View Full Version : Going Canadian

Spuds McKenzie
10th Dec 2004, 15:17


10th Dec 2004, 15:19
I guess my "F**k off and mind your own business" badge isn't required anymore.

Of course, the facade will surely hold up when asked which part of Canada you're from...............or asked "doesn't it suck being so close to the USA" :E

10th Dec 2004, 17:51
American tourists have been doing this for years. As Jerricho said, it still isn't very hard to figure out which ones. Trying to say 'aboot' with a Texan accent just sounds wrong.

On the other hand, there are some Canadian tourists who I wish wouldn't wear a Canadian flag at all.

10th Dec 2004, 19:02
Oh No! goates! That cannot be true. Everyone knows we Canadians are wonderful. Not the least smug aboot little. Ask any Canadian.

SawThe Light
10th Dec 2004, 19:47
It's easy to spot us when we're travelling away from home.

Most of us wear maple leaf badges on our turbans. (I don't though)


10th Dec 2004, 20:40
Davaar - Most of the ones I am referring to have 'MP' or 'MLA' in their job description.

Onan the Clumsy
11th Dec 2004, 03:56
Aren't all you Canadians part of a club?

11th Dec 2004, 04:00
Well I think Canada's just great, and if we don't get rid of the current Government at the next election, I'm running away there.

Wonder if I should go see it first?....Nah, she'll be right.

11th Dec 2004, 22:53

You wouldn't be the first Kiwi around here. My Dad came up more than 30 years ago.


12th Dec 2004, 15:08
Aren't all you Canadians part of a club?

Shhh..You'll scare the seals. :uhoh:

12th Dec 2004, 16:12
Well I think Canada's just great, and if we don't get rid of the current Government at the next election, I'm running away there.

Ditto Mate.

12th Dec 2004, 16:19
Well I think Canada's just great, and if we don't get rid of the current Government at the next election, I'm running away there

I did :)

13th Dec 2004, 19:35

Very good mate of mine is a Kiwi here, became firmly so when he sent round a bottle of champers to celebrate my getting permanent residence here in Soviet Canuckistan as FoxNews calls it.

Have seen a few other Southern Crosses flying in the neighbourhood.

13th Dec 2004, 19:38
Well I think Canada's just great, and if we don't get rid of the current Government at the next election, I'm running away there

To or from?

13th Dec 2004, 21:13
Well, I wouldn't consider our government better than any others I have heard about. Then again, they just don't seem to do much of anything one way or another.


tony draper
13th Dec 2004, 21:24
With the manned space prog being in the doldrums for the last 40 years we will eventually run out of places to run away to.

13th Dec 2004, 22:52
I wanna go baaaaaack. . .

s-i-i-i-i-i-i-g-g-h-h-h. . . . .


Mostly Harmless
14th Dec 2004, 03:41
For those who don’t know… how to tell a Canadian from an American.

Housing, shooting, hunting, or anything ending in ing. Canadian.
Housin’, shootin’, huntin’. American.

14th Dec 2004, 19:01
What is a baby seals favorite drink?

Canadian Club on the rocks:E :E

Laker Liker
15th Dec 2004, 10:03
When the first settlers landed in the great white covered country to the North of the uncouth Americans they asked a passing Newfie what they should call the new country.

His reply was "C...eh, N...eh, D...eh"

tony draper
15th Dec 2004, 11:10
Think one has asked this question before, but one has forgotten the answer if one was forecoming, what or who is Canada named after? America was named after the Vesputi chap (although there is some debate on that now) Brazil is named after a nut, Chile is thusly called because its bloody cold, and Iceland is so obvious one does not have to make a case.
Wales is also a bit of a mystery.
So, wither Canada?

15th Dec 2004, 14:16
I think the name came from the Iroquois name for meeting place or village. There is a town in Ontario called Kanata, which is the Indian word. Jacques Cartier changed that to Canada when he named the surrounding area.



16th Dec 2004, 01:39
Always thought it was an old Mohawk word meaning "The land of tax-free cigarettes." :E

For those intending or pretending to be Canadian, the following bit of knowledge of the Canadian Far East and its citizens is considered essential.

Welcome to Planet Newfoundland, 4th Rock from The Sun.

First off, WE INVENTED RANTING long before there was MOLSON CANADIAN or even the MONTREAL CANADIENS.

I am not unemployed, but I know people who are. Some of them may be related through marriage, BUT THEY WEREN'T RELATED BEFORE THEN!

I HATE THE SMELL, TASTE, TEXTURE AND SIGHT OF FISH!! I don't fish, my father didn't fish, my grandfather maybe did and I know his father definitely did..BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FARM A GODDAM ROCK!! If I am going to eat fish, it is going to be bloody well COOKED, not like that RAW crap they serve in restaurants. We call that BAIT!

Our best export is our PEOPLE. Newfoundlanders are the only people to use the name "Jesus" as an adjective. As in "LOOK B'Y, HAND ME THAT JESUS HAMMER, WILL YA?"

Our weather embraces a word that is dear to Liberals everywhere..DIVERSITY. It is the only place where you can both swim and ice-fish, all within the same day in the same body of water.

I have running water. I don't shit outdoors except when the MAINLANDERS come from away and want to go out in the woods as if it's pleasurable. Drinking fine wine and finer RUM is pleasurable. SEX is pleasurable. GETTING EATEN ALIVE BY VAMPIRE MOSQUITOS BIG ENOUGH TO HAVE REGISTRATION LETTERS ON THEIR SIDES IS NOT PLEASURABLE!

Newfoundland is a PROVINCE. It is not a Town, Village, City, Hamlet or Parish. I don't know everyone who was born, reared schooled, stayed, left or died there. Some, I'm sure, were nice and I'm sorry for not having met them. Some, I'm sure, WERE SONS OF BITCHES AND FOR NOT HAVING CROSSED PATHS WE'RE ALL BETTER OFF!

It's "St. John's," pronounced "Sin Jawns," not "Saint John." That's in New Brunswick and they rant differently there. It must be the accent. It's pronounced "New-fin-LAND" not "New-FOUND-land." Do you pronounce it "ONTA-rio" or "KWEE-BECK" fer Crissake?

I don't drink much coffee. I drink TEA for Breakfast, TEA for Dinner and TEA for Supper. Oh, by the way, we don't "DO" lunch. We eat DINNER in the middle of the day, and we eat SUPPER at well..Suppertime.

We don't have snakes or skunks, at least not in the woods. We have plenty of them in Government, and most of them are MAINLANDERS.

An EXPERT is always someone that came through the NARROWS. Thats the gap between the North and the South sides of St. John's Harbour, that leads to and from the North Atlantic Ocean, THE MOST INHOSPITABLE PLACE ON THE JESUS PLANET OUTSIDE OTTAWA!!

We drink Blue Star Ale, Dominion Ale, India Pale Ale, Black Horse Beer and RUM. Any kind of RUM as long as it's DARK RUM. See, we traded OUR salted FISH to Jamaica for THEIR RUM..who says Newfoundlanders aren't very smart?

We were Britain's Oldest Colony and are Canada's Newest Province. Our GDP hasn't changed a bit.

We don't have "Cottages on the LAKE." We have "Cabins on the POND." A POND is a body of water. A lake is a hole in your rubber boot.

We have a wonderful sense of humour, until we think we're being made fun of. Then we have a wonderful sense of revenge. A Newfoundlander as a friend is a friend for life. Have one as an enemy and you'll start cursing your mother for giving you birth.

We have more sex than anyone else in Canada...at least that's what we tell Mainlanders who take the time to survey such shit. We have to..everyone gets told there's only two things to do in
Newfoundland, FISH or FCUK, and as I said, I don't fish.

Soap comes in "CAKES" not "BARS." Chocolate comes in BARS, and also the occasional blonde. Speaking of Bars, we call them "PUBS" and we've got lots. More than anywhere else in Canada. They all serve RUM. They have to. It's the law. Besides, they have to Screech in the Mainlanders who, in order to gain honourary citizenship in Newfoundland must down a jigger of Famous Newfoundland Screech (that's a DARK RUM) and kiss a cod fish on the lips (that's the front part, not the part a Mainlander is used to kissing). Many line up to do ths, all Mainlanders of course. No self-respecting Newfoundlander would dare kiss a cod fish...in some outports he'd have to marry it.

Townies are from St. John's Everyone else is a Bayman. Except when he's your neighbour, then he's a FCUKING BAYMAN!

Did I tell ya I don't fish? But I know what FISH is, it's COD. Anytime a Newfoundlander refers to fish, he means cod. If he's referring to salmon or herring or halibut, HE CALLS THE GODDAM THING SALMON OR HERRING OR HALIBUT!!

We like music...as long as you can dance to it. Except the Penticostals on the Central Coast. They don't dance or drink, but they have lots of kids. You see, they don't fish either.

That about wraps it up. So now you know. Newfoundland has gotten a bad rap over the centuries. But there are only two types of people in the world..people who aren't from Newfoundland and PEOPLE FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO BE!

West Coast
16th Dec 2004, 05:35
I always thought Iceland was so named with such an unappealing name by the Vikings to keep invaders away. Greenland, which I guess is actually the colder of the two joints was named to attract them. I always wondered if there was any truth to it.

16th Dec 2004, 05:49

I have heard that theory about Iceland and Greenland also. I quizzed my rellies about it when in Denmark in the eighties; their reply was "Who cares?"
Curiously enough, climate change being the fickle thing that it is, 1000 years ago the Vikings grazed cattle on what is now known as Greenland. This we do know. Maybe the response should have been "Who knows?".....but it wasn't.


Feeton Terrafirma
16th Dec 2004, 07:52
if we don't get rid of the current Government at the next election, I'm running away there.

You don't find Helen a real turn on?

:D :D :D :D :D

16th Dec 2004, 07:58
Feets, a couple of things. Firstly the weather. Despite your protestations of inocence, thunderstorms which are just abating in your neck of the woods, are already afflicting the Aotearoan country to our north, and are forecast here for tomorrow. Explain that if you will, Sir.:mad:

Secondly.....:yuk: :yuk: :yuk: .....y'know?

Flip Flop Flyer
16th Dec 2004, 09:31
The origin of the name Iceland stems from the time the Scandinavian vikings, generally Norwegian but Norway was a part of Denmark back then, sent their unwanted elements off to serve time on the volcanic rock. To make it sound even less appealing, the called the place Iceland and I can easily vision a big hairy Viking momma telling her kids to behave or risk being sent to ICELAND!

Now one might have thought that with a population of convicts Iceland would soon degenerate into mayhem, but for whatever reason they decided to be democratic about it and have a sort of parliament. Iceland therefore boasts the oldest democracy in the world. In such a society there were bound to be elements that were not too keen on behaving themselves, so Iceland formed their own prisoner colony - Greenland.

However, the bloke who originally discovered Greenland, Erik The Red, was a bit of a marketing genious and decided that giving the island a pleasing name might attract settlers, and thus Greenland it was. It should also be noted that 1000 years ago the climate on Greenland was quite a bit warmer than today, and allowed for the growing of crops and raising of cattle in the southern part of the island.

All well and fine, until one fine day the son of Erik The Red, Leif Eriksen (or Eriksson in yank speak) was feeling bored and sober. So he set sail in search of new land. Well, the historians are discussing whether he was heading back to Iceland (from where his dad has been PNG'd) to purchase mjöd but got lost and accidentially bumped into Newfoundland or whether he deliberately headed West. In either case, North America had been discovered by Europeans and therefore I have long held the position that America is the wrong name. It should rightfully be called Erika. But I'll let that one slide for the moment.

Back to Leif, who had a slave from Constantinopel (Istanbul) in his entourage who knew a thing or two about wine. The locals who greeted Leif also introduced them to grapes, and Leif's turkish servant was quick to raise his social standing my transforming the grapes to wine. Henceforth the Vikings referred to Newfoundland as Wineland, and I'll be sending yet another telex to the Canadian government asking them to set the record straight in that regard.

The vikings and indians had trade relations stretching over a couple of centuries, primarily based on timber and wine from Wineland being exchanged for cattle and crops from Greenland.

The adventure ended almost as abruptly as it had started when the climate in Greenland turned colder and the settlers there left for Iceland, Wineland or the motherlands of Norway and Denmark. There is evidence to suggest that vikings went as far as present day Minneasota and the area around the Great Lakes.

And here endeth the History Lesson. What have we learned? Well, some Vikings had a disrupted sense of humour and may have been a tad navigational challenged. America should be called Erika, Newfoundland should be Wineland and all was discovered several hundred years before Columbus was even born.

West Coast
16th Dec 2004, 18:21
Very cool, no pun intended. Thanks!

16th Dec 2004, 18:23
America should be called Erika, Newfoundland should be Wineland

And Australia should be known as "What the f**k is that!?!?!"

Imagine the reaction of the first white man who saw a kangaroo.

Solid Rust Twotter
16th Dec 2004, 18:53

Where do I sign up?:ok:

16th Dec 2004, 19:43
I have a T-shirt that says:

"Welcome to New Jersey".......NOW, F*CK OFF HOME! :ok:

17th Dec 2004, 00:15
You can sign up at any pub in Newfoundland, Rusty. By far the best though, is a place called The Crow's Nest located down an alleyway off Water Street in Sin Jawns. This place dates back to pre-WWII days - the flooring is made from ship's wooden hatch covers. Needless to say, there is a large selection of RUM. Some of the local stuff, Old Sam - Big Dipper, is better likened to transmission fluid, but then there's this (www.rum.cz/galery/eur/uk/favell/img/uk77.jpg). :ok: :ok:

17th Dec 2004, 00:27
Pig, what exactly do you think it means on that label: "Return for Refund Where Applicable"?

Solid Rust Twotter
17th Dec 2004, 19:22
Mr Boat

You haven't tasted RUM until you've tried the Mozambican stuff with a picture of a local dusky beauty on the label. Guaranteed to blow your fillings out the back of your head and turn even the most hardened meths drinker into a kneeling praying holy man. It's not the alcohol content but the taste. One suspects boot polish and methyl ethyl ketone in the ancestry...

Your recommendation is noted and will be followed up at the earliest opportunity.:ok:

18th Dec 2004, 00:12
Rusty, forgot to mention that The Crow's Nest is up a long flight of outside stairs. Ok going up, but I allus had trouble with me ankles coming down. :O :D

Davaar, that's probably a subtle hint to Torontonians to recycle, or something. ;)

tony draper
18th Dec 2004, 00:16
Ha!! proper Navy Rum comes in two foot square blocks, yer chop a lump off and melt it into a glass with a blow lamp.

18th Dec 2004, 01:23
He he he, not far off Mr. D. :D
Once traded a small halibut to the cook on the MV Monksgarth for two bottles of Four Bells. It left a ring around the porcelain mug we drank it out of. :ooh:

Solid Rust Twotter
18th Dec 2004, 04:19
Brought a bottle of cognac back from Dushanbe. It resides in a dark cupboard and one is sore afeared to open it. One thunks there's something living in't bottle.... :uhoh: