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pilotwolf
30th Apr 2005, 19:00
Sheila was having a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she somehow slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Bruce. "Bruce! Bruce!" she yelled.

Bruce came running in.

"Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor" she said.

"Strewth!" Bruce said and tried to pull her up.

"You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get Bluey" (his mate).

They came back and they both tried to pull her up.

"No way. We can't do it" Bluey said "Lets try Plan B."

"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce.

"What's that"?

"I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles around her."

"Spot on" Bruce said. "While your doing that, I'll stay here and play with her tits."

"Play with her tits"? Bluey said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate?"

"No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive"

PW

Loose rivets
1st May 2005, 05:59
Nearly one AM and just had Mrs Rivets burst into the study... "is that you making all that noise? You'll wake the (grand) children." I couldn't even stop laughing to apologise.

Can't imagine it told in another accent.

acbus1
1st May 2005, 06:30
Wasn't it Dame Margot Fountain who had a similar problem after performing the splits during an especially sweaty performance?



She had the presence of mind, not to mention the bodily flexibilty, to rock backwards and forwards until the seal broke.

Loose rivets
1st May 2005, 06:37
the bodily flexibilty??

acbus1
1st May 2005, 07:23
I said not to mention the bodily flexibilty.


There's always one............... :rolleyes:

cyclicmicky
1st May 2005, 11:44
Snail trails?????????
:E

Lon More
1st May 2005, 17:05
until the seal broke.

Time for the penguin joke?

Grainger
1st May 2005, 17:20
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on. He gets out looking and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives slowly and carefully to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.
The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."

cyclicmicky
1st May 2005, 20:19
I is gettin a kompleks abowt these pinguens!!
Can we find some nice cuddly polar bears??
One quite likes Foxes Glacier Mints!
:8

419
1st May 2005, 20:45
A baby polar bear asks his dad " Dad! are you sure that I am a polar bear?"

Surprised by the question the dad polar bear replies "yes son, since I am a polar bear and your mum is a polar bear, that makes you a polar bear"
"but why did you ask" the curious father asked

"coz I am fecking freezing" replied the baby polar bear"

Edited to correct typo (again!)

Kaptin M
2nd May 2005, 05:21
A baby polar bear asks his did... That'd have to be a Kiwi (N.Z.) Bear in that case :hmm:

Loose rivets
2nd May 2005, 06:26
acbus1

I said not to mention the bodily flexibilty.


There's always one.............


Boom Boom



I dunno...fed you the line...............Kah!:ugh:

Rupert S
2nd May 2005, 06:46
That joke make me larf it did! (The polar bear joke was crap :} )