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no, no, no
15th Apr 2005, 15:49
Q) why do elephants prefer peanuts to caviar?

a) Peanuts are easier to get in the pub....


joke care of FHM "a honey a day" calander!!!


Is it me coz I just don't get it!!!!!!

phoenix son
15th Apr 2005, 15:56
errr,

if it helps, I don't get it either...

Onans Girlfriend
15th Apr 2005, 16:02
Thats the best joke I've not understood for a long time:D

Jhieminga
15th Apr 2005, 16:04
Could you post the photo that was on that page as well, it might give us a clue :E

(or at least distract attention from the joke :p , I don't get it either :confused: )

airship
15th Apr 2005, 16:06
There are more pubs than premises which sell caviar. Peanuts in pubs are generally soft-wrapped too. Caviar usually comes in glass jars but also in tin cans though. To avoid being confused with bulls in a china shop? The real reason is probably that elephants prefer their peanuts dry-roasted and shelled. Caviar on t'other hand...?!

The obvious answer is that most pub-going elephants don't have credit cards... :8

Onans Girlfriend
15th Apr 2005, 16:10
Airship,

I think I get it now. Thank you, I've not laughed some much since...since...err. Oh well a long time.

Keep em coming no no no

BillHicksRules
15th Apr 2005, 16:11
NNN,

Do you get the one for Sunday?

Jhieminga,

The photo is well sweet!!

Cheers

BHR

Onan the Clumsy
15th Apr 2005, 16:12
Ad to the list ...any joke on Keping up Appearences :yuk:


no, tell a lie, they did had one joke on it once that was funny, but only the one

Jerricho
15th Apr 2005, 16:15
Keping up Appearences

Don't know that one mate? :E

no, no, no
18th Apr 2005, 09:48
Mondays joke - How do you make your girlfriend cry while having sex?????


Phone her!!!!!!

And yes - the girl on Friday definitely distracts form the joke (if you can calll it that!!). Same can't be said really of Mon which is probably why it's a better joke!!!!

allan907
18th Apr 2005, 11:44
No,no,no But wouldn't it be you that was crying if you phoned your girlfriend while she was having sex?

A good example how the correct use of English can get you out of a lot of sh*t.

Buster Hyman
18th Apr 2005, 14:11
Its all about metaphors actually.

The Elephant is a metaphor for the struggle to independance. A trudging, dilapidated political system that oppresses its citizens. The Elephant is slow, overly large and has a thick hide however, it remembers a great deal, including better times before. Think of it as the emrging Russian Federation.

The peanuts symbolise George W Bush and his role in Russias bid for freedom and political influence in the early part of this century.

The caviar of course, is where Russia wishes to be and how its citizens would like to be seen on the world stage. Small, black and salty.

The punchline is simplicity in itself. Being in the Pub implies a drunken state and the rest should be obvious...You'd have to be drunk to get (understand) GWB!:ok:

Megaton
18th Apr 2005, 14:14
While we're on the subject, Buster, you do have a very unusual surname. And is Buster really your first name? :)

Widger
18th Apr 2005, 14:29
Why do elephants paint their balls red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

What is white and cannot climb trees?

A Fridge.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To help the Fridge up the tree.

Why the elephant hurt himself?

He hit a fridge coming the other way.

Buster Hyman
18th Apr 2005, 14:35
Why yes Ham, it is...and Misty really is my sister!

...And what part of the Ham do you use?

handysnaks
18th Apr 2005, 19:42
Why should you never go into the jungle between two and three in the afternoon?

Because the elephants are jumping out of the cherry trees

Why are pygmies so small?

Because they went into the jungle between two and three in the afternoon...

What do you call the dirt between an elephants toenails?

Slow running pygmies

FLCH
18th Apr 2005, 23:07
Whats grey and comes in pints ?? An elephant.....

BlueEagle
19th Apr 2005, 00:57
Q. How do you know when elephants have been having sex on your lawn?

A. The grass is all flat and the bin liner is missing!

etrang
19th Apr 2005, 05:03
Why should you never go into the jungle between two and three in the afternoon?
Because the elephants are jumping out of the cherry trees


Having read the thread carefully, i think this statement must be wrong. Clearly all the elephants will be in the pub at 2:00pm. Most of them would have been there since 11:00am to ensure adequate supplies of peanuts.

tinpis
19th Apr 2005, 05:49
hmmm elephants....



A man went into an urologist and told him he was having a problem, he
was
unable to get his penis erect. The doctor checked him out then told him
that
the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a previous
viral
infection and that there was nothing he could actually do for him.

However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he
was
willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of implanting muscle

tissues from an elephant's trunk into his penis.

The man thought about it a while. The thought of going through life
without
ever experiencing sex again was just too much for him to bear. So, with
the
assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man
decided to
go for it.

A few weeks after the operation he was given the green light to go and
try
out his newly renovated equipment. As a result he planned a romantic
evening
with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in
town.

In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that
continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the
pressure
he unzipped his fly and his penis sprang out, slid
across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to
his
trousers.

His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her
face
said, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"

With tears in his eyes he replied, "I think I can, but I'm not sure if

another bread roll will fit up my arse!

Blacksheep
19th Apr 2005, 05:58
Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw the stampeding elephants?

A. Oh Look! Here come the elephants.


Q. Why do elephants wear dark glasses?

A. So they won't be recognized.



Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants in sunglasses stampeding?

A. Nothing. He didn't recognize them.



Thank heavens for very young children. They're so easily amused.


"Just another lilly-livered, bed-wetting, commo, frilly-underwear liberal sychophant..."

DishMan
19th Apr 2005, 08:59
Q: Why do elephants paints the soles of their feet yellow?

A: So they can hide upside down in a bowl of custard.
:ugh:

sixmilehighclub
19th Apr 2005, 13:20
Q: Why are elephants grey?
A: ...........oh heck I've forgotten the punchline but it is really funny i'm sure, wait there, I'll go check my joke book......

DubTrub
20th Apr 2005, 10:44
6MHC
Q: Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
A: Because if they were small, white and smooth, they'd be anaspirin.

RiskyRossco
20th Apr 2005, 10:51
Q. Why do ducks have webbed feet?

A. To stamp out forest fires.

Q. Why do elephants have flat feet?

A. To stamp out burning ducks.

The Nr Fairy
20th Apr 2005, 13:55
Why do elephants have wrinkled skin ?

Have you ever tried to iron an elephant ?

Blacksheep
22nd Apr 2005, 08:43
Did you hear about the three elephants who went out for a meal and gatecrashed the restaurant?

Windy Militant
22nd Apr 2005, 10:25
Question: What's red and white on the outside and grey on the inside.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Answer: Campbells condensed cream of elephant soup!