View Full Version : Thinking about changing jobs...

5th Apr 2005, 14:09
One feels one's life to be at a crossroads, where what is required for that next step-change might be a different occupation.

One is rather intrigued by the prospect of being a professional assassin.

One understands the job can be rather stressful due to its somewhat precarious legal standing in some jurisdictions. Also, the hours are long and the schedule can be hectic.

On the other hand, one hears the pay is good, there are opportunities for travel, and that most practicioners report a deep sense of satisfaction with their work.

What say ye of JB?

Locked & loaded,

5th Apr 2005, 14:12
A professional ass as sin.

Sorry, I blame my glasses.

5th Apr 2005, 14:16
Well, you do get to work with people...

5th Apr 2005, 14:17
Ask Mr. Tony D, a certain poster on JB, with a liking for the subtle removal of the cretinous, and superfluous :E (in no special order these could be politicians, chavs, luvvies, social parasites & etc )

Mr. D. over to you :}

Send Clowns
5th Apr 2005, 14:18
Do some research - films such as "Leon", "Nikita", "Long Kiss Goodnight" and "Day of the Jackal" give you some idea, along with any of the Bond films (never forget he was an assasin). The Terry Pratchett books, particularly "Pyramids", "Hogfather" and "Men At Arms" introduce the training schemes and job prospects for Assasins, as well as the dangers.

Interesting career though. How much for Tony Blair? Do I get training rates until you qualify fully?

5th Apr 2005, 14:23
Careful SC! The Thought Police'll have you banged up in Belmarsh* for that sort of aspiration!


*Or under close house arrest with no access to telephones or PPRuNe for an unspecified length of time, dependent on which basic laws of the land are being ignored this month.

5th Apr 2005, 14:24
Just make sure you keep your Guild membership up to date.

They take a very dim view of independent operators, and you might find your freelance career abruptly cut off. *

* and probably your head, too . . .

5th Apr 2005, 14:26
I can offer an excellent training opportunity. I wish to be rid of the nasty noisy cocker spaniel next door. I'd like to be rid of the nasty noisy neighbours too but I can wait.

The Invisible Cat
5th Apr 2005, 14:52

One hopes nowt serious happens to yer neighbours, otherwise you might find yerself landing in the soup ...
:E :uhoh: :uhoh:
One could be quite an understanding moggy, though ...

Limit State
5th Apr 2005, 15:32

I say go for it... You've got to follow your heart and do what you think is right... Would you be happy in twenty years when you look back and think... If only.....

Be sure to discuss it fully with your wifey & pan-lids as it's a long and expensive training program you're about to embark on - fraught with tuxedos and women named Nakita... oh and get to like Manhattans - they're a fundemental cornerstone to any would-be assassin's existance.

I was in the same position as you a few years ago - wondering should I, could I? I was the wrong side of forty and was flying concorde for a living - how frickin boring... Anyhow, I managed to turn my paltry existance around and now kill professionally for a living (and sometimes for fun!) it's great.

If I'm not mistaken, you may even be able to fund your training with a career development loan from the HBSC.

Good aim...



Onan the Clumsy
5th Apr 2005, 15:34
Do you start off by being an ammature assasin, or perhaps doing an assasin SIC cource?

5th Apr 2005, 15:50
If one goes to this new line of work, one must learn the proper key PC expressions. You will not be 'assassinating' people, you will be giving them 'negative life extension'. You won't be 'terminating' them, you will be 'applying firm life limitation'. No 'shooting' people please- try 'terminal contact with projectiles'

5th Apr 2005, 16:05
I believe you will also need to convert and to cultivate a taste for yellow Lebanese. :ugh:

1531 (in Anglo-L. from c.1237), via French and Italian, from Arabic hashishiyyin "hashish-users," plural of hashishiyy, from hashish. A fanatical Ismaili Muslim sect of the time of the Crusades, under leadership of the "Old Man of the Mountains", with a reputation for murdering opposing leaders after intoxicating themselves by eating hashish. The plural suffix -in was mistaken in Europe for part of the word.

Limit State
5th Apr 2005, 16:08
Do you start off by being an ammature assasin, or perhaps doing an assasin SIC cource?


Did my PAL which allowed me to kill, but not for reward - I could kill for friends etc but they could only pay me for the bullets, petrol, parking etc.

I then went to the 'States to Mark Build - it's waaay cheaper and easier over there - then I came back and sat my ATPL (Assassin - Totally Professional, Like) exams and got my MCC (Master of capping crims)

I was then taken on by one of the big players and now happily take out about 100 marks a year (not counting my own private jobs), work one week on - ten weeks off... Get my union subs paid and have a generous life and dental plan.

As I said - Go for it - There's nothing more satisfying - apart from the Manhattans, obviously.


5th Apr 2005, 16:21
What was the price on Bin Laden's head again? $25 million?
(Wanders off to look up Kabul schedules).

5th Apr 2005, 17:07
Take a look here .......The guild of Asassins (http://www.angelfire.com/de3/death_alternative/)
One never know's does one.!!!
:E :E
By the way.watch out for the pop up.

5th Apr 2005, 19:21
And Mickey gets first nomination for "Strangest link" for next years awards.