View Full Version : smartass comments

6th May 2005, 11:39
I'm a girlie captain and get plenty of 'witty' comments from the pax. There's not a parking or reversing joke I haven't heard............

While I do remind them to reset their watches-by 50 years-or watch their knuckles on the airstairs on the way out, can anyone think of any witty responses (that I can say in front of the public)?

6th May 2005, 13:09
"...Well, ...actually...I wanted to do more than just be a flying waitress." :ooh:

6th May 2005, 13:49
A few years ago I was flying with a female First Officer who had been PF that sector and therefore made all the PA anoouncements. Upon arriving at our destination we were both stood by the exit waiting for the remaining passengers to disemabark, when a very well spoken gentleman stopped and said to the F/O, "My God you are actually a woman !" . Quick as a flash she responded " No actually I am a man". At that point I chimed up and said, "But I am a woman". Seemed to shut him up and thorougly confuse him. :}

6th May 2005, 14:01
On a flight from Chicago to Dayton, the Stewardess made the following announcement just after take-off:

"Welcome aboard this XXXXXX flight to Honolulu......now that I have your attention I have instructed the crew that if you all behave yourselves they are not to spill red wine in your laps accidentally".

It lightened the mood in the cabin for the rest of the flight.;)

John Farley
6th May 2005, 15:06
Thank you sir, but flying you is certainly easier than pole dancing for a living.

6th May 2005, 16:16
Just mention the size of your cockpit :E

6th May 2005, 16:17
"Well spotted sir"

Some that I have used I really shouldn't have but the boss thought it was funny. :E (and this was in remote Western Australia)

6th May 2005, 23:06
'Well, I moved on to these bigger and better things when I stopped flying panty liners with wings'

6th May 2005, 23:47
"Where's "Millenium Man" when you need him?"

"I bet your wife would be really impressed to hear you make that remark"

"And who said chivalry was dead?"

"The old ones are the worst"

"How very original - I'm sure none of us have heard that one before. Girls?"

all said with a smile, or a glare, depending on how you're feeling

7th May 2005, 01:33
"He didn't want to get up this morning so he sent me!!"


"We do it smoother"

7th May 2005, 02:56
Actually BOTW, personally I think a smile and a wink is the best response.

7th May 2005, 06:23
:) Probably old hat and if so, suitable abasements.
If the Captain is a man it's his cockpit from which he makes the PA.
If the Captain is a woman it's her box office from which and so on ditto..:p

Left Wing
7th May 2005, 09:08
"My legs look better in uniform & 4 gold bars match my hair too :ok:

Mac the Knife
7th May 2005, 16:06
"Actually I'm a fifty year old man -- it's just that I had a sex-change and a facelift....."

8th May 2005, 23:04
"Am I? - My God, what's my wife going to say when she finds THIS out?"

Airbus Girl
9th May 2005, 09:34
"Yes, the airline couldn't find any men who could do the job as well as me".

"Yes, and you're a man".

"Are you a pilot sir?"

9th May 2005, 09:54
whilst smiling......"Go and take your face for a sh*t sir....the rest room is the second on the right".

9th May 2005, 11:02
"Yes sir, and I can vote as well".


Male, but no time for sexism - otherwise I might have to put up with Mrs.G's cooking instead of doing it myself. (Worse still, she might expect me to do some gardening).

9th May 2005, 13:07
"Yes, isn't it wonderful"

"I can see that you want to be one too"

"Emmeline Pankhurst would be so proud to hear that" Bet they don't know who she was!

"Don't worry, just an optical illusion"

"Yes, a free women in every packet of corn flakes"

"I have a thing for girls in uniform"

"Oh thank you, I was wondering where these came from"

"Yes. Now go and sit in your chair until everyone else has left and don't say a word"

"I'm going to tell your father what you said when he gets home."

"Take 500 lines, 'I must not be cheeky to the pilot"

birdonthewire Last December, on LH (LHR~MUC) my female travelling companion was THRILLED to hear that we had a female FO and that she was operating the sector, as she had not experienced that before. Afterwards, she hung back and stopped by the f/d door to thank the FO and say how wonderful it was.
"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you any different." Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Piltdown Man
12th May 2005, 13:28
With a nice smile "Yes sir, thank you. And I enjoyed flying you here too!"

12th May 2005, 14:08
Why do women have difficulty reversing and parking?


Because men tell you this is 9 inches !

(its 6" before you measure it)

12th May 2005, 16:37
"My God you are actually a woman !" . Quick as a flash she responded " No actually I am a man". At that point I chimed up and said, "But I am a woman". Seemed to shut him up and thorougly confuse him.
Pretty funny!, you should try it with your F/O's

12th May 2005, 19:09
Try this:

"It's true, I am a woman. Please try to understand. I felt I had to become a pilot to compensate ....

(long pregnant pause)

... because nobody likes my cooking."

Solid Rust Twotter
12th May 2005, 19:18
"It was either brain surgery, nuclear robotics or aviation. I chose the difficult one..."

13th May 2005, 01:36
"My God you are actually a woman !"
What was your first clue, Sir?

13th May 2005, 03:44
Remind them that half of the world's best flyers are female, you're just missing the feathers.

BTW gingernut, on my monitor that's 6.9 inches: I guess that means its a masculine model. ;)

Check 6
14th May 2005, 10:14
Yes, another empty kitchen.


Krystal n chips
14th May 2005, 17:39
"I see you don't suffer from any form of visual impairment then sir / madam"?. Choose your own level of inflection for the "visual" part of the statement of course !------never let me down yet in my present job btw :ok:

14th May 2005, 18:12
I suppose you could just stare at the bloke's crotch and say "are you a man?" :E

14th May 2005, 18:41
You been watching too much Crocodile Dundee Reds ;)

14th May 2005, 19:21
"actually, I'm a professional"

14th May 2005, 19:23

Yup and the next action is to do the famous "touch test" :E

14th May 2005, 19:24