Absurd

[henryIV]

Dear chaps of the Aviation Consortium,

I had a bit of a shock the other day. I have recently completed my ME/IR on my father's company Citation jet so I have many, many multi turbine hours and an superb record to match.

Having said that, no bugger has come and offered me a job. So I sit here twiddling my thumbs flicking to and from the Young Conservatives website and pprune waiting for a stroke of luck since I've always been quite unlucky as you've probably guessed by now.

I have an excellent background, much better than any of you I should imagine. I went to Eton, followed by Oxbridge with a lovely spell at Harvard with some nice American chaps of the same caliber. I even have a title.

Father has offered me a job on the Citation but I turned it down since making it on my own is important to me, you understand of course.

Now, who is going to give the hand I so rightly deserve?

Thanks chaps, cheerio

Henry

[nosewheelfirst]

I say Mr Moderator old chap, could you please remove this gentlemans post as it's a waste of space.

[Tigers]

I say this sound familiar.

I have had the most ghastly time trying to get a job. I finished my licenses and all that jazz a couple of months ago and havent had a snippet of luck.

My father promised me he would get me a job but the terrible man has not even tried. He has told me to get out there on my own and look after myself! 'I already have been father' I said. 'Just look I have even had to fill my little aeroplane myself. If thats not standing on my own two feet I bloody well dont know what is'.

All I want is to fly a jumbo jet. I have often dreamnt of it you know.

I went to a public school for petes sake, I deserve a break.

Cheero

[Glaws]

So are you nosewheel, any chance we can have you removed.

[nosewheelfirst]

I'll leave if u want but im just wondering what the point of the thread is?

[High Wing Drifter]

I'll leave if u want but im just wondering what the point of the thread is?
Unless I am very much mistaken, I think its called a "wizard prank."

[Glaws]

Seems like a laugh to me.
Lets face it the same old topics keep going round and round in this forum, maybe a little light banter and humour to idle the hours away?

[wobblyprop]

whoop whoop, cad alert!

[aardvark keeper]

must admit, made me laugh

[Jetdriver]

Certainly deserves a Citation :D

[tonker]

Absurd it may sound, unfamiliar it is'nt.

"What ME, become an a nasty instructor for THAT money. I have 190 hours dammit therefore i'm quite qualified to fly 300 passengers round the sky in a $50 million jet. No i want a big jet job and i want one now, all that building up experience malarky tosh. I have a JAA commerial license and therefore i'm entitled to as much gold braid as the bank of England can muster, NOW"

[UKPILOT]

Well its about bloody time us public schools boys got a say. Do you know the hideous chores that we had to endure at school? Warming lavatory seats, tucking in the dorm master every night.... etc. I think we deserve it.

HenryIV it was very nice to hear about your "struggle" in life and that you are trying to make it on your own. Very honourable indeed. You sound like a bloody nice bloke. In fact, I wish all of the chaps in the forums were just like you.

Good luck old chap.

[henryIV]

Thanks old chap,

I have had it hard haven't I! I remember when I used to have to pick up my own laundry from a shelf with my name on it at boarding school, why the hell it wasn't brought to me directly I'll never know... Pish posh!

Yours Triumphantly,

Sir Henry IV

[Delta Wun-Wun]

Scroggs,
How long do we have to put up with posts like this from people who can only afford to fly Daddy`s Citation. Only those who have their own Jet should be allowed to post on here. ....Now Daddy has bought me my very own Jet and a small Airport to land it on....Now I want to be a 747 Training Captain RIGHT NOW!!!;)

[Global TM]

Sir Henry,
It comes with great sadness to see you helpless like this.

Just goes to show that even for someone with an ’’education far more superior than most of us on here’’, you did not manage to learn how to present and market your self accordingly in order attract potential investors.
Ask your self this whilst enjoying a sherry overlooking the lake:
In your world Henry, just think how can you attract someone to invest in you? (A tip for free, the FT weekend edition has tips for individuals that suit your frame of reference.)
What have you achieved in order to prove that you are able to think for yourself?
How did you finance your education and flight training?

I guess your ‘’superior education’’ can only help you get a job in the City among the rest of the, you know what-Bean Counters.
It takes a special kind of person to succeed in this trade, not just hours on dad’s Citation.
What you need also is a personality dear chap, something Harvard and Co are unable to provide (I would be surprised if your old man actually allows you to fly the thing unsupervised)

Kind regards,

Sir GTM
The last ******

[West6]

Dear Henry,

Your prayers have been answered!!
I am willing to offer you a position as First Officer. All you have to do is provide 95% of the finance of the aircraft of your choice.
Please feel free to send a private mail. (This also applies to any other keen, qualified pilots)

[Touch'n'oops]

I thinks I smell a Colin Monkfish!!!!!!!:yuk:

[Jetavia]

Henry .. in the current aviation climate it would be silly for you to not take the job you are being offered from your dad!

If you don't want it, have your father contact me .. i have been looking for a job since I finished my training in oct. 2001!!!

Rgds.

Allan

[luckyPierre]

Sir Henry,

You family are clearly peasants.

Why would you fly a cheap and nasty Citation? It seems apparant to me that you are probably of the new money breed.

You should crawl back to your hovel of a stately home and get a pastime more fitting to your education.

Just who do you think you are? Airline jobs are reserved for the Old School and not some jumped up little petty titled proletariate.


Kind Regards

LP

[FlyUK]

Well its about bloody time us public schools boys got a say. Do you know the hideous chores that we had to endure at school? Warming lavatory seats, tucking in the dorm master every night.... etc. I think we deserve it.
UKPILOT, i tell you what public school has changed a hell of a lot!
I am currently in the top year at a well know school in Berkshire and am about to go off to Flight Training Europe in September, paid for by the bank as daddy is only a pilot and therefore can't afford to pay for it all.

henryIV, if your dad wants to help me out with the cost of my training and give me a job at the end of it.....

We arn't even allowed to plug appliances into power sockets, just incase there is a risk of electricution! Health and Safety checks every week or so....its just gone too far, i tell you! I could go on and on, but i know that you don't really care and i'm starting to ramble... :O

Oh yea, and when i want to take friends flying ( i already have a ppl) i have to get written permission from the schools Master? What the hell for? Whats it got to do with him....if their parents say its ok then its ok as far as i'm concerned.

Expedite :ok:

[henryIV]

I say you lot are a ghastly rabble, I thought you were all keen chaps who were eager to help out their "betters".

I think that my post may have been somewhat misconstrued, what I meant to say was I DEMAND a job. Not on one of those petty 737's, at least one with four big engines so Daddy can be proud.

Tally ho!

[Snigs]

I can't believe that I actually just read all this tripe.

Should've got my man to read it to me!

[Baron Von Snaggleass]

How dare you call me ghastly. Do you know who I am?

Petty 737? My father has one with gold leaf livery and wheels made of the dried skin of rare and exotic birds. No expense is spared as far as my family are concerned.

Yours sincerely

B V Sa

[FlyUK]

I've got a job for you....

....its a one way trip in something with more than 4 engines. It leaves from kennedy space centre and arrives at the sun several years later. Great salary and good benifits...to the rest of the pprune site anyway! :p

[henryIV]

Is it a glider old chap?

[FlyUK]

Its hardly gonna be a glider if it has more than 4 engines is it? ;)

tut tut, not gonna do very well in a technical interview now are we? Think you need to brush up on that.

[Northern Highflyer]

henryIV

I have heard a rumour that the airlines can't find anyone with a current A380 type rating, surprising that. ;)

Not only 4 engines but they are big buggers too. Maybe thats the opportunity you have been waiting for old bean. :ok:

[henryIV]

An A380 hey... hmmm, one doesn't know anyone with an A 3 8 0 as you call it. Besides, I'm assured by Alfred that its French and my blood would reject such a poorly designed aircraft.

Off with you scallywag Northern flyer!

expedite_descent is it a powered glider then?

[Obs cop]

Henry old chap, what on earth are you doing?

Those airliner contraptions are damned dangerous things. The airconditioning alone means you could end up catching untold numbers of ailments from the commoners in the cargo hold. Not only that but I have even heard the pilot is not allowed wine with their meal!

Certainly these machines stand in the face of progress. First class is full of "self made" people who think money brings class and there is nowhere for the butler to iron undergarments.

The last thing a person of your status should be doing is travelling by public transport system and then driving the damned machine yourself. Where have your standards and morals gone. Have you gone Liberal Democrat, or worse, is your blue blood running red with New Labour. I think you need to look long and hard at yourself, before you do something you regret. Who knows, at this rate, you will probably even declare all of your assets to the tax man, not just those he needs to know about.

Forget the pathetic idea of driving a plane as any working class oik can manage that. If your daddy didn't want to support you then he wouldn't be rich now would he?

Obs cop
The 1st Duke of Praze an Beeble
Heir to the throne of Lima

[henryIV]

Obs cop I'm thinking of reporting you to a moderator (what ever one of those is) for suggesting that for one minute that I, Henry the ninth would be in bed with Mr Blair and his wrinkly old cabinet full of lesbians (including Mr Brown!).

ps What is a tax man? Does he take the bins away or something?

[Northern Highflyer]

With this new locked door policy how would the staff get in with the silver service at lunchtime ? These manufacturers have no consideration at all. Alas the A380 is French but it comes with a free case of wine if you oredr one before the end of the year.

Perchance you are Henry the fourth or have you been promoted ? :}

[henryIV]

I'd show you HenryX but he's warm and cosy down there (sir) and he doesn't just mix with any old tart!

[FlyUK]

What you need to do is go into rumours and news and post a message with your predicament there. I'm sure you will get a good few replies with offfers of people who will have you. But you must explain how you already have an A380 type rating and 50K+ hours. :D

Expedite :ok:

[Tigers]

Sir Henry, why would you even pay lip service to those ghastly Frenchie Airbus contraptions.

I can offer you a specially modified stretched Spitfire Mark XX. It holds up to 20 guests and the seats are upholstered in the hide of recently culled Dalmation.

I took the oppurtunity to have a grand stand fitted aft so that the Royal Marines Band can enterrain your guests as they flit through the sky.

It is a truely magnificent machine.

I have had the machine guns and cannons restored to the wings so you can shoot at any Oiks who cross your path.

I am prepared to let you have it for free as you have obviosly had a tough life and need a break.

Dont worry about flying it yourself as I have contracted Prince Phillip to fly it for you. One has to be careful not to have someone with a higher public status than oneself flying them.

I am forever your obedient Servent Sir


T

[henryIV]

Well done chap! You know your place amongst men such as myself of which there are few I can assure you.

I shall honourably accept the Spitfire if the Prince will stop wearing that hideously cheap aftershave at £200 a bottle, truely cheap.

Good day

[Re-Heat]

Henry old chap,

It appears that you have come to a certain crossroads of your aviation career - don't be disheartened old boy for we have the careers advice for all eventualities here. I am sure that all some lesser mortals responding to a simple demand for priority treatment are in fact masquerading as struggling working class while pursuing similar tactics themselves. We all know correctly applied pressure in a certain handshake achieves results, equally as well as pursuing the young female offspring of such industry movers and shakers

I have here in front of me a motivational letter from one Sqn Ldr Flashheart to an unknown recipient. It begins "Darling; don't despair; times are hard at the moment and although it won't calm you to learn of the big push which I have planned, I assure you that it will be excitable for you once I remove my flying suit...."...apologies, but that is not the letter I had in mind....

Have you considered the Royal Air Force? Certainly in my experience they could do with boys like us - I have heard the phrase "attitude of a single-seat jockey" bandied around a bit at the flying club when I reminise to fellow members my days on the University Air Squadron - that preserve of fine manners and refined personalities at the top of the food chain. I like that desciption of myself.

At Harrow, they always taught me that in having to walk across the room with a freshly-toasted hot cross bun between my pale cheeks, I would be absolved from having to gain experience in any field before becoming the best of the best. Now I hear that these 'modular schools' not only teach the hot cross bun trick but encourage towel-whipping as well. I say enforce the class structure, as Britain is going down the pan as a result.

God forbid when they get a chip on their shoulder about having had to do time in one of those frightful turboprops, or we will be stuffed. Someone once told me that this had already happened. I say divide and rule and at least while there are squat all jobs, and I'll keep making my cash at Deloitte - come join me!

Cheerio now!

[mad_jock]

Well the only lord I know who is trying to be an Airline Pilot as just been done up in Wick for shagging under aged ladies.

The fact that the young lady was proberly more mature than the ginger lord has quiet rightly been ignored.

Bit shocking though as his dad is still on the Privy council of the ANO. :hmm:

MJ

[luckyPierre]

I remember that Lord from my days at ATA in Coventry. It must be him.

[West6]

Henry,

I really think that expedite-flight has a splendid offer in the space trip to the sun. Don't be put off by the destination as I have heard that it is a night-flight!

[Global TM]

Henry, I mean Sir(how dare I address you like that)

It is a great laugh that you have started this post. You do have a great sense of humour, especially in times like this.
Keep up the good work????(What’s that?)

GTM

PS I have a suggestion, right honourable gentleman. Why don’t you start an Airline yourself?

[bazzaman96]

I say chaps, that all sounds jolly outlandish.

Back in my oxbridge days we wouldn't have any of this. All it would take is a click of the fingers and a sip of claret and daddy would have us buffed up with our own BBJ. None of this 'type rating' or 'modular' tomfoolery.

I, of course, took the direct entry scheme. Well, sort of. The direct entry into Cambridge that was. And yes, Re-Heat's anecdotes bring back the sort of follies we used to indulge in. Towel-whipping indeed. Nothing better than a stern flannel across the derriere on a Sunday Morning before Father Peter gave us the blessing.

Anyhow chaps I'm off for now, luncheon awaits. I'm meeting good old Charlie this afternoon for a spot of jaw and then a quick trip in my A380. Of course, I had one built for me privately, in advance. Because I own Airbus.

Tally-pip gosh what what.

[henryIV]

What's all this towel whipping nonsense! I didn't go to bloody catholic school you know chaps!

Global TM I had thought about starting up my own airline called Fox and Hounds but I had some problems with the PR. Also the fact that since most of you out there are proles, you weren't prepared to splurge 2-3k on a lovely flight to Paris. Paupers!

Now if any of you chaps happen to see me in the street (quite laughable since none of you could afford to live on my street), don't get too near me as I wouldn't want your lack of wealth to rub off on me now would I!

[The Other Half]

Henry IX,
I am quite shocked to your plight, In my own opinion, gentlemen of your calibre should be given the royalist of treatments!
Further to this I am appauled by the wretchedness of such people as global tm to refer to this profession as a trade! What are you thinking dear boy! How dare you compare being a Pilot to trades like a plumber or even a nurse for peats sake! You and your entire family should be dipped in tar and feathered for such defamatory comments.
To the likes of tigers (who attended a public school!), jetavia, lucky pierre, obs cop and re-heat you should address Henry IX as such and not merely as Henry. Your insolence in the presence of such royalty should land you in the deepest of dudgeons chained and fed only bread and water (like my ancestors. ;))
Having lived in the suburb of Kirribilli (Where our distinguished Prime Minister lives) and attended Kings College in Sydney and only the finest of Universities, University of Sydney, I have come to relise that the cretins in this industry should be purged immediately. 95% don't even have a University degree, I say! They're mere presence makes me feel ill. Further to this hardship I am actually being forced to fly a single engined piston aircraft. Tut tut! When will they relise that I am ready to fly as a Captain on the 747 NOW! Dammit, i just spilt my Brandy. :*

Cheerio and long live the Queen! :}

[Global TM]

The Other Half,
We are earning less and less every year. Our profession was treated like a profession once upon a time, now we are not even close to being in the same league as tradesmen, as they set the pace.

Still however loving every minute of it at FL370.
How are you enjoyng your high horse?

Ta Ta for now.

[Digitalis]

The Other Half My, all that expensive Australian university education; I'm impressed. When are you going to do the bit that teaches you something of English grammar, and how to spell??

[Lucifer]

The quality of those down under these days - their social standing never has changed...

Sir,

Have you considered the letters column of the Daily Torygraph? In my experience it never fails to achieve results. My late great-grandfather protested at the loss of his seat in the Upper House following the proletarian revolt - when shall they learn that the acumen to rule is nature not nurture? - and was at once restored to his rightful place. Somebody these days needs to counter the effect of the Church in the Palace of Westminster.

Furthermore I have noted that the choice of gentlemens' club these days may adversely affect future flying. The best advice I can give is not to declare to belonging to St James'.

Yours truly,

Dark Lord

[paddygee]

Okay, yah.
I had a darned fine education, whereby one was taught the cubic volume of a sand derivative fruit conserve container.
And, you know, what, yah, I still can't open the darned thing to put some of that lovely conservey type stuff on my toast!!!!