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VFE
3rd Nov 2004, 00:48
Folks,

Currently enduring a company training program. Jammed up in a tiny room with nine collegues (and one REALLY annoying one!) whilst we're instructed how to use a really crap "new" system. We started Monday and have until Friday week to absorb this new information which, in fairness could be taught over an intensive three day schedule.

Help me! :{

It is that boring I actually lied this morning.........yes PPRuNers....... I fibbed! Arrived late and informed our trainer that I'd been stuck in traffic for half an hour. Truth was - I just couldn't bare the thought of raising my head from my comfortable pillow and treking into work for another day of attempting to stay awake despite the odds.

We basically sit there and follow along with our own copy of paper whilst the trainer reads out what we have printed in front of us. Quite horrific! Far worse than ATPL Air Law classes.......

Today I actually nodded off for about three minutes and no sod in the room noticed. It was actually rather a pleasant moment - all hearing sensations suddenly ceased and I was whisked away on a brief dream about revolving doors - I sh*t you not - quite funny and quite poignant seeing as my office has revolving doors and my life appears to one big revolving door.

Any of you guys experienced such torture in the workplace in the name of 'training'? Any stories? Any jokes? Anyone actually flipped yet?!

VFE.

c-bert
3rd Nov 2004, 08:41
Reminds me of Uni. The s*ds used to but one lecture on a Thursday morning and then nothing until 14:00. Problem was, Wednesday night was club night. Needless to say I missed most of that particular subject.

timmcat
3rd Nov 2004, 12:42
Lunch is usually good on those I go on.

That's about all though.

tunneler
3rd Nov 2004, 12:58
Sounds like some of those lectures in jerez mate. Chin up ;)

itchy kitchin
3rd Nov 2004, 14:13
Once, many moons ago, I worked at a Labour Council and we had a team meeting weekly. They were real yawn sessions- only spiced up once i had introduced wankwords bingo. Anyway I digress. One particular meeting, we didn't "resolve" the "issues" that we were dealing with, so the "Team Leader"(TL) suggested another meeting and proposed a date.
"No, can't do it then," pipes up one member of staff, "We have womens workers day then"
"OK," says the TL, "what about the following date?"
"Oh, no," interjects another member, "That's Black Workers day."
"Hmm," says the TL, "what about... ?"
"Black womens workers day"
"what about...?"
"Gay and Lesbian workers day."
At this point, one of the team pipes up and says "Hang on, while we're at it, can we have a white heterosexual mans workers day please?"

At which point, the majority of the staff jumped and called him racist, sexist, homophobic etc.
C'est la vie!

Flip Flop Flyer
3rd Nov 2004, 14:15
If I may suggest something to pass the time, and throw a spanner in the works, try Management Buzzword Bingo. The game is played like regular bingo, except the numbers are replaced by management buzzwords like 'optimization', 'team building', 'paradigm', 'quality management' and so on. Best played by more than one player, and whenever you have a row or full plate you discreetly cough to signal your victory. Prizes at the end of the day at the nearest watering hole.

There's bound to be plenty of sites out there on the internet that will tell you more if you google 'management buzzword bingo'. Here is one:

http://management.about.com/cs/people/a/BuzzwordBingo.htm

Have fun :E

Val d'Isere
3rd Nov 2004, 18:12
You don't know the meaning of the word "suffering" until you've endured some self-important, mentally deranged psychologist rabbiting on about Human Factors/Crew Resource Management/why you did'nt love your mother/why a monkeys ar$e is bright red etc etc etc etc.....

:{ :zzz: :zzz: :zzz:

VFE
3rd Nov 2004, 18:46
Funnily enough we played a bingo game today FFF. Riveting stuff. :rolleyes:

Agree that lunchtimes have been pretty cool this week Timmcat - pub lunch + pint (or two!) goes down a storm and ensures the first hour of the afternoon session flies past but after that the tiredness and crabiness creaps back in. One guy on the course nearly lashed out at the really annoying guy today who, for the first time this week, didn't come along to the pub with us - we finally managed to escape him!

Flashbacks to Jerez are all too real this week Tunny but at least this time I'm not paying to be bored sh*tless. Gotta be grateful for that at least! :}

VFE.

Solid Rust Twotter
3rd Nov 2004, 20:01
Used to get them when I still had a regular IT job. Motivational speakers that cost thousands would blather at us for an afternoon and waste countless man hours.

Here's an idea.....

How about paying the money wasted on the speakers to us as a bonus? It would have saved all those wasted hours as well as really motivating us with a far more positive view of the time and money wasting :mad: that ran the company.

VFE
3rd Nov 2004, 20:14
The money my company could save on their training department would probably see a four figure increase in our salaries. Honestly, half these kids teaching us have been in the job less than two years and have all the charisma and attention grabbing skills of a manky toe nail. The course is obviously a 'training in the workplace by numbers' program that has all the usual hackneyed cliches and claptrap included thus making David Brent of Wernham Hogg seem like the genius pioneer of people management and motivation.

VFE.

Rollingthunder
3rd Nov 2004, 20:49
Had more of these than I can remember. Most were full of buzz words and potted ideas.

One that was better than most was with psychologist whose company specialized in management interaction. Very personal and quite focused on one's own personality and it's effect on others in a business climate. Got a couple of the team crying at some points. Five days it was, conducted in a hotel suite with drinks and nibbles in endless supply. Expensive but at least interesting and thought provoking.

Had to do one of my own once. Developed it from scratch. Main video tool was excerpts from "My Cousin Vinny". Anyone remember when Marisa Tomei proves that the leaking tap is indeed broken.

VFE
3rd Nov 2004, 21:02
If I had to present one of those shindigs I'd whack on that episode of 'The Office' where they have their own training day. After the episode finished I would smile knowingly and simply say: "go get the guitar......" http://www.themeninblack.co.uk/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

VFE.