that's where I currently have put Reddo). I think, ultimately, our training will determine many of the positions as SmilingKnifed will have a good eye for our respective abilities. But I can't see her as a back (much as I would never be a back!!)

Reds, I hope you don't mind us talking about you like this - if you think you know for which position you'd best be suited, let us know!!



15th May 2005, 23:38

Shinty hmmm. Always wondered whether they got the spelling right. As for hurling. Reminds me of the last time I had a night out with the lads. Fair bit of hurling went on that night.:ouch: :ouch:

Onans Girlfriend
16th May 2005, 08:32
Very flattered at being included in team, but as a Full Back, would I need to be 90kgs and built like a tank? Would need to do a few more longhauls to beef myself up! Average 4 kgs per trip, I could be at fighting weight around Sept.

Miss me Onan? Or affections somewhere else now?:{

16th May 2005, 08:32
No probs. Just so long I get to run into someone really hard I'm happy. :D

Biggles Flies Undone
16th May 2005, 09:05
Ummmm reddo - is that running really hard into somebody, or running into somebody who's really..... Actually, I think I already know the answer to that! :p

16th May 2005, 09:25
'bit of both, mate :E

16th May 2005, 09:40
Sounds to me like Reds is a dead set second rower


Can\'t wait for the Greco-Roman wrestling season to start. I mean, imagine our proonettes - mud - beer, all at the same time.



B Fraser
16th May 2005, 11:43
Am I too late to apply to be the Physio ? I'll bring my own Ralgex :ooh:

16th May 2005, 11:57
I've got previous in the second row .....:E

16th May 2005, 12:24
I'll apply for anything... What about cheerleading? :}

16th May 2005, 12:59
am 13 , my lucky number!!! thanks Whirls!

are we allowed to grope our 2 rubber-downers?

B Fraser: physio might not be the right choice, you need very strong thumbs for massaging:E
Cheerleading might be the choice: you can bring your kilt and you also have quite sizeable pom-poms:E

May be we can inject some class: Instead of beer, can we have Champagne as our nominated drink?

it has got to be pink-green, I agree. Still looking for a name, though.

16th May 2005, 13:31
Right then, boots and jockstrap (:E ) at the ready.....

When do we start training? I wouldn't even swap jobs with Mike Ruddock!


16th May 2005, 13:51
The Pink Proonettes?

Biggles Flies Undone
16th May 2005, 13:57
The Pink & Green Girlie Machine?

Minty Fresh
16th May 2005, 14:13
Can I be a touch judge - and can I judge the touches I make????? (Those on the wing beware!!!:E )

I'll chuck my name in the hat for a masseur or rubber!!

B Fraser
16th May 2005, 14:20
you also have quite sizeable pom-poms

why thank you !:hmm:

I must remember to keep them well away from the Ralgex or the Wintergreen :{ :{

Onans Girlfriend
16th May 2005, 14:22
you also have quite sizeable pom-poms

Can I bring my own!:O

16th May 2005, 14:49
'The Flying Slappers'

(oooh - this is gonna hurt....)

Biggles Flies Undone
16th May 2005, 14:50
I wonder if er82 has seen this thread yet? :E

16th May 2005, 14:51
timm , report to Ms BD immediately for due retribution.


Capn Notarious
16th May 2005, 15:04
Just a thought but will this team share a communal bath?
And what colour will the suite be?
Is a whirl pool necessary, in which case yerl need a lady helicopter pilot.

16th May 2005, 15:11
Whoa!!! Slow down a minute. Have any of you seen REAL lady rugby players? They are scary. I'd rather be stuck at the bottom of a ruck with Martin Johnson, though as he is retired and I don't play rugby, that isn't likely to happen thank God.

Having never met all these prunettes, I've got it in my mind that they all have supermodel's bodies and, as can be ascertained from their musings on pprune, keenly developed minds. Well, except for Jerricho's MiL of course.

Please don't turn yourselves into female Jonah Lomus.... :sad:

16th May 2005, 15:32
..volunteering as team paramedic! :O


B Fraser
16th May 2005, 16:18
volunteering as team paramedic!

you will be called onto the pitch every time one of them breaks a nail :rolleyes:

I know one of the lady Wasps and shall we just say that she wears sensible shoes. I think she was too aggressive for the hockey team :ouch:

16th May 2005, 17:18
you will be called onto the pitch every time one of them breaks a nail

..yeah and is having to hold their hand whilst examining it such a problem?!


tall and tasty
16th May 2005, 17:56

How on earth did I miss this????? ;)

I would love to join! Game for anything physical and especially if you end up getting muddy at the end of the day. Takes me back to the endless games of lacrosse we played at school.

Up for any challange to...................... so if there is a prunes team that would like to play against the pprunnetts I am happy to participate. But don't think you guys will win ;) not all us girlies are big softies when it comes to full contact sports.


16th May 2005, 18:45
I hope none of you mind me being presumptious here but... can I be Captain? Please?

Anyway, stockpicker, as per your request No. 5 Lock position has now been filled by you; tart1 is the No. 4 Lock.

Reddo, I still think you'd be a good No.8.

Onan's Girlfriend - the full-back... think Jason Robinson, think small and very, very fast! No, you won't have to be built like a brick sh.. house!

OK chapesses, we still have a number of positions vacant let alone the 7 reserves (who must be able to handle a few positions) (obviously!).

1. Loosehead prop
3. Tighthead prop
6. Blindside flanker
7. Openside flanker
14. Right wing.

Rallygirl? You around? Could see you as the Right Wing!!

Now chaps. Each player can select their own masseur and physio. Sorry guys but I have picked my two and I have allocated two to tart1 (don't worry tart, trust me, you won't be disappointed!!).



BALIX - some of the prunettes here I have met and I can safely say with all seriousness that I am the only one who is suited physically to the game. I deliberately picked No. 2 position; I know of whence I speak!! Sorry if I shatter your illusions.

16th May 2005, 19:35
ok, Capt Whirlygig,

can I have Tony Draper as masseur(ones maturity shines thru), please
then Jerricho as rubber-downer(like sense of humour),please
and BFraser (giant pompoms) as my personal cheerleader

Darth Nigel
16th May 2005, 19:50
I think we have enough for at least two teams, so we'll need to have some try-outs.

Shirts vs. Skins???? :cool: I'll be the ref.

16th May 2005, 20:22
BALIX - some of the prunettes here I have met and I can safely say with all seriousness that I am the only one who is suited physically to the game.

Whirly. when girls admit to being built like rugby players, they generally are fibbing and in fact have a bottom like Kylie Minogue, a face like Kiera Knightly and breasts like, erm, someone with very, very nice breasts. (I know who I mean...)

So no more of this female Brian Moore business :ok:

16th May 2005, 20:39

Are you sure (http://wesclark.com/rrr/tenpin.html) you want to play Hooker?

16th May 2005, 20:46

That's no problem since, although I have two eyes, one is in the middle of my forehead and the other is in the back of my head :E


You are so, so sweet. But to compare me to Kylie, Kiera et al, well, I blush. As for my breasty substances; well, I have them!!

If it helps, I was once told I look like Annette Bening??? Can't see it meself!

Isn't Brian Moore and Irish/American novelist?? :confused:

16th May 2005, 20:50
Whirly - I think that you are the very best person for the position of Captain. :D (It obviously helps that you know about rugby as well!)

I do trust you implicitly with regard to the two masseurs you have allocated to me. I am beside myself with anticipation every time I think of all the remedial massage I will require every time I play!!

Will our kit be tiny pink and green shorts or mini skirts?

Is the best underwear a thong or nothing at all??

What about the breast support ............ padded, sport or underwired? :)

16th May 2005, 20:52
I think the XM9 (http://www.stashrugby.com/) would look rather fetching

Edited to say that the coach would prefer his own kit!

16th May 2005, 20:53
Can I be kit man for your team please WhirlyG?

You'll thank me for this fellas! :E

16th May 2005, 20:54
Girls playing rugby....

Yuck, please Don't do it!!

16th May 2005, 20:56
Gotta be serious here for a minute tart1. Strip will be shorts. Mini skirts ain't gonna work.

Nether region garments - I'm thinking more "harvest festivals" (all is safely gathered in) rather than thongs. Now, you are a Lock and therefore in the scrum. If you are wearing a thong and a player, either accidently or deliberately, gives you a wedgie, the last thing you want is a cheese wire up yer ....

Bras - again, I'm thinking "over-shoulder-boulder-holders". This is a rough, tough game but if we perform well on the pitch, our lovely assistants will make it all worth while :E



16th May 2005, 20:58
Oh dear - not all glam then is it? ;)

16th May 2005, 21:03
Oh believe you me tart1 if you can just persuade Whirls to let me have the kit man position it'll be glam alright..... just not very much glam. :E

16th May 2005, 21:19
SC - we would all need measuring for our 'outfits'!!

You know - waist, thigh, hip, breast and (very important) inside leg, right to the top!! :O

It's a tough job but someone has to do it!

16th May 2005, 21:28
SC, why don't you start trying to persuade me? I'm as soft as a boiled turnip really!!

However, I need to see some examples of your needlework before I appoint you as I did have someone else in mind for the role. Competition is fierce luvvy.

Still four positions to fill and the seven reserves so come on AerBabe, Blue Diamond, Taken the 5th, TamedBill where are you??



16th May 2005, 21:33
"However, I need to see some examples of your needlework before I appoint you as I did have someone else in mind for the role. Competition is fierce luvvy."

Too right, SC. We'll have to show 'em our thimbles at the interview. They'll probably want a peek at our bodkins, too. :\

16th May 2005, 21:38
Now you're being silly Shy. Bodkins are large and thick (bit like you and me) and used for specialist tapestry work. Now unless you and SC are volunteering to stitch a tapestry panel, not dissimilar to the Bayeux Tapestry (with just as much gore and blood), then you can put your bodkin away; I'm not interested.

As for your thimble? only poofs and perverts use thimbles. I expect you to be real men!!



16th May 2005, 21:42

Brian Moore, England hooker from around 1989-1995. Played in the 1991 World Cup Final. Now a solicitor I believe, very apt for an ex-hooker...


Definitely no Kylie's bottom on him... :ouch:

16th May 2005, 21:46

...er...yes... I know....

Just try saying "ha-ha, very funny dear!!!"

The thing that distinguishes yer rugger from yer footy is that yer gerra bi' o' culture with yer rugger player. And I was just ..... joshing around!



16th May 2005, 21:56
So I'm just a pervert with a large bodkin? How did you come to that conclusion - you've not seen what I've got in my sewing box yet....... and on that note....... I'd better stop this reply, right here and now! :O

Having said that, I think the way this thread is going on, there'll be blood and gore, all right, as soon as the first ball gets kicked!

I'll just cross reference that to the "Ooer Missus" thread.......

16th May 2005, 21:59
I think Whirly might want to examine your credentials before you get the job.

A demonstration of your handiwork might be required too! :}

16th May 2005, 22:00

You are being disloyal; your "charge" is tart1 so use your large bodkin on her :E

I am sure that Art E. Fischler-Reisen and Thomas Coupling can easily mend the splits in my shorts.



16th May 2005, 22:03
A large bodkin ........ something for the ladies Mmmmm.

Ooerrr Missus.

I like a big one myself........:\

16th May 2005, 22:11

................. :mad: In the interest of continuing my membership of PPRuNe, I have just self censored this post. ;)

Whirly, I hope you are prepared for Art E.'s hand up the shorts method of "fixing splits"...... :E

17th May 2005, 01:16
Given that rugby chicks are generally a pretty rough lot, and you have to play rugby in the winter when its cold and rainy...

Wouldn't you rather come and play *beach volleyball * ??

I propose green and pink bikinis, after-match cocktails on the sand... What do you say girls?

Now, who's handy with the suntan lotion?

17th May 2005, 05:46
Okay, let's see what we have here.

We have the "mean-green-girlie-machine" kitted out in ex-army canvas bloomers and weapons grade boob tubes and painted in colours that any self respecting psy-war practitioner would sell his first born for - you know the one - the one with a combination of colours that so scramble the brain that it renders the oponents totally incompetent (not to mention incontinent)

Each individual player will have her own support team comprising of around 25 people.

There's only one thing missing. THE HAIRCUT.

Right you lot. At training next Monday night I want to see everybody with a Mohican. For those not quite sure what a Mohican is try to picture in your mind a Brazillian on top and you'll get the picture.

Come to think of it this is really going to be a no-contest as you will surely win every game you play.

So, what to do with an out of work proonettes rugby team.

Easy. You all join the barmy army and stand behind the bowlers arm during the next Ashes tour. Not even the Mighty Aussies will be able to perform when faced with the "machine" however should you face just one small instance of resistance then one the count of 3, remove weapons grade boob tubes.

Result, Ashes on the next boat back to blighty.

A little unfair I know and there is one condition that will apply to this.......I WANNA BE THERE WHEN IT HAPPENS.

H :E :E :E :E :E :E :E :E :E :E

Howard Hughes
17th May 2005, 05:59
Not happy with being a rub down boy, can I play BLINDSIDE FLANKER (my old position) PLEEEEEEASE.

They always said that I played like A GIRL!!

Cheers, HH.


17th May 2005, 07:37
Although the standard of my handiwork is beyond reproach I'm not sure I'm up to scratch in the needlework department I'm afraid Whirls. I'm sure I could manage to do the measuring up tart1 mentioned though and pass the info on, measure twice cut once as they say.

Should Shy Torque prove to be all fingers and thumbs with a needle and thread also, I have the solution in the form of fabric glue, of the eco friendly water soluble varitey of naturally. :E

Now then, it seems I'm going to need additional duties as my role has been reduced from full kit man to one of gathering the team 'stats'. Who still needs a masseur?

Actually I can save some time here.... If all players with a confimed position in the team would kindly PM me their approximate measurements I can arrange to for a full 'hands on' measure up for those I feel to be most in need of special attention. :p :E

Minty Fresh
17th May 2005, 07:44
If Tart1's prefered kit of "Thongs or Nothing" gets the vote can I be the official team photographer :O

Either that or official standing there drooling person!!!

Ahhh such thoughts - at least I'll not roll out of bed :}

17th May 2005, 08:11
In order to continue the City feel :} I nominate BFU as masseur and angels as physio, please.

Windy Militant
17th May 2005, 08:48
You're going to have to have a Calendar! I've got a box brownie can I pull the snaps for it pleeeease...........


tall and tasty
17th May 2005, 09:02
Can I second Whirls proposal for Captain. She would be a fine one and everyone who knows her will back me on that!!

As for the work out, give me the training position and I will have us in tip top condition for the match...

Guys you had better watch out, us girls will mean lean and mean and very toned by the time I have finished with the programme, thighs like hardened steel and definately no wobbly bits........... except where girls are supposed to have them ie the female attributes :p ;)


Biggles Flies Undone
17th May 2005, 09:10
Ms S, I am flattered and honoured :O I promise to pay full attention to your aching muscles and not try to cop a look at any of the other girlies in the massage suite :E

17th May 2005, 10:17
Hey fella's

Just found this photo of the "lean-green-girlie-machine" at training
When I mention haircuts, this isn't exactly what meant.....

cop this (http://www.funnyhumor.com/pictures/382.php)

17th May 2005, 10:25
Still four positions to fill and the seven reserves so come on AerBabe, Blue Diamond, Taken the 5th, TamedBill where are you??
Hiding in sheer bloody terror, Whirly. :uhoh:

17th May 2005, 10:27
Ooohh I say!!

I like the look of them, Heat.;)

17th May 2005, 10:47
This is not a good idea. My college year fielded a women's team once. Within five minutes of the game beginning one small female no-one recognised was sent off for acts of appalling viciousness.

We speculated on her identity for some time. Eventually we discovered she was the small nun who used sit quietly in the front row at lectures.

One shudders to think of the deeds the like of Mmes. BD and SG might perpetrate with a Jimmy Choo rugby boot.

Scratch the idea at once, please.

17th May 2005, 10:57
Do I have to cut my nails?

Hope not, taken ages to get them this long and costs me a small fortune to keep them looking nice ;)


Biggles Flies Undone
17th May 2005, 11:00
Maybe you should just run the pre-match and half time aerobics sessions, Helli-Gurl :E

17th May 2005, 11:04
Hey Gurl.

If I am going to play in the opposing team, not only are you going to get them cut - you're going to wear big woolly gloves too. I've been caught that way before now and, oh lord, don't it bring a tear to your eye.

H :ouch: :ouch: :ouch:

17th May 2005, 11:15
Awww you poor thing.....

Mind you might mean you'd think twice about tackling me !


17th May 2005, 11:16
There are some who like that, Heatseeker!! :E

17th May 2005, 11:25
Ladies, I still don't have all of your measurements.
Would those of you who have not yet submitted them please do so promptly in order that I may analyse them thoroughly, arrange personal measurement taking appointments for those I feel require them and pass the results on to the master kit maker Shy Torque to enable him to begin manufacture of your 'outfits'.
If it's not forthcoming, he can't make 'em and.... well, you figure it out.... :E

Don't worry about your nails for now Helli-Gurl, their length and suitability can be checked during the personal kit fitting (which some team members, including yourself, have automatically qualified for) mentioned above. :p

17th May 2005, 11:44
Sounds like a ploy to get me down to my underwear if you ask me....mind you makes a change from the usual approach guys make....normally they're more direct!


17th May 2005, 11:58
Numawun lady - I ain't one of them. It hurts (he he he)

17th May 2005, 12:22
Do you think they (http://www.rfu.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/RFUHome.Community_Detail/StoryID/10527) could face the might of the proonettes? Whirl's viciousness, Heligurl's talons et all? Could make for an event:E

Minty Fresh
17th May 2005, 13:40
So does the direct approach works Helli-Gurl?

17th May 2005, 13:58
Normally MF yes ;)

Can't stand guys that beat about the bush! Just wish they'd say what they mean ;)


Biggles Flies Undone
17th May 2005, 14:08
Can't stand guys that beat about the bush!


Minty Fresh
17th May 2005, 15:31
Ah Helli-Gurl - Fancy a f.......

(Wot - was gonna say Full Back Position in the New Team till I realised it's gone!!!);)

17th May 2005, 16:05
I can offer the back line some tutoring, if they want :p :E

17th May 2005, 17:36
Wow.... called off standby and away for one night..... and I come back to this!

BFU - of course I've seen the post - I was one of the first to respond to it!!

Whirls as Capt - fine by me..... As a slight newcomer to JB(apart from the whole thread on my assets!), I don't really know who to pick as my two groupies... sorry, helpers..... Any suggestions as to who'd do a good job?!?!?!

The Flying Slappers - sounds fair enough! And looks like we've all agreed on pink and green....

As for thongs or nothing - may I suggest going COMMANDO! That way there will be no chance of wedgies!!! And for the boulder holders - if we just go for a REALLY tight top, like the England one, we won't need anything.... they're sooooooooo tight that you actually need two people to help you get undressed..... so that would take us up to 4 helpers each!!:D

Oh, and definitely Champagne as our after-match tipple....

tall and tasty
17th May 2005, 17:40
Ladies, I still don't have all of your measurements.

OK 6 foot
36 inches
24 in
35 in
34 in

but you have to put them in the right order.................

TnT :p :E :p

Darth Nigel
17th May 2005, 17:51
You're really short with a huge bosom??? :p

(maybe a picture would help)

17th May 2005, 18:51
I already knew yo... er... I mean thanks TnT, consider them added to the list. ;) :p

Helli-GurlSounds like a ploy to get me down to my underwear if you ask me A ploy? Nothing of the sort. It's a necessity.... and in your own interests of course. You wouldn't an ill fitting kit would you?
Although if you're going to follow er82's thoroughly sound advice which I fully support and desire a good 'sans underwear' fit that will require measuring accordingly, I promise to warm my tape measure first! :E

Mr Chips
17th May 2005, 23:40
Hmmm.. some serious rugby talk creeping back in again I see!

Used to use the same gym as some of the England Ladies team.. some were stunners (tended to be backs) some were uglier than trolls (tended to be forwards). Frightening...

That aside, Reddo's desire to "run into people really hard" suggests the mentality of a forward, and the blood lust of a flanker. having played flanker a few times, it was just tooo tempting when the small scrum half tried to run down my blind side... almost taunting me. So I decked him.

Who mentioned the legend that is Brian "Pitbull" Moore. What a man! proper old fashioned (i.e. nasty and violent) hooker! Walked past him in Richmond once when he was all suited and booted - still a scarey looking man! He was always a solicitor (he was an amateur player) and now comentates for BBC - brilliantly.

Interesting fact - he is a qualified nail technician, no, really! perhaps he would be a useful addition to the coaching staff.... (See, i got back to the subject eventually!)

Wannabe Talent Scout

Minty Fresh
18th May 2005, 07:40

As a relative new bod myself - I'll volunteer and u can tell me all about that thread on your assets, that I dissapointingly missed, as I rub!!:}

18th May 2005, 11:36
Minty Fresh - it's still all there to read. Over 70posts. But it's been closed now. I had over 11,700 views of my assets!! Quite cool!!

Biggles Flies Undone
18th May 2005, 11:45
The thread is here (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=174508). Why on earth was it locked? Unoffensive, no abuse and great fun - who had the sensayuma failure? :mad:

18th May 2005, 12:32
I know. Most disappointing.... and I was hopefully going to get a date out of it had it continued....
All chances now gone.... I'll end up old and lonely....

18th May 2005, 12:35

Well seeing has TnT has given you her's...

Here are my measurments....

36 D

And no comments from you Maxy101 !

And yes..i insist on tight fitting kit ;)

Minty Fresh
18th May 2005, 12:37
Very impressive er82 - and thats just the thread !!

Well i'm definitely putting my name forward 2 b one of your helpers now

<<Minty stands in line waiting 2 be picked>>

18th May 2005, 12:50
Just another thought..... If we're going commando to avoid nasty wedgies, shouldn't we have shorts of the hot-pant variety? Almost a la Kylie's gold ones..... If we have big baggy ones we'll be revealing ourselves far too much.....

Tight tops then. Preferably not too see-through.... though with pink and green it shouldn't be a problem. As for the design, I'd be tempted to go for a pink shirt with green collars and cuffs! (Please, no reference to the other c's and c's)

Minty - welcome aboard! Only another 3 helpers to find now...

Did we agree on being known as the Flying Slappers??

B Fraser
18th May 2005, 13:05
Can someone please order Helli-Gurl her own server to cope with the incoming tidal wave of PM's following her previous post :ooh:

Biggles Flies Undone
18th May 2005, 13:29
For those who missed a previous thread, Helli-Gurl has previous in a certain Oz Aerobics show that reached the UK... did the queue just get longer? :E

er82 I'm amazed that you're still awaiting a hot date - either you're fibbing or the males on here are all talk and no action :eek:

18th May 2005, 13:32
Any chance of an updated team sheet gaffer?

PPRuNe Radar
18th May 2005, 13:40
I guess I could fill the role of Officer i/c chocolate and champagne for our illustrious ladies. I am sure Danny would slip us a few cases from his extensive private cellar in way of sponsorship. And I could pick up regular supplies of choccy from Switzerland and Belgium.

Any preference team ?? Veuve Clicquot, Bollinger, Krug, Mumm, Tattinger ? Or we could slum it and go for that cheap Moet plonk. Danny uses it as anti freeze or drain cleaner, so it never goes to waste :ok:

18th May 2005, 13:43
I'd rather a nice big bottle of Lauret Perrier Rose please.....

BFU - well, no offers, so must all be talk!!

PPRuNe Radar
18th May 2005, 13:48
'd rather a nice big bottle of Lauret Perrier Rose please.....

Mmmm, can't seem to find that one in the cellar. Though FlyBlue and Flaps (who live down here) did manage to find me a couple of Magnums of Laurent Perrier Rose. Will that do ?? ;)

Minty Fresh
18th May 2005, 13:51
Good choice er82 - i'll start warming me hands :D

Although clearly i want 2 be on tip top form for the big game so can I get some massage practice in ... I'll bring the bottle!!


Biggles Flies Undone
18th May 2005, 14:10
I'm truly amazed that the offers haven't flooded in..... maybe you're really mr82 and I'm the only one not in on it..... :hmm:

Still can't believe that TC450 and the rest of the testosterone-charged male Trabbies haven't piled in :confused:

18th May 2005, 14:25
*hic* sorry, spelling goes all wrong when I've already tested the tippple of choice.....

I wish! New laptop and can't type properly on it!!

Minty - warm hands are a must. Bring 2 bottles!

BFU - I can assure you I'm all woman!

Minty Fresh
18th May 2005, 14:41
Hands and Oils warm - Champagne (2 bottles off) Chilled ;)

18th May 2005, 14:42
Can't wait for the team photo at this rate:E .

I'm not sure any companies do shock vests to fit though:ooh:

18th May 2005, 14:49
We don't want them to fit.......... we want them to be really tight. Helps us by not giving the opposing team anything to grab on to. Helps our fans by giving them something to perve at - especially if it's cold......

Warm hands and oils.. 2 bottle of champagne..... this could get very messy!!

I still need another 3 helpers though... Someone to come with me in the shower, and 2 to help get me out of the tight shirts....

Minty Fresh
18th May 2005, 14:52
"Could get Messy" - hopefully

"Need someone to come with me in the Shower - Please - stop it now!!!!! :}

18th May 2005, 14:59
Yup.......... they'll need a big bar of soap, because us girls rolling around in the mud together will need cleaning up.......
So... a good scrub down, making sure all traces of mud are removed, then wrap me in a big white fluffy towel, and then dry me down! You, of course, will probably need drying yourself after that!! (I'm referring of course to the fact that you'll have also been in the shower!);)

Minty Fresh
18th May 2005, 15:10
Well after that I think your request relating to the Shower would occur !!

I think your right - as a result of being in the shower of course


18th May 2005, 15:35
May I suggest Matatu Man for the toweling job.

He;s spent so much time on his own, he's got a cracking action so I've heard:P :p

hard hat, flak jacket, hole ..........check:}

on another job offer, I'm great at doing warm ups, and all ready coach a nubile 18-26 yera old ladies team, so can offer brilliant insight in the female sport pysche :} :E

18th May 2005, 15:56
meaning you're already a master at perving at the ladies!

"Seriously lady, as your coach I promise that if you sleep with me, you'll get picked for the big game"

Biggles Flies Undone
18th May 2005, 16:00
.... or porked for the big game.... :E

B Fraser
18th May 2005, 16:06
A certain lady pilot I know rather well (too much info already :E ) would insist on bathing in Heidseick Dry Monopole Champagne after every match.


18th May 2005, 16:14
- nubile 18-26 yera old ladies team, -

Dream on baby!! HA HA :} :}

18th May 2005, 16:16
Every good team has a couple of 'veterans';)

Onans Girlfriend
18th May 2005, 16:16
Not sure why you need our measurements, anyway they are,

5-7 tall


One question, any ladies know a good sports bra supplier?

Minty Fresh
18th May 2005, 16:17
Cummunal bath full of Dry Monopole Champagne - this could get expensive.

Think the ticket sales will cover it ?

Girls - its gonna have 2 be one hell of a show - oh and a good match 2 ;)

18th May 2005, 16:24
It's certainly beating any team I've played for so far. At this rate I'd even volunteer to be a tackle bag.:ok:

18th May 2005, 16:28
I don't think we'll be charging for you to watch...... then we'd feel like prostitutes...
Oh, sorry, you're meaning that you'd pay to watch the RUGBY................;)

After-match celebrations all free... I wouldn't waste champagne by bathing in it..... Although having it poured all over us............ Sorry, mind wandering again!!

18th May 2005, 16:34
Sorry, mind wandering again!!

You and me both 82!

18th May 2005, 16:35
SK, I think you'll find that there's more than a couple of those you refer to as 'veterans'!! :rolleyes:

Still, judging by what I have heard from the JB males, there are quite a few of you who like older women. :D

18th May 2005, 16:39
T1, No comment;)

18th May 2005, 16:46
Aw go on!!

Not normally one to keep quiet eh? :E

Minty Fresh
18th May 2005, 16:49
er82 - mind wondering !! Mine was already there back with the hot oils ;)

18th May 2005, 17:02
Sk - I've got Minty as a helper. Are you assigned to anyone??

Having a mind that often wanders is a pre-requisite for helping me out!

tall and tasty
18th May 2005, 17:50
PPRuNe Radar

mmmmmmm white champange swiss truffles please........... then you don't have to worry about spilling anything and killed two birds with one stone.

TnT ;) :p :)

B Fraser
18th May 2005, 18:12
ER82 said.....

then we'd feel like prostitutes

I'll have to see if we can arrange some then ! :}

It's time for a rugby song so I'll start it off with.......

Dinah Dinah show us your leg.......

18th May 2005, 18:22
Crikey thats some puppies on a petite fra... ermm... ahhh... oh yes... :O

Helli-Gurl, you nearly broke the cloth budget at a stroke there. Fortunately by cunningly resizing other garments I've managed to avoid the need to order more.
I can assure a good tight fit, although I recommend a thorough measure up, just to be absolutely sure. ;)

Now, I just hope Shy Torque has a good eye and a fine needle, the material savings needed mean he's going to be working in miniature in places! :E

Onan's Girlfriend, The measurements are needed for your custom made kit. Thank you, your details have been noted and tailoring will commence in due course. When I'm done with Helli-Gurls personal fitting... erm... actually, when's the dead line? Will off the peg suffice? :p

18th May 2005, 18:56
82, I'm assigned to no one yet (apart from coaching duties) and have a mind like a sewer. Do I pass muster?

T1, you never know what you can learn from a veteran.:E

18th May 2005, 19:20
Blooming 'eck - a day away and look what happens ;)

OK, the team is a follows:

1. Loosehead Prop..........Position vacant
2. Hooker......................Whirlygig (with Art E & Thomas Coupling)
3. Tighthead Prop...........Position vacant
4. Lock.........................tart1 (with ShyTorque & PPRUNE FAN #1)
5. Lock.........................Stockpicker
6. Blindside Flanker.........I think thatís how itís spelt! Position vacant
7. Openside Flanker........Position vacant
8. Number 8..................Redsnail
9. Scrum half................Whirlybird (with Capt Notarious)
10. Fly half......................Helligurl
11. Left Wing..................Tall n Tasty
12. Inside centre.............er82 (with SmilingKnifed and Minty Fresh)
13. Outside centre..........Sparkle (with B Fraser)
14. Right Wing.................Rallyegirl
15. Full back...................Onanís Girlfriend

So, I'm still short of a couple of props and a couple of flankers - story of my life :{ (and no Howard Hughes - you can't play No. 6)

Pprune Radar will be in charge of the drinks (I personally favour eith Lanson Black Label or Mumm Cordon Rouge).

Pilotwolf is our paramedic and photographer is Windy Militant.

Mike Jenvey and Heatseeker are our managers.

Capt Notarious (just got the name - good one!!) can assist Whirlybird since you obviously favour us rotary birds but I am already spoken for!

The following are all volunteers as physios so girls, if you don't have a lovely assistant, I suggest you pick one from this lot!
Darth Nigel
Syllogism Check
Mr. Chips

Flying Slappers we are and pink and green tight fitting tops and shorts.

Tart1 - good fitting sports bra - I recommend Berlie (or is it Burley) as I suspect you have the same "problem" as me!!

The needleworkers are going to be very busy since those Nike tight tops (as worn or nearly worn by Johnny) do tear very easily.



18th May 2005, 19:32
"Now, I just hope Shy Torque has a good eye and a fine needle, the material savings needed mean he's going to be working in miniature in places!"

I might have to go back to my original offer of holding the soap in the shower and rubbing down. :(

I've tried making the first costume, sorry, kit, this evening but me glasses keep steaming up. ;)

18th May 2005, 19:41
OI! Whirls.

What happened to team Doctor Jerricho :sad:

Minty Fresh
18th May 2005, 19:42
er82 - I'm glad about that cause its my wondering mind that keeps me going at work - especially today !!

Champagne, communal showers ..... perked me up today :D

But as I said practice makes perfect ;)

18th May 2005, 19:44
I've tried making the first costume, sorry, kit, this evening but me glasses keep steaming up
....and you don't think they will in the shower??? Actually, if you're a little myopic, that might be an advantage in the shower :E

OK - soap dispenser you are but are you still going to Tart's masseur? It does look as if some of you blokes will have to multi-task (another oxymoron, I'm sorry).

Now, I hope we are all practising "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot", bearing in mind that there is more than one verse!! The hand actions need to be performed as well as true rugby players wot we is!



We\'re on 12 pages and you expect me to keep track??? OK - pilotwolf - team paramedic and Jerricho - team doctor.

Don\'t want to upset anyone so if I\'ve left you out, please let me know. It\'s hard work being team captain and that is even before we\'ve discussed tactics for our first fixture.

I\'m currently in discussion with Natal Sharks (\'cos they ain\'t doin\' too well at the mo and are probably at our standard so should be an even match!). Nice trip to Durban girls - how about it?



Solid Rust Twotter
18th May 2005, 19:51

Don't hurt the Sharks too much. The Bulls and their supporters still need to go down to Durbs occasionally for a curry and the Guppies are the only excuse we can think of at the mo.......:E

Available for back rubs and handing out biltong and naartjies to the fans and players.:ok:

18th May 2005, 19:58
They had some 'lick and stick' material down at the linen shop Shy Torque. Would that be easier than a needle and thread?

You make 'em, I'll take care of the running repairs! :E

18th May 2005, 20:09
Biltong you say? I might have to sack TC and have you as my back rubber!! Amarula Cream as well?



Solid Rust Twotter
18th May 2005, 20:15
Might have some Amarula Cream in the 'fridge behind the mampoer.

18th May 2005, 20:31
Don't be talking about hand actions in front of the boys..... They're having enough trouble concentrating as it is...............

Trip to Durban sounds fine to me.... I should hope we'll all be travelling 1st class down there....

Sk- Mind like a sewer eh?!?! Good enough for me! If you're one of my groupies as well as being the coach, does that mean I get special treatment?!?!

18th May 2005, 20:35
:{ Can't I use my shiny new IRB coaching badge Whirls? Even if it's just as HeliGurl's kicking coach?

And there is no feckin' way I'm singing Swing Low, I'll stick with Bread of Heaven!

Solid Rust Twotter
18th May 2005, 20:36

Just pretend you're a Hasher.:E :ok:

18th May 2005, 20:43

You can flash your badge anytime and be our coach.

Bread of Heaven is OK too (even though I had that at my wedding; a-hem!!) but I will probably favour Ireland's Call since it was writ by a schoolfriend of me Da's :ok:



18th May 2005, 21:09
SC, that lick and stick sounds good. I'll be doing the licking though, at least 'til me mouth goes dry then you could take over.. :p Oh, hang on. Sorry - you mean to make the rugger kit - I thought you meant in the shower..... best we forget about the "stick" bit just for now or Danny will pull the thread - no pun intended!


"....and you don't think they will in the shower??? Actually, if you're a little myopic, that might be an advantage in the shower. OK - soap dispenser you are but are you still going to Tart's masseur? It does look as if some of you blokes will have to multi-task (another oxymoron, I'm sorry)."

Well, I CAN rub my own tummy and pat my own head (and talk) so rubbing someone else's shouldn't be a problem, if necessary with a handful or two of soap. However, to save me letting the team down on match day I WILL need some pre-match practice before the season starts, so I'll need volunteers. If no-one volunteers, I expect the captain to roster everyone to take turns :E

18th May 2005, 21:16
It's tough being Captain and I suppose that there are duties and responsibilities to be fulfilled along with the honour, recognition and glory of the title.

3 minutes has passed and no-one has volunteered ShyT, so I ought to do the decent thing and volunteer first in my leadership capacity.

I want good quality soap mind, none of that stuff that dries the skin out otherwise you'd be forever rubbing moisturizer in :E



18th May 2005, 21:24
*Jerricho scratches Whirly off his Christmas card list*


18th May 2005, 21:53
I'm just blowing the dust off the case of carbolic I bought cheap when they closed down the local colliery communal bath. No need for anything else at this stage as it's only the hand action I'm trying to perfect. Just let me know where and when but p'raps best to PM those details, Whirly - don't want anyone to get killed in the rush (might be me) and we all know the paparazzi are watching this thread closely.

Failing that, better bring your own soap ;)

Please delete all reference to "lick and stick" as I've just realised another implication of that expression! :ooh: SC, you naughty boy!

Just realised that I'd better get a few cases of moisturiser too, as we really don't want the girls to be known as the "Wrinkled Prunettes", now - do we? :E

18th May 2005, 22:05
as it's only the hand action I'm trying to perfect
Can I infer from that that you have perfected all other actions?



Jerricho - I'm hurt. Very hurt. I said you could have the doctor position (page 22 in the KS) and PW as paramedic and I apologised for having missed it; you would not believe what I have to go through in this role; showing ShyT how to scrub my back being one of my more onerous duties.

18th May 2005, 22:10
Oh......yeah........so you did.

Ummm, I'll just go and stand in the corner for a while........


*Hastily adds Whirly back to the list and has a serious word with himself*

18th May 2005, 22:22
"showing ShyT how to scrub my back being one of my more onerous duties."

Scrub? Back? Onerous duties? THANKS A BUNCH! :ouch:

Never actually said I'd scrub, only rub, pat, hold the soap and hold anything else that needed holding in the shower. :ok:

18th May 2005, 22:30

Apology accepted; and you're back on my Christmas card list even after publishing a photo of me and my banjo!

anything else that needed holding in the shower
That would be the shower head then please 'cos they're always too high for little short ar$es like me :p

...hmmm... anything else need holding.... hmm.. let me think. Oh yeah, my dignity and poise. You can hold those for me; I won't be needing them.



Darth Nigel
18th May 2005, 23:06
Well, since scrubbing the back is all taken care of, anyone need the front scrubbed?

Just trying to help -- you ladies will be all sha... err, tired after the scrums and things.

18th May 2005, 23:10
Are you saying you're a scrubber? Excellent! We need more scrubbers like you!



Howard Hughes
19th May 2005, 01:02
Ok Whirls so no number 6 jersey for me......:{

Well what about the position of team mascot?

Just think about the possibilities, my ageing but still somewhat muscular body, all hot and sweaty in a tight fitting lycra outfit!!;)

I also have the perfect positon for Jerricho, I believe his skills could be most utilised as a COMMENTATOR!!;)

Cheers, HH.


19th May 2005, 06:44
Eh.. whassat Shy Torque? I think you're reading far too much into my suggestion. ;)
I only mentioned the material to save you the eye strain when stiching those smaller garments. 'Lick 'n' stick', just like a postage stamp. In fact some items have had to be so reduced in size due to the extra yardage requirements for part of a certain player's kit that I may just have stumbled across a viable alternative there. :)

19th May 2005, 06:55
SC, haven't you learned that ShyT reads a sexual connotation into anything and everything. Poor soul; he's quite demented really. So we just have to humour him. :E :ouch:

And as for your viable alternative; I hope it's not like the alternative uses one has for toupeť tape and parcel tape (although in my case, nothing less than gaffer tape is strong enough for the job!).



19th May 2005, 06:56
Hey, I think I found the perfect team outfit for our proonettes. Nice boots too. click here (http://talk.xboxsolution.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=3305&cat=638&page=1)


Minty Fresh
19th May 2005, 07:41
Heatseeker - I can't agree more - they look ideal

Mintys hoping for rain game day !!!

19th May 2005, 08:15

Whirlygig's the one at the far end, sporting the black gaffer tape.

TnT's at this end and the one next to her has just spotted SC approaching with his large bodkin.

I've gone to fetch the soap. :E

19th May 2005, 08:34
Well the tops look fair enough to me (although perhaps a little too short), but we did agree that it would be shorts of the hot-pant variety - not nasty thongs that will allow the opposing team to give wedgies from hell.....
Knee-high white socks? Takes me back to my school days!! So perhaps not.....
Crikey, anyone would think you guys are getting a little...... excited.... about all this helping in the shower lark. It's be a chore. All that mud in hard-to-reach places.....

If Mr Beckham can have boots of his own design, with silly names on them, I'd like pink boots please, with silver laces!

19th May 2005, 08:37
Sorry, ladies, I've already bagged BFU as my masseur (and angels as physio) - somewhere round about page 3 of this, I think it was!

Minty Fresh
19th May 2005, 08:42
Don't think the Clothing Technicians will have any problems removing those tops

I estimate 3 - 4 ..... Glasses of Champagne ;)

er82 - very excited - yes. In fact I spent half an hour in preperation last night - granted it was in the drinks section of a well known Super Market - but it all helps


19th May 2005, 08:44
You think it will take 3-4 glasses of champagne before the clothing guys help us out of those tops?!?! Blimey, that's a bit slow! I only go for the guys who try and get my kit off after 1 glass!!:E

19th May 2005, 08:48
er82 said:

"Crikey, anyone would think you guys are getting a little...... excited.... about all this helping in the shower lark. It's be a chore. All that mud in hard-to-reach places.....,"

er82, I have decided you are absolutely right, we blokes are perhaps getting too personally involved in this shower thing (well perhaps just me). I can see that it is potentially very much a highly labour intensive part of our responsibilities.

I have been doing some research. To cut down on the manual effort involved I am considering (at no expense to the team mind you) making an investment for the benefit of all.

I read the following advice on a specialist cleaning website:

"With a power washer, you can spend more time admiring your work than doing it.

"A pressure washer basically transforms an ordinary garden hose from a slow-moving stream to a canyon-cleaning river," said Tom Kraeutler, host of the Money Pit radio show."

I will allow the other chaps to have a go but will expect a small contribution from them and for them to form an orderly queue.

What do the girls think?

BTW, what was this thread originally about?

19th May 2005, 08:55
I have absolutely no doubt in my mind, that everyone single one of us will refuse that very kind offer........ OUCH!!! It would be very painful..... Have you never used one of thse things and tried to wash the foam (from washing your car) off your hands?!?! Almost rips the skin off......

So might be effective at getting rid of the mud, but we'd be in no shape to take part in after-match celebrations....

Besides, although it'll be a chore, it would be so much more fun for you to get in the shower with us, and join in the shower songs and general nakedness....

I think it had something to do with rugby....

tall and tasty
19th May 2005, 08:58

we blokes are perhaps getting too personally involved in this shower thing (well perhaps just me).

well I prefer a cool quick shower with loads of bubbles and then afterwards a long relaxing full body massage to ease away all the aches of a full on game. :E

Therefore we will have to vet those who are going to perform the task.... we will need someone with strong, safe hands.

I know a man who would be good but he has not been on pprooning for a while :{ :{

TnT ;)

Minty Fresh
19th May 2005, 09:00
I agree - think i much prefer the hands on approach

It could, however, be used for general crowd control during the rush to assist the team disrobe and lather :}

19th May 2005, 09:08
Ooooooooohhhhhh. Full body massage sounds nice.......

19th May 2005, 09:11

"Therefore we will have to VET those who are going to perform the task.... we will need someone with strong, safe hands."

I'm just off to the vet's right now, to get my hands checked out. I'll send you a copy of his report.

Minty Fresh
19th May 2005, 09:29
Think we're putting a whole new slant on the "Swing" in Swing Low!!!!

Did someone mention Rugby

Anyway back to the mass naked shower and massaging :D

tall and tasty
19th May 2005, 10:17

to get my hands checked out. I'll send you a copy of his report.

You had better make sure it is a printed copy, vets have terrible hand writing.......

But I am sure the vet nurses will let you know if your hands come up to scratch, most like a man in uniform :p ;)


19th May 2005, 10:21
right this is moving too fast!!!!..

had to go back 4 pages to see replies to my last post:confused:

however, in reply to er82:P.
it's not perving, it's just concentrating on pre run moves:D:E
but misunderstood by people, with a less trained eye :ok:

well that's how I like to think of it :E

bubble bursts, comes back to earth, and heads back to the hockey pitch :}

edited, because I can't spell today :mad:

Biggles Flies Undone
19th May 2005, 10:38
Clearly, pre-match practice is required. Now, I am delighted at having been selected by Ms S to be her masseur - but she resides in Jockistan, so how do I limber up my technique before the big day?

19th May 2005, 10:43
I'm happy to lend my services as a body on which to practice your massage skills. All in the name of making sure my team mate has a good one that is!!!

We need a song to which we can walk onto the pitch..... Now I know I seem to be the only person who has heard the following song and liked it, but the words are quite relevant.... I think!

It's the Pussycat Dolls feat Busta R. 'Don't Cha'
Words along the lines of "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me" all to a nice thumpy base with a bit of jazzy feel to it. Have got the song, but have no idea how to post it on here so you can all listen.....

19th May 2005, 10:49
Seems to me that all these male supernumeries - masseurs, dressers, attendants, etc - are going to need a close eye kept on them whilst play is in progress. This I feel is a very suitable role for me.

Incidentally, who is going to train all these would-be masseurs to do the job properly? The youngsters may not have the necessary experience to do the job correctly so I think I'll take that little task for myself as well.

BFU, look no further...

19th May 2005, 10:51
Just to warn you, if you go to a massage class, you all practice on each other..... thereore if you were to teach all the boys how to do it properly, you'll find yourself giving a nice massage to one of them as a demo to the others...........

Just let them practice on me!!

And Heat - as to your other thread, there is no link to me on Tv anywhere... don't know where you got that from!!

19th May 2005, 10:53
Sweet er


Sure I came across it somewhere

:{ :{

19th May 2005, 10:56
No, I think it was someone else.....

Not me. Have never been the star of tv....... only home-made videoes..... ahem. too much info!:E

Minty Fresh
19th May 2005, 11:01
Best get a roster drawn up the er82

As official Masseur to yourself - clearly I'll need preferential rostering.

As your team is currently only 2 strong - i'll volunteer 2 be back up clothing technician - so i suppose i'll have 2 perfect that removal as well :D

19th May 2005, 11:07
Be careful with those home made movies er. A couple in Sydney who lived in an apartment block which shared a common TV ariel filmed themselves once engaging in serious naughties and then sat back to watch the replay.

A couple of minutes later there was a knock on the front door. Next door neighbour saying - "nice movie but did you know we can all see it."

Be cautious, be very cautious. You can still send me a copy if you like.

:) :) :) :)

19th May 2005, 11:09
See I was only kidding about the movies!! I'm far too much of an innocent young lady to be engaging in such naughty activities!!!

Minty - do you really think you could handle taking my clothes off and then massaging me?!?!?!?!?!?

Biggles Flies Undone
19th May 2005, 11:10
Things are taking shape nicely :ok: :E

Sure I came across it somewhere
Possibly too much information... ;)

Minty Fresh
19th May 2005, 11:19
And keep your glass topped up as well :cool:

19th May 2005, 11:22
Ah good man!!!!!!!!!!! That'd probably be your toughest job though!!

19th May 2005, 11:43
Yes Whirls, I was beginning to notice the trend there with ST and the sexual connotations.
A sure sign of him being right man for the job me thinks! :ok:

Minty Fresh
19th May 2005, 12:03
A tough job - but some one has to do it !

Any way - the tops off after the first glass - so the clothing issue shouldn't be a problem for 2 long.

It would just be the concentration that'll b the problem - must be professional, must be professional - doh !!

PPRuNe Radar
19th May 2005, 12:14
And keep your glass topped up as well

Sorry Minty, but that would be demarcation. And my union (the Alcoholic Libation, Chocolate & Heroines In Excess Society - ALCHIES for short) would take a very dim view of that with draconian results which may see our team being 'black balled' (OK, technically impossible with this team, one hopes) from being served these simple pleasures globally :{

I, and members of my esteemed society, are professionaly trained to pour champers and feed chocolate under a wide range of conditions and inclement situations, such as in showers. So best leave it to the professionals ;)

Of course, I am also afraid that the gentlemen providing support to the team will also be unable to partake of any of the food or beverages. They will, after all, require total concentration as they will be 'on the job'.

However, when off duty, I will supply the keys to the booze cellar :E

19th May 2005, 12:21
SC, Thanks for your support. :ok:

These days I need a little support....recently had to throw the old one away.


The vet's nurse said my hands were strong, very safe and "well up to scratch" but she asked me to cut my nails before further massage practice. The vet turned out to be a lady too and told me that using a pressure washer on an animal is tantamount to abuse. She couldn't pass a professional opinion on lady rugby players. Report in the post. When do I start? :E

Minty Fresh
19th May 2005, 12:23
Sorry Radar - Consider the pouring left to the experts.

I, however, will continue with the bathing and massaging of naked female flesh :}

And i'll look forward to a Off Duty Beverage in the cellar - strength permitting :O

19th May 2005, 13:40
So when do we want the first, ahem, 'training session?'

Biggles Flies Undone
19th May 2005, 13:40
Right, so when do we start practice? :E

Minty Fresh
19th May 2005, 13:50
Is it just me or does it look like the real Rugby enthusiasts have abandoned this thread and left it to us ....... (thinkin of polite word for perverts!)

Fine by me :D !

Any way back to practice

19th May 2005, 14:07
Minty, I consider myself a perverted rugby enthusiast:ok:

Solid Rust Twotter
19th May 2005, 14:10
Sharks, Cats and Stormers if they can stand the pace...:E

19th May 2005, 14:15
Best not have us play against another female team.... might end up with one of the nasty bitch-slapping things going on!!!

As of end of next month I'm unemployed for a month before starting a new job, so I'm free every day for practice!!!;)

Yup. Seems as if all those in the know about rugby have gone. Apart from Whirls who hasn't abandoned us and seems to know everything about playing with the ball....!!!

Biggles Flies Undone
19th May 2005, 14:27
So where's the practice ground - I might need to book some leave ;)

19th May 2005, 14:40
We could always play Harlequins, they're a bunch of girls.

Minty Fresh
19th May 2005, 14:46
Although lets explore the bitch slapping a little more.

Throw in some bottles of baby oil - we got ourselves a show Gentlemen :}

(Mind wondering again)

19th May 2005, 18:08
minty, does it ever not-wander?!?!?!

baby oil..... wouldn't that be a bit too 'slippy'.... we'd never get a decent grip!

Minty Fresh
19th May 2005, 18:47
No never - and usually one track :D

True - guess well just have 2 save that for the massage table then ;)

19th May 2005, 18:54
Eh I think I'll stay on the side lines. :\

19th May 2005, 18:57
Wow. 16 pages of posts. I think maybe 4 of them were actually to do with rugby, and the rest are all perverted!! Says something about the amount of pruners obviously not 'getting enough'....... or maybe I'm just speaking for myself!!!

Minty Fresh
19th May 2005, 19:18
Nah - think we just found a better subject to talk about

Well its either this or the "G8 Summit !!!!

"Jet Blast", "faint hearted" - I know were i'll be lookin for new posts !!!

er82 - I don't want 2 be known as someone who never helps out a fellow ppruner !!;)

20th May 2005, 08:27
I can't believe this lapsed onto page 2..... how disgraceful. Those of you up all night should make sure this never happens again!!

20th May 2005, 12:23
Lets ask Helli-Gurl to arrange some fixtures. She's got some high powered comtacts in the Rugby world.......(sorry Helli-Gurl)

20th May 2005, 12:25
Sounds like a story. Do tell....

20th May 2005, 12:34
What?.....you expect me to arrange the matches and play in them to!?? next you'll be asking me to mow the grass on the park to!

Just about to have lunch with "said contact'


Minty Fresh
20th May 2005, 13:18
Thanks for the Helli-Gurl - well volunteered

And if u could start with the marking out as well, that'd be great

B Fraser
23rd May 2005, 12:22
I was in LHR T4 on Friday eve with one of the Proonettes on our way out to her secret weekend training camp (enough said :hmm: ) and spotted that another of the Proonettes is currently pictured on an advertising board :ok:

I'll have to take a piccie next time and post it :)

23rd May 2005, 13:27
Not Helli-Gurl by any chance? She pops up in all sorts of places....

23rd May 2005, 13:27
what is she advertising?!?!?!

B Fraser
23rd May 2005, 14:20
My personal Proonette is doing a couple of sectors today and will try to get a piccie of the ad if she has enough time.

23rd May 2005, 17:13
Been in training last week. Spent a few days chucking my luggage into over head bins for a laugh. Also been perfecting the cramped aisle charge too.

Sorted. :ok:

23rd May 2005, 20:54
Having just watched the Lions match, have been re-inspired to get this thread back to the top!
Reasonablt good game. Lots of work to be done before NZ.
I'm sure us Proonettes could do a better job though.....

23rd May 2005, 20:55
You'll all be pleased to know that your Hooker has been in good throwing training this weekend.

I have managed to clear a garage, a workshop, a loft and a shed. All contents were thrown "mightily" into the skip. The skip was full.

However, my back and shoulders ached afterwards. Where were my masseurs? Especially the one who said he needed the practice!!

Need to do some scrum training; normally save that for the January sales but I suppose last orders In The King Charles Tavern (Newbury!!) should provide sufficient practice :ok:



23rd May 2005, 20:57
Stuck in Florida and couldn't get time off to see the game. Any comments?

I'll be studying the tapes prior to the first proonettes video session.

24th May 2005, 10:45
Do think that scrum training will be needed for said proonettes.

May I suggest booking a Ryanair flight to some destination and showing other paxs the rolling maul technique as all push into the queue:p

24th May 2005, 10:55
Whirly I suppose last orders In The King Charles Tavern (Newbury!!) should provide sufficient practice You should have tried [insert any pub name of your choice] in Cardiff last night. Magic atmosphere and good scrimmaging practice too!