View Full Version : Scandihooligans, Long Ships, Tall Ships, Soggy Old Salts, Strong Ale, Lusty Women.

9th Oct 2001, 19:38
Well, they closed the other Scandi topic, therefore this here "Son of Scandinavian Reparations".

The Draper: I honored you by including you in the subject title even if ya are not a fully qualified Scandinavian.
Come over and try the Bahamas and ya will never look back.

Yup, that yawl was a fine sailing craft.
She is now barely alive, having been damaged in 2 hurricanes and ignored by present owner.
She is sitting on the dry in St. Croix, (STX)
looking for a caring new owner. (Taking on that project, ya wan't have no time to spend on PPRuNe, I promise: The maintenance of a wooden boat in the tropics almost put me in an early grave.)

They are sure nice to look at, but I prefer to look at somebody else's woody these days.

Present vessel is fiberglass but with enough teak trim to please the eye.

Any other sailors on PPRuNe?
How about a bash in the Bahamas this winter?
The TowerDog will provide sunshine and clear water if ya guys bring the lusty maidens and the strong Ale.
See ya there.

(Edited for good ideas)

[ 09 October 2001: Message edited by: TowerDog ]

tony draper
9th Oct 2001, 20:12
I liked those Viking names, Eric Blood Axe,
Ragnar Hairy Breeks, boy, you just know they weren't social workers.
Incidently if you want a real good ripping yarn to read ,get THE LONGSHIPS, I know they made a pathetic movie out of same, but the book is great full of grim humour, still got a much read battered copy somewhere.
Nearest I got to you Mr Tower was running to Curacao,just a big oil refinery then, I understand its a tourist trap now.

gravity victim
9th Oct 2001, 20:21
Don't you two ever do any work?
And how can I join?

tony draper
9th Oct 2001, 20:29
Got any tattoo's?. ;)

gravity victim
9th Oct 2001, 20:33
No TD, that's just ingrained dirt. How about an intimate piercing though?

9th Oct 2001, 21:20
The Draper:

Well, it ain't really a tourist place:
I was there with an airplane earlier this year and was warned not to leave the hotel alone, be careful, etc, etc.
Had no problems but some other crews have been mugged there recently.

Aye, not working too hard. Mostly sitting in the shade with a cold beer. 4 days a month is about my average work schedule.
Yawn....Lazy life, as should be.

Ya wanne join? Ok, are ya
1) Young, female, good looking?
2) Good at cleaning and cooking?
3) A good sailor?
4) Turned on by middle age men with a handsome beer belly?

If ya can answer yes to 4 out of 4, Ya have come to the right place......


The Guvnor
9th Oct 2001, 21:23
Hey, TowerDog - next time I head over to FLL I am holding you to your promise re spicy wings, lots of beer, lusty women and boats! :D :D :D

9th Oct 2001, 21:31
The Guvnor:

For you my friend, I have virgin sister.
She hot, very hot.
You big and strong like bull, she like you much.
I tell her you come to her place.
She say, bring gift, I told her you bring many gift.


9th Oct 2001, 22:01
ThorDog - Hellooooo, Big Boy.

- Freyja Vafthrudnir

aka The Lay of Thrym

tony draper
9th Oct 2001, 22:05
Few years back the company I work for sent me out to join a cruise liner in San Fransisco,
Italian ship called the Fairsky, she ran American tourists back and forward to Curacao, found I difficult to beleive, there used to be a nice little town at the entrance to the lagoon,in Curaco Emistad? something like that, no lawlessness then, they had very large dutch policemen, there was supposed to be a legendary hoor house up in the hills, but with bloody tankers you were lucky if you got eight hours ashore.
Incidently the Fairsky ran up to Victoria in Vancouver and dry docked, hardly stuck my head out of the accomodation, I had 600 color tv's to modify and about eight days to do it in.
It was strange being on a ship again after all those years, not that I class those floating hotels as proper ships mind.
What was your all time favorite run ashore?.

9th Oct 2001, 22:09
Uh, Gerundive:

Could you send me a picture, with bikini or without, then we can talk.

Vettlause TowerDog.... :D

9th Oct 2001, 22:22
Ah, Draper you are right:

You are talking about the Dutch island, I was talking about Caracas in Venezuela.
Indeed a big difference.
The Island Curacao is a nice place, quiet little town, good food, etc.

Aye, my favorite ports: Hmm, Kobe was okay as I got to try my first Geisha at age 17.
Friendly little thing she was.
Wonder if she remembers me?...Probably not.

Spent some days in Rotterdam and Hamburg. Good beer and nightlife there.
Also liked Zamboanga in the Phillipines.
Good little place it was, but now they have turned muslim and there is civil unrest and fighting there.

Nowadays my goal is to sail to the Virgin Islands and just hang out.....

(Edited for spelling errors, where is Hug when ya need him?)

[ 09 October 2001: Message edited by: TowerDog ]

tony draper
9th Oct 2001, 22:47
Ah Kobe,I was there in the early sixties, running scrap iron from Aussy, one square mile of bars each with half a dozen bar girls,Oh boy, ther was also a great bar there called Clancies,run by a Australian guy, when you got sick of the flesh pots and just wanted a quiet drink you went there, no bar girls and sweet smelling western style toilets.
Although its so long ago I may be getting mixed up with Osaka.
Didn't think much of Tokyo, spent a christmas there, but I liked Osaka and Kobe.

10th Oct 2001, 00:58
If I knew you lot were talking about matters nautical, I`d have been here far earlier.

I love the wooden ones,despite the maintenance. Spent many happy(?) hours rubbing down parents boat as a lad. 7/8 inch strip planking in African mahogany, weighed a lot but that hull was tough. took us all over the South coast and the froggy side. Ah well, nostalgia`s not what it used to be.

tony draper
10th Oct 2001, 01:08
Huh, try rubbing down a 35,000 ton tanker, the novelty soon wears off . ;)

I sailed with a old fella that had sailed on the Moshulu between the wars, always going on about it, he really had, had his old dogeared discharge book to prove it, I used to think boring old fart, so you sailed on the wind ships, wasn't till I read Eric Newby's Last Grain Race years later, that I had missed the chance to listen to the old guy, Called him Joe Harney from South Shields, he'll be long dead now.
I made some enquiries poor old Moshulu is beached now serving as a resturant, in some Yanky port.
Still better than being turned into matchsticks or scrapped and burnt.

[ 09 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

10th Oct 2001, 02:19
TD, I'm right with ya there on the Virgin Islands... provided we can forget St. Croix, St. Thomas, St. John - let's just forget the USVI completely. Hate them. Too overcrowded, too developed, too full of checked shorts (short pants to you) with sandals and black socks, and people who don't know how to play golf without a motorised caddy.

But Tortola - beautiful, relatively unspoilt, or Jost Van Dijk, or anywhere in the BVI - heaven!

Soper's Hole, anywhere close to a Pusser's shop...

There was a 26 footer sank off Montserrat by Hurricane Hugo. Owner wrote it off, and claimed on the insurance. Later, a white Rasta guy I knew asked if he could salvage it, and was told if he could get the boat up, it was his to do what he liked with. So he and another Rasta salvaged it by freediving in 40' of water - amazing feat! He used to race it regularly at the yacht club - did pretty well too! I remember him beating the Governor once...

10th Oct 2001, 06:08
Aye Hug:

I agree that St. Thomas ain't the garden spot, more like the tourist trap from hell. St. Croix and St. John however are fairly laid back islands and there is only a few of them checkered shorts tourist down there.

The BVIs of course are a slightly different animal: I sailed there quite a bit and can testify to the different vibes.

Virging Gorda and Jost Van Dyke being sweet places.

I shall return.

The plan is to live on the yacht and do a little treasure hunting in the area:
Anegada is a good place to start. Many wrecks around that island. Just dive down and pick up gold bars from the Spanish Galleons. Beats working for a living...

(And in case somebody says: Duh, it ain't that easy, otherwise everybody, including the fligth attendants would be doing it: Yup, true. Go for it anyway, life is short, why wait till ya sit in the old folks home talking about all them things ya could have done.)

See ya guys down there, the name of my fine ship is "Rhapsody".
Happy hour is any time, just call on channel 16. ;)

10th Oct 2001, 13:13
Ah, TD, never look a gift norse in the mouth.

10th Oct 2001, 13:31
Ah - those Spanish Galleons.... tricky proposition at times, especially when you have to deal with the natives, as the Brits found out when they tried to salvage some of the treasure one of the Armada ships was carrying when she went down off Northern Ireland.

Various parties were sent out asking the locals if they knew where this ship had gone down, but none of them knew anything about it.

What was confusing the Brits (and possibly the locals) was that there was a place up there (not far from the Giant's Causeway and where the Bushmills Distillery is now) called Cobh na Spaniagh, so it was lucky nobody could work it out.

Anyway, by the time the wreck was "found", it was discovered that there was no gold bullion on board, so maybe she wasn't carrying any in the first place... :confused: ;)

10th Oct 2001, 14:02
Whats all this rubbing down business???. Perhaps I ought to head off to sea.

We sold those USVI to the U.S. back in 1917 for $10 and a case of beer, if I remember correctly. Sounds like we made a killing.

tony draper
10th Oct 2001, 15:08
****** that Draper wants at least three thousand ton of steel under his flip flops before he ventures out on the ogan.
Did nine months on a little coaster once, that little bastard used to submerge as soon as we left the tyne piers,and resuface off Rotterdam.
Re runs ashore, the place that sticks in my mind was. Rio Grand,de-sol, Brazil, boy was that a wild place then, just like a cowboy town, dirt streets,raised board side walks, bat wing doors on the bars, and lots of guys carrying large calibre iron in holsters on the hip.
Had a wild time there,seemed to be one of the few places where they liked Limey's Draper had a fine head of blond hair then and them dark eyed senorita's had a liking for young aryan types, had three of them fighting over me, good beer also, I think it was called Bramma Chop, something like that.
Oh, happy days.
Oh yes they discharged our cargo thru something about the size of a garden hose, so we had about three weeks alongside, bloody magic for a tanker.
That was on the Thirlby, one of Ropners, horrible green colour she was.


[ 10 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

10th Oct 2001, 17:28
At least 3000 tons of steel before ya venture of to sea again?
Aye Draper, there is a life beyond them big ships, called yachting it is.
(Didn't the Brits get read of a 3000 ton Royal yacht recently? Prince Charles toy was it?)

For a personal size boat ya need something that can be purchased and maintained by yourself and yer woman, hence the smaller size. Ya can be quite comfy and safe on a smaller one mate, trust me on this one..


Treasure hunting of the Irish coast sounds cold and miserable as well as expensive.

The secret to doing it in the islands is as follows: Ya take a C-172, fly circles at 500 feet, when ya see black spots in the sand, ya fly over the spot and hit enter on yer GPS so as to mark the position.
Then ya land the plane, pull out yer scuba gear and take yer tender over to the GPS spot. Now ya dive down and pick up the gold bars...

Uh, perhaps somewhat simplified, but iron such as cannons and cannon balls will oxydize
in the sand and leave dark spots that are easy to ah, spot from the air.
Where ya have cannons, ya most likely have wrecks.
The wood may have rotted away, but the gold should still be there.

Most of the Spanish Galleons were loaded with treasures they had plundered from South America.
Odds are good, if ya can find them :D

10th Oct 2001, 18:02
OK, TD - you got me sold. I'll give you a hand. I can fly, I'm not bad as a yacht crew, and I'm an advanced/rescue SCUBA diver. That enough to earn my 50%? :)

10th Oct 2001, 18:21
Okay Hug, ya are on.

Plan to sail South from Florida to the Virgin Islands April 2001. The trip will take 3 to 4 weeks as we hang out and wait for weather windows etc.
(Gentlemen never sail to Windward)

Weeks or months at sea should not be a problem as we all will probably be without a job then anyway.

We ought to take along some sweet stuff to:
Any Foxy Female PPRuNe Ladies wanna go treasure hunting in the Islands?
(Nude sailing is highly encouraged and healthy as the body needs Vitamin D from the sun rays)

Should we take along Draper as well, or do you think he will be a problem: Swearing and cussing, getting soused on our beer and shaging the maidens? Hmm....He could be a problem indeed.


10th Oct 2001, 18:24
Well here we are 6 months later - how rich are you now Huggy!

Tricky Woo
10th Oct 2001, 18:30

We've already established that you Scanders chaps have certain (ahem) deficiencies, but maybe you make up for it all in the brain department?

I'm truly intrigued by your p*ss easy method for finding gold bars... I intend to rent a C152 asap and fly around the Mersey estuary. I'll be a millionaire by lunch time.


10th Oct 2001, 19:10

If you fly round the Mersey Estuary looking for black spots, I don't think they'll be gold bars, more like Mersey Trout! :eek:

tony draper
10th Oct 2001, 19:13
PSSTT, Johnny wanna buy a treasure map?, good map Johnnie, many treasure for sure.
Hey Johnnie you buy watch from me?
Hey you want my sister Johnnny?, good jungle ass Johnnie,she love you good, you bet.

10th Oct 2001, 19:21
ooh i wanna go sailing
i could be a good pirate's wench ;) :p ;)

10th Oct 2001, 19:40
Come off it Tricky, no sense of humor? Surely ya did not think it was as easy as described above? (Duh. Well, if you did, why don't ya talk to yer Swiss Banker buddies and get us financing for this here expedition....)

As for finding gold on the sea bottom and becoming rich in a flash:
Well, the odds are slightly better than winning the grand prize in Lotto, but ya are having a swell time doing it.

I have done some on a very small scale, not finding gold, but artifacts such as intact glass bottles from the Danish ships, thrown overboard when the crew were celebrating a succesfull arrival.
A bottle in good shape can bring about $900.00. (If the vintage and type of bottle is the right one.)

Many of the harbors in the West Indies have been dredged in the last 100 years and bottles and other stuff have been crushed in the process. :(

Still plenty of unexplored wrecks around, but the equipment and expertise necesarry to actually find and salvage treasures is way out of reach for amateurs.

In the meantime, uh, do it anyway: Scuba gear and a $1000.00 metal detector is within reach, and ya could find shallow wrecks using the Cessna method.

For those that don't think so, Tricky and them guys, stay home and watch TV.


(Edited by Mel Fisher)

[ 10 October 2001: Message edited by: TowerDog ]

tony draper
10th Oct 2001, 19:41
"Right Mr Hug, your turn you go and hide your goods, I promise I won't look"
Grunt, grunt, Hugmonster drags his sack of gold bars along the narrow deck,
"Huh!, damm that Tower, thinks I'm a fool, well you gotta get up early in the afternoon to put one over on Fred C Hugmonster, I'll wait untill he's asleep, yeh, kill him an take his goods, throw him to the sharks, yeh baby thats it, Bastard he's watchin, watch away Tower, you get yours tonight,you gotta sleep sometime, yeh, Fred C Hugmonster aint nobodies fool, I'll take this damm boat as well, and his woman". :eek:

10th Oct 2001, 19:50
Still thinking about taking that nice Mr. Draper with you, Tower ?

-remember how much he likes pilots...



(by the way, but more back on topic, in my last job the office across the corridor was occupied by a huge, bearded viking-type whose name turned out to be Ulf Greenhammer ! must be in the genes still )

[ 10 October 2001: Message edited by: VnV2178B ]

10th Oct 2001, 19:57
Uh, on second thought Mr. Draper, I don't think there is any vacant position for you on the treasure expedition.
We do however appreciate your interest and should a vacancy occur, we will call you right away.

(Wow, that was a close one, Captain TowerDog and his crew will sleep with knifes under their pillows in the future.) :eek:

tony draper
10th Oct 2001, 20:23
"Damm ,look at that Mr Hug is dragging his goods toward the rope locker, got my gold in there, hmm, don't like the way he's muttering away to himself either, and looking at me like that".
"hmm Its the Gold, its drove him mad, not that he was very stable to start with, think Towerdog, what can I do, gotta protect myself".
"I know I'll fill his scuba tanks with the birds, channel number five, not like its murder, just protecting myself , the man is clearly mad, hmmm, suppose I'll have to keep all the gold myself,"
"Yeh Tower thats the way Just wait until Fred C Hugmonster is asleep and I'll do the deed". :rolleyes:

[ 10 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

10th Oct 2001, 21:06

Aye, this may not be an expedition for a sweet young thing like you.
Just look at the crew list:
The Draper is going to drag the sacks of gold across the deck to his own cabin before the mast, and he will surely crush skulls along the way.

Tricky Woo is going to finance this expedition and he wants a berth as well as his share of the goodies.

Then there is The HugMonster and The TowerDog, both pilots and not to be trusted in the company of young maidens.

Besides that, you will certainly cause a heart attack among us middle age male crew members when you sail in the nude across the ocean.
Not a happy ending for old salt's on a mission for God and for Mankind.


10th Oct 2001, 21:12
Sounds like Ding's going to be surrounded by lots of salty seamen on the deck :D :rolleyes:

10th Oct 2001, 21:12
TD, I'm finding you very persuasive, although not the way you might prefer - based on your last post, dingducky has to be there! :)

tony draper
10th Oct 2001, 21:25
Oh arrgg, Jim Lad, go fetch oy a flagon of grog lad an al tell ee a tale as will turn ee blood cold.
Twer two seafaring men as hired a yot from a old foul smellin river rat called Captn prune,
A yot mind lad ,not a proper iron ship,off they sets a treasure huntin, with one lady betwixt em.
an gold laddie, know ye what gold does to a mans soul, tis satans metal, mark my words Jim lad, but twer the lady as done for them and their toy boat laddie, not the gold.
One lady, ha!betwixt two, har, har, har, first bloody tripper they be lad.slurp arrgggg. ;)

10th Oct 2001, 21:36
Hey, what about me? I could hose Ding down when it gets really steamy. I'm a great cook and bottle-washer and also something of a scrubber.

10th Oct 2001, 22:22

Okay ya are on, but oh, what is your specs:
Beam, Draft, Displacement, Vintage etc?

Your job aboard the happy ship will be to keep the Draper in place of course.
Keep him in the bunk snuggled up to a bottle of rum and ring the ships bell if he moves even one inch.

Aye, Ding, looks like the crew will not leave port without you on the crew manifest.
And, uh, don't bring a bikini, it is as you know, bad luck aboard a ship.
Hmm, perhaps I should set the rest of the crew adrift in the raft and go for gold with only you.
Or several female crew members would also work. Hmmm, one to cook, one to clean, and one to, uh keep the skipper well massaged.
Then rotate the duties so there is always a fresh and rested one on hand.

(Sorry Draper, Hug and Tricky, change in plans, I am now being politically correct and signing on only females, they need the opportunity and they deserve the chance to experience non-traditional roles and careers.)

On the other hand, Ms. TowerDog may throw my
bones to the sharks if I did just that.
Aye, sweet mid-life crisis here we go again.

The trip South however is for real, planning to keep the boat docked in the Virgins and just fly down from MIA on days off and sail and dive the islands.
As for treasure hunting, it is possible, but not likely to find gold. Full time job it would be. The retirement package however could be quite good if one was lucky, very lucky.


tony draper
10th Oct 2001, 22:29
This may not be as interesting and romantic as Pieces of Eight and Doubloons, but Draper knows of a wreck that could still make us all rich.
She lies at only five fathoms, within sight of the Beach,her holds stuffed with 10,000,000 pounds worth of copper ingots, thats 1940 prices.
She is the Greek, Euenia Chandris,how she comes to lie off the mouth of the Tyne is a sad tale.
There once was a proud 16000 ton Scandihooligan passenger vessel called,
Osolof Jord, fell foul of a round black object with horns,floating off the Tyne, she sank in 10 fathoms, next came the aformentioned Eugenia Chandris sailing out of the Tyne, and in keeping with the navigation methods still employed by Greek Merchant Seamen, all hands including the old man and navigator turned into their bunks the instant the pilot had been dropped off,and as per, the only thing on the bridge being cockroaches, and clang! she ran onto the wreck of the Osolof Jord and sank her arse off, right on top of the earlier wreck.
There she still lies chaps, in but five fathoms, stuffed to the gills with valuable copper ingots, only wanting the attention of some brave chaps to win her wealth.
So Draper plan is this, I note we are accumulating lots of female lady crew members, so in keeping with sexual equallity, we send them down first and let them clear the thousand odd tons of unexploded ordinance six inch shells, mortor bombs, torpedoes, mines ect,that was loaded on top of our copper,then down we go, or rather, down you chaps go, and recover all those copper ingots, Draper will stay aloft and keep toot for the river constabulary and such.

[ 10 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

Tricky Woo
11th Oct 2001, 11:14
I think that an illegal and dangerous expedition to recover the treasures of the Euenia Chandris sounds just the sort of thing that a Swiss bank would invest in. It's got everything: bombs, shells, valuable treasure... even better, there's a good chance that someone will die recovering the loot. Exciting stuff, that.

Nothing that the Swiss likes more than an illegal arms deal... other than protecting foreign citizens from the necessity of declaring black money, of course.

And what about afterwards? All that illegal loot will be quickly converted into illegal money, then we're all going to need somewhere to stash it all, no questions asked. Well, that's where the Swiss banks come in...

The only thing that would make it perfect for them would be if we used the money to finance a large drugs deal.

This is just the sort of thing that Swiss banks are rightly famed for.


tony draper
11th Oct 2001, 12:48
Indeed Mr TW, Draper knows of a good scrapman
in South Shields, who will give us a good price for the copper,he will also loan us a horse and cart to transport said loot. Although Sand dancer's are not normally to be trusted,I have had dealings with this chap on previos occasions, and if one is firm he is fair, we must be cautious not to send Mr H on this mission, as he will probably return with a jar of goldfish and a balloon.
Draper hesitates to say this, but perhaps it would be prudent to pay the ladies off early,a bottle of some Scent and a box of Roses chocolates should be sufficient to send them happily on their way, it is Drapers' experience that large sums of money will only confuse the poor dears, and they will only rush out and buy Lipsticks,Electric hoovers, Dresses and such.
Those scoundrels in S/Shields will only take advantage of ladies carrying large amounts of wedge.
The money will of course be divided equally, and Draper shall issue you each with a cheque drawn on his account at the Royal Bank of Mongolia, at Ulnan Bator, It will be necessary for Draper to travel there personnely and deposit the money, but he will leave you happily ensconced at Mrs Madge Bowels, lodgings for deprived sea farers, untill his return.
We shall talk further on these matters.
Ps, I was just thinking, this vessel is at no great depth, is it really necessary for the ladies to be supplied with expensive Scuba gear?, I'm sure they can hold there breath for a sufficient length of time to drag a few shells and such from a hold, and the saving's would benifit us all.
However as diving master, Draper will leave hese details to you Mr T.
pps, I would recomend caution on how much you tell Mr H,untill the expedition is well under way, as he is known to lack circumspection when in his cups.
Hmm, the more Draper thinks of this, a two way split looks more attractive, Mr Hug is in poor health perhaps?,his memory is not what it was,? he, in his forgetfullness ommited to put breath, or whatever it is you frogmen put in those tank thingies, the waters off the tyne are very cold, the undertows vicious, sharks and conger eels abound, or he could catch a chill, and sucumb to a bout of sneezing whilst submerged, such things happen ,a tragety of course, but one must by philosophical, need I say more.

[ 11 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

11th Oct 2001, 15:46
Well...I'd offer my services of quality (??) nursing care. However, the closest thing to a ship I've been on is one of those outrigger thingees in the Philippines, and I don't think that really counts....so my sea-legs are of an unknown quality...

Can do massage - sick patients love it, but I'm not sure that's the sort of massage you were thinking of??!!

I can cook fabulously....if I have a whole kitchen to mess up...not one of those 2 ring burners and no bench space to spread everything out on...

Maybe I'll just pay for a passage and spend the time swimming and generally being incredibly lazy...could do with a holiday!


11th Oct 2001, 15:54

You sound perfect!

You won't find a sicker patient than Mr D, and as for your passage, I think that's part of your attraction to TD! :)

11th Oct 2001, 16:03
I'll have you know Mr Draper, btw, that it would take at least 2 boxes of Roses chocolates to pay me off!! But would prefer Adelaide's own Haigh's if I can be choosy...

I promise not to buy electric hoovers ... sounds too much like hard work to me, and I really just want a holiday...

Dresses, however, are another thing completely....


tony draper
11th Oct 2001, 18:11
Of course Madam Min, large stores of chocolates cream cakes ect shall be laid in for this trip, Draper is in comunication with Grope Brothers, Ships [email protected] Slaver's.com ,as we speak.

Damm,mutinous murmuring from the Focsle Head before the trip is underway, this bode's ill.
Still once these ladies have signed articles, and we are at sea, Draper can put a bit of stick about, a ropes end on the quaterdeck, a ten hour watch aloft on the Mizzen Top Gallant Yards will knock some of the spirit out of them, that and a diet of Hard Tack and Sea Biscuit.
Hmm never thought, wonder if these ladies can swim, not that its really necessary, going down five fathoms and returning to the surface is hardly qualifies as swimming , a large rock tied to the leg, a rope, drop them to the bottom, leave them for five or six minutes pull them up again,what could be simpler.
Anyway one of them appears to be Australian, Draper is given to understand that these people are flung into the Ocean moments after birth, in order to eerr, clean them up and accustom them to life beside the sea, which is where they all live apparently, the interior being unihabitable, hmm strange place no cities to speak of,they all live in small cells on the beach, someone told me that they have a genetic predisposition for living in cells, hmmm, strange people indeed.

My two partners in this venture worry me somewhat,driving these mechanical heavier than air machines, hardly qualifies them for navigating a wind ship in the roaring forties around the top of Scotland.
I am informed, ego's of such people are only exceeded by their general ineptitude.
Still Draper, beggers can't be chooser's, we don't want to upset this chap and have him flounce off in the huff taking his vessel with him.

[ 11 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

11th Oct 2001, 19:01
Aye, that is right mate, stay on your best behaviour, regardles how hard it is, and ya will go to sea again.

I looked up the wrecks ya mentioned, and uh, no reference to neither Oslofjord, nor the Greek freighter. Could it be that both vessels have been pulled up as they certianly would be a hazard to navigation in only 5 fathoms?
If so, lets sail South again and plunder pieces of eight from wet graves. Aye and ho and bottles of rum and lusty maidens and here we come.....

Min: Yes, certainly you can sign up for the voyage of the century with the loons from Jet Blast, but uhm we need a picture.
The female crew selection are based on good looks, bodies made for sailing nude, and not much brain power to confuse the menfolks with.

As for cooking with only a 2 burner stove, aye no problem, we have a fully stocked galley that only a woman can love: 3 burner stove, oven for baking fresh bread and gas grill on the railing for the lobsters.

So, send picture, bikini optional and off on a cruise you go.


11th Oct 2001, 19:38
Hmmm this is getting serious, picies (nude or otherwise) being soliceted, offers of massage, nude bathing, this is getting to be a pretty raunchy thread, wonder if Danny has wind of this, I thought that Jet Blast II. the Pit, was created for this sort of thing.

Mind you if I hurry up and advance the purchase date of my bright yellow, extra durable, local proof, special, big, open sea going, double hulled whatsit by laser, I could have learned which bit of rope to hold by the time these chaps get this Prune gold finding, babe groping, rum swilling, priapatic saturnalia, on the hoof.
Then perhaps I'll try and bluff my way on as a genuine seapup with extensive experience in the buying section of the gold souks(true), in desperate need of free gold(true), willing to do anything(not true), desperate for rum( partialy true, must be mixed with Coke((the real thing)) ice cubes and a slice of lime (((optional))) ).

Babes of course are an optional extra, neccessary but can be troublesome. They have been known to refuse diving asignments, though the rock tied to leg was a good touch Tony, obvious experience showing there, cooking asignments, and even on occasions bedding assignments. In short possibilities for seriously mutinous behaviour exist with babes.
Still with the obvious babemagnets that seem to be jockying for berths on this treasure cruise it might be a wild hairy-arsed bunch indeed that sets sail in the Carribean waters in the good ship Venus. Er Towerdog what was the name of the vessel again? Dingy and Min gracefully draped over the orlop deck with a studding sail bellying out above, strewth... the nautical terms are fairly ripping out now, I could definitely get the hang of this.
The mind boggles at what might be clustered around on the poop deck besides, but then the expedition is still in it's infancy, the Captain is still pressing his crew and old blind Pew will have his say with the black spot yet.

11th Oct 2001, 20:16
More crews, aye by Neptun why not?
Thou shall start at the bottom, scrub the deck, polish the bronze, peel them potatoes and most importantly, stay away from the Master's supply of rum and nude maidens.
Them are his and his only, harr harr, the plank ya shall walk you landlubber, and the keel your skin shall taste, if you go for the old seadog's rum and his maidens.

That and surviving Draper should be a fulltime occupation.
Still want to go??

Aye, so be it.
More crews too sign on?

Actually I do have a nice picture that describes this journey well, but have no idea how to paste/cut/copy and to get it on these pages.
Microsoft pictures it is, any computer experts out there who can lend a hand?

Mr. Draper, perhaps you can be useful for once, yer profile says engineer, that be in 'puters?
Perhaps I could transfer the pic to yer e-mail address, then ya forward it to JB?

tony draper
11th Oct 2001, 20:57
PUTERS!!!,How dare you sir, Draper is a proper Engineer, not some glorified typist.
Draper wields a soldering iron and twiddles knobs on oscilloscopes, although one has built a few of those machines,not that that is anything to brag about, yer average monkey could do the same.
Draper has charts and locations of the sad vessel Eugenia C, but we must be cautious, those who frequent the Dunununder forum often troll these threads seeking some culture in there lives,.
Twould be a terrible irony should we turn up ready to retrieve what is rightfully ours to find a boatload of those indisiplined louts, anchored above our wreck, and the seabed ten foot deep in empty tinnies,
although one assumes our northern sea's would prove a little chilly for those milksops.

PS Draper is begining to feel some disquiet that others will try and pre-empt our expedition, so my Butler Herpes was persuaded to swim out to the location and cut free the wreck buoy, see below the entry into the tyne pilotage charts.

Plan: Delete R can buoy "Eugenia Chandris/Oslo Fiord".

[ 11 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

11th Oct 2001, 21:17
Aye Mr. Draper, thanks for heads up on them Aussies and their devilish plan to rob our treasure. We shall certainly deal with the rascals as is proper: As privateers we will of course take their ship and their beer supply, then tie 'em to the gallows for 30 years of rowing. That should set them straight, ******s.

Uh, did ya receive e-mail from TowerDog with the pic?

If so, don't be shy, put it on these pages, and it should indeed scare of them Aussies for years to come. The treasure is ours... :eek:

tony draper
11th Oct 2001, 21:30
My apologies Mr Tower, on re examination of my logbook I see the vessel she struck was the Oslo Fiord, a easy mistake to make the visibility was poor as I swam along her bow seeking her name,and fighting off the attentions of a giant squid at the time, must have caused some confusion on my part, here are more details.

Largest shipwreck on East coast. Huge amount of broken wreckage on sand seabed. Bow section points seaward. Four diesel engines clear after inward collapse. Pewter, crested pottery, silver salvers and brass portholes often found. Wreckage of 5317-ton Greek steamer Eugenia Chandris lies in contact near engine room after she struck Oslofjord wreck on 15 March, 1943.

tony draper
11th Oct 2001, 22:23
Yo Mr Tower I seem to be having trouble with my email thingy,so I do not know if you recieved my relpy and the pick a clean one I might add.
Sorry I misunderstood I thought you were asking how to email a picky.
Some forums do allow picks within your post, the procedure is to post your pick to a web site that hosts picks, then provide a special link within the post you send to the forum you want your pick to appear on, and lo it appears on that particular thread.
In truth I have never managed to get this to work, and picks I have sent to other forums that allow this, I email the to a spotty computer nerd I know, and he does the business for me.
Don't think pprune allows this, don't think I have seen picks in any thread, it probably takes up to much diskspace or server time,I notice they do have gallery, but how you get picks to appear there I have no idea.

PS got that pick, bloody hell, suggest you do not approach the coast of Australia in that vessel at this time, will cause much distress there, and possibly cause you to be shelled by a Aussy gun boat.
pps,It is possible to post a pick like this, click on the link.
This shows Draper's last command,
The old SS GLADYS CLACK,alas that trip we ran short of fresh water, and the pick shows Brenda the Cabin boy and the ships pet sharing the bath after the rest of the crew had used the water first for their ablutions

[ 11 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

12th Oct 2001, 04:57
If you are planning on looking for treasure in the waters down here, I would suggest you steer clear of Christmas Island...would hate you to get mistaken for illegal immigrants and carted off to Woomera for some R&R...altho..on second thoughts...

Being female, I can talk under water (alleged only, still not proven) so 5-6 minutes with a rock tied to my leg shouldn't be any trouble really...

I would like to learn to dive on this 'holiday' if that's at all possible ... please?? Or would it just be easier if I headed up to Qld and did that in the safety of my own culture !!??

Oh, btw, is there a powerpoint where I can plug my hairdryer in??


henry crun
12th Oct 2001, 08:04
Tower Dog: you can post your photos for free at http://photos.yahoo.com/

When you set up your site you can elect to have access by password of not.
You can then post individual page urls here.

It must be understood that I am only telling you this on the strict understanding that you post photos of the cruise of the
good ship Lollipop complete with girls, bars of gold, nudie girls, pieces of seven or eight, girls, rigging, and nudie girls.

Oh, nearly forgot, don't forget to include photos of the girls.

12th Oct 2001, 11:12
Ahhhhhhh sailing the Carib........

With Norwegian winter looming, a major house move imminent, 2 teenage offspring in the midst of raging hrmonal imbalances that provoke untold storms in the 40 household and flying being a rather sad occupation at the moment, it sounds like the Great Escape.

But alas, I would not fit the job requirements.
Young? Ancient crone at 43 more like :) although Hug would probably vouch for the fact that I'm ornamental enuff :D Skilled cook? Couldn't cook my way out of a McDonald's, used to being catered for. ;)
Not to bother the gents with conversation? Sorry, brain capacity bit too large.
Able to swim with concrete block tied to leg? Nahhhhh, guess that 4 different PADI's don't measure op to that do they?
Able to give elderly gents rub downs? I can do Advanced Trauma Life Support, so MAYBE I'd qualify here? ;) On second thoughts, probably not....
I'm a good sailor but apparently that's NOT what you blokes are looking for in the female crew. well well well.......

I guess the good ship Lollipop will be sailing without me.
Sånn er livet! :D


Singularly Unsuitable Sailor.........

12th Oct 2001, 11:17
Well it sounds like we have Long John Silver, with my one good eye I have spotted at least two Cabin girls, a good Ben Gunn, Squire Trelawny and a parrot just flew in sqwuaking about girls. I haven't seen a jpeg of the good ship Hispaniola yet but this expedition is on a fair course to setting sail.
Pewter mugs though, hmm... not enough talk about dubloons. The scuzzies from the Dunner zone make adequate rogues and I s'pose tinnies will have to do instead of rum.
Rum bum and the lash will have to give way to Fosters Tiddles and my cap with the inbuilt fan please. The softness of modern life is ruining us all, still beggars can't be choosers, spare a Heinekin for Old Blind Pew.

tony draper
12th Oct 2001, 11:52
Madam Flaps,lot to be said for maturity, the post of bosun is still not filled, the duties are not taxing, puting some stick about, instilling disipline, the odd flogging,general arse kicking duties, nothing you couldn't handle I'm sure.
Your duties will include guarding the virtue of the cabin boy's,err girls,for men become inflamed with lust after months at sea, and the Queen Anne laws still apply, acts that could have the perpertrators incarcerated instantly ashore, are concidered quite the norm at sea.
As chief petty officer you will eat your hard tack in the Saloon, off actual plates,
knives and forks are available for those that are accustomed to such items and their use, although seeing where you hail from, fingers are acceptable in the dining room.
Draper shall post you more informtion as to where to pick up railway warrents,ect, and a list of items you will need on the voyage, straw mattress, ropes end and such.
Draper suggests you obtain a longer ropes end than is the norm, it will be necessary for you to cuff recalcitrant girl divers about the head with same, should they be tempted to surface early, not having cleared a sufficiency of munitions.
With a long ropes end you could do this from the comfort of a deck chair.

ps, Can anyone see a pick clicking on that piglet link in my post above?, think I may have just posted a link to my own h/d,and I'm the only one that can see it.

[ 12 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

[ 12 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

henry crun
12th Oct 2001, 12:36
Yes, it is there Mr D.

tony draper
12th Oct 2001, 13:14
Actually, the chief petty officer on a British merchant ship was the cook.
The second in command of a Brit merchant vessel was the Chief Engineer, and it would be he who would take charge, should the Captain fall prey to sharks or die the ale death. ;)
Not many people know that

12th Oct 2001, 15:32
Crikey, Jim's mum the good mistress of the Admiral Benbow is thinking of signing up whatever next!!??

12th Oct 2001, 20:08
Aye Drapermate:
Clicked on the picture, but still confused:
Witch is the cabin boy and which is the ships pet?
And, uh did ya jump in there after taking the pic? Uhm, how was it?
(The TowerDog is pretty liberal, but never tried that combo before....)


Hm, 43 years young? Well, that leaves ya one year junior to me. You are probably in great shape and ya probably enjoy nude sailing?
And if ya promise to go easy on Mr. Draper,
perhaps we could fit ya in?
But ya don't cook? Well, what are ya good for then? Hmm, we will find out, won't we?

Thanks for link to Yahoo photos, will look into it.

Now going sailing, just a short 3 day trip.
No gold or nudity on this one, but sun, sea and rum in plenty...Life is good. :D

tony draper
12th Oct 2001, 20:52
Good luck on your Voyage Mr T, look after our vessel, and take plenty of food, nothing worse than running out of grub at sea.
Causes all sorts of frictions, crew members looking at each other with strange calculating gaze, the bosun wandering round the deck surupticiously feeling peoples upper arms to see who is the plumpest.
That deep awfull feeling of remorse as one tucks into a curried shipmate.
Should we run out of grub on our expedition it will be interesting, although one is familier with the taste of females, one has never had to cook one to date.

12th Oct 2001, 21:49
Aye Mr. Draper, thanks for the heads-up on the food situation.
It would not be a good thing for crew morale if one started eating the maidens.
Should one start with the old and fat ones, or the young and tender ones?
Hmm, decisions, decisions...

Mutiny surely would follow the first meal.

On the other hand,
The Ultimate Cinderela would at Midnight, turn into a pizza and a six pack of beer.


12th Oct 2001, 23:52
It would not be a good thing for crew morale if one started eating the maidens.

TowerDog can't think of anything better for morale! :D


13th Oct 2001, 10:20
Ohmegywd, lusty as well as busty. The ship's crew had better be fit. Perhaps I can hide in the apple barrel and keep an eye open at the bung hole. Old Blind Pew's only got one eye anyway..er actualy dammit that was the ex-skipper Old LJS.

Hey TowerDog how come the shorty run your going on gets no nudie bathing?

tony draper
13th Oct 2001, 12:02
The pruners they have put to sea
Towerdog at the wheel.
a hauling copper from the depths
they look forward to with zeal.
Around cape wrath they come at last
and anchor off the tyne.
The bloody Aussies got there first
aint that bloody fine.
"Kill the f*ckers" old Hug shouts
"they're after all our copper,
Get beneath that Aussy boat
and pull the bloody stopper".
Young min obeys and pulls that cork
the Aussies quickly sank's
back she swims, is hauled aboard
and lies gasping on the planks.
"Well done lass", the Captain calls
"now we'll get the loot".
"Could have done it quicker, Sir
without this rock tied to my foot". ;)

[ 13 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

13th Oct 2001, 14:00
'Scuse me chaps - but has anyone else noticed that Tony is now locked in a time-warp. His post count hasn't increased recently - is this to ensure that Mackay's clubs remain uncursed?

tony draper
13th Oct 2001, 22:00
On another site Draper posts upon ,one gets a picture of a babe of ones choice upon reaching your 1K post.
At his 2k post Draper requested a personel visit from Miss Dolly Parton because he has a great lust for that lady.
Needless to say----alas--- :(

14th Oct 2001, 07:59
left out again :(
i am not even mentioned in the poem :( :(
oh the pain :( :( :(

14th Oct 2001, 08:51

This is written on the Post A Reply page.

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code is enabled.
UBBCode Images not permitted.

So if you are going to delight us with cruise photos of a naked Ding, you better find a different forum.......

Happy Hunting.


tony draper
14th Oct 2001, 12:36
Poor Dingy has been left behind
she won't be going to sea.
She sits upon the quayside
as sad as sad can be.
Someone pinched her knickers,
She has now none to wear.
No treasure hunt for me she cries
it isn't bloody fair. ;)

14th Oct 2001, 21:07
Cummon Tony not so hard on the poor girl, a red bra only will probably scrape by, TowerDog I'm sure won't hold being bottomless, against her.


Would he hold it against her? Hmmm just posibly.

tony draper
14th Oct 2001, 21:58
Well all right, we can ask the sailmaker to run Dingy up a set of canvas ones,good thick sturdy ones, will last a life time if looked after. ;)

15th Oct 2001, 21:32
Aye mates, ya kept the ship on a steady course while I was out to sea, thanks.

As far as bottomless maidens sailing with TowerDog, hmm, good idea, a little bush trimming could then be performed in spare moments.
Yup, sign up ladies, this will be a full service cruise.
(The men folks are of course excluded, no cutting tools to get close my crown jewels..ough)


15th Oct 2001, 21:55
That's it, Tony out with the sackingneedle, sail makers twine and the palm thingy DingyD needs a stout pair of drawers if her virtue is to be protected.

Hang on a sec, what's that bit about well behaved... belay that last suggestion.

tony draper
16th Oct 2001, 01:35
Hmmm chaps, we could be looking at a good business oportunity here, canvas nether garments for discerning ladies, get one of us to pretend he's err, a bit strange, walk with a mincing gait, speak with a lisp,that seems to be the only qualification needed to tell ladies what to wear, Draper will have to pass on this assignment of course, but I'm sure one of you young chaps could pull it off.
Then we persuade some skinny bint to walk along that catwalk thingy wearing our nautical line as we will call our canvas draws, a few appearencess on breakfast telly get that Lorain Kelly to flash her bum wearing them, and thats it, we clean up.
The ladies of good taste bless them, will refuse to be seen outside unless clad in our canvas knickers.

[ 15 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

16th Oct 2001, 01:36
Aye Paterbrat, Dings will be in good hands,
not to worry mate.
Now, if we could also get Velvet and Flaps and them other maidens to sign up for the voyage, then we should soon be fully crewed.
The Draper will be the dive instructor and the TowerDog will be be the Inspector and the Tally-Man.

Keep the calls coming, operators are standing by....


16th Oct 2001, 09:17
I expect the maidens will be keenly interested in what you intend to do with the 'tally',TowerDog. They seem to have discounted the concrete blocks as being acceptable which I did find a bit strange, perhaps they thought that was a good way to get down to the treasure quicker which I suppose makes sense.

17th Oct 2001, 00:39

Aye mate, don't tell them maidens that I plan to keep all the gold myself.
Harr, harr.

How is Jeddah these days? I lived in a hotel next to a marina i Jeddah. Would stroll around and look at the boats every day.
We called it the "Roach-Motel", once ya checked in, ya never checked out: Some junior guys would be there for 2 months or more, stuck on their days off in Saudi.
Fate worse than death.
(But money is good and taxes reasonable)

Did some scuba diving in the Red Sea, pretty nice, good viz and lots of sea life.

17th Oct 2001, 04:35
I have to admit to a terrible conflict of interest here....being a very patriotic Australian lass, I'm going to find it very difficult to "pull the stoppers" on my own countrymen!!

And, I note that you don't plan on sharing this treasure anyway...that's not very sporting of you, surely!! Here I was thinking this was going to be another example of the Anzac tradition at work beside the 'best of British'....how sadly mistaken I was...is this because we have taken the Ashes once again?


(Wanders off singing "Waltzing Matilda", albeit a little off key...)

[ 17 October 2001: Message edited by: min ]

17th Oct 2001, 11:46
TowerDog, you never, never, ever say to a maiden that there's no gold for her, they'll be off the ship faster than the rodents when your bung pops out. Now look Min's flouncing off.

Jeddah's alive and well. The diving is still good but in the last few years suffered because of the dredging they did to make the marinas. In the seventies it had some of the best diving I had ever seen. The very best, up in Yenbu before they built the pipeline terminal, truley wonderful. Did have some good diving your neck of the woods in around Andross in the Bahamas but that was a while back.

Tricky Woo
17th Oct 2001, 15:55
Er, min, isn't it the ANZAC tradition to die like flies for the Brits? I'd keep an eye on that Herr Draper if I were you: he'll have you lot charging up some Arabic peninsula armed with a starter pistol.

Doomed, you are.


tony draper
17th Oct 2001, 16:22
Tricky woo,s thread has just reminded me Mr tower, I hope you havent forgoten about the bonded stores, ie, cigarettes. Gordons Gin, Four Bells Rum, Haigs Dimple, and did I already say, ciggies?, oh yes, perhaps some chewing tobacco for the Australian ladies.
;) ;)

Tricky Woo
17th Oct 2001, 19:06
Er, Herr Draper, I think you'll find that the Aussie ladies will be far happier with a sodding big joint or six.



17th Oct 2001, 20:09
Aye Mr. Draper, thanks for the reminder on the ship's stores.
Well, since the TowerDog has started a new lifestyle, there will be no ciggy's onboard, no rum or chewing tobacco for the Aussie Ladies either.

Instead we shall load up with fresh fruit, gallons of carrot juice, tons of fresh veggies, etc.
The advantages to all this is of course more stamina when servicing the maidens, no old smoke/beer breath, no snoring and no smelly farts in the morning.

The maidens will actually thank you and they will probably come back for more.


17th Oct 2001, 21:02
Ummmm - TD?

You're on your own :D

17th Oct 2001, 21:43
Aye Hug, are ya bailing out?
Is the Draper going to jump ship as well?
Hmm, O'Lord, I shall be sailing with only myself and a nude female crew?
They will without doubt be very, uh, awake from the fresh sea air and the movement of the ship.

How can I deal with all this solo?
Aye, may the soul and the flesh perform as desinged and advertised.
Rough duty, but somebody have to do it.


tony draper
17th Oct 2001, 21:47
What!!, No Rum whiskey or Baccy,you cannot put to sea like that, other vessels will heave to as you pass, the crews will line the handrails pointing and laughing at you,they will question your sexual preferences,.
In my day the first thing any self respecting diver asked for when the glass was unscrewed from his helmet was a Woodbine and a tot.
May one suggest if Miss Dingy does find her Knickers you confiscate same and hang them at the mast top as a house flag, or perhaps a girls blouse would be more fitting. ;)

18th Oct 2001, 03:38
Aye Mr. Draper, surely TowerDog's sexual preferences would not be questioned by passing vessels, (Due to lack of strong drinks onboard) if one could show a female crew, nude, exhausted, but with happy smiles on their faces, scattered around the deck?

But fear not mate, this is not a permanent "No-Drink" plan. Just staying off the booze and the coffe long enough to lose craving for them ciggys.
Also eating veggies to shed some kilos along the way. Not unpleasant at all:
Having a permanent buzz from all the fresh air.

As the gay crowd keeps saying: Try it, ya may like it...


18th Oct 2001, 03:52
So, HM has found a nice uniform....well..might be worth coming along still since the cost of purchasing said items is becoming probhibitive!!

Actually, TW, am rather more partial to a decent wine or a nice beer than anything else....exception to the rule, perhaps. So along with the healthy food, you'd better make sure some of the above is on board...purely for medicinal purposes only of course.

Being a nurse, I'd probably be tempted to lecture you lot of reprobates on the various evils of smoking/overindulging/wearing your jocks too tight/and anything else you might think of!!


18th Oct 2001, 04:21

You're preaching to the converted talking to TW, he now being a non smoking gadgy, but can I ask you confidentially as a nurse, why would Mr Draper screw glass to his helmet in the first place? :eek:

18th Oct 2001, 04:28
That sounds incredibly painful.....!!


18th Oct 2001, 05:47
Perhaps we need two boats.

The one I'll be on is the one where smoking is allowed (at least on deck). I don't generally smoke cigarettes, but we will, at least, be close enough to the spiritual home of my particular tobacco vice, Cuba.

We WILL also have rum. And gin. And lots of ice. If others want to bring beer, vodka, whatever, I shan't object. But definitely no Bailey's or Crème de Menthe.

Food will be good - lobster, blackened redfish, kingprawn and lots of conch. Oh - and also chilli con carne.

The compressor for the dive tanks will NOT be run at night, so we'll have enough to fill one day's supply while the others are being used.

Sunbathing is compulsory, and nobody will be permitted to apply their own suntan oil, but must find someone (preferably of the opposite sex) to do the honours.

Finally, in the evening when drinking sundowners on the aft deck, any shirts that are worn must be LOUD.

18th Oct 2001, 06:29
Strict rules, but fair, I think....am happy about the gin :) And the food....and the sunbathing.....and the uniform....and...

Not so sure about the cigars, but I suppose everyone is allowed the odd vice or two.


PS. I hope there's no arguments about the music.

18th Oct 2001, 08:55
An armada no less.

TowerDog the rations on your good vessel sound incredibly healthy to me, healthy and very commonsensicle which is to say possibly a little less exciting than the rum boat that is going to running alongside with the bottomless oiled up crew all with chunks of ice clinking in frosty glasses and watching Tony try to get his pint mug through the little front porthole on his big copper and brass headgear.
Min appears to have re-appeared minus her quid of chewing tobacco( says she is trying to give it up),having obviously been promised a gold bangle or two, and is oiling the torso of the bronzed hunk of masculinity who has proposed the second vessel, his neon shirt is glowing in a flourescent heap on the deck.
The knickers flying from the masthead purloined from DingyDuck's kitbag (still can't hang on to her knickers)assorted good smells( definitely not salad) and giggling coming from galley betrays the presence of at least two more possibly female crew.
This isn't going to be a difficult choice.

tony draper
18th Oct 2001, 09:51
Draper has a bad feeling about this trip, you are all doomed, this expedition will become just another mystery of the sea.
Familiarity between Master and crew is not a good thing, how can a Captain order someone aloft to the topgallant yards in a force 10 or order someone flogged, if he has just been canoodling with them.
Lack of ciggies and a nightly tot will lead to a complete breakdown in disipline, and a diet of nothing but prunes and custard will weaken the already weedy crew.
Draper can picture it now, the coast guard cutter pulling alongside the empty vessel, her sails in tatters, signs of prunes and custard and other health food meals having been thrown against bulkheads,rope lockers. and cargo spaces showing signs of being ransacked by crew desperatly seeking drink or fags.
Signs of desperate atempts to barracade the bridge, the pools of blood where the Master was hacked to death.
Signs of where the remaining crew fell out and commenced to scuffling over who's turn it was for the sail canvas knickers.
Then most horrible of all, and something that happens all to often among a crew driven insane by lack of ciggies and drink and a healthy diet ,a cooking pot containing a human leg, albeit a very shapely one.
Hollywood will nodoubt rush out a movie,the rotund, Malon Brando, and Rod Stiger will play the male none smoking crew, Meryl Streep, the demented tobacco chewing Australian nurse,Brad Pitt and Richard Gere the remaining female crew members.
Draper is going to have to give this trip a miss, it reminds him to much of the time he almost signed on the OLNA,fortunatly he broke his leg the day articles where signed thus saving him.

[ 18 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

18th Oct 2001, 10:32
Messrs. TowerDog & Draper b4 this thread reaches it 2nd century, please be informed that the position of Boatswain on your vessel is not for me.

....Your duties will include guarding the virtue of the cabin boy's,err girls,... I can hear hollow laughter cxoming from various pprune corners at this requirement of yours Mr Draper. As some of the "older jetblasters" would no doubt willingly testify, I have had a very limited success to wit in guarding my my own, so asking me to guard anybody else's would be akin to assigning the fox to guard the chickencoop.
Alas. :D

Draper suggests you obtain a longer ropes end than is the norm, it will be necessary for you to cuff recalcitrant girl divers about the head with same
So sorry once again, but not for me. While a good kick in the shins is very effective on most males, I have found that gentle persuasion is so very much more effective with young females. And so very much more pleasurable as well. ;)

And puhlease, a floating health farm?? :eek: :eek:
OK, fine, you wanna get frisk og svett, go right ahead, but it ain't me!

Huggie I reckon I'll be sailing with you mate!! :)

18th Oct 2001, 14:26
Glad to have you aboard, Flaps babe. You are hereby appointed First Mate. Whose first mate, I will leave up to you to decide! ;)

18th Oct 2001, 15:03
mr draper
would my character be played by brad pitt or richard gere???
the mind boggles! :eek:

tony draper
18th Oct 2001, 16:11
Either one would do Miss Dingy, Draper has heard they are both big girlies. ;)
I would regard Mr Towers invitation as suspect, now he no longer has access to the treasure chart due to his vegetarianism and clean living, you girls are liable to wake up one morning and find yourselves employed in a Port Said lapdancing club. ;)

Bally Heck
18th Oct 2001, 16:28
By hook or by crook I'll be penultimate in this book.

Ohh aarrr
Ohh aarrr

tony draper
18th Oct 2001, 17:44
NO YOU WON'T, Jim lad.
Draper has terrible news, his analog cable service has been disconnected and the digital cable TV will not be installed for two days,Jeebus!!, reduced to five channels, its like living in Kabul.
Draper has just noticed ,he's done his thousand, no doubt Mr Binocular will be reaching for his calculator,I think they must only have five channels in Mackay on a perminent basis. ;)

[ 18 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

18th Oct 2001, 17:52
oh i should probably mention that
i don't drink alcohol (i have a bad reaction)
i don't smoke (its yucky)
i don't drink much coffee (just drink it occasionally)
i'm a vegetarian (don't want to eat animals)
i don't like the sun too much (allergic to some sunscreens)
oh and i don't have sex either (a virgin again!)

i hope that this isn't a problem :)

tony draper
18th Oct 2001, 18:11
I think you must have been a daffodil bulb in a previous existence Miss D. ;)

19th Oct 2001, 00:33
Will definitely not be recorded in history that's for sure, so well behaved.
The Flapper on the other boat, now that could be different

Bally Heck
19th Oct 2001, 03:29
By hook or by crook I'll be penultimate in this book.

Ohh arrr.

Ohh arrr.

(Having to type this one handed Mr D. It's Channel 5 sex night. You must get channel 5)

19th Oct 2001, 03:52
oohhh...over 100 and not yet locked :) Had better just add one for for posterity then...

HM and Flaps...there is actually going to be room for me on this boat, I hope?? I mean...it's not just a romantic rendezvous between the 2 of you with me left to do cook and clean up after the happy couple, and then just twiddle my thumbs?? It's just that I reeeeeallllly need a holiday.....!

Still, can't complain so long as I get some time to sit on the deck in the sun, drinking G&T's, and wearing sunnies to shield me from any loud shirts that may be lurking...


19th Oct 2001, 04:37
Definitely room for you, min! And a few others... ;)

Bally Heck
19th Oct 2001, 05:14
By Hook.....oh bollo£cs.. Long live the thread.

19th Oct 2001, 05:21
Ok, HM...shall enlist a few of the other nurses from work to come along...am sure I can convince them that it's a good idea...I may have to lie, but it's for a good cause :)


PS. Bally Heck - am after your post yet again :)

19th Oct 2001, 05:35
Nurses? as in more than one?, where do I sign on?

Bally Heck
19th Oct 2001, 05:49
Ah but Min I am on lates tomorrow. Annd I am supping the San Mig. If necessary i can stay her until the moderator wakes up.

Heh Heh heh!

But I suppose it was the penultipenultiadfinetc post. But not this one.

Heh heh heh!

19th Oct 2001, 06:19
I don't think that's playing fair, BallyHeck!! SanMig is San Miguel, I take it?? I once lived in the Phillippines and lived to tell the tale...

Hope you like late nights, coz it's daytime here, so I can stay up even later! :)


19th Oct 2001, 20:38
115 - is this a post-server move record? Shhhhh! ;)

Bally Heck
19th Oct 2001, 21:36
Still here min. You will be sleeping now I suspect.

Heh heh heh

Now where's that moderator!

tony draper
19th Oct 2001, 21:44
He'll be down in a minute putting a bit of stick about, that must be it, check mate ;)
oops ,that smiley made a loud thump.

PS, with the new information we have, Draper has decided to reclassify Mr Towers vessel as a Two Masted Yawn.
No drink no ciggies, just endless sex, it will soon become boring, you'll see.

[ 19 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

20th Oct 2001, 02:23
The second ship with the booze, loud shirt, and overflowing with floozie and fags, sounds as though not much attention will be paid to either healthy living or treasure hunting.
Well suppose I might have to define treasure??!!

I had noticed that this thread is kind of exceeding the limit isn't it, or has the 100 and clunk click given way to bigger band width.

[ 19 October 2001: Message edited by: Paterbrat ]

tony draper
20th Oct 2001, 02:48
Of course the thought occurs to Draper, him being a devious cove, we could follow Mr Towers vessel at a discrete distance,smoking and drinking our heads off, await the moment they have hauled up all the loot,and are all celebrating with carrot juice and a meditation session, we would then pounce,on them and relieve them of the stuff.
We would after all, be doing them a favour in the long run, what on earth do they need money for, they don't need personel transport, they jog every where, no ciggies or plonk to purchase, my god they can practicly live on air.
We could also sell the ladies to a arab gentlman of Draper aquaintance and he would offer them gainful employment in a establishment of his, I'm sure Abdul will be happy for them to continue wearing their nurses uniforms when going about their new duties.
The sea is a dangerous place, no doubt the male crew would probably fall out over the shock of the wasted work and the loss of the ladies and slay each other, thats what it would look like anyway.
Hmm, yes a bold plan Draper, we must think more on this.

[ 19 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

[ 19 October 2001: Message edited by: tony draper ]

20th Oct 2001, 09:21
Well, BH, I was asleep but am now awake and vice versa I suspect!...and it's still open...am being very quiet, HM, so as not to alert anyone to this fact...

Have invested in industrial quantities of suntan oil and a new bikini...


20th Oct 2001, 11:40
It appears that the second ship to be proposed is now gathering a well (intended to be oiled) crew while the first (health cruise) is losing out.
TowerDog you will have to ditch the carrot sticks and bring on the rum casks and spliffs quick or you will be looking at bare bottoms on the other ship as you scramble around pulling on all the ropes solo. Actualy as I remember you did promise booze so it's not a completely lost cause.

Kermit 180
20th Oct 2001, 12:08
Only two ships in the convoy? Wow, this thread is HUGE. Woops, sorry for shouting, ill be vewy vewy quiet. :cool:

Bally Heck
20th Oct 2001, 12:12
Not so fast min. I'm never sleep. Have invested in a pair of galoshes and an umbrella. Bet you look better in your bikini though.

Heh heh letch letch.

20th Oct 2001, 13:56
Do you never sleep, BH?? You know...I don't think you'd look that good in a bikini either.....I'd stick to the galoshes etc...

Anyway...am still being vewwwy vewwwy qwuiet....no wabbits in sight..

20th Oct 2001, 15:05
Aye mates, I leave town a few days and ya'll jump ship and sign up with HugTheSeaMonster just because he promised a bright shirt and ice cubes.
Hmm, morale and loyality seems to be lost to promises of booze, ciggys and sin.

More nurses onboard: Yes indeed bring 'em on.
Them nurses make good crewmembers: (Female only..)
They cook, serve drinks, are know to be very lusty and should one get sick, they can nurse ya back to good health. A win-win situation.
TowerDog want the nurses on his ship and ya guys can sail over the horizon and suffer from scurvy and swollen livers while ya admire Hug's bright shirt and the gold chains
he is surely sporting. No mermaids will ever get close to a disco ship like that, aye, be careful, Neptun himself could pay a visit: Bright shirts in the morning, Sailors take warning...

tony draper
20th Oct 2001, 15:17
Ha!, these fools bikini's indeed, unlike Draper these people have no idea just what conditions are like in those wild N/E Sea's.
Tower would do well to rename his vessel, The Hypothermic Lass.
Even the sharks in those waters swim around with their mouths clamped firmly shut, the temperature of the sea being such as to cause great pain in ones teeth.
For many years Attenbourgh has attempted to catch the great coal shark sucking at the corpse of a seal thru a drinking straw.
Without recourse to a tot of rum and a woodbine on surfacing, divers in these waters have but short lives.
Yes indeed Draper just sit back and watch things develope, give them enough rope and they will shoot themselves.

20th Oct 2001, 15:27
Aye Mr. Draper, are ya still sailing up North for the load of copper on that Greek freighter?
Too cold for bikinis? Not a good place.

TowerDog's ship, loaded with carrot juice and wild nurses WITHOUT bikinis are sailing South by East to the West Indies.
There we shall dive for gold, then after treasure is found, buy an island, which shall be named the Isle of....
(Uh, need some suggestions here folks)
It shall be populated with offspring from the ship load of lusty nurses and the TowerDog.
One big happy family we shall be...
(The harem of nurses will be called Nurem)


PPRuNe Pop
20th Oct 2001, 16:06
'Ole PPP is back again!

As per our SOP's the posts have passed the century so we have to close this one but, as you know, you can re-light the thread - as Mk 3 is it? This one will, of course, stay in view.

PPRuNe Pop
[email protected]