View Full Version : Things the QRH doesn't tell you?

Howard Hughes
23rd Mar 2005, 21:45
Would like to know if anyone out there has any funny ideas on what the QRH doesn't tell you?

I'll start with a couple.

Firstly pilot incapacitation should read:
-If Captain become's incapacitated remove his epaulettes, put them on and begin shouting with megalomaniac overtures!!
-Or if F/O becomes incapacitated, just carry on like nothing has happened, what was he/she here for again anyway?

The other one that always gets me is the ditching.
Ours reads:
-at 200 feet on PA call BRACE BRACE BRACE
-On Touchdown EFSOV closed
-Passenger evacuation initiate over wings

Now is it just me, or is there a step missing?

Where is the:
On completion of the seventh sommersault the aircraft comes to rest in a number of pieces, some of these may or may not be submerged!!

So what else do you think the QRH hasn't quite told us?

Cheers, HH.


24th Mar 2005, 00:30
Checklist for the company I'm currently flying for, the "Leaving Aircraft Checks" finish with:-


Huh? If I close it, how do I get out? Alternatively, do I get out, close the door then open it again to put the laminated checklist card back in, and then do I close the door again after getting back out, or do I just give up and take the card home with me?

The Ditching drill also includes the wonderful entry (final item):-


I have frequently imagined bobbing around in the waves asking the F/O if he turned the power off. On finding that, in the excitement, he forgot, do I tell him to take his lifejacket off and dive down 4,000 feet to turn it off?

24th Mar 2005, 01:37
They're talking pilot talk.

West Coast
24th Mar 2005, 03:29
Helluva stretch on a pilot web site ain't it?

24th Mar 2005, 05:13
Yeah.... where are the mods when you need them?!

oooer i might've just asked for trouble!

Howard Hughes
24th Mar 2005, 09:05
Forgive me this one transgression, for I am still the uninitiated.

Anyway, I am talking about what's not in it, not what is!!

Of course there are many things that are'nt in there. It certainly doesn't tell me how to "pull a beer" or how to "chat up women" either!!

Now back to the topic!!

Cheers, HH.


24th Mar 2005, 10:38
it doesn't tell you what to do with menopausal F/A with hubby trouble, or a gay stew with money trouble or an engine that's failed in the air and won't run above idle or a massive fuel leak in excess of the limitations or a fellow pilot who can't fly or a passenger who demands to be let off while taxiing for 04L or a thousand other things that occur on a regular basis in this wonderful profession? of ours.