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nosefirsteverytime
20th Oct 2004, 20:06
Top Engineering Terms and Expressions
(What engineers say versus what they mean)

1. A number of different approaches are being tried.
(We are still guessing at this point.)

2. Close project coordination.
(We sat down and had coffee together.)

3. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach.
(We just hired three punk kids out of school.)

4. Major technological breakthrough!
(It works OK, but looks very hi-tech!)

5. Customer satisfaction is believed assured.
(We are so far behind schedule, that the customer will take anything.)

6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.
(The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)

7. Test results were extremely gratifying! (Unbelievable, it actually worked!)

8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
(The only guy who understood the thing quit.)

9. It is in process.
(It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation is completely hopeless.)

10. We will look into it.
(Forget it! We have enough problems already.)

11. Please note and initial.
(Let's spread the responsibility for this.)

12. Give us the benefit of your thinking.
(We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with
what we have already done or with what we are going to do.)

noisy
20th Oct 2004, 20:16
why are there are dozens of ways of saying "It's broken" but only one way of saying "It's fixed"? :confused:

nosefirsteverytime
20th Oct 2004, 20:21
You might be an engineer if ...

... choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.

... you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.

... in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.

... the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions

... at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.

... you bought your wife/girlfriend (husband/boyfriend) a new CD-ROM drive (or a Palm Pilot) for their birthday.

... you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.

... you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.

... you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.

... you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.

... you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.

... you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

... you know what http:// stands for.

... you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.

... you see a good design and still have to change it.

... you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.

... you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.

... you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.

... you window shop at Radio Shack

...your laptop computer costs more than your car.

... your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.

... You've already calculated how much you make per second.

... you've tried to repair a $5 radio

. . . you always do homework on Friday nights.

. . . you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.

. . . you think in �math.�

. . . you�ve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

. . . you hesitate to look at something because you don�t want to break down its wave function.

. . . you have a pet named after a scientist.

. . . you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

. . . the Humane Society has had you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger�s Cat Experiment.

. . . you can translate English into Binary.

. . . you can�t remember what�s behind the door in the science building which says "Exit.�

. . . you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there�s a wind-chill factor in the lab.

. . . you are completely addicted to caffeine.

. . . you avoid doing anything because you don�t want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

. . . you consider any non-science course �easy.�

. . . when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

. . . the �fun� center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.

. . . you�ll assume that a �horse� is a �sphere� in order to make the math easier.

. . . you understood more than five of these indicators.

. . . you make a hard copy of this list and post it on your office door.

. . . you think it might be a neat idea to send this message to all of your friends in the form of email.

noisy
20th Oct 2004, 20:47
I DO actually remember going on a tour of HMS Manchester at school and being quite disappointed that no -one was allowed to go down to the machinery spaces. :{

Disguise Delimit
20th Oct 2004, 23:41
"RCH" is an engineering term meaning a very small measurement, as in:

"Can you move that up about an RCH?"


RCH= Red C*** Hair

Similarly, the BSS equated to about 6 inches (the British Standard Stiffy) and the Geeby was the amount of a woman's breast that would fit in your mouth, so a girl could be described as 3 geebies or half a geeby and so on.

Oh, come on! Weren't you once a teenager in university??? Gimme a break!

seacue
21st Oct 2004, 00:16
6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.
(The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)
Don't laugh. These stories were told me by a serious person.

Back in the 1950s at GE's Military Electronics Division there was to be a demo of the finished product for the Important Military Customer. But the thing wasn't actually working yet. Somehow a wire got across the mains inside the box. When switched on the breakers blew and apologies were given. The customer was fairly tolerant, since everyone knows that a simple power supply failure is easy to fix. :O

Another project had to be shipped, even though it didn't work. There was great relief when the truck carrying the item ran off a bridge and crashed into a ravine - destroying the product.

Feeton Terrafirma
21st Oct 2004, 00:57
I fink its reelly unfair that you try to pick at injunears like this.


... choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.

NO.... the RAM is more important!!


... you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.

No way!! Ships sink to often.


... in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.

Not necessarily, it could be brittle fracture.


... the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions

They never can!


... at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.

Dont you mean accelerating? Its velocity squared because the gravitaional pull is independant of speed!!


... you bought your wife/girlfriend (husband/boyfriend) a new CD-ROM drive (or a Palm Pilot) for their birthday.

I already have a Palm but she needed a DVD burner for backup.


... you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.

"We are the Knights that say NEE" is pretty cool


... you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.

I avoid hand writting for that reason


... you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.

Sorry, I dont understand how hair can be parallel??


... you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.

NO! couldn't be bothered going to a silly place like that


... you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.

Of course. Useful stuff


... you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

How else do you stay in touch?


... you know what http:// stands for.

Hyper Text Transfer Protocol?? So what? Did you know it can be run over UDP as well as TCP?


... you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.

No, they do it all themselves now


... you see a good design and still have to change it.

Only because the franistran could be fultched to the bistrotle to make it more efficient


... you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.

of course, a wedding ring does NOT require any processing power.


... you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.

Of course. I have a 10" scale circular one in my bag. Only acurate to 3 decimal places but its ok for estimating stuff


... you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.

I guess


... you window shop at Radio Shack

Furnell is much better


...your laptop computer costs more than your car.

It does not. Cars are so over priced.


... your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.

Why would she?


... You've already calculated how much you make per second.

per millisecond ;)


... you've tried to repair a $5 radio

The IF stage needed a tune to bring it back to 455 khz


. . . you always do homework on Friday nights.

Is that a problem?


. . . you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.

The area under the curve gives the mass of avalible flesh for consumpsion


. . . you think in �math.�

Hex is not math.


. . . you�ve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

Which world series?


. . . you hesitate to look at something because you don�t want to break down its wave function.

New non- invasive measuring techniques are very good these days


. . . you have a pet named after a scientist.

Do you have a point?


. . . you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

Did you here about the consitpated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil. :D


. . . the Humane Society has had you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger�s Cat Experiment.

I dont like cats much. They are unpredictable.


. . . you can translate English into Binary.

48 65 78 20 69 73 20 73 6f 20 6d 75 63 68 20 65 61 73 69 65 72 20 74 68 65 73 65 20 64 61 79 73 2c 20 72 65 61 6c 6c 79 21

. . . you can�t remember what�s behind the door in the science building which says "Exit.�

I can so! Its a car park isn't it?


. . . you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there�s a wind-chill factor in the lab.

NO. I have a remote set up to the thermostat.


. . . you are completely addicted to caffeine.

I have cut back to less than 2.3 litres per day


. . . you avoid doing anything because you don�t want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

Not at all, thats still centuries away and we will vacate the planet prior to that time.


. . . you consider any non-science course �easy.�

Its a push over.


. . . when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

NO. Thats just wrong! I point out that I handed it in last month because I was ahead of the class


. . . the �fun� center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.

I have fun all the time. Like yesterday, I set up a dual boot PC running Suse Linux on one partition and Debian on another.


. . . you�ll assume that a �horse� is a �sphere� in order to make the math easier.

Rectangular prizim actually.


. . . you understood more than five of these indicators.

I understand all of them naturally, dont you?


. . . you make a hard copy of this list and post it on your office door.

Yeah, did that already ;)


. . . you think it might be a neat idea to send this message to all of your friends in the form of email.

I'll do that in a minute, just grab another coffee first.

Sedbergh
21st Oct 2004, 08:45
Crucial differences between engineering terms

There was a young lad in a third world country who was apparently a genius at repairing photocopiers, but had a less than perfect understanding of more refined English.

He was confronted by the boss one morning who asked

Boss "Did you tell Mrs X that her copier was f***ed?"

Repairman "Certainly not sir, I told her it was b**gered"

Boss "What's the difference?"

Repairman "If it's b**gered it can be fixed, if it's f***ed it can't be fixed"

Feeton Terrafirma
21st Oct 2004, 09:19
some technical terms I've used in explaining engineering concepts to non-engineers.

Wigit
Franistran
Wotnot
Thingamejigger
Bistrotle
Nadger
transverter
resisterator
invertister
carrotator

I have never been questioned about the meaning of any of these words.

:D

henry crun
21st Oct 2004, 09:47
Some confusion creeping in there Feeton.

The nadgers is a disease, and a nasty one at that, particularly in the galloping stage.

MadsDad
21st Oct 2004, 10:08
Henry, I'm not sure where you got your medical training but the actual disease is 'galloping'. 'Nadgers' refers to the afflicted organ(s).

These can also be used to acquire things by devious means (as in "he's got him by his nadgers").

simon brown
21st Oct 2004, 11:43
A vernier calliper, so i'm informed, was invented by a Bristolian because....its vernier accrut

Yesterday i couldnt spell "Engineer" today I are one

Bre901
21st Oct 2004, 12:46
Master Drapes,

if you read this thread, please note that the inventor of the vernier calliper was not a Geordie, nor even an Englishman, but a French speaker : Pierre Vernier (http://www-gap.dcs.st-and.ac.uk/~history/Mathematicians/Vernier.html) (not a Frenchman strictlty speaking as his birthplace only became French after his death)

Feeton
I could have made all your answers :uhoh: (except the Palm stuff, 'cause the missus asked for one for her birthday last year)

tony draper
21st Oct 2004, 14:09
Hmmm, in other words Mr Bre, Mr Vernier is only a Frenchman because, John Churchill 1st Duke of Marlbourgh kicked some arses at the battle of Blenheim.
:rolleyes:

Incidently on has a vernier, very usefull tool for measuring guitar neck throats it is.
:cool:

seacue
21st Oct 2004, 14:18
Doug Vernier sells software to predict the coverage areas of broadcasting stations in the USA.

Bre901
21st Oct 2004, 15:23
... you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.

See also today's Dilbert cartoon (www DOT dilbert DOT com)
Mods : are we allowed to link to such sites ?

[edited for grammar & spelling]

nosefirsteverytime
21st Oct 2004, 20:35
It's Dilbert bre, I'm sure the luvverly flaps won't mind!

Aren't I right ma'am?

Anyways, the scariest thing I've ever read:

Q: How do you torture an engineer?

A: Tie him to a chair, gag him, and slowly, in front of him, fold a roadmap THE WRONG WAY!!!!!






*shudder*

tony draper
21st Oct 2004, 20:42
Worked with Maps Schematics Blue Prints Diagrams all me life an I still cannot fold the feckers back up properly.
There a landranger series ordinance survey of Co Durham in me bin at the mo, one lost ones temper at the finish, tiz a sin I know.
:rolleyes:

PS, Sea charts were the best idea,one just rolled em up and stuck em back in the tube.
:cool:

TURIN
22nd Oct 2004, 00:19
More engineering terms....

Left-handed giggely crank.

A whim-wam for grinding smoke.

On a more serious note, I have seen the following in an aircraft tech log..

Technical percussion applied to inboard landing lamp housing. Landing lamp function checked satis.:ok:

Now THAT'S Engineering.:uhoh:

DX Wombat
22nd Oct 2004, 00:30
Technical percussion applied to inboard landing lamp housing. Would I be right in thinking that the correct translation is: We hit it with a hammer/spanner/blunt instrument and it worked? :E