PDA

View Full Version : Toilet seats and broken arms


angels
22nd Apr 2005, 11:29
My mother-in-law is a wonderful character. She's Dublin Oirish and incorrigible.

She's surpassed herself this time though. She's managed to break her arm very badly falling off a toilet seat.

Any other JBers had weird accidents??

BlueDiamond
22nd Apr 2005, 11:33
Could you get the toilet re-installed in a more conventional spot ... like the floor rather than halfway up the wall?? :p

Angels MIL
22nd Apr 2005, 11:53
'Tis a lie, the scoundrel pushed me down the stairs, so he did.

Bad scran to him anyway, the gombeen.

Jerricho
22nd Apr 2005, 17:08
Let me guess.......she's also fallen out a window while ironing the curtains.

bear11
22nd Apr 2005, 18:09
Tell her to sit on the seat in the future.

That reminds me slightly of a mate's incident while in college - at a house party late in the morning, far too much whiskey and VERY stoned, feels the need and finds the toilet - it's basically a tiny room with no hand basin, etc. Anyway, he does what he has to do, tries to get up to put his trousers on but has major staggers, and keels forward off the bowl instead - ends up with his bare arse wedged against the bowl and head wedged upside down against the door, too wrecked to sort himself out - all he could do was curse incoherently. He had to wait about half an hour 'til he regained some co-ordination and unwedged himself, with various people banging on the door saying either hurry up or are you alright, afraid someone was going to kick the door in and break his neck. Not to mention the pins and needles and dead leg from being stuck in the one position for so long.

The joys of college....

Solid Rust Twotter
23rd Apr 2005, 11:07
Got a mate who got ratted at a party one evening. We started off on beer, and after a while he got a meths bottle full of white rum and food colouring out of the car and was going around explaining to all who would listen how safe it was and taking big swigs the while. He managed to kill about 75% of the bottle before getting into a conversation with some cabin crew while propped up against the wall. I got there in time to see him take a dive between the breasts of a particularly luscious young party while making a point and managed to hoick him out by the back of his collar. Naturally, he took offence at being removed from this position and bade me release his collar, whereupon he dived straight back in there.:E

Confessing that everything was numb from his neck down, he requested I assist him in getting to the bathroom where he could freshen up. I offloaded him in front of the commode and left the room to get another beer, shutting the door in the process.

About halfway through the beer, I remembered his plight and went to see if he was OK. Heard groaning and opened the door to find him hunched between the bowl and the basin, bleeding profusely.

His excuse? The floor attacked him and the basin and toilet joined in to kick him when he was down. Cleaned him up and parked him in my car with a beer while I carried on where I'd left off with the hosties. Came back to find him asleep and still bleeding on my upholstery in addition to having done the technicolour yodel on my dashboard.

Still a good mate, though....:ok:

He's also dragged my sorry corpse out of pubs and left me reeking on the doorstep for the gf to clean up. Brought me beer in hospital when I broke my back and neck as I did for him when he broke his back.

Spodman
24th Apr 2005, 10:59
Got very untidy one new year at the house of a mate's sister. A bottle of whiskey followed by most of a bottle of champers followed by the worst bed spins on loungeroom floor later on. Repeated chunders smothered on shirt sleeves prior to bolting through unfamiliar house as dark as the inside of a cow. Found the smallest room, lifted the lid and blew chunks until started to lose body parts.

Next morning was dimly wondering why my arms wouldn't move (dried chunder) when mate's sister shouts from doorway, "which one of you [email protected] threw up in the washing machine???"