View Full Version : Mornington Cameras

16th Apr 2005, 00:53
Drapes, I need your help. JB archive is now saturated with speed camera threads which all consist of various people repeating a limited number of arguments.

How about a game where someone starts with Rant A (it's all about revenue) and someone counters with Rant G (when you've scraped up as many dead bodies as me, my son.....) only for Bloggs to nip in with Rant D (wallies in the middle lane) while a jumped up magistrate chips in Rant H (the law's the law, dontcha know?) and so on.

It could make Mornington Crescent look very sad and slow couldn't it?

Come on drapes, give us a lead.

Onan the Clumsy
16th Apr 2005, 01:14
That's ok, but let's face it. Speed cameras are there ONLY TO PRODUCE REVENUE. If this wasn't the case, then you wouldn't see them placed on wide open straight roads where the speed limit just happens to has been recently reduced :*

In fact I think they cause as many problems as they solve, if in fact they solve any.

16th Apr 2005, 02:23
Ah, the simple straightforward, revenue play - good start Onan. I'll throw in Needlebaum's circumbendibus and offer the fact that they need to generate revenue to pay for developing all the film. K*dak have a little known patent on the key technology that gives them a monopoly.

16th Apr 2005, 02:57
As far as I'm concerned, you can speed all you like but the police should be trying to educate all those people travelling right on the limit in the middle and outside lanes. They're usually wearing hats too ... the drivers, that is, not the lanes ... anyway, it leaves you having to scrabble for a good position from which to overtake.


16th Apr 2005, 05:02
If you decide to speed, that the Risk you take.

Onans Girlfriend
16th Apr 2005, 06:17
Agree Jerricho but its not something Rossco would do now is it. Reminds me of my journey to work the other day. The car alongside came too close and hit mine. It was only a slight kiss , the swine never stopped, so I had to give chase

( bear with me till I get the hang of this)

Incipient Sinner
16th Apr 2005, 07:26
I feel that there is not enough vandalism of these [email protected] speed cameras going on. Those snakes in the grass politicians would get the idea and give up if more of us were to get up our ladders witha can of spray paint and sort it all out for ourselves. ;)

Solid Rust Twotter
16th Apr 2005, 07:31
Don't have a Cluedo what you're all talking about...

16th Apr 2005, 07:49
Do the police not have a social contract with the population? Surely they should bridge the gap.

16th Apr 2005, 08:08
I find discussing speed cameras on this website a game which makes me extremely board.

16th Apr 2005, 08:15
Nevertheless, there can't be many more cameras sited before tempers snap .

16th Apr 2005, 08:27
The mind Boggles.

16th Apr 2005, 09:13
*Sighs whistfully at the domino effect one pun.*

My patience is at at an end, mah jong friends, but I'm a solitaire voice, so I'll go before crosswords are exchanged.

tony draper
16th Apr 2005, 09:38
One would like to help but sadly one has never understood the rules of the Morningtown thingy,or indeed what its about, one is easily confused these days.


16th Apr 2005, 09:57
A little Concentration should help one attain the Pinnochle of one's ability. Keeping a Poker face helps too.

16th Apr 2005, 10:19
I`ve been scrabbl ing about for a pun, but you lot seem to have a monopoly on them.

16th Apr 2005, 10:29
Well I think the laws in regard to speeding are a mess and are in need of thorough revision.

Of course any replacements will be very complex so any proposals will have to go through many draughts.

16th Apr 2005, 11:48
A British Bulldog like you Drapes shouldn't be lost for words otherwise everything will go Kerplunk!

Vankem Spankfaart
16th Apr 2005, 12:10
I need to get it off my Chesst. Any new Speed Camera threads are taboo.

Just to keep in the spirit of Unwell_Raptor's original post....I'll start with.........

.......Rant A (it's all about revenue).....

Who's next???


16th Apr 2005, 12:32
Sounds like Uno all about it, Vankem Spankfaart.

16th Apr 2005, 12:57
But you only get done if you take the Chance of going too fast.

After that though the Risk of the Pursuit isn't Trivial.

Onan the Clumsy
16th Apr 2005, 13:29
I see I missed a lot of this thread last night when I went next door to bugger my neighbour

16th Apr 2005, 14:53
Unusually for me, I'll follow up with Rant G (the Blue Diamond Variation).......

Any death on the roads is one too many and will devastate Happy Families

16th Apr 2005, 15:22
But only if I can counter with a comment about the speed-cameras-for-road-safety charades.


Onans Girlfriend
16th Apr 2005, 15:37
Nasty accident at Ascot recently. One of the TIC TACK guys was trampled by a horse. Badly injured his TOE

16th Apr 2005, 16:12
I'm really grateful that I got caught in a speed camera. Saved me from myself.

Obviously, our mighty government always knows best, so those wide open, deserted roads must be mightily dangerous at a smidgin more than 50 mph.

I was under the false impression that the previous 60 limit on that same road was safe enough, but I just fell into the same trap that millions of Ford Anglia, Morris Marina and Reliant Robin drivers on skinny crossply tyres and drum brakes must have, for many decades gone by.

Flash, flash, 3 points and 60 quid thanks, said Gordon. You're much safer now, quoth the all knowing chancellor.

Strange thing was, I went along it at 60 mph for years before that and never saw a single accident on that straight stretch, especially when there's not another car or person in sight, 6.55 a.m. on a sunday morning. I know that because I used to look out and be totally alert to the surroundings.

Now I drive by at 49.999 mph. I know that because I stare transfixed at my speedometer. I've little idea of what's going on outside the car though. Obviously, much better driver now, me, the government are happy.

There was I, only trying to get to Songs of Praise on time, too.

CarltonBrowne the FO
16th Apr 2005, 16:21
Instead of ranting, can't we exercise a little Diplomacy?

16th Apr 2005, 16:51
Diplomacy certainly is warranted, however it almost seems that some will isolate themselves on a pontoon in an effort to get the powers that be to perform a reversi (an "Othello situation if you will) on the situation. Alas, it will be trouble for one and all.

16th Apr 2005, 18:48
What game are you lot up to? :suspect:

16th Apr 2005, 18:52
Far too many crosswords spoken about speeding.

16th Apr 2005, 22:43
Of course, the heart sinks when one realises that a camera has taken a snap of your number plate. And it really takes the biscuit (game) when one gets a fixed penalty notice. In the old days one had to pass the pigs to get caught.

No matter how I try I can't find a way to use subbuteo :(

16th Apr 2005, 23:19
Not only passing them, but one could try and play hide and seek. I hear a good hiding place is a homie's crib

Onan the Clumsy
17th Apr 2005, 05:02
Something smells rotten her in this state of Prunemark.

I wonder if it's the fish

17th Apr 2005, 07:10
The other day I saw another car slide off the road and wipe out a camera.

I cried "Yesssss you beauty, ohhhhh!"

The driver's name was Butteo.

He's refusing to pay for a new camera.

So the authorities are going to sue Butteo.

BTW, my friend, Sue Butteo, is no relation to the above.

You can have a horn fitted that sounds like a braying donkey.

When another driver acts like a SOB, hoot EEE AAW.

17th Apr 2005, 10:53
Just what are you _UCKERS on about?

17th Apr 2005, 11:36
I once knew an Old Maid who once got nicked for speeding. She became an Old Maid after her Partner got Whist one evening and got done for drunk driving. Really stupid, she felt like a real Potato Head.

17th Apr 2005, 11:41
Allan, I remember reading about that case. The police had to CHASE THE LADY all around the town before they caught up with her:ok:

17th Apr 2005, 15:17
Well done Abacus :ok:

Glad to see that when confronted with speed cameras we are all showing commendable British Bulldog spirit.

I believe they were designed by a certain Mr Onion. I'd personally like to cripple Mr Onion (readers of Terry Pratchett will know what I mean). Are there any of these confounded machines in Rugby ?


17th Apr 2005, 15:26
Deep down the whole thing is just a big cheat. Like a game of chess with each side trying to out do the other.

17th Apr 2005, 17:09
you're driving me MAD !

Incipient Sinner
17th Apr 2005, 17:40
I think everyone needs to just chill out and accept that it's all part of The Game of Life . If big brother is out to get you then you're just like a mouse in a trap .

17th Apr 2005, 21:44
When I got done I tried to get out of it by becoming a liar but that ended up as no dice.

Divergent Phugoid!
18th Apr 2005, 01:01
And Mornington Cameras!!

Have I won??:E :E

18th Apr 2005, 05:21
Nope... going by the judgements passed during the tie breaker of the Branson v/s Gates match of 2001, you have violated the rule that limits the number of Lomcevaks executed during a game spindle....

so your move is invalidated. it was Ludocrous anyway!

18th Apr 2005, 11:41
That snake Divergent Phugoid obviously doesn't know the rules. Banish him and send him down the ladders

Bugger me dead - that took some working out:E