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View Full Version : Real life is funnier than comedy


phnuff
28th Nov 2004, 18:04
Family phnuff have just arrived back fom Cologne courtesy of EasyJet (nice job crew type guys if any of you are reading) and I have just about managed to stop laughing. Because of the EJ hand luggage policy, it was a hassel trying to stow all of the baggage overhead. Towards the end of boarding on gets a guy with a not too large bag, but which he cannot find space for. So, eventually he manages to find space a few rows ahead of where he intends to sit, returns to his bag, spends a few seconds looking for something only to find that when he tried to stow it, someone had put another bag in. Looks around filled with anger, but of course, nobody owns up. So he wanders a few rows further down the plane, manages to find a space, goes back for his bag, only to find in the 10 seconds, another bloke who was already seated, had put some duty frees in the space. Along comes a stewardess to help him and eventually, bag goes away.

You could not write this in a comedy, it was great. even after a 2 hour drive from Gatwick, I was still chuckling.

Anyone else seen anything like that on a plane?

VFE
28th Nov 2004, 18:26
Remember a guy who was looking very nervous when we boarded a Buzz flight from Spain. He was one of those mouthy, "look at me I'm not happy" types and as we walked onto the aircraft he noticed fuel dripping from the wing fuel vent. He made his observation known to one of the FA's who told him that everything was okay and that it was normal however the man insisted she tell the captain because he "didn't wanna run outa fuel and die sweetheart!". The cabin crew smiled patiently and the guy walked down behind myself to locate his seat.

As I struggled to get my baggage in my overhead locker I turned and quiped that "these BAE146's aren't very big are they?". The guy looked at me in a patronising way and said "oh don't be so pedantic man!".

Had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. :D

VFE.

Onan the Clumsy
28th Nov 2004, 18:32
Phnuff was there a man carrying a long plank on his shoulder who suddenly had to turn round?

phnuff
28th Nov 2004, 18:36
was there a man carrying a long plank on his shoulder who suddenly had to turn round

Onan, don't be silly, how would you ever pass off a long plank as hand luggage!! Now a zebra on the other hand . . . .

Paracab
28th Nov 2004, 20:20
About 4-5 years ago I was sitting in seat 1A in a rather 'elderly' 727, and Mr classic nervous flyer boarded.

As he was greeted by the FA he asked in which year the aircraft was built and I couldn't help think about how much he would not want to hear the reply, the answer was 'about 1980'.

He turned a whiter shade of pale and very quietly made his was to his seat (fair play to him for carrying on anyway !) and I got a dig on the ribs from the missus for laughing far too obviously.

1DC
28th Nov 2004, 22:29
Arrived in Humberside one night after a bumpy flight from Amsterdam in a Shorts. An American opened the overhead locker and a bottle of whisky fell out and brained the poor guy sitting underneath, the American picked the bottle up off the floor and said to the semi conscious guy, "Is this yours buddy?" dropped it in his lap and got off the plane, as if nothing had happened.

paulc
29th Nov 2004, 06:18
On an internal flight in the USA - US Air Fokker 100 (i think) a man gets on with a PC including monitor & base unit. I had seen him use the said computer in the terminal while waiting for get the flight. As the bits were being stowed and he had sat down the PA did the usual welcome aboard bit - when it got to the part about "if you travel plans do not include XXXXXX as your destination then please consult a cabin crew member." Man with computer gets up, slightly panicked as he realises he is on the wrong flight - oops!

angels
29th Nov 2004, 07:20
I nearly got involved in fisticuffs with some pompous American prat a few years back on a flight from Hong Kong to Ho Chi Minh City. My mate prevented me by lamping him first.

I boarded the flight and wanted to put my (small) bag in the overhead locker. It was full of clutter, several lap-tops, personal cases etc and yet the seats around us were not occupied. My mate's hand luggage was two bottles of Jack Daniels and 200 Marlboro, so he stowed it/them under his seat.

Other bins were similarly taken up and it transpired that much of this 'hand baggage' was down to two American businessmen who had decided that hold baggage was too lower class for them.

How they got all the gear on the plane still defies me.

Anyway, I removed two laptops from the bin and put my bag in their place. One of them legs it up (from five seats back) and goes into a hissy fit.

When I told him that 'normal' regulations stipulate you should only have one item of hand baggage, not 17, he he took a swing at me. CRASH. Fist appears from off my right and my mate has caught him a beaut.

Businessman wasn't knocked out but staggered back to his mate and didn't disturb us any more.

Later at passport control (which takes an age at HMC) other pax told us they were delighted with our actions and one even gave my mate another carton of Marlboro.

It was funny at the time, especially as me and my mate downed a bottle of JD on the flight. :}

Grainger
29th Nov 2004, 08:32
Couple of EasyJet flights ago, the poor lady reading out the safety briefing got a fit of the giggles.

Just a slight hiccup at first, then a chuckle and the microphone went off. About ten seconds later, she came back on and gave it another go. Didn't get very far before corpsing again.

By this time the two cc up front were both struggling to keep a straight face whilst holding up the safety card. The poor girl next to me looked for all the world like the centurion in Life of Brian trying not to laugh at the name "Biggus Dickus".

Eventually the briefing was completed in fits and starts and the flight got under way.

After we'd landed, there was a certain tingle of expectaion in the air, and sure enough, she came on again;

"Thank you for..mm... thankyou ...gmphh ... for choosing ..ha.. to fly. . . Easy.... Esy ... bwhahaha..."
Eventually she took a deep breath and rattled the whole thing off in one word...
"ThankyouforchoosingtoflyEasyJetpassengersmaynowdisembarkfrom boththforwardandreardoorspleasetakecareonthesteps...." and so on.

Once you've started cracking up it must be really difficult to keep a straight face. On the way out I thanked her for the most entertaining flight I'd had for ages.

yintsinmerite
29th Nov 2004, 08:56
Some years ago on a full flight from Houston to LAX, I watched a American guy get on with what I am sure was an oversized bag, wander down to the cheapseats and start to look for a space for his bag. Having failed to find one, he simply removed someone elses bag, put it on the floor and put his in its place. A steward came down a minute or two later, saw the bag and picked it up and asked whose it was.

Nothing.

"Whose bag is this" she repeated

Nothing

Then someone told her what had happened and all hell broke loose with the mr oversize yelling at everyone and the bags' owner trying to get at him, with the poor stewardess standing between them. To cut a long story short, Mr Captain was called and Mr Oversized bag was ejected from the plane amid shouts of 'I'll sue your @rse off'. It was great entertainment .


Of course, then there is the story about the canary that I was told by a stewardess of a UK charter airline I met in a sauna . . . . but thats another thread !!

Capt.KAOS
29th Nov 2004, 09:30
On a Garuda flight from HKG many moons ago one of the last pax boarded opened the overhead locker over his seat and of course noticed it was completely full.

He (a German) asks: "whoz luggage is zis? I am zitting hier". Without further asking he takes out some luggage, puts it on the floor, puts his own luggage in te overhead locker instead and sits down. The flight attendent had to take care of the rest...

itchy kitchin
29th Nov 2004, 10:57
I was on my way back from the states once and was chatting to a group of lads down the back. One of them had taken a bit of a shine to one of the biscuit chuckers and was doing alright as it goes...
Anyhoo, later in the flight, the trolley dolly was doing the duty free trolly bit and got called away. The lad who was chatting her up was asked to "keep an eye on the trolly". As soon as her back was turned, he pinched a couple of bottles of after shave!
...AND he got her number too!

Lon More
29th Nov 2004, 11:25
Grainger Should it ever happen again, take a look towards the back of the cabin, you may see what she is laughing about

VP959
29th Nov 2004, 12:26
On an internal flight from Boise, Idaho, to Minneapolis/St Paul a couple of years ago (shortly after enhanced internal flight security had been introduced following 9/11) I was standing behind a chap dressed in hunting gear at the boarding gate, where bag searching had just been introduced.

The girl on the gate searched his hand luggage and found a hunting knife, with about an 8" - 10" blade. She told the chap there might be a problem, held the knife above her head and yelled to her supervisor for advice.

The supervisor yelled back "Ask him what he's got the knife for". The girl asked the chap and yelled back "He says he's been hunting" (which was stating the obvious, judging from the camouflage kit the chap was wearing).

The response from the supervisor? "That's OK, no problem, let him on".

Grainger
29th Nov 2004, 13:05
Hey ! The back of my head's not that funny . . . ;)

ehwatezedoing
29th Nov 2004, 15:49
The funniest stuff so far was seeing this man sitting next to me standing up and yelling to his....
overhead vent:

-"Can I have a coffee refill please!"

And he was serious about it! :p

BombayDuck
29th Nov 2004, 15:57
One of them had taken a bit of a shine to one of the biscuit chuckers

trying to figure out HOW I understood the meaning of that....

:confused:

Windle Poons
29th Nov 2004, 16:58
Sat waiting on the ground at EGLL (Virgin flight to Delhi) I heard the lady in the row ahead tell her neighbour that she was an extremely nervous passenger. “No problem,” he replies, “I’m a pilot for BA. If you drove to the airport, then that was by far the most dangerous part of your journey.” She then asked loads of questions about flying in general and the aircraft, which were all answered in a calm reassuring manner, such that by the time we began to taxi, said lady was relatively relaxed.

Along comes the safety brief, upon conclusion of which she asks, “Does the brace position increase your chances of survival?” Given her still slightly nervous state, and the previously reassuring answers, I’m expecting a simple “Yes.” However the BA pilot replies, “Not really, but it goes a long way to preserving dental records.” :E

Response met by sniggers from several quarters, and one very firm and definite request to move seats.

Now does anyone reading this want to own up?

WP