Thrust
14th Mar 2001, 08:51
I was sent this as an e-mail from a mate. Quite true most of it!
Subject: Retiree's Simulator
Lest we forget!!!
Here is a home study simulator course for hose who still hunger for the romance and adventure of airline flying. It will all come back to you if you practice the following at home:
1. Stay out of bed all night.
2. Sit in your most uncomfortable chair, in a closet, for nine or ten hours facing a four foot wide panoramic photo of a flight deck.
3. Have two or three noisy vacuum cleaners on high, out of sight but within hearing distance and operating throughout the night. If a vacuum cleaner fails, do the appropriate restart checklist.
4. Halfway through your nocturnal simulator course, arrange for a bright spotlight to shine directly into your face for two or three hours, simulating an eastbound flight into the sunrise.
5. Have bland overcooked food served on a tray midway through the night.
6. Have cold cups of coffee delivered from time to time. Ask your spouse to slam the door frequently.
7. At the time when you must heed nature's call, force yourself to stand outside the bathroom door for at least ten minutes, transferring your weight from leg to leg, easing the discomfort. Don't forget to wear your hat.
8. Leave the closet after the prescribed nine or ten hours, turn on your sprinklers and stand out in the cold and "rain" for twenty minutes, simulating the wait for the crew van.
9. Head for your bedroom, wet and with your suitcase and flight bag. Stand outside the door till your wife gets up and leaves, simulating the wait you usually have while the maids make up the hotel room.
10. When your spouse inquires, "what in the hell have you been doing?" just say, "recalling the allure of all night flying to romantic places," and collapse into bed.
11. If you are a purist, do this two nights in a row.
[This message has been edited by Thrust (edited 14 March 2001).]
Subject: Retiree's Simulator
Lest we forget!!!
Here is a home study simulator course for hose who still hunger for the romance and adventure of airline flying. It will all come back to you if you practice the following at home:
1. Stay out of bed all night.
2. Sit in your most uncomfortable chair, in a closet, for nine or ten hours facing a four foot wide panoramic photo of a flight deck.
3. Have two or three noisy vacuum cleaners on high, out of sight but within hearing distance and operating throughout the night. If a vacuum cleaner fails, do the appropriate restart checklist.
4. Halfway through your nocturnal simulator course, arrange for a bright spotlight to shine directly into your face for two or three hours, simulating an eastbound flight into the sunrise.
5. Have bland overcooked food served on a tray midway through the night.
6. Have cold cups of coffee delivered from time to time. Ask your spouse to slam the door frequently.
7. At the time when you must heed nature's call, force yourself to stand outside the bathroom door for at least ten minutes, transferring your weight from leg to leg, easing the discomfort. Don't forget to wear your hat.
8. Leave the closet after the prescribed nine or ten hours, turn on your sprinklers and stand out in the cold and "rain" for twenty minutes, simulating the wait for the crew van.
9. Head for your bedroom, wet and with your suitcase and flight bag. Stand outside the door till your wife gets up and leaves, simulating the wait you usually have while the maids make up the hotel room.
10. When your spouse inquires, "what in the hell have you been doing?" just say, "recalling the allure of all night flying to romantic places," and collapse into bed.
11. If you are a purist, do this two nights in a row.
[This message has been edited by Thrust (edited 14 March 2001).]