View Full Version : Gentlemen's Relish

Vee One...Rotate
21st Nov 2004, 18:58
So there I was browsing the mighty Internet when I came across this gem of a website (http://www.pwacentral.com) :O



P.S. DISCLAIMER: No sexist comments please...it's a bit of fun :p

21st Nov 2004, 19:04
Patum Peperium was invented in 1828 by an Englishman called John Osborn. The original "Gentleman's Relish "made from a blend of anchovies, butter,exotic herbs and spices. This classic recipe has remained a secret over the years, passed down through generations by word of mouth. Today, this delicacy is only made at Elsenham where the original recipe is still in use.

Try The Gentlemanís Relish the traditional way, between thin slices of white bread and butter, alone or with cucumber or mustard and cress. Spread it on hot, buttered toast to enjoy an old-fashioned teatime treat.

tony draper
21st Nov 2004, 19:52
Due to the world shortage of Branston Pickle one was forced to purchase a jar of Happy Shopper Pickle ,tiz bloody awful.
One does however prefer Happy Shopper baked beans to Heinz baked beans, one finds the tomato sauce more pleasing.

21st Nov 2004, 19:53
I don't understand...
Why airplanes on this site ??? :}

21st Nov 2004, 20:21
I thought Gentleman's Relish was the name for Ketchup in the Officer's Mess? :}

21st Nov 2004, 20:26
Come to Cornwall - there is more Branston Pickle than you can shake a big stick at here:ok: :ok:
I don't think the locals have heard about the catastrophe, hence no panic buying. For a not too small fee, I could possibly procure you a supply of same;)

21st Nov 2004, 20:46
So, what disaster happened to diminish the supply of Branston Pickle? "Explosion in pickle factory-270M jars lost?" It has been difficult to get for some time and always criminally expensive. Been reduced to making our own which we now find is just so easy we'll probably never go back to the real stuff.

21st Nov 2004, 22:05
Mr. Draper,

The only acceptable baked beans are made at home.

During his apprenticeship, some 40 odd years ago, radeng, for his sins (?) lived in an apprentice hostel. Out of the 16 possible meals each week, 9 of them featured canned baked beans.

Radeng has sworn off them (and at them) ever since.

Cooking your own is very different: it takes some 24 hours, requires such interesting ingredients as salt pork or bacon, onions, mustard, black treacle, and (as an ex-mariner, should interest Mr. D!) at least one glass of dark rum - added about 10 minutes before serving.

Gentlemen's relish is good on toast. How long before the EU or 'phonyTony' Blair ban it as being elitist because of the name?

ChrisVJ - there was a fire at the Branston pickle factory recently. The cost of Branston in Canada/US is a sin against humanity - I have an American friend in Phoenix to whom I always take a few jars when I go to visit.

25th Nov 2004, 21:45
The factory is near me, it was indeed burnt down and production stopped, but according to the local news it's just begun!

Panic over one hopes.

tony draper
25th Nov 2004, 21:49
This is true sis in law obtained a huge jar of Branston from Tescos on wednesday night,and for the normal price no less, unless of course it proves to be forged Branston pickle from China.

26th Nov 2004, 00:54
I bought a jar from Pak 'N' Save in Porirua, NZ only a few days ago - methinks I shall return and clear the shelves of it.....

26th Nov 2004, 01:02
Anyone coming over to ski or for any other reason bring a couple of jars of Branston and a couple of the big ones of Marmite, we'll entertain you to dinner.
ChrisVJ Whistler

26th Nov 2004, 04:40
The original Branston Pickle factory in Branston - a delightful suburb of beautiful Burton on Trent - closed down years ago and production was moved to somewhere 'darn sarf' (Croydon I believe?) It hasn't been possible to purchase the genuine article for nearly two decades. For a few years our home base was in Barton under Needwood, not far from Burton on Trent and I can confirm that the original Branston Pickle factory is now a transport depot. The Marmite factory remains in full production though, making the best spread in the universe. Mmmmm!

As far as I'm concerned they can stick the Gentlemen's Relish where the sun don't shine, but then I'm no gentleman.

26th Nov 2004, 07:26
The factory was in Bury St. Edmunds.

(Do you know the way to Bury St. Edmunds?
Dig a hole, push him in, fill it up).

..........doors over there is it?

26th Nov 2004, 07:43

Vegetarian Bovril! WTF!

26th Nov 2004, 09:00
MadsMum mentioned that the other day, with much the same expression as the smilie.

Thought it had been round for ages, called Marmite (or Vegemite in the antipodes). :confused:

If production of Branston is resuming that means all we have left to worry about is the Great International Lard Crisis!!!!

26th Nov 2004, 09:32
I bought the last five jars of proper Bovril available in my area from the local corner shop (Western & Oriental Groceries - guess what it's generally known as!) having read that its been changed to remove the beef extract. They are not for sale at any price.

Lard crisis? I must away to my butcher as a matter of urgency tomorrow...

itchy kitchin
26th Nov 2004, 09:58
Harking Back to the top of the thread...
Patum Peperium the original Gentlemans relish. I can think of no better luxury than reclining in a hot tub with some of this most excellent foodstuff on small triangles of toast dreaming of shimmering shoals of Engraulis australis silently swimming to their ultimate appointment with my palette...

tony draper
26th Nov 2004, 10:13
Bovril was a spiffing drink for the chilly weather,a thick mug of Bovril, hot enough to singe yer tash with a crust to dip in same, twas said a entire bull was crushed into a jar of Bovril, last time one tasted it, it had the suspisious taste of soya about it.
Soya bovriil?,no wonder we are breeding such a weedy lot of sprogs.

26th Nov 2004, 10:57
A few years back, Kraft introduced a spreadable Danish blue cheese which was excellent, sadly it appears to have been phased out, anybody know of an equivalent?

(T'was great on toasted crumpets with anchovies on top).

[Cue Onan]

26th Nov 2004, 11:27
You can get a spreadable version of Saint Agur, the French blue.

Quite tasty, it is. Again, nice on crumpets.

26th Nov 2004, 12:30
Thought it had been round for ages, called Marmite (or Vegemite in the antipodes).

Big differences between the two, luckily it seems that not many Aussies know how bad Marmite actually is, and haven't therefore taken offence.

Give me vegemite anyday, marmite :yuk:

tall and tasty
26th Nov 2004, 12:50
The original: :yuk:

Gentleman's Relish

Product Description: This is a one-of-a-kind condiment from the British Isles that was created in 1828. It is a spicy blend of anchovies, butter, herbs and spices. It is great for toast and biscuits as well as sandwiches.

Spread sparingly on toast, crackers

Anchovies (min 60%), Butter, Salt, Rusk(Dried Sweetened
Biscuits), Herbs, Spices

You either love it or hate it

me I hate the stuff


:yuk: :yuk: :yuk:

26th Nov 2004, 13:03
Dockers wedge of fresh white bread, butter, cream cheese, smokey bacon and a dollop of spicy branston...can't beat it!

26th Nov 2004, 14:31
Thanks Panda, know which shops stock it?

26th Nov 2004, 20:27
The Original Patum Perriums is lovely stuff, however you dont need much on your toast.

Try it on oatcakes - lovely! Its an aquired taste but I suppose if you dont like it, youre not really a Gentleman! :}


26th Nov 2004, 21:08
Anyone had this delicacy?

Shippam's Bloater paste-1.25oz jar

Shippam's has been established since 1786. Their bloater paste in a 1.25oz jar is 70% fish, and is made from Mackerel, and Bloater, hence the name. A real enhancement to any sandwich.

27th Nov 2004, 00:09
Anchovies are evil, and the sooner Zoidberg's people wipe them out, the better...

27th Nov 2004, 10:40
Anchovies are evil, Dop? On the contrary they're food of the Gods. Dry them in the sun, pan fry them until they just stop crackling and set aside. Pan fry some pounded sliced shallots, plenty of pounded dry chilis, a touch of fermented shrimp paste (belachan), a splash of tamarind juice and some tomato paste until the mixture thickens, then put the fried, dried anchovies back into the pan and mix them into the paste.

Other than Marmite, the only thing a non-gentleman like me spreads on his toast is Sambal Ikan Bilis. Tickles the taste buds just nice. All it needs is a bowl of Durian Porrage on the side and what more could one ask for as an afternoon snack? Truly natures own health food!

28th Nov 2004, 00:04
Over here all the nice girls eat Sambal, Mike. Hot stuff inflames the passions dontcha know :ok:

28th Nov 2004, 03:54
Are you sure the shortage is due to the fire and not as below?

The Pickle Factory

Fred comes home after a hard day's work at the pickle factory and announces to his wife that he's developed a terrible sexual compulsion; he wants to stick his dick in the pickle slicer. His wife suggests he see a sex therapist, but he says he's too embarrassed. He promises to sort his problem out himself ...
A few weeks later, Fred comes home ashen-faced. His wife can see he's seriously upset.
'What's wrong?' asks the wife.
'Well ... you know that urge I had to stick my dick in the pickle slicer...'
'Oh, My God!' says his wife, 'What happened?!'
'I got fired' says Fred. His wife unzips him and, to her surprise, finds his dick still intact. Astonished, she asks 'What happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh,' says Fred, 'She got fired too.':E :E