albert the first
28th Dec 2004, 19:38
While sneaking around PMA yesterday I came upon this letter (sorry if it has been 'leaked' before):
GOVERNMENT WHITE PAPER: REDUNDANCY PACKAGE
1. As you have all heard redcently, the RAF has been forced to downsize and cut back on the number of airmen employed. Therefore we have thought of a cunning plan, whereby all older airmen will be forced to take redundancy, thus permitting the retention of the 'younger thrustining airmen' who represent the RAF's future.
2. The above plan calls for all ranks over the age of 40 to be retired by the end of the current financial year. The plan will be known as Retire Aged Persons Early (RAPE).
3. Personal who are RAPED will be given the opportunity and the necessary assistance to look for jobs outside the RAF. Provided they have been RAPED, airmen can request a review of their of their service employment record before retirement takes place. This review will be called the Survey of Capabilities of the Retired Existing Workers (SCREW). Any airman who has been RAPED or SCREWED may file an appeal with his Station Commander. The Station Commander is obliged then to initiate a Study of Higher Authority Following termination (SHAFT). Under the existing rules, airmen may be RAPED once, SCREWED twice and SHAFTED as many times as the RAF sees fit.
4. If an airman follows the above procedure, he will be entitled to Half Earnings Retired Early Severance (HERPES). As HERPES is considered a benefit plan, any airman who has received HERPES will, of course, no longer be SCREWED or SHAFTED by the RAF.
5. The Air Force Board wish to assure the younger airmen who remain, that the RAF will continue its policy of ensuring its airmen are well trained throught Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T) The RAF takes great pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. its airmen receive and can truthfully say that it has given its men and women more S.H.I.T. than the other services combined. If any airman feels that he is not receiving enough S.H.I.T. on a job, he should speak to his immediate superior officer. Officers are specially trained to make sure that airmen receive all the S.H.I.T. that they can handle.
(Original Signed)
You All Remain
My obedient Servants
IMON FLYING-PAY
Air Vice-Marshal
GOVERNMENT WHITE PAPER: REDUNDANCY PACKAGE
1. As you have all heard redcently, the RAF has been forced to downsize and cut back on the number of airmen employed. Therefore we have thought of a cunning plan, whereby all older airmen will be forced to take redundancy, thus permitting the retention of the 'younger thrustining airmen' who represent the RAF's future.
2. The above plan calls for all ranks over the age of 40 to be retired by the end of the current financial year. The plan will be known as Retire Aged Persons Early (RAPE).
3. Personal who are RAPED will be given the opportunity and the necessary assistance to look for jobs outside the RAF. Provided they have been RAPED, airmen can request a review of their of their service employment record before retirement takes place. This review will be called the Survey of Capabilities of the Retired Existing Workers (SCREW). Any airman who has been RAPED or SCREWED may file an appeal with his Station Commander. The Station Commander is obliged then to initiate a Study of Higher Authority Following termination (SHAFT). Under the existing rules, airmen may be RAPED once, SCREWED twice and SHAFTED as many times as the RAF sees fit.
4. If an airman follows the above procedure, he will be entitled to Half Earnings Retired Early Severance (HERPES). As HERPES is considered a benefit plan, any airman who has received HERPES will, of course, no longer be SCREWED or SHAFTED by the RAF.
5. The Air Force Board wish to assure the younger airmen who remain, that the RAF will continue its policy of ensuring its airmen are well trained throught Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T) The RAF takes great pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. its airmen receive and can truthfully say that it has given its men and women more S.H.I.T. than the other services combined. If any airman feels that he is not receiving enough S.H.I.T. on a job, he should speak to his immediate superior officer. Officers are specially trained to make sure that airmen receive all the S.H.I.T. that they can handle.
(Original Signed)
You All Remain
My obedient Servants
IMON FLYING-PAY
Air Vice-Marshal