View Full Version : The future of our country

2nd May 2005, 14:24
We keep hearing how university graduates are the future of the U.K. It looks like it's time to emigrate before it's too late.

"At least 10 revellers were taken to hospital yesterday, some with spinal injuries, after plunging 25ft from Magdalen bridge, only to find the river Cherwell no more than 2ft deep after a dry spell.
A further 40 were treated at the scene. One girl of 19, suffered a compound fracture to her leg, which resulted in a severed artery, one suffered broken ribs, and another had serious spinal injuries.
Over 100 people had ignored police warnings, and climbed over safety barriers, so they could jump"

This is a traditional event for students from Oxford university.

Onan the Clumsy
2nd May 2005, 14:26
Well it's Oxford. That's where the thickies go :E

As I See It
2nd May 2005, 14:34
I heard this on the news whilst plowing my furrow along the motorway this morning, and wondered if this was a wind up, I couldn't quite believe how stupid these feckless morons could be.

Think I might recommend Cambridge to my Son when the time comes.

This is, As I Se It

2nd May 2005, 14:53
I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. A few of the newspapers have photo's of them jumping into the water, (and being carried out)

Onan the Clumsy
2nd May 2005, 14:55
Didn't the latter ones notice that the initial ones were exhibiting symptoms of pain?

2nd May 2005, 14:57
I understand that, as with all dinosaurs, pain signals take several minutes to travel from the extremities to the brain. So those above would not have received the alarm signals in time to stop.... :rolleyes:

2nd May 2005, 14:59
Didn't the latter ones notice that the initial ones were exhibiting symptoms of pain?

Why am I thinking of the game "Lemmings"?

(And where's that nuke button?)

2nd May 2005, 15:03
Go to Glasgow to study. At least it's cheaper.......and they'll show you how to drink properly :}

2nd May 2005, 15:05
And fight properly as well..........


2nd May 2005, 15:07
ahhh, I'll have a tear in my eye when I leave next week.......

2nd May 2005, 15:19
wondered if this was a wind up

Nope. Been down to the bridge at 6am myself to hear the choir sing from the tower and watch a few bridge-jumpers.

I suspect the only ones who jump are those who haven't heard the unpleasant stories - of which there are plenty - of what happens when the jump goes wrong. Not only is the Cherwell very shallow but all sorts of crap lies below the surface upon which the unwary can easily find themselves impaled. I kid you not. :yuk:

2nd May 2005, 15:21
They only jumped because they were pi$$ed! Who hasn't done something silly when a bit tipsy........with the exception of jumping 25ft into a 3ft puddle of water :}

As I See It
2nd May 2005, 15:33
I have done many stupid things and didn't need to be tipsy to do them, but I never ended up broken:hmm:

2nd May 2005, 15:55
They're uni students. They've only just graduated from writing dirty words on toilet walls. They're full of theories with absolutely no practical experience. They have yet to grow up. Just have a look at their 'rag mags' for proof of primary school humour and total lack of originality.

(Un)fortunately "pranks" remove some from the gene pool before they have had a chance to breed. Such is life. Are they sure that they got all of them out of the mud at the bottom?? Maybe a couple have been pile-driven into the nethermost regions.

2nd May 2005, 15:55
This is one of the ways, not yet modified by social engineering, to clean out the gene pool.

2nd May 2005, 16:09
;) I wonder how many of them want to be pilots when they grow up. I wonder how many of them felt that, by taking the action which they did, their chances of passing through a BA induction course might be improved.:p

2nd May 2005, 16:26
If they are really smart students, they'll go down to Toulouse and get paid to break a few bones next time... :}

2nd May 2005, 16:28
not yet modified by social engineering

Ah yes, engineers............ that explains all


As I See It
2nd May 2005, 16:44
By saying I'm not even going to rise to that statement, does it mean I already have?:hmm:

2nd May 2005, 17:04
Wouldn't have happened at Newcastle..........

(Why am I reminded of........

Row, row, row your punt
Gently down the stream
Belts-off, trousers-down
Isn't life a scream?

University education - you can't beat it!)

2nd May 2005, 17:28
WE have paid for their 'education' and we will now have to pay again for their medical treatment.

Totally unnecessary and obscene waste of public money.

The future of our Country ?...Dear God !

2nd May 2005, 18:03
...and we''ll be paying for your pension Astrodome so wheesht. :p

2nd May 2005, 18:16
WE have paid for their 'education' and we will now have to pay again for their medical treatment.

They ignored police advice, climbed over safety barriers and jumped. Make the silly [email protected] pay for their own medical bills I say.

Don't our doctors, nurses and ambulance drivers have enough to do, without having to waste time treating this sort of injury.

2nd May 2005, 18:19
Thing is, and I'm not condoning the twats that jumped, there's a lot of needless injuries caused on any given day of the week so where do you draw a line and say " right, you were to blame for this you clown. Cough up the cash for your treatment":rolleyes:

Solid Rust Twotter
2nd May 2005, 18:20
Not very bright, are they? Would've thought the pile of groaning bodies at the bottom might have given the game away...:rolleyes:

2nd May 2005, 18:35
...and we''ll be paying for your pension Astrodome so wheesht No you won't.
I pay for my own pension as the potential state pension has been totally f*cked by two of your fellow Scots - McBliar and McBrown.

In actual fact I am probably going to be paying for yours !

2nd May 2005, 18:54
Hmmm at least a few people have been paying some attention to what the present administration has been doing to the country for the last eight years. Even if the 'smart' young things still exhibit what happens when anybody goes out on a binge, like for example a sizable section of the young do countrywide after a standard night out at closing time

OneBallBaby, Yeah
2nd May 2005, 19:23
Sounds like a few grumps here never made it to Uni and resent the ones who did....

Let these klowns (Krusty?????) have their fun and their fractures.. who really CARES?????


2nd May 2005, 19:29
The Magdalen ceremonies have been going on for quite a while and were always relatively low-key, with a lot of drunken students, a fair few onlookers, and a lot of bonhomie. It's now an event in the media diaries, and the cameras attract life's show-offs. There is a cracking picture in today's Times of a couple jumping hand-in hand, she displaying her rather fine pins in the process. Why was the cameraman down there on the riverbank? Did he shout a warning?

Work it out for yourself.

2nd May 2005, 19:33
In actual fact I am probably going to be paying for yours

Hardly mate

OneBallBaby, Yeah
2nd May 2005, 19:44

2nd May 2005, 19:52
And why should that be then, old chap?
I mean we English pay everything else for you Scots !

OneBallBaby, Yeah
2nd May 2005, 19:57

Never in the field on human conflict has such a sly move been plotted and carried out with such aplomb!

McDero's dazed.... not sure what hit him, only that he didn't see it coming.

He's on the ropes. What will he do?

2nd May 2005, 19:59
sounds like someone has it in for us Scots. Can you back up your claim please?

OneBallBaby, Yeah
2nd May 2005, 20:04
Oh dear, it appears he's taken the bait.

He has attempted the "right back at you" but fumbled at the critical moment.

McDero's hopelessly on the back foot now. Only time will tell if he can pull through......

2nd May 2005, 20:08
Not in for you at all, have some good Scots friends !

However as you seem so assured I shan't be paying for your pension I am intrigued !

2nd May 2005, 22:39
Would've thought the pile of groaning bodies at the bottom might have given the game away

Maybe it were the groaning that was attracting them. "Gotta get me some of that!!!"

2nd May 2005, 23:27
Despite the fact that usually I wouldn't pick it up wearing on my hands anything less than gardening gloves, you've got to hand it to the Sun:

The Theory of Relativity Explained

For Sun readers

EVERY particle in the universe attracts every other particle with the force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them.

For Oxford students

IF the university-challenged toff ignores the advice of the local constabulary when the River Cherwell is 3ft deep and jumps off a 25ft high bridge . . . itís gonna hurt.

And I'd say those pins are mediocre at best. One of the negatives about going to Oxford.

tony draper
2nd May 2005, 23:45
Well Cambridge graduates have been having a thin time of it since the KGB shut down as well.

3rd May 2005, 18:16
Ah well at least by the smiles and jollity it was all going well untill the sudden damp stop. Local anesthetic would have held off the pain...for a bit, then just the usual hangover+ the May Day funfilled 'extra'. What a wheeze.:D

Burnt Fishtrousers
4th May 2005, 20:50
We dont have a future as long as B Liar is bending over backwards to water down degrees along with the lowering of entrance grades in order to satisfies his lust for targets.

As long as Universities are crammed with people doing "degrees" in Meeja studies, third century Mongolian crocheting and flowerarranging for hayfever sufferers we have no hope

Plumbers, Mechanics, engineers, architects, medical staff, pilots...in fact any career that is in demand and requiring a modicum of intellect will all be provided by foreigners

Burger joints, the Police and security guards will all be staffed by our own home grown idio...Ahem "graduates"

Whilst we have chaos in the classrooms, binge drinking amongst our students and feckless chavs banging out chevvies 10 to the dozen whilst sitting on their ar$es claiming benefit the future doesnt look very bright.

That was a Party Political broadcast on behalf of the Conservative Party

Send Clowns
4th May 2005, 22:15
If they had any intelligence they'd have gone to a decent university :E

5th May 2005, 18:57
Such as... ??? Beside still allways found brilliant minds tended to liquify and drop a noch or three in depth perception, logic and any other higher functions after the fifteenth pint. Seemed to go with extreme hillarity, sudden agression, and a surprising change in what is attractive in the opposite sex. Few more pints and the sex sometimes ceases to have any bearing on the attraction which then becomes quite gravitational in nature. The bridge chance of a breeze and some reviving water at the bottom must have seemed irrisistable.