PDA

View Full Version : The Friday Joke


Astrodome
15th Apr 2005, 00:15
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom.

The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom so long as he could answer a very difficult question.

Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer. If, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was, "What do women really want?"

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.

Since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

Arthur returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

What most people told him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived, and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch.

She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified.

The witch was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, she had only one tooth, she smelled like sewage water, and she often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question: "What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life."

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it went.

The neighbouring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had!

Arthur was torn between relief and anguish.

Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable.

The wedding night approached.

Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom.

What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him!

Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she had been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which, she asked, would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?

What a cruel question.

Gawain began to think of his predicament: During the day, he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, he would be with an old spooky witch.

Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments? What would you do?


What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice.

...



















Noble Gawain replied that he would let the witch choose for herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

What is he moral of this story?


The moral is that it doesn't matter if your woman is pretty or ugly; underneath it all, she's still a witch.

Ontariotech
15th Apr 2005, 01:26
:p Ha Ha Ha HA.........I am ashamed to admit it. How true.

:ouch:


Just kidding Shannon.:ugh:

PerArdua
15th Apr 2005, 08:26
What a brilliant joke, my Friday is feeling better already. Good one Astrodome

PA

lasernigel
15th Apr 2005, 08:30
Ah, the true Friday joke thread and a good one to start!

jimgriff
15th Apr 2005, 13:29
At the National Art Gallery in New York husband and wife were staring at
a portrait that had them totally confused. The painting depicted three
black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had
black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willy.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble
interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for
over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of
African Americans in the predominately white, patriarchal society.

"In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink
willy also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression by gay men
in contemporary society."

After the curator left, a Welshman approached the couple and said,
"Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the
gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it," he
replied.

"In fact, there's no African Americans depicted at all. They're just
three Welsh coalminers. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

Jerricho
15th Apr 2005, 15:24
Ah, the true Friday joke thread and a good one to start!

Now, now. We don't want 767Pilot to feel all ganged up on and stuff. That's called bullying, and that's wrong.

airship
15th Apr 2005, 15:46
After a long lunch and lots of sake in Tokyo, what should you say when coming across

http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/images3/ChihuahuahositPKTMP002.jpg

or in other words, a tiny dog with an apple-shaped head and a short pointed muzzle. It has round, large, very dark eyes, sometimes dark ruby or luminous in color. The trademark large ears should be held erect. Puppies have a soft spot or "molera" on the top of the skull. The bone usually closes the gap by adulthood. The body is cobby (stout), longer than it is tall, and the tail is sickle-shaped - curled over the back or to the side. Besides the common short-haired variety there is also a long- haired type. Colors include fawn, sand, chestnut, silver and steel blue, but any color is accepted, including black & tan and parti-color. The dog is more robust than he looks, with a level back, and legs coming down straight and square...?





Konnichiwa-wa?! :O

acbus1
15th Apr 2005, 18:29
You forgot to mention it's black willy with a white tip.

It's as clear as the nose on my face........err, no scrub that...............well anyway you can see it clearly in the photo. :hmm:

Was it used in the mines, perchance? The dog, I mean.

airship
15th Apr 2005, 18:38
Excuse me Sir, but that's my leg...but thank you kindly for your compliments!

Sincerely,
Chihua-hua.

McAero
15th Apr 2005, 18:52
Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?

'Cause they aren't his!

boom boom :}

acbus1
15th Apr 2005, 19:35
Excuse me Sir, but that's my leg...
Now, where have I heard that before? :E

McAero
15th Apr 2005, 19:53
One dismal rainy night in Sydney, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

"Where to Miss?" he stammered.

"Kings Cross," answered the woman.

"You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at driver?"

"Well madam," he answered, "I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare?"

"The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does this answer your question?"

Still looking in the mirror, the cabby asked, "Got anything smaller?"

pigboat
15th Apr 2005, 21:18
Is this the Friday joke thread??:E

A young preacher was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a man who had died with no family or friends. The service was to be held at an out-of-the-way cemetary in the country, and on his way the young preacher became lost. He arrived over an hour late and saw a backhoe with two crew men eating their lunch, but no hearse. The diligent young man went over to the open grave and saw what he thought was the vault lid in place, but he still poured out his heart and delivered an eloquent and impassioned sermon.

Returning to his car the young preacher felt he had done his duty, and would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication in spite of his tardiness. As he was getting into his car he overheard one of the workmen say to the other, "Twenty years I been installing septic tanks and I ain't never seen anything like that before! Kinda gives a whle new meaning to the expression "Holy Shit!"

cyclicmicky
16th Apr 2005, 12:50
Text message received by Osama Bin Arsehole from God shortly after the Tsunami disaster............"beat that you ba55tard"
:E :E

allan907
16th Apr 2005, 14:59
.....and they're neck and neck.

The Friday Joke is now drawing ahead but only by time. Friday Joke still has more entries and is clearly carrying more weight.

The rest of the field have given up in favour of the two front runners.

Friday Joke is gaining fast and with the onset of GMT will surely prove to be the stronger.

The Friday Joke has been a great stayer in the past but is it getting too long in the tooth? Form has not been too great over the past few races. Perhaps Astrodome has been reading too many Christmas Cracker jokes. Perhaps this will be the race that will be the decider. Astrodome on Friday Joke has beaten all comers before. Can he do it this time?

philltowns
18th Apr 2005, 01:11
Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.
Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,.....

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: From stamping out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: From stamping out flaming ducks.

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey.
Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colour blind)

Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work.

ithankyou

behind_the_second_midland
18th Apr 2005, 15:52
Michael Jackson is a good friend of the Beckhams.

He met them when he was in Brooklyn.

pigboat
19th Apr 2005, 00:30
Hah! Those elephant jokes belong on that cheap Ismailian imitation of a famous Friday Joke thread. ;)

Hobo
20th Apr 2005, 15:23
Teacher: Ok class, today we're going to talk about our families. Can someone tell me something interesting about someone in their family?

Pupil: My dad has got two willys.

Teacher: I don't think that can be right, explain what you mean.

Pupil: Well, he's got a small one he pees with, and a big one he uses for cleaning the au-pairs teeth.

Limit State
21st Apr 2005, 10:14
A man buys a parrot, but after several weeks of trying, is unable
to get it to speak a single word. In desperation he takes the
bird to a vet for advice.

The vet tells him that the parrot's beak is too long which is
preventing him from speaking. He says that he can file it down
for 100.

The parrot's owner thought that was rather expensive and wondered
aloud if he could just file it down himself.

The vet tells him that it is a very delicate procedure and must
be done by a trained professional. If he does not file enough,
the bird still wont be able to talk, but if he files too much,
the bird will drown while drinking his water.

The man decides to think it over and leaves with the parrot.

Several weeks later, the vet happens to meet the parrot owner who
is looking rather down. He inquires about the parrot and the man
replies that his parrot is dead.

"Did you try to file his beak down yourself?" asked the vet.

The man nods his head.

"And he drowned while trying to drink his water, right?"









...............
























"No," replied the parrot's owner, "he was dead when I took his
head out of the vice...."

:D

AIRWAY
21st Apr 2005, 13:28
> An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
>
> "How many children?" Asks the council worker
>
> "10" replies the Essex girl
>
> "10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
>
> "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and
>
> Wayne"
>
> Doesn't that get confusing?"
>
> "Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out
>
> playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY
>
> or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
>
> "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
council
> worker.
>
> "That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames"