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Onan the Clumsy
2nd Nov 2004, 17:34
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.

P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and
S stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Tire inspected and found to be outside limits. Wheel assy replaced. Tire on retread number four, scheduled for RTV.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland inspected and found damage in round out circuitry. R&R p/n 0310050 s/n 5252y-3. Old unit quarantined for inspection.

P: Something lose in cockpit.
S: This write up is non specific enough for any action. Closed

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Cleaners informed. Not able to use repellant due to heating element in constant use.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: A/c MELed (Class B) for non AH a/p flight only. Scheduled for R&R at mx base at the weekend.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Skydrol found leaking from forward torque tube actuator. System flushed, R&R p/n 1127653 (right side only).

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: Unable to adjust DME volume. Placarded INOP. a/c downgraded to /u.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: Lubricated friction locks.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF should be placarded inop. Placard replaced.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: windscreen p/n 4421178 replaced.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Plugset changed on number 3 engine.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: More information needed to solve this. A/c returned to service.

P: Radar hums.
S: replaced grounding shield on radar at stn 012.5 Tested ok.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Aircraft fumigated and returned to service. Mouse not found.

nosefirsteverytime
2nd Nov 2004, 18:23
No it's NOT true I can prove mathematically I have no life!

I do it with graphs and schematics
:( :uhoh: :bored:

Mr Chips
2nd Nov 2004, 20:30
Nearly had me there Onan!!!!!

Jerricho
2nd Nov 2004, 22:06
:ok:

Nigerian Expat Outlaw
2nd Nov 2004, 22:12
Saw a tech log entry in Honkers a long time ago: Pilot: Aircraft rough in cruise. Tech: Pilot changed, fault cleared.
Many beers that night !!

allan907
3rd Nov 2004, 01:00
Very nearly bit Onan:ok: :ok:

Atlas Shrugged
3rd Nov 2004, 01:22
http://www.kurts-smilies.de/tocktock.gif

djk
3rd Nov 2004, 01:51
P: Something lose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

ontrackfor
3rd Nov 2004, 02:57
Still amusing in that the issues seem to have been cleared up straight away.
P:
2/2 Beacon light inoperative.
12/2 Beacon light inoperative.
24/2 Beacon light inoperative.
2/3 Beacon light inoperative.
9/3 Beacon light inoperative.
14/3 Beacon light inoperative.
15/3 Beacon light inoperative.
24/3 Beacon light inoperative.
3/4 Beacon light inoperative.
7/4 Beacon light inoperative.
9/4 Beacon light inoperative.
21/4 Beacon light inoperative.
1/5 Beacon light inoperative.
3/5 Beacon light inoperative.
S:
27/5 Beacon light replaced.

zeeoo
3rd Nov 2004, 03:30
Hey i read another version !!

of what i can remember.........


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: that's what they are made for

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: number 3 engine checked in place.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: aircraft warned to be serious

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: cat installed

BombayDuck
3rd Nov 2004, 04:57
Onan not ag.....

oh.

nice! :ok:

Four Seven Eleven
3rd Nov 2004, 05:13
P: Irony appears to be inoperational.
S: Irony not fitted to this unit. It is from Minnesota/South of France

manamana
3rd Nov 2004, 05:56
Check Their occupations. Explains most of it.:8

teeteringhead
3rd Nov 2004, 08:19
Wot? No irony in France or Minnesota?? Blackadder: Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?
Baldrick: Yes! It's like goldy and bronzy only it's made out of iron..."

Jhieminga
3rd Nov 2004, 08:31
Nice one Onan! :ok:

The original 'humourous' version even made it into a Dutch newspaper this morning, including a literal translation of 'no.3 engine missing'..... I don't think they would get the joke.

Le Pen
3rd Nov 2004, 13:58
I like the one that goes......................

P. Blah blah blah blah engine bla blah blah blah expected blah blah blah blah blah inoperative. blah blah blah blah blah performance blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah engine bla blah blah blah temp blah blah blah blah blah inoperative. blah blah blah blah blah overspeed blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah engine bla blah blah blah expected blah blah blah blah blah inoperative. blah blah blah blah blah unexceptable blah blah blah.
S. Fixed

Short and sweet :ok:


LP

Binoculars
3rd Nov 2004, 14:02
Never mind, Zeeooo, it's just that you will occasionally find yourself W-AAA-YYYY out of your depth in a foreign language.

Good one, Onan! :ok:

Jerricho
3rd Nov 2004, 14:42
Now Onan,

You've done good, but this ISN'T an excuse to repeat January 1st's little escapade. ;)

fireflybob
3rd Nov 2004, 22:38
Defect:- Airstairs emitting ghostly creaking noise
Rectification:- Airstairs oiled and Exorcised.

D Autoland unserviceable
R Autoland not fitted to this aircraft

D DC Meters Knob very stiff to operate
R Try using more Phylosan (tonic for the over 50s!)

Binoculars
4th Nov 2004, 00:29
Geez, that's good bait you're using Onan! They're STILL biting!

Feeton Terrafirma
4th Nov 2004, 00:33
Not me!!! I didn't bite



ooops

jumpuFOKKERjump
4th Nov 2004, 01:37
Excellent and most penetrating observation Onan. Glad to see the monkeys still biting. Reminds me of an amusing exchange I overheard in a dream between an SR71 & a US ATCC.

"Habu71, request FL600."

"Habu71, descend to FL600."

A10 Thundybox
4th Nov 2004, 02:03
This one time, on a quantas flight, full of sheep, one of the sheep fell out, on to the runway.

The pilot, an american, with American, was told by the tower

"theres a dead sheep on the runway"

and the american who was a pilot said

"not again you [email protected]"

zeeoo
4th Nov 2004, 02:11
bino

p : zeeoo called to more homework
s : wife checked, homework sheduled on next landing

cheers