INCIDENT SIGNAL's

[invertron]

Laugh....I nearly bought a round..... This very morning on the signal board I came upon this gem.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
AIRINCIDENT

AFTER REQUESTING SIZE 7 1/2 GLOVES FROM SUPPLY IT WAS FOUND THAT THE SMALLEST SIZE OF GLOVE AVAILABLE IS 9 1/2. SIZE 7 1/2 HAS NOT BEEN AVAILABLE FOR A NUMBER OF MONTHS. FLT SAFETY IMPLICATIONS MODERATE DUE TO INCLEMENT WINTER WEATHER.


Isn't that great.... Don't you just love the Crabs.... Daily they bring mirth and joy to the office... Keep it up guys...

Anyone else got any gems...? what was the best incident signal you have read..?

[rivetjoint]

Any other gems? People who take the mick out of glove supply problems and can't even master basic English grammar.

[invertron]

Look, we are on the floor in fits here.... Funniest thing weve seen in ages.....please...no more laughing at the glove supply problems....Tee hee hee....

Fantastic...

Hang on...Topsy has just cracked a rib.... (crack) Opps there goes one from nobby !!!!

Right, cant sit here laughing at "glove supply problems"...Gotta go aviatin'...

[Blakey875]

Surely he should have looked on e-bay for the correct size before bursting into print like that...

[jindabyne]

Try using Jet Blast

[invertron]

Will these do..?

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=67580&item=2289192256&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW


I realise they may be slightly too big but maybe the seller can let us know where to get some others.

There only £15 as well so not bad at all. The last pair I bought were £21 so there's a complete bargain for ya.

[BigGrecian]

Well considering that the harrier which went in off East Anglia (Yarmouth was it?) was caused by ill fitting/incorrectly worn flying kit, it is a concern, you wouldn't want to catch your gloves on the nossle control and thrust at the same time would you?

This is not the only piece of kit which is in short supply. On the mighty tucano we were meant to have strap on knee boards. Ended up doing the whole course without them due to the "backorder"- that's the efficiency of the supply system some times!

[invertron]

I wish I'd never started this.....

And so when you went flying (without yr knee board) did you raise an incident signal..???? Now, how could you have phrased it..?

Inability of stores system to provide adequate supply of kneeboards Could result in not having anything to write things down on..... Flight safety implications severe to those with short term memory problems.


did you try Flighstore (http://www.flightstore.co.uk/category/use.dept.172/) they have loads of kneeboards and all at reasonable prices. Just pop down to the stores office. Get yrsef an LPO chit and bobs yr mums bro...

[Talking Radalt]

...and besdies, at a secret Hampshire helicopter base, crews have been "advised" to start submitting signal after signal about trivial stuff like shortage of or inadequate flying clothing/missing hatches until someone, somewhere with a big mahogany desk wakes up.

Just pop down to the stores office. Get yrsef an LPO chit and bobs yr mums bro...

Oh yeah, silly me, it's that easy. :hmm:
D'you think a system that can't afford to supply even the most basic bits of kit in the first place doesn't look verrrrrrrry closely at LPO requests? Be the best. :rolleyes:

[invertron]

It seems quite clear then that the secret base in the middle of Hampshire is under worked then....or is that because they are soon to close it and move the aircraft to a secret base in Somerset....




Opps, was that supposed to be a secret

:mad:

Recently, at a base near me stores couldn\'t supply Flying Ovie\'s and so stores raised 45 LPO\'s to individuals to go out and buy them on line. Easy peasy....I got a fab pair...

Nice green ones (http://www.flightstore.co.uk/category/use.dept.102.dept_l2.378.dept_l3.0/)

[Titan Locked]

invertron

I take it yours were in a childs size ....!:p

TL

[invertron]

There is nothing wrong with size 3 Flying boots !

[Hydraulic Palm Tree]

Yep its trivial; right until your hands turn into pork scratchings in the event of a cockpit fire.

Invertron - I never knew Lyneham was in Somerset!

HPT

[invertron]

You are all missing the point. If you cannot get any gloves then go out and buy some. Whats so hard in that?

I wouldn't even dream of flying without gloves (especially those nice immersion ones !). Are you really telling me that crews are flying around without gloves?

:\

[rafloo]

We had a similar shortage up here in freezing cold Yorkshire...Until some strores chappy went out and bought some ....Why dont your lot go and buy some? Seems a bit odd that they are sitting on their Asre's writing Incident signals when they could be out doing something about it...

I once saw an Incident signal from an Army chap who was recalled to base as he had taken the wrong aircraft...!!!

[Pontius Navigator]

Gloves? Brand new survival mittens, leather hands, elbow length nylon gauntlets, size medium only, still boxed, only £1.49 a pair down from £1.99.

Some USAF airman, somewhere, will be freezing their fingers off but you can buy em new in the surplus stores.

Just the other day I saw a pair of nearly new size 7 1/2 flying gloves. They were resting on the dashboard of the police car while the owner was having a coffee in a Little Chef. I didn't dare try the 'ello ello ello what 'ave we got 'ear then':D

[Thud_and_Blunder]

Oh, you had a point?

If you see fit to send folk out to buy gloves because Pusser can't afford to equip you to his OWN set of rules, where does it end? Sorry chum - no serviceable NVG, why don't you nip down to Goggles R' Us and get yerself a pair plus a spare?

If there are deficiencies - with Flight Safety implications - and the system ain't fixing them, then I'd have thought that formal reporting (with the evidential trail that produces) would be the right way to start sorting it - not nipping out and spending your own money on stuff which possibly doesn't meet mil spec. I speak as an ex-Crab who was used to forking out for windproofs, decent boots et al..

Oh, and if you think it's a Crab thing, I might point out that when on exchange with the AAC we used to have to fill in an incident report for every snag we put in the 700. Perhaps they've updated their reporting process since the end of the 80s - hope so.

Pontius: I know of a couple of police officers who fly as instructors with the ATC - p'raps that's the source of his/her supply?

[invertron]

Negat Oppo..... Where in my thread did it say "dip inta yr own pocket lads"...

No, No, No.... get the pusser to pay. Go and see the man, explain the snagerooney...and he will give you a chit (and some money) to go and buy some. Works every time, try it !

PN. You dont need to be a member of Her Madges finest to own a pair of Kid leathers.... Take a peek here (http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=588&item=2289692650&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW) and purchase a pair for as little as a deep sea diver.

[MrBernoulli]

invertron,

You are not listening, are you?

Consider yourself lucky that wherever you are, the 'system' allows purchase in the manner you describe. It certainly doesn't exist where I am.

For example, there are currently no aircrew longsleeve rollneck t-shirts at a large secret airbase somewhere near Oxford - unless you happen to be a midget. Small only. Mine are coming apart at the collars and cuffs but no sign of replacement now for over a month.

When are the replacements due? "Don't know, but I'll order some specially for you." Okay, so when is the 'special order' likely to turn up? "Don't know." Which do you think will turn up first - the normal order or the special order? "Don't know."

Good grief, these store folk are priceless.

[Mikehegland]

If you walk out to your aircraft and there is a screw missing do you ask the maintainers to sort it out or do you ignore it?

If you walk out to your aircraft and there is a panel missing do you ask the maintainers to sort it out or do you ignore it?


If you prepare for your sortie and discover the survival pack from your life jacket is missing do you sort it out or ignore it?

If you prepare for your sortie and discover that the correct Aircrew Equipment assembly is not available do you ignore it or sort it out?

[Mr C Hinecap]

FFS - please ask up the chain!
I am a stacker and I hate it when I appear to be foolish because of someone else's mess!
Please approach someone like the OIC or the OC Supply (properly/nicely) and get them to ask up. Please!

[scenictours49]

Invertron,
You seem to know a lot about military aviation.

Can you tell us what the SECURITY caveat 'Restricted' means at the top of Incident Signals ? I don't have the appropriate JSP to hand.

Does it now mean MOD and the whole damn Internet ?

Small beer I know, but 'nuff said. I'd watch your six for the White Caps; at the end of the day it's just as bad as buying a First Class government sponsored ticket for your girlfriend .....

hb

[Mikehegland]

Whilst acknowledging that guys contribution on security classifications (although it seems strange that I work for a civilian company (in the United States) and we receive UK Incident signals). The distribution of UK military incident signals is immense. All (r) ALL civilian aircraft manufactureres receive them...anyone concerned with Flight safety receives them....I can't quite see where the security has been breached.

There is no mention of a DTG...no mention of an AIG....its just some words... they could have come from any where...

maybe the white caps are on there way to see you...!

[FEWNCOP]

It doesn't stop at gloves -

Has anyone tried getting hold of desert flying suits in the last few weeks. According to my stores (at a long lost airbase about 120 miles north of london), they've all been impounded due to 'velcro' issues. Now apparently, all Mk16 flying suits are subject to the same problem!!

Best you don't scuff your knees in the bar boys!! Grow bags are now only available at the Army and Navy Stores.

[5 Forward 6 Back]

On the mighty tucano we were meant to have strap on knee boards. Ended up doing the whole course without them due to the "backorder"- that's the efficiency of the supply system some times!

I shouldn't worry. They were crap :E

[Av18tor]

I was wondering how accounts would react when the payee section on the LPO was filled in with Paypal... Bet they went mad thinking you were buying them from a colleague from previously issued stock!

Have cracked what to do when I retire... Supply the Services with their personal kit requirements via the internet!! (and probably at a much lesser cost than the MOD can acquire the same eqpt.)

[BEagle]

Funny you should say that. In the 35 years I was an RAF pilot, no-one was able to supply:

1. An aircrew pen torch as good as a Maglite which didn't upset the stupid sods of the spannering branch.

2. A half-decent kneeboard which could hold a standard RAF blunty-branch spiral bound notepad.

3. A chinagraph pencil which didn't rust/fall apart/upset the nuclear bomb.

So BEagle Enterprises was considering a simple, cheap kneeboard jobber which also contained said torch and chinagraph. Just haven't been arsed enough to get on with it!

[jindabyne]

BEagy

Things that you refer to would, as always I think, be a matter of personal taste; and if they were freely supplied and available would still not suit all. For the sake of a few coppers, buy what you're happy with. Twas always thus.

[Lynx206]

This is something from the D&G Forum concerning a real life incident which was not the subject of an incident signal but rather an incident e-mail to the authorising officer.

I can confirm that this occured and that the subject survived surgery although I doubt he has ever told the tale.


The Army - The Edge
Subject: SEC: UNCLASSIFIED:-Advice of Civil passenger movement in Army Aircraft.

Sir,

As the authorising officer for the redeployment of Kiowa 033 from
Madang to Darwin, I would like to advise you of a no-notice SAR I conducted which involved transporting an injured male civilian from a position 80 nm north of Weipa to Weipa airport on 05 May 02.

The background to the SAR involved the aircraft transiting from Horn Island to Weipa enroute Darwin. Travelling via the authorised route, I overflew a fishing camp that had several people on the beach signalling by hand signals that there was a problem and they wished for me to land. I landed at their camp to confirm everything was ok. They advised me that one
of their members was injured and needed urgent medical attention. .

It turns out the gentleman in question had a large chicken bone stuck up his anus. Not only that but the bone was in the horizontal position. I spoke to the man and requested his personal feelings on the matter. He told me that he
was in a substantial amount of pain (as you would be) and that his fellow fisherman had attempted to remove the object with a set of needle nose pliers (for the love of god!). They believed they may have ruptured his bowel in the process (how far did they go??).

At this point I believed the man's condition could deteriorate and decided that he required immediate transportation to the nearest medical facility. My decision was based on several factors. Firstly, a Rescue Helo had already been requested by the group but had been denied as the chopper was on another job. Secondly, road
transport to Weipa was at least a days drive as there were no roads in the area and sitting down for that long was not advisable. To accommodate the gentleman all our equipment was left at the camp due to weight limitations and the man was flown to Weipa. Enroute to Weipa Flight Watch were advised
of the situation and an ambulance arranged to meet us at the Weipa airport. I then conducted a refuel and returned to the camp for our equipment.

The rest of the transit to Darwin was uneventful. I have included
the CO and my OC as information copies to stop the rumour mill on this one.

I believe that if the man has passed away due to this incident then he should be considered for this years Darwin Award.

For your consideration.

*. ******
CAPT
QFI

and the reply from his boss


Subject: SEC: UNCLASSIFIED:-Advice of Civil passenger
movement in Army Aircraft.
****,

Well done on using your initiative. This is the sort of decision
making I expect of aviators in the 1st Avn Regt.

Please ensure that the appropriate DACC paperwork is completed and forwarded through Regt Ops. I suggest that your narrative stands as it is, although you might like to expand on the comfort of the passenger (seated in the back on his hands to relieve pressure, I hear) and the 40 knot headwinds.

This has made my 22 years in the Army (and especially in Aviation)
worthwhile.

OCs might like to use this example as an example of good use of
initiative (on our part) and not so good on the the part of the fisherman with the needle nose pliers.

************************************************


Subject: SEC: UNCLASSIFIED:-Advice of Civil passenger
movement in Army Aircraft.

As the authorising officer I endorse all your thought processes and actions in relation to the incident. I recommend that the ASOR include a recommendation for the Corps to acquire the services of a proctologist so that you are not placed in the unenviable position of assessing rectal complications. Failing this the Avmed cse should include a component on the ever increasing problem of adventurous people investigating the pleasures of sticking things up their ass. On this occassion there 'was a line' and the pointy pliers were on the wrong side of it.

Some questions:

1. Did you inspect the injury to ensure it was serious enough to take him.

[BootFlap]

Lynx 206;

sat here crying with laughter at the above. You've just made my day.:{

[BEagle]

Perhaps he was only trying to feed a carnivorous gerbil?

For those who may never have heard it before, here is the aprocryphal gerbil story:

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil." Vito Bustone told bemused doctors in the severe burns unit of Salt Lake City hospital.

Bustone, and his homosexual partner Kikki Rodriguez, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a 'felching' session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed the cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Faggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kikki shouted "Armageddon", my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Faggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what had happened next. "The flame ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot up the tube igniting Mr. Bustone's moustache and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which, in turn, ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."

Bustone suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Rodriguez suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. Sheriff Hugo Root later told reporters: "It's Faggot I feel sorry for. Being stuffed up some queer's tradesman's entrance."

The fate of the singed gerbil was not reported....

[Lynx206]

Bootflap,

I had the same reaction as did the officers at a dining-in night soon after the event.

Glad I could brighten up your day. I thought I might have been rehashing a well-known story. Soon after the e-mail hit the ether I heard through friends in both the US and UK military that it was doing the rounds in those countries.

The same pilot also had another incident earlier in his career (as a junior bloggs) when his flight commander led him on an interesting nav in rather poor weather. After the two aircraft struggled through most of the day in rain, poor vis and low cloud they decided to give it away about 30 miles from home, land and call the techs to pick them up. Flight commander called said pilot and asked him what those 'doggies' were in the field to which they were approaching. Turns out they had commenced an approach to a lion park! Needless to say, another area was quickly selected and that most hackneyed phrase comes to mind - 'landed without further incident'. This incident didn't quite make a the signal list either.

[MightyGem]

Ahhh
Kiowa 033
must check my old logbook when I get home.

[T_Handle]

Look guys...

Less of the back-biting, the solution is quite simple....

Simply get the over large (monkey-fisted) size 9.5s get them nice and wet... then put then in the microwave and watch them shrink before your very eyes!!!!

The trick is stopping it at size 7.5 before they end up action-man sized!!!!!

A great trick if people leave gloves lying around... been through loads of them

- (note to self - might have just caused the shortage in gloves! Oh well, what else is there to do on a long night leg but cut fingers off unsuspecting gloves, fill gloves with mayo and shrink gloves in microwave!!! must fly more on gogs - microwave doesn't work then!)

T:E

[MightyGem]

Ahhh...Kiowa 033

I've got 031 and 036 plus a handful of others, but not 033.