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21st Oct 2004, 14:35
So who did the Trafalgar Day thread upset?

Or should that be, who is ashamed of their history?

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

itchy kitchin
21st Oct 2004, 14:41
not me!
Proud as punch, I am.
I also hear the french don't like arriving at "Waterloo" either.
May I suggest "Agincourt International" or "Crecy International"

...er Mornington Crescent?

21st Oct 2004, 14:41
This is what I put on TRRBATPSOIT Mk2 this morning and it's still there.What's offensive about a great English battle.Tis Johnny foreigner I suspect they don't like it up em.:E

Happy Trafalgar day everyone,the sun is shining there's a fair wind blowing,it makes you proud to be English.

Now I am satisfied.Thank God I have done my duty.

What words to end your life with.A great childhood hero of mine was Nelson,we could do with more of his ilk nowadays.

21st Oct 2004, 15:45
I suppose if the French really did give a stuff they could change the name of the Gare du Nord to Orleans International or Bataille de Patay International or even Gare du Jeanne d'Arc.

This would of course require the average Englishman to have some sort of understanding of history and the Hundred Year War to understand that the English army was defeated by a mere woman.

I don't think we need to hold our breath waiting for that to happen somehow.


21st Oct 2004, 15:58
if the French really did give a stuff oh, Flypuppy , how dare you! :ooh:
and then
to understand that the English army was defeated by a mere woman :uhoh: :uhoh:


21st Oct 2004, 16:06

Not even a "woman" as such...but a mere slip of a teenaged girl!

itchy kitchin
21st Oct 2004, 16:19
aah, but she did have god on her side....!

21st Oct 2004, 16:35
Deleted! Disgusting.
One of my better rants was on that thread!

So, let me get this right;

The whole English Army defeated by one woman.
If that is the truth, then she would deserve all respects due to her from both sides of the channel..

Didn't France have an Army at the time?

21st Oct 2004, 16:58
Pinched from another site:

How Nelson would have fared if he’s been subject to modern health and safety regulations.

You are now on the deck of the recently renamed British Flagship, HMS Apeasement.

Order the signal. Hardy.

Aye, aye, sir.

Hold on, that’s not what I dictated to the signal officer. What’s the meaning of this?

Sorry, sir?

England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. What gobbledegook is this?

Admiralty policy, I’m afraid, sir. We’re an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil’s own job getting “England” past the censors, lest it be considered racist.

Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco.

Sorry, sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working environments.

In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle.

The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It’s part of the Government’s policy on binge drinking.

Good heavens. Hardy. I suppose we’d better get on with it. Full speed ahead.

I think you’ll find that there’s a 4 mph speed limit in this stretch of water.

Dammit, man, we are on the eve of the greatest sea fight in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow’s nest, please.

That won’t be possible, sir.


Health and Safety have closed the crow’s nest, sir. No harness. And they say that rope ladder doesn’t meet regulations. They won’t let anyone up there until proper scaffolding can be erected.

Then get me the ship’s carpenter without delay, Hardy.

He’s busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo’c’sle Admiral.

Wheelchair access? I’ve never heard anything so absurd.

Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled.

Differently abled? I’ve only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn’t rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card.

Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency.

Whatever next? Give me a full sail. The salt spray beckons.

A couple of problems there, too, sir. Health and safety won’t let the crew up the rigging without crash helmets. And they don’t want anyone breathing in too much salt – haven’t you seen the adverts?

I’ve never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy.

The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.

What? This is mutiny.

It’s not that, sir. It’s just that they’re afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There’s a couple of legal aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks.

The how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?

Actually, sir, we’re not.

We’re not?

No, sir. The Frenchies and Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn’t even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation.

But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil.

I wouldn’t let the ship’s diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You’ll be up on a disciplinary.

You must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your King.

Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest, it’s the rules.

Don’t tell me – health and safety. Whatever happened to rum sodomy and the lash?

As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu. And there’s a ban on corporal punishment.

What about sodomy?

I believe it’s to be encouraged sir.

In that case – kiss me Hardy.

21st Oct 2004, 17:10
http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/smilies/outfitted/coastguard.gif Rule Britannia!

tony draper
21st Oct 2004, 17:22
One posts on another website frequented by chaps of the French persuasion,one always makes a point of posting snippets of Shakespears Henry V on the aniversary of Agincourt, really cheers them up it does.

21st Oct 2004, 17:36
aah, but she did have god on her side....! All those soldiers probably helped a little bit as well......:suspect:

itchy kitchin
21st Oct 2004, 17:40
...yeah, yeah, i know. There must have been a lot of them to deafeat a British army!

tony draper
21st Oct 2004, 17:44
Ah but she was toasted for dressing up in blokes clobber, them Frenchies weren't so liberal in those days, that sort of thing is positivly encouraged now.


21st Oct 2004, 17:53
Did you know the song Rule Brittania was written by a Scots poet, James Thomson?

There must have been a lot of them to deafeat a British army!

At that time it was most definately an English army. The Auld Alliance played it's part in the Hundred Year War as well.

As I said, I won't be holding my breath before the average Englishman has some sort of understanding of history. :ooh:

21st Oct 2004, 18:09

I`d rather be an average Englishman than a damned foreigner (except those with whom we share this sceptred isle)

21st Oct 2004, 18:29
Nice non-xenophobic answer there.

Are Scots Welsh and Irish damned foreigners then?

21st Oct 2004, 19:24
except those with whom we share this sceptred isle

They're damned foreigners, just damned foreigners he wouldn't mind being.

21st Oct 2004, 20:45
Flypuppy, I think you may be reassured, and joe 2812 is certainly wrong. If we analyse the statement:
I`d rather be an average Englishman than a damned foreigner (except those with whom we share this sceptred isle)

the author is laying down preferences. He'd rather be:
(a) an average Englishman, than
(b) a damned foreigner, and presumably to make any sense of the contrast he means one of your upper-class lot of damned foreigner, if one can imagine such an animal.

To all of this, (a) and (b), he makes an exception, the damned foreigners who share Great Britain with the average Englishman. He would rather, under his exception, be one of the excepted class of damned foreigner than an average, or we must infer, any Englishman.

I expect he will scrabble around to "clarify" what he meant, but he is too late, I venture, and has made his Freudian slip. I hope I speak for you when I say we welcome him, even if he is English. One of us is not something he would not mind being, but something he would rather be. Of course.

tony draper
21st Oct 2004, 20:49
I think the word is just a pronoun in this case Mr Davaar, the OED suggests the word Dammed should always be placed before the word Foreigner.


21st Oct 2004, 20:54
Although when used of "Limey" the convention is to add a prefix and omit the silent ending and conjunctive "d", as in "Goddam' Limey".

21st Oct 2004, 21:04
Amidst the rough and tumble of Handgun Owning Burglar Shooters, Presidential Peadophile Advisers and discussions on dubious paternity, it is indeed becalming to come upon such gentile & erudite philological musings.

tony draper
21st Oct 2004, 21:05
True Mr Davaar, just something else we gave the world, lime Juice.

21st Oct 2004, 21:47
My goodness Flaps , that was a bit of a mouthfull. :rolleyes:

I`d rather be an average Englishman than a damned foreigner who shares Great Britain with the average Englishman.
Is that why England is full of average people?? :} :}

and now Chaffy is going to point our the (at last :rolleyes: ) English Olympic achievements. :yuk:

(sorry Chaffers, you happened to pass, no hard feelings, just a windup)

21st Oct 2004, 21:48

Most Englishmen give up on history once they have sated themselves with the numerous sporting and military victories over the sweaties. :rolleyes: :eek: :D :D :D

21st Oct 2004, 22:09
Deep waters, IFTB, deep waters:

1. ".... one Englishman could beat three Frenchmen ... " (Joseph Addison, 1672-1717, The Spectator);

2. "One has often wondered whether upon the whole earth there is anything so unintelligent, so unapt to perceive how the world is really going, as an ordinary young Englishman of our upper class" (Matthew Arnold, 1822-1888, Essays in Criticism);

3. "But Lord! to see the absurd nature of Englishmen, that cannot forbear laughing and jeering at everything that looks strange" (Samuel Pepys, 1633-1703, Diary).

4. "It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth, without making some other Englishman despise him" (George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, Pygmalion).

Too deep for me to swim in.

21st Oct 2004, 22:20
"It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth, without making some other Englishman despise him"

What a lovely quote, wonder if it's true...............

Too deep for me to swim in.

You are a wise man,Sir :}

21st Oct 2004, 22:22
Being English is proof that God has a sense of humour. Consider whom he made our neighbours.

21st Oct 2004, 22:26
Indeed the Welsh do serve a useful purpose. :p

21st Oct 2004, 22:26
The Greenlandians?
The BELGIANS? :yuk: :yuk:
The Welsh??
The Scilly Islanders?

Oh no Chaffs!, wrong timing!!!

21st Oct 2004, 22:45
Davaar I bow to your superior greatness, humblest apologies and thank you for the correction. :p

Also proudly half Welsh :ok:

22nd Oct 2004, 08:39
Gainsey, very funny post, yet uncomfortably true.....


22nd Oct 2004, 09:05
To be born English is to win first prize in the Lottery of Life Cecil Rhodes I think.....

22nd Oct 2004, 09:14
Sir William Schwenk Gilbert had some words....(although at the time, he was only Mr. Gilbert)

For he himself has said it,
And it's greatly to his credit,
That he is an Englishman,
That he is an Englishman

For he might have been a Roosian,
A French or Turk or Proosian,
Or perhaps Eyetalian,
Or perhaps Eyetalian.

But in spite of all temptations,
To belong to other nations,
He remains an Englishman,
He remains an Englishman.

HMS Pinafore or The Lass that loved a Sailor.

tony draper
22nd Oct 2004, 09:18
Who said,
" Now, the problem is, how to divide five Afghans from three mules and have two Englishmen left over". ?

22nd Oct 2004, 09:49
Ô, perfide Albion,
Le coeur du vieux lion
Rugissait encore :
Sa déconvenue
Fut sans retenue
Et cette pécore
Joue la comédie,
Joue la tragédie,
Se pâme et expire,
Couplets anodins
Juste dignes d’un
Drame de Shakespeare.

22nd Oct 2004, 11:22
Mr.TD. - Peachy Carnahan to Daniel Dravot (Michale Caine to Sean Connery) - Man who would be King :D

The fact that Daniel Dravot/Big Tam (=SC) spoke with a detectable Scottish accent is neither here nor there :confused: Mr. Connery always speaks with the same accent, whether in space, knocking off SMERSH, roughing up some Afghan roughs, or commenting about certain government buildings :ok:
I believe SC's accent can be described as "Fountainbridge/Hollywood with a 'lisshp' of new dentures - as when addressing the ever delectable "Mish Moneypenny":E

tony draper
22nd Oct 2004, 12:20
One of ones's favorite movies, a practical demonstration of how with care and firmness yer foreigner can actually be trained,
Zulu being ones favourite of course.

When we're done with you, you'll be able to stand up and slaughter your enemies like civilized men.