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Astrodome
15th Oct 2004, 00:01
Old Lady Pharmacist

One day a young man went to a pharmacy and asked the little old lady behind the counter if he could speak with the pharmacist.

"I am the pharmacist," she informed him.

"Oh, in that case forget it," he replied and started to leave.

"Young man," the lady said to him, "my sister and I have been pharmacists for forty years and there is nothing we haven't heard, so what is your problem?"

"Well," the young man said reluctantly, "I have a problem with erections. Once I get hard, it won't go down for hours and hours, no matter how much I have intercourse! Please, can you give me something for it?"

"I'll have to go in the back and talk to my sister." she informed him.

About ten minutes later she came back.

"Young man, I have consulted with my sister and the best we can give you is 1000 a week and a third interest in the pharmacy."

pigboat
15th Oct 2004, 00:32
When Ariel Sharon visited Washington for meetings with George W. and for a state dinner, Laura Bush decided to bring in a special Kosher chef and offer a truly Jewish meal.

At the dinner that night, the first course served is matzoh ball soup. George W. looks at this and after learning what it's called, he tells an aide that there's no way he can eat such a gross and strange looking brew. The aide says that Mr. Sharon will be insulted if he doesn't at least taste it. Not wanting to cause any trouble - after all, he'd eaten a sheep's eye in honour of Arab guests - George W. lowers his spoon into the bowl and retrieves a piece of matzoh ball and some broth. He hesitates, then swallows. A big grin appears on his face. He finds that he really likes it so he digs right in and finishes the whole bowl.

"That was delicious," Bush says to Sharon. "Is there any other part of that matzoh critter that's edible?"

Jerricho
15th Oct 2004, 00:32
Do you sit there counting the seconds till it's Friday? ;)

pigboat
15th Oct 2004, 01:44
It's been Friday in Oz for awhile now.:D

EESDL
15th Oct 2004, 11:15
RAf pilot walks into the Mess Bar, with a brand new flashy watch on his wrist. The much-in-demand-only-female-in-the-place WREN walks in and diliberately ignores him until his 'wristy' actions could be ignored no longer............

"New watch" she reluctantly asks
"Oh, it's nothing", the pilot replies
"Does it tell the time?" she cheekily retorts.
"Yep", he replies, then fiddles with the bevel..
"It also tells me that you're not wearing any knickers"
"That's outrageous" she screams, "that's so rude, anyway, as a matter of fact, I am"
"Oh dear", he say, adjusting the bevel,
"You're quite right, the dam thing is an hour fast"!!

DualDriver
15th Oct 2004, 11:33
Picked this one up off the Rotorheads forum, Thought it was quite good.....:ok:

Air Force Fighter Pilot's Prayer


Lord grant me the Wings of an Eagle,

The Heart of a Lion,

The Eyes of a Hawk,

and Balls like an Army Helicopter Pilot.

and then this one....

Aeroplane pilots "land" and then try like F* K to stop.
Helicopter pilots "stop" then when they're good and ready they land.

:cool:

Send Clowns
15th Oct 2004, 12:15
But you must remember, DD, that if landing an aeroplane was as dificult as landing a helicopter then fixed-wing pilots wouldn't be able to do it! ;)

airship
15th Oct 2004, 12:33
The EuroMillions website has already published the results for the 15th October draw...:\

The person who bought a ticket for EuroMillions in France and won 5 million had until midnight, 14th October to claim the prize...:sad:

Jerricho
15th Oct 2004, 13:30
It's been Friday in Oz for awhile now

I believe Astro resides in the UK.

Taildragger55
15th Oct 2004, 14:38
In Ireland, County Cavan residents are notorious for their meanness.

Cavan chap calls to the wife, "Put your coat on, I'm going to the pub."

"And you are taking me?" she asked, stunned by his unforseen generosity.

"No, I'm turning the heat off."

OldCessna
15th Oct 2004, 19:41
A man walks up to a woman in his office each day,
stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of
air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer,
and goes to Human Resources. Without identifying
the guy, she tells them what the co-worker does,
and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit
against him.

The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and
asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker
telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "Well, it's Keith......the midget."

DishMan
18th Oct 2004, 17:47
A guy goes into a bar sits down and asks the bartender to line up ten shots of crown royal.

The bartenders asks "What's the happy occasion?"

"It's not so happy," the guy replies, "I just found out my older son is gay.

"Sorry about that," the bartender replies.

A month later the same guy goes to the bar and asks the bartender to line up 20 shots of Crown Royal.

The bartender says "I hope it's a happy occasion this time."

"Not really," the guy replies, "I just found out my other son is gay." With that he drinks the shots and leaves.

Six months later the guy walks into the bar again and asks the bartender to give him the whole bottle instead of lining up shots.

The bartender decides to ask the guy a personal question, "Doesn't anybody like pussy in your house?"


The guy replies "Yes, my wife."