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MadsDad
14th Dec 2004, 07:31
In addition to more than their fair share of spiders, snakes and boxing kangaroos here's a little Christmas cheer for all from the Australian Bureau of Statistics

*31 Australians have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

*19 Australians have died in the last 3 years by eating Christmas decorations they believed were chocolate.

*Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling incidents.

*101 Australians since 1997 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

*18 Australians had serious burns in 1998 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

*A massive 543 Australians were admitted to casualty in the last 2 years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth or eye socket.

*5 Australians were injured last year in accidents involving out of control scalextric cars.

*3 Australians die each year testing if a 9V battery works on their tongue.

*142 Australians were injured in 1998 by not removing all the pins from new shirts.

*58 Australians are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

and finally:

*8 Australians cracked their skull in 1997 after falling asleep (passing out) while throwing up into the toilet.

lasernigel
14th Dec 2004, 07:35
Just as well we made them emigrate all those years ago,obvious it wasn't part of the Brain drain then!:ok:

eal401
14th Dec 2004, 08:01
Could swear I've seen that before with the word American in it!

twenty eight
14th Dec 2004, 08:05
the stats for britain are suspiciously similar.3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.
and finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

from here. (http://www.jardmail.co.uk/factslists/onlybritain.shtml)

MadsDad
14th Dec 2004, 08:19
I did have some suspicions about the e-mail, but.............

Since exactly the same number of Britons sustained, for example, 'bottle opening' injuries (spooky that) and since Britain has a much higher population than Australia (approx. 4 I think) a much lower percentage og Britons are damaged each year in this way than Australians.

So we must be more careful than Australians.

(Not seen the yank stats but if the same the same applies - they are more careful than Britons. Although it could be for fear of getting sued for damaging a bottle top with their eye socket).

:ok:

Grainger
14th Dec 2004, 09:34
*3 Australians die each year testing if a 9V battery works on their tongue. Wow ! You'd have to be a bit frail wouldn't you ? I mean, it might tingle a bit, but that's all. Hey, I've done it all my life and it's never done me any ha. . . har . . bzzzt ! . . . urk !

IFTB
14th Dec 2004, 09:47
That's strange.............Belgium has similar statistcs!

3 Belgians die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Belgians were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Belgians are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Belgians have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
169 Belgians have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
Belgian Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
126 Belgian people since 2001 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
19 Belgians had serious burns in 2002 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
An all-time low of 543 Belgians were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Belgians were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.
and finally.........

In 2002 eighteen Belgians cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

Jerricho
14th Dec 2004, 15:12
*18 Australians had serious burns in 1998 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

Hmmm......can't imagine many people from my part of the world who would be trying on a jumper in 38 degree heat.............I call bullsh*t. Mebbe they're talking about those dummies down south :E

CarltonBrowne the FO
14th Dec 2004, 19:44
I couldn't help noticing.... all the nationalities mentioned suffered casualties from attempting to open bottle with their teeth.... but only the Australians from opening bottles with their eye sockets.

Jerricho
14th Dec 2004, 19:45
I take it then you've never tried to open a twist-top like that then?

tart1
14th Dec 2004, 20:46
I can identify with the throwing up in the toilet one. It's very easy to smash your nose/forehead into the porcelain when you're a bit (or a lot) tipsy.

Desert Dingo
14th Dec 2004, 21:22
I think it just goes to prove that 98% of all statistics are made up.

gatfield
15th Dec 2004, 03:30
As I understand, statisically you're more likely to be killed by a donkey in Aus than...

well i can't remember the last part .

Just look out for them donkeys is what I say :ok:

Atlas Shrugged
15th Dec 2004, 03:35
........ all the nationalities mentioned suffered casualties from attempting to open bottle with their teeth..........but only the Australians from opening bottles with their eye sockets. What about the girl in the Tooheys New ad?

:oh:

trimpot
15th Dec 2004, 03:54
Your have to open the stubbie with your eye socket because the cigarette is in your mouth :}

Buster Hyman
15th Dec 2004, 07:12
Is this part of the best of Jet Blast?:rolleyes:

MadsDad
15th Dec 2004, 07:44
It was the best of Jetblast, It was the worst of Jetblast, it was the age of wisdom (believe that here, you'll believe anything. Ed.), it was the age of foolishness (but I'll go with that. Ed.), it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way...............................

(And who is this 'Ed' bloke anyway?)

Jerricho
15th Dec 2004, 12:16
Eds passed out in the toilet. :E

Dop
15th Dec 2004, 12:28
Australian beer, it's so bad people try to drink it as quickly as possible (http://thewest.com.au/20041215/news/general/tw-news-general-home-sto130036.html) to avoid the taste.

MadsDad
15th Dec 2004, 13:14
Jerricho. He's obviously regained consciousness.

He's in the next cubicle trying to phone some bloke called Ralf.

Fat chance, I'm already on the line. :E

allan907
15th Dec 2004, 14:29
S'funny. I got the same 'round robin' email from a supposed mate at about the same time as Mads Dad posted.

Were you one of the countless millions included in the addressee list then Mads Dad??

I think we should be told!

MadsDad
15th Dec 2004, 14:36
As I recall I was one of two on the address list.

But it obviously came from somewhere else first.

(When I forward a funny I usually do a copy and paste with the text so there is no audit trail before me. I don't like my e-mail address being included in other people's mails and try to extend the courtesy. And it makes it look as if I was thinking originally sometimes - although no-one ever believes that).

Vlad the Impaler
15th Dec 2004, 21:23
Don't want to get a name for yourself as an original thinker. People will begin to expect all sorts.

Charlie Foxtrot India
16th Dec 2004, 13:01
Perhaps the eye socket injuries were sustained because the hands were caught up in the jumper inferno? One has to open the stubbie somehow, if only to extinguish the flames.

Jerricho
16th Dec 2004, 14:16
One has to open the stubbie somehow

Isn't that why people have kids? To get the beer from the esky and open it for them?

(Seems that way aroun Inala) :E

SASless
17th Dec 2004, 02:32
What is the most common last words of an American Redneck?




"Hey Ya'll....Watch This!";)

West Coast
17th Dec 2004, 02:41
To further that theme.....

What are the last words on the CVR when redneck airlines has an accident?

"hold my beer and watch this, get outa here dawg"