View Full Version : Getting the wrong end of the stick - good misunderstandings

3rd Nov 2004, 22:26
Years ago I flew to Johannesburg and in an evening off went with a friend to their post work drinks one Friday. The company was Lever Bros who sold soaps of various types. A boring **** cornered me so I was doing my best to be polite listening to stories of soaps he had sold, how tight the supermarkets were etc etc. He then dropped in a comment about there being a 20kg bag of LSD in the back of his car that he had to drop off later.
My jaw dropped as he went on about this. I suggested it was rather a large quantity to be carrying around but he said he often had that much in the house.
Obviously Iím talking to a major drugs man here so I was prepared to be impressed. It was only when he started telling me more about his LSD (happy to have found someone interested) that I had to ask what exactly he meant by LSD. Low Sud Detergent.

I left and went to the pub.

tony draper
3rd Nov 2004, 22:40
Me old mum would often get her words mixed up, she had a pal who lived a few doors from us, she had twin sons who would have been about sixteen at the time, I comes in from work knackered, and me old mums rabbiting away fifty to the dozen as mums did, and I am sort of half listening, as one does, giving the occasional yes, no, indeed, but not really taking any notice,
She suddenly says "Joan is having a lot of trouble with the boys, they have both become transvestites"
"Yers, they wont eat any meat at all"
Hee hee Mums, bless em.

DX Wombat
4th Nov 2004, 01:31
One from my mum who always tried to look her best. She was casting a critical eye over her (at that point slightly hirsute) legs when she announced "My legs need defrosting" :uhoh: :D

4th Nov 2004, 08:27
When lil' flyblue was 6 years old I bought him his "First Philosophy Book". Gave him the present, and he stared at me and said he wanted to have nothing to do with philosophers and such. "Here we go", I thought, "that's the pilot's chromosome speaking". I asked him why he was so opposed to learning about philosophy, and what did he know about it.
"Dad told me everything about philosophers and I don't want to have anything to do with that kind of people" :ooh:
"So what did your dad tell you?"
"That philosophers are perverts that molestate and abduct children and I must be very careful" :D

4th Nov 2004, 08:56
Yesterday I misread a line on the Sky News - shock revelation thread. For a couple of seconds I thought it said
"Soft panties 'cost lives' (says Sky News, 2 Nov. 2004)"

A year or so ago a colleague was leaving the office about 4pm so I called out "part timer". He looked completely baffled and asked me what I had said. I repeated it and he replied "oh, I thought you said 'tart primer'"

4th Nov 2004, 09:56
Many years ago a hillbilly discovered oil in his back yard and became a millionaire overnight. The lives of his children changed and pretty soon his eldest son became a playboy. One day after playboy had been photographed by the local paper with a couple of blondes on his arm leaving a nightclub in a state of inebriation, daddy said "Enough, son , you be a good boy now or i will cut you out of the will and leave all of my money to the college in the city."
Playboy thought about this and realised he was in deep trouble, a couple of days later he went to Daddy and said,
" Daddy, you need to know a few things about that college in the city before you decide to leave them your fortune. Do you know that the boys and girls in that college matriculate together, and they both share the same curriculem, and , even worse, the little girls in that college all have to show their thesis to the dean before he will let them graduate."
Daddy was very upset that he had misjudged his boy and hadn't realised what a terrible place the college was and apologised to playboy and assured him that he would leave him everything...

4th Nov 2004, 13:56
Back in 1992, after living here in France for 2 years I got 5 numbers in the lotto. The day after the draw, I went back to the tabac (tobacconist) where I got the ticket, looking forward to cashing in my little windfall to spend over the coming Xmas holidays...

Upon presentation of the ticket at the tabac, I was congratulated on having won but that they would not be able to pay me! My level of French in those days was not what it is today so I had some difficulty. It turned out that I had won just under 4,000F and that all prizes of over 2,500F were paid at a "Centre de paiement", the nearest to here being in Cannes. It was more than I expected, but only about half the normal win for 5 numbers, as lots of people had won that draw...:(

Over a decade later, I have yet to win anything close to that again. And I play twice a week...:{

4th Nov 2004, 14:12
Spidermans Last words:

What Flock of Bats?