View Full Version : Vibrator trouble

20th Nov 2004, 21:12
I 'borrowed' this off another forum..

"on the news yesturday, that some woman is sueing an Air Line because she was placing her hand bag etc in the over head and set her Vibrator off. Security was called, took her aside and inspected the said bag and pulled out the offending item, thus causing her great offence blah blah blah."

20th Nov 2004, 21:36
I had a job during my studies as a bagage handler at AMS and it happened once in a while that we had "vibrating" suitcases. Once it was a suitcase from a F/A from SQ, the look on her face when her suitcase was opened it was hilarious, 2 giant vibrators on a rampage:p

20th Nov 2004, 21:41
2 giant vibrators on a rampage

I hope security were called.

One of the worst cases of "Weapons of Miss Destruction" I've heard of in a long time

WE Branch Fanatic
20th Nov 2004, 21:57
Weapons of Mas........ turbation you mean?

20th Nov 2004, 21:58
Has anyone got an explanation for the propensity these things have for "going off" without being touched? An ex-lady friend was fairly embarrassed when I had to explain that I had discovered her "weapon of miss destruction" (a wonderful term!) after searching the house for ten minutes in search of an elusive and highly irritating buzz. The object in question was in the bottom of her underwear draw, happily buzzing away to itself..............

Standard Noise
20th Nov 2004, 22:03
So if a vibrator goes off on it's own, is it just practicing for the real thing? Will it go blind?;)

The Nr Fairy
21st Nov 2004, 04:23
Anyone seen the IKEA ad - little chap playing on the floor with all his toys ? Except one which has been borrowed from his mum.

Tagline - "Time to Tidy Up".

21st Nov 2004, 04:29
It's easy to avoid if you take the batteries out :=

Solid Rust Twotter
21st Nov 2004, 05:28
Weapons of Miss Distraction...?

Erwin Schroedinger
21st Nov 2004, 07:06
Latest newsflash

Buzz Airlines to be sued for assault on battery by Miss A Realman.

She will come before magistrates in a climatic case.

She has refused to reduce charges or pull out.

"A handshake will no longer satisfy me!" she ejaculated.

Soliciting, the well known K Y Jelly will be on hand to help with the ins and outs.

An Airline spokesman has admitted "We don't know which way to turn!
We will make a stand, but the outcome is uncertain once we're put in that box!
One slip up and we could be in the sh!t! It could be quite hairy!"

21st Nov 2004, 08:25
The Nr Fairy, there's another ad here in Scandiland in a similar vein. For a LOCO supermarket chain that prides itself on selling only 'simple things'.

Angelic looking blond lad age 5 or so, playing with his toys on the kitchen floor. Sunlight streaming in trhough the window, pretty but utilitarian looking Mum unpacking the shopping while talking to the boy.
Mum's voice:
" You know when Daddy likes Mummy very much, it happens that he gets really close to Mummy and starts stroking her hair. You've seen him do that right? So sometimes that also happens when Mummy and Daddy are in bed and then they get very close and sometimes Mummy and Daddy love eachother so much.....
Little kid in a totally unperturbed voice while not even looking up from his lego:
" Oh...... you mean f*cking?"

"REMA 1000, simple is often best"

Brilliant ad. :ok:

21st Nov 2004, 09:17
Mates sister is a buyer for M&S, she has one in a bag under her seat in her extremely posh car...!!:ooh:

21st Nov 2004, 10:28
Wow, falps , Lego....always loved it as a kid, went to Legoland in '89 while I was in DK meeting the family.

They never had ads like that then, but.:(

Erwin Schroedinger
21st Nov 2004, 10:33
Mates sister is a buyer for M&S, she has one in a bag under her seat in her extremely posh car...!!
Seems to me that C&A could use her more productively. :rolleyes:

Onan the Clumsy
21st Nov 2004, 15:13

Dunno though, if she had the 4 inch wide version with the spikes, it'd be suitable for M&S (sort of).

Best I could do I'm afraid

Erwin Schroedinger
21st Nov 2004, 16:44
Another Update

Reports from the court are that the Judge was unfamiliar with the item and asked Miss Realman for a demo.

There was a buzz around the courtroom.

She dried up in the box! Her lips were sealed.

Even K Y Jelly could'nt assist in the process.

Stimulation was tried.

There were a few weepy moments, but not enough to solve the problem.

The prosecution asked some penetrating questions to no avail.

The jury was out (the male ones, anyway), so the Judge ordered a recess whilst they were briefed properly.

21st Nov 2004, 18:18
So it's just mine that go flat if you leave the batteries in then :(

Never known anything more feckin' frustrating than feeling the damn thing slowly wind down as it runs out of juice, have to go and raid batteries from clocks and various other battery-operated items :*

21st Nov 2004, 20:53
Many many years ago I bought one of these vibrating thingies, added wings and a tail from a plastic 'Bomber' construction kit and mounted same on the stand provided with the kit.
On switching the contraption ON there was a loud buzzing, everything vibrated and the props on each wing rotated:eek:

Gave it to my Instructor as a thankyou pressy for getting a VERY thick stude his wings:ok:

21st Nov 2004, 22:15
Being ( unfortunately) involved with standards committees, I wonder what EU Directives vibrators have to meet?

The Medical Implants Directive?
The Machinery Directive?
The Low Voltage Directive?
The Toys Directive?
The EMC Directive?
If radio controlled, the Radio and Telecommunications Terminals Equipment Directive (RTTE) ?

I believe that some sex toys have inflatable parts - so does the Pressure Vessels directive apply?

Which 'Notified Bodies' are considered competent to assess these devices? What are the test methods? Can they be 'self certified'?

The mind (or at least radeng's admittedly somewhat perverse mind!) boggles!!!!

This could be conceived as an excuse for spending EU money in the redlight area of Amsterdam..........

Erwin Schroedinger
22nd Nov 2004, 17:19
Since you all seem to have finished........

Final Report

Recess over, jurors newly re-briefed, the court was asked to be upstanding for the judge, but the men already were.

In a dramatic twist Miss Realman took the vibrator in the box.

Thirty minutes of frantic demo later, the stenographer complained of the pace (especially one handed) and there was'nt a dry hanky in the courtroom.

There was plainly a hung jury (well hung) and the Judge, all fingers and thumbs, inadvertently produced a discharge.

Miss Realman buzzed off and an airline spokesman said that the final outcome was a tremendous relief.

E Schroedinger.
In a box.
News at PPRuNe.

Ta. :ok:

surely not
22nd Nov 2004, 19:13
I was going to shout 'well done, come again' at your effort, but realised that might be a premature ejaculation of support.

As the curtain fell the sound of Sticky Fingers was heard playing quietly.

simon brown
22nd Nov 2004, 19:25
I wonder if they had them in Victorian times? I can imagine some device coupled up to a Mammod steam engine with some reciprocating gear type affair. You'd have to stoke it up and get up a good head of steam before using it. ...I guess not as more females would have become train drivers otherwise. The other disadvantage is that she would need a firemen to keep her stoked up with all the gusto of the Mallard at full chat before that moment of self induced ecstacy:D

22nd Nov 2004, 20:12
If they did have such steam-powered instruments of bliss in Victorian times, they may well have formed the inspiration for "The Engineers Song".............

[Edited to add this link: http://www.angelfire.com/ak/abbeyvsu/songsheetengineers.html]

Krystal n chips
22nd Nov 2004, 20:58
Once saw a job ad. for a Vibrator Mechanic--just wondered if you have to rely on a BITE test or would be expected to perform in-situ repairs ? :ok:

22nd Nov 2004, 23:20
This vibrator thing isn't to be sniffed at you know!
Lookie here....Are you exposed to vibration?
Vibration from work with powered hand-held tools, equipment or processes can damage the hands and arms of users causing 'hand-arm vibration syndrome'. This is a painful, irreversible condition which includes 'vibration white finger' and the effects can be impaired blood circulation, damage to the nerves and muscles, and loss of ability to grip properly.

Back damage can be caused by vibration passing through the body through the buttocks - known as "whole-body vibration". Whole body vibration can also be caused by....etc etc ....


23rd Nov 2004, 03:58
Waiting for an aircraft one day, gorgeous young thing in mini skirt drops handbag. Out rolls a very interesting looking vibrator with ribs and knobbly bits and a bend at the end. To the gasps of the mainly female onlookers the pretty young thing calmy says 'not always a man around you know.' What a sweetheart and I didn't get her phone number sob.

23rd Nov 2004, 10:00
This vibrator thing isn't to be sniffed at you know!

OK OK I've heard about smelling worn knicker fetishes and similar...BUT vibrators?Surely Not!:E

23rd Nov 2004, 10:07
It would appear to be a regular occurence at airports. We recently had a similar incident at our local airport where the flight was delayed by "ladies equipment, possibly a rampant rabbit". The dispatcher's delay report made for quite hilarious reading.

Vibrating bags are presented to the dispatcher by the baggage lads on a regular basis, who then proceed to lurk with salacious grins whilst the unfortunate passenger is located and asked to open the bag to deactivate the offending item. Sadly, it is usually an electric toothbrush.

For those with an interest in Victorian devices (and what a filthy bunch they were!), check out the Sex Machines Museum in Prague. Some of that stuff would make your eyes water. Web address doesn't require a genius to find it.:D

Lon More
23rd Nov 2004, 10:20
This subject was raised before.
It seems an electric toothbrush with the bristles cut down can be used to the same effect.
Alledgedly the weapon of choice by FAs as it doesn't draw much attention during bagage checks.

23rd Nov 2004, 10:29
Lon, sounds like it makes a change from the spin-dryer.

Simon I remember reading somewhere in the past (don't ask; I can't remember where but I have a feeling (fnarf, fnarf) it was in the Guardian) that they DID have steam-powered vibrators, before the advent of small battery-powered electric motors. They also had, somewhat later, mains powered devices. 'Female massage mechanism' was, I think, the generic term in those days.

23rd Nov 2004, 10:57
Why would they want to cut the bristles off :confused: Surely that would only add to the enjoyment whilest remaining both incognito, and functional into the bargin.
Visited Festival of Erotica in London recently and was amazed and impressed by the variety, size and shapes of some of the 'weapons' on display. Talk about textures colors and shapes. Modern art has obviously been an inspiration for some designers though I had to wonder at comfort levels of some of the offerings. One or two of the more fearsome instruments may well have been confiscated by security as lethal equipments capable of serious bodily harm and raised question about pain thresholds of the more masochistic of our female bretherin or the darker depths of the sadistic operators of such items.
There seemed to be a preponderance of leather, followed by rubber, nurses and nuns apparel. Instructive it was, errotic sadly not.

Biggles Flies Undone
23rd Nov 2004, 11:26
Breaking News.....

Police were called to a domestic disturbance in Cockermouth this morning. The wife had accused the husband of having an affair when she discovered a rampant rabbit vibrator hidden in a bag of shopping. It seems that the misunderstanding came about when the wife decided to become a vegetarian but omitted to tell her husband. When he was about to go out to the supermarket and asked her what she fancied, she replied "get me a meat substitute". :E

23rd Nov 2004, 11:39
makes a change from the spin-dryer

Methinks a spin drier would be difficult to class as "carry-on" baggae:confused:

Devlin Carnet
23rd Nov 2004, 12:04
...And which vibrator would madam like to try?

That one with the tartan cover...

....You cant try that one madam..

...Why not?

....Because thats my flask, and contains my soup!

23rd Nov 2004, 12:10
Sort of a large Celtic Ben Wa then eh? ( Otherwise known as a Whehey )

tall and tasty
23rd Nov 2004, 12:24
Frightening thing is they are going to be available allegedly at Boots the Chemist and other local store.

What fun is that going to have with red faced sales assistants when someone asks for a demonstration!



23rd Nov 2004, 12:41
I would admit an electric toothbrush would be easier to handle as 'carry on' than a spin dryer.

Would have to park it in the aisle, but it could be interesting watching people brushing past it.

The main problem would be getting a long enough extension lead.

23rd Nov 2004, 16:49
It seems an electric toothbrush with the bristles cut down can be used to the same effect.

.......How to spot the FAs thus equipped?

easy.....they're the ones with the distant look and bad breath....:ok:

23rd Nov 2004, 17:03
It seems an electric toothbrush with the bristles cut down can be used to the same effect

If you see a F.A. with badly chipped front teeth, are we to assume that they tried it the other way around.:E


surely not
23rd Nov 2004, 17:11
Laser Nigel I have never sniffed a womens vibrator!! (or anyone else's as a point of clarification!)

Many years back I was showing some American visitors around Soho, their choice of venue not mine, and the guys obviously wanted to go into a sex shop but were feeling awkward because there was a female in the group. Seeing their problem she took the lead and entered the nearest sex shop, leaving the boys to follow. They stayed safely in the entrance area to the shop, but I wandered to the back of the shop where I was amazed at the size and variety of the dildos on display. [email protected]@dy MASSIVE some of them were, both in length and girth!! I called the young lady over and when she saw the impliments she let out a shriek and fled from the shop very red faced!! End of visit to Soho.....

Lon More
23rd Nov 2004, 18:08
Dunno why the bristles were cut down - maybe it was to remind them to change the head before brushing their teeth??

24th Nov 2004, 14:19
Or not to put toothpaste on it..... :ooh:

surely not
24th Nov 2004, 19:42
Rumour has it that most female cabin crew have a boyfriend called BOB these days :D

Lon More
25th Nov 2004, 09:10
Rumour has it that most female cabin crew have a boyfriend called BOB these days


25th Nov 2004, 09:41
No wonder LonMore is confused....over here in the "Flat Lands" BOB is the designated non-drinking driver. As in adverts "Who's BOB tonight?"

Or are we both REALLY naive??? :ugh:

surely not
25th Nov 2004, 10:04
I;m told it stands for 'Battery Operated Boyfriend'

25th Nov 2004, 10:15
OK naive :O

But one will have fun when anyone asks Who's BOB tonight!!!! ;)