PDA

View Full Version : The Friday Joke


Astrodome
17th Mar 2005, 23:59
A man goes to see his Doctor about severe bouts of headaches that he has suffered from for over twenty years.

The Doctor is unable to offer a cure so he tells the man that he will consult wit a leading specialist to see if a solution can be found.

The man goes to see the specialist who says "The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

The man was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. However at that time he is suffering from another severe headache. He decides he had no choice but to go under the knife.

After the operation he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store & thought, "That's what I need - a new suit."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long."

The man laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" says the salesman.

The man tries on the suit to find that it fits perfectly.

As the man admires himself in the mirror, the salesman asks, "How about a new shirt?"

The man thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed him and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve & 16-1/2 neck."

Again, the man is surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" says the salesman.

The man tries on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.

As he is adjusting the collar in the mirror, the salesman asks, "How about new shoes?"

Well by now the man is on a roll and says, "Sure."

The salesman eyes the man's feet and says, "Let's see ... 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" says the salesman.

The man tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly and as he walks comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"

The man thought for a second and then says, "Sure, why not."

The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."

The man grins and laughs loud. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache !"

pigboat
18th Mar 2005, 03:30
Little Kathy was in the back yard, filling in a hole, when her next-door neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was doing he politely asked, "What are you up to, Kathy?"

"My goldfish died," the child replied tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbour was moved by the little girl's emotion. "Oh, I'm so sorry," he said. "But that's an awfully big hole for a little goldfish, isn't it honey?"

Kathy patted down the last of the earth and replied "That's because he's inside your :mad: cat."

UniFoxOs
20th Mar 2005, 10:10
Not many jokes this week so here goes:-

A young single mother gives birth to twin boys and , knowing it is for the best, puts them up for adoption.. One boy ends up in Egypt and is named Ahmal. the other goes to a family in Spain and is named Juan..

Over the years mother and sons finally connect again.. Juan sends her a photo of himself all grown up..

The woman looks at it and sighs.. "I wish I had a picture of Ahmal as well.."..

The next door neighbour shakes her head.. " They're twins!.. If you've seen Juan you've seen Ahmal.

cyclicmicky
20th Mar 2005, 10:30
Three Gent's visit a strip bar,
On entering the first gent sticks a tenner on the ladies left buttock.
His friend follows him in and proceeds to stick a tenner on the ladies right buttock.

The gent following, being a little pisshed takes out his gold card, swipes it, and takes the two tenners.

Hat, coat, etc ... I'm gone!
:E

acbus1
20th Mar 2005, 16:32
.....takes out his gold card, swipes it.....
Thus turning it into a sniff and scratch card?

Paterbrat
20th Mar 2005, 20:16
Jeddah's most famous strip tease artist is getting tired of the constant cry that goes up every time she goes out.

" Hey there Fatima show us your nose."