View Full Version : Try this...

25th Mar 2005, 04:23
Subject: FW: Junk mail revenge

Junk mail revenge

Andy Rooney's tips for dealing with telemarketers.

Three Little Words That Work !!

(1)The three little words are: "Hold On, Please..."

Saying this, while putting down your phone and
walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would
make each telemarketing call so much more
time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a

Then when you eventually hear the phone company's
"beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back
and hang up your handset, which has efficiently
completed its task.

These three little words will help eliminate
telephone soliciting.

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with
no one on the other end?

This is a telemarketing technique where a machine
makes phone calls and records the time of day when a
person answers the phone.

This technique is used to determine the best time of
day for a "real" sales person to call back and get
someone at home.

What you can do after answering, if you notice there
is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your
# button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as
possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the
call and it kicks your number out of their system.
Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their
system any longer !!!

(3) Junk Mail Help:

When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or
utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment.
Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail

When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail
for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and
similar type junk, do not throw away the return

Most of these come with postage-paid return
envelopes, right?

It costs them more than the regular 37 cents postage
"IF" and when they receive them back.

It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The
postage was around 50 cents before! the last increase
and it is according to the weight. In that case, why
not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it
in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.

One of Andy Rooney's (60 minutes) ideas.

Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American
Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you
didn't get anything else that day, then just send
them their blank application back!

If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your
name isn't on anything you send them.

You can even send the envelope back empty if you want
to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them 37

The banks and credit card companies are currently
getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but
folks, we need to OVERWHELM them.
Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk
mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!

Let's help keep our postal service busy since they
are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business
profits, and that's why they need to increase postage
costs again. You get the idea !

If enough people follow these tips, it will work----


25th Mar 2005, 07:36

1. If you have friends that actually appreciate your sending them [email protected] email, then you should consider dropping them.

2. Doing battle with computers, phone robots and people who are so desperate as to work as telephone cold-sales persons is a) pointless, b) time consuming, and c) rather sad.

All of the foregoing are the equivalent of ants at a picnic.. it is not really necessary to acknowledge them, nor is it possible to extinguish their ranks.

Life is so short - one should try to find interesting ways to act rather than consuming one's scarcest resource in pointless reaction.

25th Mar 2005, 21:29
It's a great idea to send back any unsolicited junk mail - write on the envelope 'return to sender - unsolicited mail not accepted at this address'.

It works because they have the inconvenience and expense of collecting and paying for the returned mail.

Hee Hee :}

25th Mar 2005, 23:17
Capital One have certainly received about a dozen menus from our local pizza shop :E

25th Mar 2005, 23:34
Sorry it got on yer tits arcniz .

25th Mar 2005, 23:38
Good post tinny..I'm going to print it out and stick it up in the office.

26th Mar 2005, 03:44
Hey tinpiz - not a problem. Barely perked a nipple.

What I meant to convey, but obviously didn't, is that the methods attributed to Rooney are not especially effective. It is not a very efficient use of one's time to do the things described in your email, per Mr. Rooney, and possibly can have an adverse impact on you, the rebellious victim of annoying calls/mail. For example, if you enclose some irrelevant debris in an envelope with a payment on account for a credit card, the enclosure may have the effect of delaying the recording of the payment and so cause you a late-fee. A self-inflicted wound.

In an earlier life I worked as publisher of a magazine. It was quite interesting, but a a very time-consuming sideline. The nature of that business required origination of a lot of "direct mail". So I learned about the specifics of the process and the endless variations of what can go wrong from a mailer's point of view, as well as the strategies for coping. Be sure that all big mailers have firewall-type mechanisms to efficiently handle every strange response gambit you can dream up. I have kept an eye out for the evolving rules and dynamics of the DM process ever since, and deeply dislike the intrusions it tends to cause in the hands of computer-empowered mass-mailers.

As name on a masthead back then, I also received a lot of mail. The masthead slot is gone, but now various memberships, affiliations, and the unavoidable commercial connections required for work and travel seem to keep the flow up, despite my many efforts to trim it. Currently I still sometimes receive 400 or more pieces of direct mail per week, scattered across multiple offices and stops on the map. Along with that comes some 10,000 pages of print material - more than I have time to peruse. It is too much to bother with. Some 98 percent of my mail ends up in the dustbin, unopened but usually torn in half. The other 2 percent lands in a box, to possibly be read later. Often only checks, bills and summonses make the finish cut.

So the issue, in my mind, is not whether to despise the excessive intrusion of unsolicited mail, but how to most effectively counter it. I do not think the Rooney strategies are very effective.

I cannot speak for all countries, but in the US and in the several EU countries I know best, mail returned as undeliverable is not actually forwarded to the original sender (resulting in a fee to them) unless a magic phrase appears on the envelope...... such as "address correction requested". So the effort to bounce mail is often terminated at the post-office discard pile, wasting your time and theirs.

If you ever have the luck to receive a business-reply envelope or even a prepaid reply post-card from an annoying company, one thing to do is tape it to a medium size box of rocks or sand or similar...... weight is the goal. THAT will nick them for a noticeable bit of change for the postage.

If you wish for mail to be stopped, it may help to write "deceased" on the reply slip.

If you have any possible logical argument on which to base a real complaint, paying for a stamp out of pocket and forwarding your objections to an appropriate politican, agency, or official will be infinitely more effective than the Rooney approaches. The secret to success is to touch a chord that actually requires serious (and expensive) action on the mailer's part. For example, if you take the time to look up where an annoying company is located, and then (with help from Google) look up the names of individual officials in that locality who might have some ability to influence the annoying company's affairs - members of the local planning commission or civic council or business bureau or tourism promotion office or newspaper columnists or archbishops or the business licensing agency -- then write them a personal note with an example of the offending article and a plea for moderation and control of the company, saying it is giving the entire locality a bad reputation.

This is a great opportunity for real creativity, and corresponding satisfaction. Done well, targeted personal complaints can move small mountains. Think of it as a form of indoor gardening. Slow and abstract, but with potential to ultimately be quite rewarding.

Having to reply to an official inquiry or an agency action on a formal complaint can easily cost a company a few thousand euros, pounds, dollars or whatever. That is a satisfying result, one for which to aim.

If the annoying effect of these commercial intrusions is important enough to provoke a reactive response from you, then look for a shot at their jugular. Time is valuable.

p.s. For phone callers- when you are willing to waste some valuable time in return for comparably valuable recreation, , the "hold-on" bit works, although it is not very satisfying. More entertaining, perhaps, is to converse as if deranged or severely impaired but somehow reasonable and really quite interested. Speaking verrrrry slowly - count of 5 between each word - can be entertaining. And improvised theatre, (I am so glad you called - my cat seems to be dying and I do not know what to do...the poor little thing is just thrashing about on the floor...) can be entertaining. And the save-your soul lay preacher, the offended spouse in the hot middle of a fight, the devil searching for souls.... you can be M.Python for a few mins on their penny.

Loose rivets
26th Mar 2005, 05:39
I used to get annoyed. I used to fight for self control after clambering down a ladder or what not, just to find the fifty-fifth double glazing sales person launching into ‘we are looking for display houses in your area’ ramble. ‘it won’t cost you a penny…’

I let a couple of companies measure up my home before being told that after paying, I might get a rebate as a show home. Huh!

I now play the game. One time I spent an hour talking to a charming young girl. After I told her about all the other people that were queuing to sell me the same thing, we talked about life the universe and everything. I came away from the phone refreshed instead of angry.

Refreshed or laughing it doesn’t matter, as long as finally they get the message that you will never buy anything in response to unsolicited / cold calling, as a matter of principle…even if you want it. Well, not as they would know!

tony draper
26th Mar 2005, 19:39
I see a flaw in the rapid pushing of the hash button ploy, how would one know if your number has indeed been kicked off the system if they never call back?,or indeed how would you know which silent call is or is not from them?, none of em seem to support the last caller number system,which incidently is one way to stop em,bar all callers that do not support the 1471 call back thingy,or so one is told.
Might try it sometime,junk mail and flyers one can tolerate one just leaves it stacked up unopened and unread on the bottom step until sufficient has accumulated to dump in the bin, like wise junk email ,takes but a moment to delete em unopened, tiz the silent phone calls that really try one's patience.
A pestilence on all the feckers who generate same.

CarltonBrowne the FO
26th Mar 2005, 19:46
Register with the Telephone Preference Service... it is then illegal for the cold-calling companies to bother you.
The ones who still try are the ones who tell you they are responding to a survey you filled in some months ago... who keeps track of surveys? Fortunately I caught on because they all made the same assumption about my personal circumstances... now, whenever I get such calls, I ask the name of their company, get the name of the speaker- and tell them thank you, that is all the information I need to file the complaint with the TPS.