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tony draper
21st Oct 2004, 20:13
Hope you folks are all ready for the celebration, this Saturday at 9 AM GMT, this planet is exactly 6008 years old, as calculated by Archbishop Usher, twas created at 9 am on the 23 of Oct 4004 BC, some maintain it was created on the 26th Oct 4004 BC but there is no scientific proof to explain this three day discrepancy, and most right thinking folks hold that the good Archbishop was correct in his calculations.
:rolleyes:

Tinstaafl
21st Oct 2004, 20:34
Dunno about the good Bishop's calculations, but I'm looking forward to celebrating Newton's Birthday again.

con-pilot
21st Oct 2004, 20:37
I know for an absolute fact that the world is a lot older that 6008 years.

I use to fly with a captain that was older than that!
:)

Bern Oulli
21st Oct 2004, 20:42
But what I've always found puzzling Tony, is why/how could the start of something like creating "the world" be three quarters through the year? What was going on since January 1st 4004 BC? You would think the Deity would be a little tidier on the scheduling front.

Dear Diary
Monday January 1 4004 BC Before I can proceed with creating the world it seems I need a project manager, a detailed project plan and a time cost analysis. There also seem to be some unresolved Health and Safety issues. The Union isn't too happy either about my proposal to work for 6 days and only take one day off. Then there is the planning permission application, time for objections - I can't see myself starting much before October at this rate.

joe2812
21st Oct 2004, 22:51
Tuesday January 2 4004 BC Presentation with the board today, not impressed thus far. Planning permission refused until thorough Health and Safety check completed, also Union rep feels workforce is being treated unfairly, new office equipment to be ordered and timetable to be adjusted to encorporate various religious and cultural holidays. Estimated days of work per year currently stands at 38 not including paid holiday of 14 days per employee.

El Grifo
21st Oct 2004, 23:01
Dinosaurs Drapsey, Ask them to explain DINOSAURS.

:cool: :O :cool:

Ascend Charlie
21st Oct 2004, 23:20
April 1st

Experienced a setback today - I thought I had received all the planning approvals for the environmental waste dump in Canaan, but those jerks jumped up and said "April Fool! We didn't submit the plans!"

I must create some place to punish such creatures.

NOTE OF ACTION: This afternoon I moved Heaven and Earth (3 feet to the left) to make room for He11, Purgatory, and Belgium. That'll fix'em!

tobzalp
22nd Oct 2004, 01:52
December 25

Well today went down well as the inaugural titties and beer day. It heartens me to know that this day will be celebrated for evermore. I think that tomorrow we will be full as I have a few punch ups to attend after Hans and Jared tried to crack onto Eve (They should know look but don't touch without a tip).

phnuff
22nd Oct 2004, 10:03
Project suffered the first major setback today when the several of the project control servers all crashed simultaneously
(damned Windows -4004)!.

Luckily little damage was caused, and Yorkshire never really figured in my big plans anyway

XXTSGR
22nd Oct 2004, 10:21
Memo to: The members of the Kansas Board of Education
From: God

Re: Your decision to eliminate the teaching of evolution as science.

Thank you for your support. Much obliged.

Now, go forth and multiply. Beget many children. And yea, your children shall beget children. And their children shall beget children, and their children's children after them. And in time the genes that have made you such pinheads will be eliminated through natural selection. Because that is how it works.

Listen, I love all my creatures equally, and gave each his own special qualities to help him on Earth. The horse I gave great strength. The antelope I gave great grace and speed. The dung beetle I gave great stupidity, so he doesn't realize he is a dung beetle. Man I gave a brain.

Use it, okay?

I admit I am not perfect. I've made errors. (Armpit hair--what was I thinking?) But do you Kansans seriously believe that I dropped half-a-billion-year-old trilobite skeletons all over my great green Earth by mistake? What, I had a few lying around some previous creation in the Andromeda galaxy, and they fell through a hole in my pocket? You were supposed to find them. And once you found them, you were supposed to draw the appropriate, intelligent conclusions.

That's what I made you for: To think.

The folks who wrote the Bible were smart and good people. Mostly, they got it right. But there were glitches. Imprecisions. For one thing, they said that Adam and Eve begat Cain and Abel, and then Cain begat Enoch. How was that supposed to have happened? They left out Tiffany entirely! Well, they also were a little off on certain elements of timing and sequence. So what? You guys were supposed to figure it all out for yourselves, anyway. When you stumble over the truth, you are not supposed to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and proceed on as though nothing had happened. If you find a dinosaur's toe, you're not supposed to look for reasons to call it a croissant. You're not big, drooling idiots. For that, I made dogs. Why do you think there are no fossilized human toes dating from a hundred million years ago? Think about it.

It's okay if you think. In fact, I prefer it. That's why I like Charlie Darwin. He was always a thinker. Still is. He and I chat frequently. I know a lot of people figure that if man evolved from other organisms, it means I don't exist. I have to admit this is a reasonable assumption and a valid line of thought. I am in favor of thought. I encourage you to pursue this concept with an open mind, and see where it leads you. That's all I have to say right now, except that I'm really cheesed off at laugh tracks on sitcoms, and the NRA, and people who make simple declarative sentences sound like questions?

Oh, wait. There's one more thing.

Did you read in the newspapers yesterday how scientists in Australia dug up some rocks and found fossilized remains of life dating back further than ever before? Primitive, multicelled animals on Earth nearly 3 billion years ago, when the planet was nothing but roiling muck and ice and fire. And inside those cells was . . . DNA. Incredibly complex strands of chemicals, laced together in a scheme so sophisticated no one yet understands exactly how it works. I wonder who could have thought of something like that, back then.

Just something to gnaw on.

GENESIS

In the beginning there was the computer. And God said

c:\>Let there be light!
Enter user id.

c:\>God
Enter password.

c:\>Omniscient
Password incorrect. Try again.

c:\>Omnipotent
Password incorrect. Try again.

c:\>Technocrat
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.

c:\>Let there be light!
Unrecognizable command. Try again.

c:\>Create light
Done

c:\>Run heaven and earth
And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.

c:\>Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
Unrecognizable command. Try again.

c:\>Create firmament
Done.

c:\>Run firmament
And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.

c:\>Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one
place and let the dry land appear and
Too many characters in specification string. Try again.

c:\>Create dry_land
Done.

c:\>Run firmament
And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.

c:\>Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the
night.
Unspecified type. Try again.

c:\>Create sun_moon_stars
Done

c:\>Run sun_moon_stars
And God separated the light from the darkness. The sun ruled over the
day and the moon and stars ruled over the night.

And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.

c:\>Create fish
Done

c:\>Create fowl
Done

c:\>Run fish, fowl
And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that
creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged
fowl after its kind.

And God saw there were 0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.

c:\>Create cattle
Done

c:\>Create creepy_things
Done

c:\>Now let us make man in our image
Unspecified type. Try again.

c:\>Create man
Done

c:\>Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it
and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl
of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the
earth
Too many command operands. Try again.

c:\>Run multiplication
Execution terminated. 6 errors..

c:\>Insert breath
Done

c:\>Run multiplication
Execution terminated. 5 errors.

c:\>Move man to Garden of Eden
File Garden of Eden does not exist.

c:\>Create Garden.edn
Done

c:\>Move man to Garden.edn
Done

c:\>Run multiplication
Execution terminated. 4 errors.

c:\>Copy woman from man
Done

c:\>Run multiplication
Execution terminated. 2 errors.

c:\>Create desire
Done

c:\>Run multiplication
And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:\>Create freewill
Done

c:\>Run freewill
And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:\>Undo desire
Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.

c:\>Destroy freewill
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:\>Help
Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:\>Create tree_of_knowledge
And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:\>Create good, evil
Done

c:\>Activate evil
And God saw he had created shame.

Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in
Garden.edn. 1 errors.

c:\>Scan Garden.edn for man, woman
Search failed.

c:\>Delete shame
Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.

c:\>Destroy freewill
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:\>Stop
Unrecognizable command. Try again

c:\>Break
c:\>Break
c:\>Break

ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN
FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES.
PLEASE LOG OFF.

c:\>Create new world
You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old
files before new ones can be created.

c:\>Destroy earth
Destroy earth: Please confirm.

c:\>Destroy earth confirmed

COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY,
MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.

And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.
On March 8, God created the MacIntosh.

El Grifo
22nd Oct 2004, 17:10
Thats not exactly PC, is it XXTSGR

:rolleyes: :confused: :rolleyes:

airship
22nd Oct 2004, 17:20
So, has anyone heard from Him since? I keep worrying that the Millenium bug may have caused some communication problems...? :8

yintsinmerite
22nd Oct 2004, 17:45
So, has anyone heard from Him since?

I saw him the other week - he and Elvis run a chip shop in Basildon. Cracking Cod and Chips, but the fact that people eat shell fish came as a revelation to him !!

airship
22nd Oct 2004, 18:18
yintsinmerite, be careful there! Or you too could be turned into a pillar of salt...ending up in a salt shaker on some Fish N' Chip shop counter somewhere :uhoh:

phnuff
23rd Oct 2004, 17:34
Yesterday,I had the pleasant expeience of sitting in a dentist waiting room. On the table in front of me was a creationist magazine which I read with great interest. It dealt with some of the arguements people use to counter the creationist case such as

'The ark must have been huge to carry all of those animal species'

This it explained was because the world at the time of Noah had less diversity of animals and that the 'base stock' was what was carried and the diversity has evolved since. (go on, spot the problems in that arguement!!)

It then went on to state that creationists need fear no argument provided they study the bible carefully and interpret intelligently.


What a load of :mad:


Yint, if you have turned into a pillar of salt, can I have your guitars ?:D

BlueWolf
23rd Oct 2004, 22:36
I had submitted a comment here which now appears to have gone. I hadn't thought it all that offensive, but after having re-read the ROE, I can see that it may have been taken as such; my apologies.

El lute
24th Oct 2004, 01:18
El Grifo,
You wouldn't be one of those that don't want Darwin's evolution theory to be taught at schools, would you?

AntiCrash
24th Oct 2004, 01:57
This is GREAT! The anniversary of creation and the World Series at the same time!!! I knew that Baseball was of Divine Inspiration. After all the Bible starts out with: " In The Big Inning"!:O