View Full Version : English to German speak

3rd Jul 2001, 23:33
Does anyone have a copy of that joke EU directive which was on here some time ago about changing the pronounciation of certain letters and words, which as you go through it you end up eventually speaking in 'joke' German?

4th Jul 2001, 04:48
This was posted by Squawk 8888 last year.


The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will
be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze dreem vil finali kum tru.

Laughter comes out of adversity, not out of good times.

6th Jul 2001, 22:23
Danke mien freund.
Luckily zey are famed for zer sens of humour.

6th Jul 2001, 23:28
OK, OK, it's an old 'un, but seems to fit the bill...


ACCIDENT - Das Bleedinkmess
BACKFIRE - Der Lowdenbangermekkenjumpen
BREATHALYSER - Die Puffitinter fur Pistenarsen
CLUTCH - Die Kuplink mit achlippen und schaken
CYCLIST - Der Peddallpushink Pilloken
DOUBLE WHITE LINES - Overtakken und Krunchen
ESTATE CAR - Der Bagzeroomfurshagginaute
EXHAUST - Spitzenpoppenhangentuben
EXHAUST FUMES - Die Koffundschplitterpoluter
FOG WARNING - Die Puttenklogdownan und Fukkitt
FUEL GAUGE - Der Wallentemptyung Meter
GARAGE - Der Hieway Robberung
GEAR LEVER - Biggensticken fur Kangaroochoppen
HEADLIGHTS - Das Dippendontdazzelubasted
HIGHWAY CONE - Der Wipen fur Arsen
HOOD/BONNET - Pullnob und Knucklechoppen
INDICATORS - Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken
JUGGERNAUT - Der Fukkengratt Trukken
LEARNER - Die Twatten Mmit Elplate
NEAR ACCIDENT - Der Phewn Near Schittenselfen
PARKING METER - Der tennarpinscher und Zlochenarr
POWER BRAKES - Der edbangeronvinschreen stoppenquick
PUNCTURE - Die Phlatt mit Bludyfukken
REAR SEAT - Der Schpringentester
REAR VIEW MIRROR - Der Yonk*nter ist Tooklosan
SEAT BELT - Der klunkenklikken frauleinstrapper
SKID - Die Bannanen Waltzen
SPEEDOMETER - Der Egobooster und Linenshooter
TRAFFIC JAM - Die Bluddifukkin Dammundblast
TYRES - Flatfahrts
WINDSCREEN WIPER - Der flippenflappenmuckenschpredder

[This message has been edited by Grainger (edited 06 July 2001).]

Winston Smith
7th Jul 2001, 01:41
Ich lach mir den Arsch ab! :)

7th Jul 2001, 01:51

If this is German then I must have missed something at school. LOL


7th Jul 2001, 02:09
Donnerwetter! Herr Winston! Sie glauben, das ist ein Witz!

7th Jul 2001, 06:21
Ich glaub mein Affe brennt!

Simply hilarious. Well done. :)

7th Jul 2001, 09:16
Pengineer, no wuckers - auwfeetarethesame!