View Full Version : Lies you were told as a child

12th May 2005, 17:36
The obvious ones aside like Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Michael Jackson is really good with kids (and if you're learning any of this for the first time, sorry, I'll pay for the counseling), what others are out there?

Here's a few:

Dogs only see in black and white.

Going out in the cold with wet hair will cause you to catch a cold.

Everybody loves Raymond (ongoing)

12th May 2005, 17:37
If the wind changes, you'll stay like that.

12th May 2005, 17:50
If you keep doing that you'll go blind...

12th May 2005, 17:50
Bad boys go to the burning fiery furnace. I was sceptical at age 5, still am.

It's not just Raymond; the whole of his rotten family, especially that woman he married.

12th May 2005, 18:39
The good guys always win .. in the end.

12th May 2005, 18:46
Bit of a sneaky lie my folks used to tell me.... I must have been about 4....couldn't tell the time.....

Dad used to come home from work, and ask me if I'd been good that day. I'd quite obviously reply "Yes", even if I'd been the mother of all pains-in-the-ass!! He'd check with my Mum, who'd say "Yes"...... He'd then tell me that because I'd been so good that day, he wouldn't make me got to bed at half past six, he wouldn't even make me go to bed at quarter past six, he'd let me go to bed at quarter to six.

Fell for it EVERY time, and used to ask when it was quarter to six so that I could go to bed..... My older brother used to try and keep the smirk off his face, and my parents could relax knowing they'd got Little Miss Trouble to bed 45mins early with no hassle!!

tony draper
12th May 2005, 18:50
"You can be anything you want to be"
One is still waiting to wake up as Captain Marvel.

12th May 2005, 18:53
"Even though you look like the milkman, he's not your father............"


12th May 2005, 18:57
Of course we love you Wayne.

Roger Dodge
12th May 2005, 19:06
"never trust an Aussie" ;)

Standard Noise
12th May 2005, 19:08
"Yes darling, Santa Claus does exist, who do you think drank that whiskey we left out and what about the carrot Rudolph must have eaten that."
My dad must have just loved Xmas eve, Glenfiddich and carrots.:yuk:

Oh yeah, that other old chestnut.........."stop picking your nose boy, it'll turn into a pig's foot!"

Oh how I used to chuckle.
oink oink :}

12th May 2005, 19:35
Not only would going out with wet hair give you a cold but going to bed with wet hair would give you either a cold or a stiff neck (or perhaps both). I was too scared to try either thing. :(

Raw pastry either had worms in it - or eating it would give you worms. Can't quite remember which. :}

12th May 2005, 19:54
How about:

"If you sit on that cold step you'll get piles" or

"Don't pick your nose, your head will cave in" or

"Mummy and I were just exercising"


I tried TART1\'s advice but with wet underpants....it didn\'t work :} (The stiffness part you understand).

Boss Raptor
12th May 2005, 20:01

1a. starving Cambodians would be grateful for the food I refused to eat and 1b. they'd be wrapped up and posted to them...

2. I was a truly horrible, awful (evil) child...ok we can negotiate on that one :ok:

Onan the Clumsy
12th May 2005, 20:02
That the reason the music teacher wanted me to come to his house was to babysit his children :ugh:

12th May 2005, 20:14
never trust an Aussie

You married yet RD???

12th May 2005, 20:28
Onan Seem to remember your music teacher was my choirmaster.He had more than wandering hands and it wasn't the ivorys he was tickling.:yuk:

Don't swallow chewing gum it gets wrapped around your kidneys.

This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you.Yeah right guess what it didn't!

Incipient Sinner
12th May 2005, 20:32
"If you don't take your coat off in the house you won't feel the benefit when you go outside."

Mmmm, I'm sure physics disagrees with that.

12th May 2005, 20:33
If you pee in the swimming pool, the water around you will turn red.

12th May 2005, 20:36
If you had a bad kidney infection, it might.


Onan the Clumsy
12th May 2005, 20:56
Laser yes :ugh:

but on the bright side, I did pick up a few non gender specific wooing techniques :cool:

12th May 2005, 22:19
This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you.

Didn't they also used to say: "You'll feel a (little) prick."


(Gosh, I don't use the Oooh smiley very often!)

12th May 2005, 22:28
If you eat that apple core, the pips will grow inside you and you'll have a tree in your stomach. :uhoh:

henry crun
12th May 2005, 22:33
If you eat that apple core the pips will stick in your appendix and they will have to cut you open to get them out.

12th May 2005, 22:47
No, it's not rabbit, it's oriental chicken :{

It WAS rabbit, I know it was :{


You're not going to bed until you've eaten it... we can stay awake longer than you!

OH NO YOU CAN'T :E as I sat in my high chair at midnight with a mouthful of scrambled egg that I refused to swallow.



12th May 2005, 23:00
The Ice Cream van plays that tune when he's got none left.

12th May 2005, 23:06
Egg shells will give you warts.

tony draper
12th May 2005, 23:16
Dont swallow chewing gum it will stick to your ribs.
Don't play near the grate or you will get the fever.
If you pick a guinney pig up by its tail its eyeballs will fall out.

Kissing the girls makes yer teeth fall out.

Although that one can be true,especially if you kiss someone elses girl.
"I wasn't kissing your wife! ,honest I was just whispering in her mouth"

16 blades
12th May 2005, 23:26
About school bullies:

"The bigger they are, the harder they fall"

...no, the bigger they are the harder they HIT YOU.


tony draper
12th May 2005, 23:29
They never bothered me, I was the school bully.

12th May 2005, 23:59
Cursing is just an excuse for a limited vocabulary.


13th May 2005, 02:32

Do you still sit in a high chair and refuse to swallow?

I'll get my coat.


13th May 2005, 03:23
It'll put hairs on your chest.

It'll give you warts.
No. Sorry. That one wasn't a lie - I grew three warts on my right hand and two on my left. :sad:
s'funny that; I never used my left hand... [ They removed the warts with liquid nitrogen. Isn't technology wonderful? ]

If you do a belly flop off the top board you'll split your stomach open.

Don't talk to that Carol Gxxxn. She isn't a very nice girl.
Now that depended on your point of view
She certainly knew how to stop you getting warts again, that's for sure... ;)

13th May 2005, 06:37
If a girl kisses a boy, she'll get preggers.

Ditto toilet seats.

(As if anyone would kiss a toilet seat.) :rolleyes:

Evening Star
13th May 2005, 07:07
It'll put make your hair curl.

There was also "Going to see a man about a dog" as a euphemism for the men going to the pub about an hour before Sunday lunch at ES clan get togethers. Confused my brother and I for years why they only came back smelling of beer and without a dog.:hmm:

Standard Noise
13th May 2005, 07:55
On a Saturday afternoon............

"Mum, where's dad?"
"He's working!"

Yeah, working on helping the poor barman empty all those pint glasses! Still, I saw through that one by the time I was 13.

13th May 2005, 10:21
If you don't eat your vegetables, your bones will go soft.

Didn't work, I only started eating vegetables once I got married and Mrs Balix told me that if I didn't, my bones would go soft :uhoh:

13th May 2005, 10:28
It's too cold to snow.

tall and tasty
13th May 2005, 11:18

My mother did the same trick with the rabbit!!

But I got eat your crusts they will make your hair curly! :confused:

I still have dead straight hair.

Don't pull that face the wind will change and you will stay like that for ever! :eek:

Chewing gum if you swallow it you will gum up your works!

Don't slouch or you will never grow big and tall!! So I guess I should have really been 1.96m then!

(Never kiss a boy before you are 16 or you will get coodies)

TnT :p :p

Devlin Carnet
13th May 2005, 11:29
No it isnt the gas meter, it's your new piggy bank..:(

Big Tudor
13th May 2005, 11:32
If you watch too much telly you'll get square eyes. :hmm:

13th May 2005, 11:46
Whenever we had chicken, I'd always get a leg: "Have a leg, it'll make you run faster!"

When I eventually left home and had to fend for myself, I realised just how much more tender and succulent breasts were. But I don't bear any grudge, these days I always try to have a bit of both leg and breast... :E

13th May 2005, 11:58
Couple of boys in my pre-school were telling everybody that girls who eat the crust of the bread will grow big ... boobies :confused:

Well, what can I say, always liked crusty bread...:E

13th May 2005, 14:01
It'll put make your hair curl.

What was that about a vocabulary? ;)

Oh, another one.

"Plazbot wasn't adopted" :E :E

13th May 2005, 14:22
-"Mom!, is it true that.... if you mix your urine with dad's one into the toilet seat I'll have a sister ?" :O

13th May 2005, 15:16
My father, tried to once explain how babies came about.

He failed terribley!.

I spent from the ages of 4-6, that my sister had been born by decapating my mother, inserting a "seed", which grew into my sister, who was promptly removed, by unscrewing my mothers head, to remove her?........

I was a confuzzled child!:p

13th May 2005, 16:11
Have you been drinking AirYard? :D

Roger Dodge
13th May 2005, 19:05
You married yet RD???

No, should I be?? :p

13th May 2005, 19:34
Not only as a child. One lady told me the pilot and passenger in an open-cockpit aircraft had to hold a handkerchief across the face to prevent drowning if they went into cloud. That was why her fiance never went into cloud in the Tiger Moth. I could not make this up.

Onan the Clumsy
13th May 2005, 20:40
That would be assuming the TM didn't just bounce off the cloud of course :ok:

13th May 2005, 21:09
Although none of this is lies but.....

I asked my mummy what my tummy button was for and she told me that it was to do with when I was in her tummy and when I have a baby in my tummy (NOT!!). OK. I accepted this.

Then I asked my daddy, if I came out of mummy's tummy, how did I get in?

The same way as you came out!

At the age of 6, this kept me quiet for years!!
.And then I found out the truth!!



13th May 2005, 21:21
Gosh Whirls - your parents were fairly candid with you weren't they??!! :rolleyes:

13th May 2005, 21:28
I was told that if I always paid my taxes and National Insurance I would have a health service, and a pension at 65...... :mad:

13th May 2005, 21:31
tart1...er yes... my mother was a biology/maths teacher! And of the liberal (small L) hippy persuasion!

Mind you, it was fine 'cos I worked it out for myself - babies come through the tummy button, don't they!!
And then I found out the truth :O



13th May 2005, 21:48
Well don't babies come through the tummy button then??

I must have missed something here! :confused:

13th May 2005, 21:57
No. They come out the same way as they went in!

...but some come out through a zip.... my friend's mummy had a zip :)

Do we need to have a little chat tart1? I can explain it better with pictures.:ok:



13th May 2005, 22:03
Yes pictures is better for me!!

I've never been very bright :=

13th May 2005, 22:05
Wouldn't mind seeing them pictures meself....... :E

13th May 2005, 22:25
Tart1 and ShyTe,

Do you remember having to watch "Living and Growing" at school? Well, the pictures would be similar.

Failing that, there's always Dr. Alex Comfort's bestseller with the ugly beardy hippy whom NO woman would ever.... well, I'm not sure what no woman would ever.... or I've forgotten :{



Please telephone for free and impartial sex education lessons!! And I'll pass you on to me ma!!

14th May 2005, 17:11
We had no sex education whatsoever at school!!

Except ......... there was one copy of a paperback book in the school library called, 'It's Time You Knew'.

It was the most borrowed, dog-eared, battered, well-read book in the whole library.

I can remember when I finally managed to get hold of it, it seemed so naughty!! (I was 12, BTW!) :}

It did give some advice about not washing your hair when you were having a period because you might get a cold.

Scumbag O'Riley
14th May 2005, 17:33
Ladies don't fart

Standard Noise
14th May 2005, 19:57
Would you like to tell my missus that?

14th May 2005, 23:49
If you own up you won't get in so much trouble (hits cricket ball through window, goes to mother and tells, gets beaten sensless. Thinks???).

If you take no notice of the bullies, they will leave you alone.
(they lost interest a lot quicker when I broke one of their jaws)

15th May 2005, 09:17
Not long after me and Mrs Balix got married, we were driving down the A74 towards England. On passing one of the mileage boards, Mrs B asked me what the difference between a Scottish and an English mile was.

After I'd stopped laughing she explained to me that it was something her dad had told her when they were holidaying in Scotland many years previously and the lie (he was a bit of a wag my Father in Law) had remained dormant in the back of her mind ever since. :p

15th May 2005, 09:32
It was the most borrowed, dog-eared, battered, well-read book in the whole library.
You left out........sticky. :}

15th May 2005, 10:10
My mum told me that I would never get rich in low pubs and bad company.

She was dead right there.

15th May 2005, 12:00
Never been in a low pub........but sure been in some bad ones (with some low people) ;)

15th May 2005, 20:40
acbus1 - I neglected to mention that at the time I went to a girls-only school!

Girls usually don't make that sort of sticky mess - do they?

There might be someone out there (no names mentioned Scrubed) who will come up with some evidence to the contrary. :}

15th May 2005, 21:01
"We had no sex education whatsoever at school!! Except ......... there was one copy of a paperback book in the school library called, 'It's Time You Knew'."

We didn't even have the book! I had to find out by other means.....and now I know babies are caused by BEER!

15th May 2005, 21:52
It did give some advice about not washing your hair when you were having a period because you might get a cold.

That's a classic. Almost the best one here :p

Shy, glad you've found out what causing it - you teetotal now then?



15th May 2005, 22:05
and now I know babies are caused by BEER!

Aye, and it can cause men to have big bellies and titties as well. :E

15th May 2005, 22:11
.. and get emotional and lose the ability to drive :D

15th May 2005, 22:13
"I'm not emotional.......... I'm just tired" :E :E

15th May 2005, 22:19

I was talking to my mother today about this and she remembers that when she was a teenager, her mother told her that she couldn't eat ice cream when she was having a period because it might chill her stomach.

Also, she wasn't allowed to paddle in the sea at that time either, because of this terrible 'chill' risk!! :confused:

15th May 2005, 22:20
>Shy, glad you've found out what causing it - you teetotal now then?<

"What causing it" ? Eh? Have YOU been on the beer, WhirlyG? ;)

15th May 2005, 22:22
OK yeah - I've had a coupla rum 'n' cokes. You Captain Spellcheck or summat? I missed an apostrophe and an 's'. Alright matey? :ok:



15th May 2005, 22:48
Yup! Quite possibly :p

17th May 2005, 02:47
I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help.

17th May 2005, 03:12
"Wait here.... we'll be right back."

17th May 2005, 07:51
If you do well at school and pass all your exams you'll get a good job, be rich and happy. Yeah ..right..

17th May 2005, 22:52
it's round the next corner

Irish Steve
17th May 2005, 23:03
"Your call is important to us, please hold the line, and one of our specialist customer relations agents will be pleased to assist you shortly"

17th May 2005, 23:14
"Your call is important to us, please hold the line, and one of our specialist customer relations agents will be pleased to assist you shortly"

You parents told you that?? Nice.

Irish Steve
18th May 2005, 00:50
You parents told you that?? Nice.

Not parents. We did get to use the phone sometimes though :D

As you know, it's not always educational :E