View Full Version : Up your Euro.......

Nil nos tremefacit
17th Oct 2004, 18:11
Just received this from a guy who does international eelction monitoring and seems quite knowledgeable. He got it from a Turkish mate.

'Following the confusion surrounding the problems generated by the declension
of Euro in Lithuanian and other European languages, there is an even odder
problem likely to arise should Turkey join the EU. The Lithuanians have
already been told that Euro, the single European currency, is a stand alone
word and that they cannot decline the noun to make sense in Lithuanian, thus
making a nonsense of everyday speech and making it impossible for the Euro
to be used. When Turkey joins the problem will be exacerbated by the ethnic
Laz people of Eastern Turkey. Their language, Lazi, is Caucasian in origin,
being neither Indo-European nor Ugraic. In Lazi the word Euro as pronounced
in the UK, but not spelt that way, means '@rsehole'. Now since the language
is only spoken by some 30000 people this would not present a problem if the
Laz were not a temperamental bunch given to pulling guns on apparently
slight provocation. The Turks, not known for their politically correct
attitude to race also tell jokes about the unsophisticated Laz in much the
same way that Englishmen used to tell Irish jokes. The Laz are not likely
to be well impressed when their Turkish neighbours offer to buy or sell in
'@rseholes' and might not see the funny side. It could also, if picked up
by the Sun reading England fans, be a problem when the English play Turkey
and start singing 'you're all a load of Euros!!'. This could make for
interesting times. Still, mustn't sit on my Euro all day, I've got work to

18th Oct 2004, 15:06

It's not just the Lithuanians, NNT. Apparently, EU ambassadors gathered on Tuesday to discuss the dispute over the spelling of the word euro. (!) Latvia, Lithuania, Hungary, Malta and Slovenia have ALL demanded that a rule to uniformly use the word euro
across the EU be scrapped as it does not make sense in their respective languages.

Looks like they all ought to learn a bit of Lazi.

That'll be 500 :mad: please...

itchy kitchin
18th Oct 2004, 17:10
Well i read in one of the papers some time recently that they wanted to call it the "eur"

I guess it's pronounced "eurgh!":yuk:
which, coincidentally, is my reaction when polititians try to tell me how great it is. Personally, i think that the euro notes are bumwad from the bank of toyland.

18th Oct 2004, 21:14
Well, when I was last in Germany, my friends all referred to it as "Scheißegeld" - wonder if it should go by that instead?


18th Oct 2004, 22:17
But at least it allows the senior citizen to revert to the old ballad without fear of criticism:

Euros are cheap today!
Cheaper than yesterday.
Small boys are half a crown

Who would have thought it? Last time I heard, in the old version, it was at a mixed function of the ................ UAS, RAFVR. The troubadour was swiftly ushered from the presence. Do any still know the sangs, the auld sangs, the sangs (some) ma mither sang tae me?

And come to think of it, the recitations too!

"In the street of a thousand Euros,
Neath the sign of the swinging etc".

And then the two old men who by the fireside sat, beside the bucket of charcoal, many will recall, and one old man to the other one said, Let's tumpty-tumpty-tumpty-tum Euro.

Nil nos tremefacit
29th Oct 2004, 18:01
Of course I had a good theory on naming the 'common currency'. It runs like this.

In order to retain familiarity and historical links the currency should have a name in use at the time. Obviously we couldn't have a European Franc, despite France, Belgium and Luxembourg using Francs, since this would have resulted in one country's name being part of the currency. The sensible choice was the European pound - Italy with the lira, Ireland with the punt and ourselves including Scots, Northern Irish and Gibraltarians with their own notes were using a common currency name that translates widely (Malta and Cyprus have also used pounds). This accounted for well over 100 million users.

The pound would, like all modern currencies, have to be divided into something. The cent is all well and good, but it is in use worldwide in non-EU countries. It is a very boring unit. We also would not want to offend the other big European nation of Germany. Logically, out of respect for the Germans, we would divide the pound into pfennige; the English translation of pfennig is penny.

This would make it nice and easy. The European pound and the European penny. This is a bit of a mouthful and those old enough to remember decimalisation will remember the 'New Penny' and the way that, in the fullness of time the word 'new' was discreetly dropped.

When the currency was established on the world markets it should not have been tied as closely in value to the US dollar, we are Europeans after all. To reduce inflationary pressures the starting point should have been the most valuable currency in relation to the USD which, coincidentally, was the pound sterling.

Design of the notes would have been simple. We could use the head of Her Majesty who is linked by birth and marriage to virtually all the royal families of Europe. She is now the senior head of state in Europe as she has ruled for over 50 years. She is a beacon of family values, stands apart from politics and is internationally recognised.

In the modern Europe English is in the ascendancy being the preferred second language of the majority of Europeans. The main tourist groups, such as Japanese and Americans use English as their preferred European language.

In conclusion the European currency should be named the pound, it should be divided into pence, it should bear the Queen's head and it should have English wording. Simple.:ok:

tony draper
29th Oct 2004, 18:05
They were going to call it the Eurine, but folks would have took the piss.

Feeton Terrafirma
30th Oct 2004, 07:41
Nil nos tremefacit

I think your idea sounds great, until day 2 of inception. That would be when the inhabitants of a small island just west of the French coast became totally confused. They would have found that whilst the price of commodities remained the same as the day before, their Pound Stirling (as distinct from the Euro Pound) was worth somewhat less, so their actual purchasing power would be diminished.


This would further be complicated by the language difficultly induced by the similar names for the different currencies not to mention the difficulty in discussing the exchange rate of pounds to pounds.

I have a much better idea, (this is something Oztralia should have done!!) and that is the Barrell. Barrells make a lot of cents (no pun intended). The obvious diminutive of a Barrell would be a Tank. Perhaps to make things easy we can define 100 Tank as one Barrell. This way when you are paid in Barrells you know exactly how much petrol you can buy, but more importantly, the price of fuel will never go up :D Better yet, the price of most everything else will always go down!!!

30th Oct 2004, 07:58
How about Libri, Solidi and Denarii... :}

Solid Rust Twotter
30th Oct 2004, 08:10

Why fuel? Use something worthwhile like beer...:E :ok:

Feeton Terrafirma
30th Oct 2004, 11:30
have u seen how much fuel cost at the moment? In the last 2 months it has out paced beer 3 to 1 so you could trade your Barrells for even more pints ;)

Solid Rust Twotter
31st Oct 2004, 00:05
Aaah, but you can't drink fuel unless you want a Darwin Award to fill in the empty spot on your mantelpiece....:E :ok:

Feeton Terrafirma
31st Oct 2004, 01:55
With 405 hp stuffed into 5.7 litres of V8 I tend to drink a LOT more fuel than beer. ;)

Red is better anyway

31st Oct 2004, 17:18
I thought you were selling that thing Feeton?

31st Oct 2004, 18:43
They might have the rose noble, the crown, the 0.5 crown in decimal, or the florin, and of course the groat and bawbee.

The coinage might better capture the flavour of the institution, though, with any of:

“De la pistole,
De la guinée, et de l’obole,
Du louis d’or, du ducaton,
De la rose, et du patagon.”

Surely no one could object to the louis d'or.

tony draper
31st Oct 2004, 20:19
Pieces of Eight! Pieces of Eight! squark!!

31st Oct 2004, 21:13
It`s an old joke , I know, but:

if we renamed the Euro the Scargill, we could call the 50 cent coin the Arfur Scargill.

I`ll get me coat.

31st Oct 2004, 21:18
Wasn't the Euro originally suggested to be the "Eurodollar"?

That would've ruffled some feathers......!

And the use of 'pound' for currency spreads further than Europe.....'Dinar' being the Arabic for pound. Still, it's better than "Gulf Rupees" which used to exist round these parts.....

tony draper
31st Oct 2004, 21:50
One seems to recal that all the Sci Fi novels called the universal unit of currency in the future the "Credit"

"Unless you can pay the landing fee of 20,000 Centarian Credits Earthman, its the Vaporiser for you"

To quote something,
The first coins had the likeness of Gods stamped upon them, then we got Emperors, then kings and princes, now we have feckin politicians!.


9th Nov 2004, 12:37

Apropos of nothing much, does this mean a certain website (http://www.arrse.co.uk) will have to rename itself 'EURRO' ???


17th Nov 2004, 12:31
Wasn't the Euro originally suggested to be the "Eurodollar"?

The Eurodollar is 'a United States dollar deposited in a European bank and used as an international currency to finance trade'. London used to be the main clearing house for Eurodollar trades, much beloved by some investors because of the higher margins. They are still traded worldwide.

Some madman once proposed that the Euro and US dollar be merged to form a global single currency! Finally - a currency that's named after its President ... :}

Nil nos tremefacit
19th Nov 2004, 14:37
I think you'll find that the 'euro', a la Lazi, is on the back, whereas the Bush is on the front.......:confused:

Isn't there a country that uses the 'dong'?:cool:

19th Nov 2004, 15:06
Most Euro coins don't have a head on them so when you toss them you have to say 'common or national?'

Vietnamese have dongs

Nil nos tremefacit
26th Nov 2004, 16:26
Do the Vietnamese toss their dongs?:rolleyes:

26th Nov 2004, 16:30
Adds a whole new dimension to the game "Two up".

Standard Noise
26th Nov 2004, 16:34
Maybe the Laz people have something there, should we follow their lead?
Imagine the chaos among the begging community "spare us an arsehole fer a cuppa tea guv'ner."
In the pub, "You get the next round in, I'll have to nip to the hole in the wall, I haven't an arsehole left."

Sorry, couldn't help myself.:} :}

Nil nos tremefacit
28th Mar 2005, 17:55
According to this new constitution thingy that the French are about to vote on, and on which we may or may not get Tony's promised vote, this euro thingy is going to become our official currency regardless of whether we vote on it seperately or not.

Would you bet your @rsehole on the result of the French referendum?:ugh:

28th Mar 2005, 20:04
.......Grandpa doesn't bet anymore...................

But for sure I'll vote!

29th Mar 2005, 17:43
Let me get this right......are you saying, Nil nos thingy (or anyone), that the promised referendum on whether we shift to the Euro is now to be by-passed?

That would mean Blair has lied, would'nt it?

Standing by to go ballistic...........

El Grifo
29th Mar 2005, 18:19
Around my neck of da woods der deutschlanders sort of draw it out to sound like "Oie-E-ooor-0ss".

Anything to make it sound grander and more important what ??