Geurilla job hunting

[student-mork]

Ive had an idea as to how we (low hours fATPLs) can get our foot in the door of a major airline and hand in our CV in a manner that shows originality and ingenuity.
Before you all jump down my throat for ripping off someone elses idea, its not the one where you send in the shoebox with one shoe, a copy of your CV and a note asking "How can I get my foot in the door?"
Its all been done before... from hunting through the Chief pilots rubbish bins in search of blackmail material to the website CV.
This my friends of challenged financial stature, is the way forward...
My plan is as follows: I have made contacts and enquiries at London Zoo and have secured (at a price) the services of Bobo and his trainer. Bobo is a Silverback Gorilla from Uganda and I am told he is unusually talented in the field of human mimicry.
I propose that we dress Bobo up in a simple suit (nothing too flashy, but thats another thread) and commission his trainer to teach Bobo to walk into any office with a CV, place it on the receptionists desk, smile, salute and walk out.
This will leave a lasting impression on the airline concerned and ensure your CV gets special attention.


Oh sure, I know what youre thinking....
A 500lb gorilla placed in a stressful situation and unusual environment is liable to go beserk once seperated from the company of his trainer. This point was mentioned to me by his trainer, who I reminded was a crack shot with a tranquiliser gun and although by my calculations it would take approx 16 darts to subdue Bobo its not as if the airline staff cant handle themselves for the 9 minutes those darts take to work.

So my friends, what I need from you is the following.
1) £800 for the use of Bobo and his trainer for a day.
2) 20 fATPL CVs
3) 20 fATPLs who can handle themselves and weigh 180lbs+
4) A good tailor
5) A good doctor for the tailor
6) Appropriate transportation

Well, are you with me or do you want to stay unemployed forever?!

[Dusty_B]

See, now that is the kind of genius I'm talkin' about :ok:

(I can so clearly see it in my head too... damn it would be funny).

[Flying Farmer]

Count me in :ok:

Not sure about the staff and nine mins though, will bring the rifle if you like :}

FF

[jamestkirk]

Student mork

I have a silverback at home that i use for interviews instead of me. I was told a sliverback who has gone through the integrated svheme is better than me after going through the modular route.

I am happy to lend him to you FOC.

P.S.
I also have a Camel if the silverback needs transport.

[Dusty_B]

Well, thanks JTK, that brings the cost down significantly. You can deffinately count me in on it.

[witchdoctor]

I'm cheaper than a gorilla, but not as smart or as well behaved I'm afraid. Interested? :}

[Crashlanding]

I most certainly will have to chip in on this one.

Thanks for that it helps keep the spirits up
:)

[Avadoo]

Does it have to be so big and hairy!!

If your that desperate why not throw a few grand at a surgeon ? You might stand a better chance with a nice 'Beaver'.

[student-mork]

Well comrades, Ive had some bad news. It seems that London Zoo are onto Bobos' trainers money spinning enterprises (apparently the director of the zoo saw him working as a doorman in Leicester square) So all requests have to go through official channels. I have just emailed London Zoo with the following and await a reply...



Dear Sir/Madam,

I am not sure that this enquiry is entirely appropriate to your department, but lacking a general enquiries email I found your animal adoption department to be the closest related to my query.
My dilemma is this. I represent a syndicate that has expressed an interest in hiring the services of one of your animals, a gorilla for the day. This we propose would be an entirely pleasent experience for said primate, however we feel that the presence of a trainer and a tranquiliser gun would make some of our clients more relaxed (health and safety these days is so strict.)
If this proposition is unacceptable, perhaps you would consider us "adopting" him/her for the day. What sort of money would we be talking?
Being somewhat inexperienced in zoology, are these magnificent beasts easy to transport (will it fit in my mini cooper?)
Thank you for your help in this matter, I remain yours faithfully.


S Mork

PS. Is it Gorillas that have to be kept wet, or am I thinking of those big grey fish?

[jamestkirk]

Student Mork

Do you mind if i use the above letter as a 'cover letter' for my 'looking for a pilot job but scared of flying' CV etc to airlines.

It has a much better overview of my life objective.

You must have been a HR professional before embarking on a career as a pilot (albeit a non-flying pilot like myself)

Can someone remind me what V1 and V2 means. I am sure it was a WW2 german weapon. Although some bloke at the airport said it had something to do with speed.......What an idiot!

[Crashlanding]

I think V1 and V2 has something to do with the coefecent of the beating you would get before the tranquilizer kicks in if you poor water over said animal