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View Full Version : Things that really pi55 me off: Part 3, Women


Onan the Clumsy
6th Oct 2001, 03:20
They remember things from decades ago and bring them up whenever they need to. You've got no answer because you forgot you said those things about two minutes after you closed your mouth.

How one sided they are. If you ever do anything they're all over you, but if you ever dare to mention something they've done, you'll never hear the end of it.

:D

sharp'n'pointy
6th Oct 2001, 03:39
Not havng one :(

min
6th Oct 2001, 18:50
Interestingly, there doesn't appear to be much we do that does upset you... :)

M.

(wonders if the floodgates are about to open..)

Skycop
6th Oct 2001, 20:31
They plan long driving "holidays" abroad. They have a two sided A4 itinerary covering most of Europe but won't drive "over there" because it's too difficult. They elect to navigate instead, run through the whole 800 mile route brief in the first three minutes then fall asleep for 4 hours. You wake them up to ask which turn-off is the right one and they get all grumpy but won't let you have the map.

As always, later that day you're hopelessly lost, pi$$ed off and late for the ferry.

Another thing while you're driving. They always want the radio on loud but then try to talk to you whilst you're negotiating heavy traffic. It will always be something important and questions will be asked later, even though you're in survival mode and haven't heard a single word. Conversely, when (if) they drive you're not allowed to have the radio on or talk. If you should EVER be obliged to give gentle advice such as BRAKES! or DON'T CHANGE LANES! or JEEZ! you're really for it later. :D

Grainger
6th Oct 2001, 22:28
Worst has just got to be the mega-sulk. Problem is you NEVER know what's going to set it off.

When I got the Impreza, one of the first things that happened was the two rather attractive teenage girls who live across the road came over to speak to me and admire the car.

Naturally I thought this was pretty cool and made the mistake of mentioning it to the Mrs in passing. I think I may have said that I wished I'd had such a car when I was younger.

Result: life not worth living for the next several days.

See what I mean ? It's just so unpredictable !

bodger
7th Oct 2001, 05:15
There's only 2 things that pi55 me off about my wife

1.everything she says
2. everything she does.

Apart from that she's perfect !!

sweety
7th Oct 2001, 22:45
You are unbelievable!

You all can say whatever you want, all the things that pi$$ you off about us etc., BUT

YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT US!!!!!!!

;)

Squealing Pig
8th Oct 2001, 03:12
I always have the last word on any subject with Mrs Squealing Pig

"yes dear"

****** lost again !

JetAgeHobo
8th Oct 2001, 05:36
I'd comment but the wife is hollering for me to get off the computer and cook dinner.

Luca_brasi
8th Oct 2001, 05:43
Exactly sweety,

Can't live without you nor can we live with you. :D

FlyingForFun
8th Oct 2001, 14:37
Hmm, any comments I make on this subject probably won't be particularly un-biased at the moment :(

Wanted: one woman, must be able to speak plain English and tell me what she's really thinking! Other advantages would be if she was a similar age to me, had similar interests to me, and was at least reasonably attractive.....

FFF
--------------

tony draper
8th Oct 2001, 16:31
SHE walks in beauty like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;


Draper likes women, and can look back on them from a safe distance now. ;)

HugMonster
8th Oct 2001, 18:57
Have you ever really loved a woman?

To really love a woman, to understand her
You've got to know her deep inside;
Hear every thought, see every dream
And give her wings when she wants to fly;
Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman.

When you love a woman you tell her that she's really wanted;
When you love a woman you tell her that she's a woman.
She needs somebody to tell her that it's going to last forever;
So tell me have you ever really, really really loved a woman?

To really love a woman, let her hold you
Till you know how she needs to be touched;
You've got to breathe her, really taste her
Till you can feel her in your blood.
When you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman you tell her that she's really wanted;
When you love a woman you tell her that she's a woman.
She needs somebody to tell her that you'll always be together;
So tell me have you ever really, really really loved a woman?

You've got to give her some faith, hold her tight,
Give her tenderness, you've got to treat her right;
She will be there for you, taking good care of you;
You've really got to love your woman.
Then when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman.

When you love a woman you tell her that she's really wanted;
When you love a woman you tell her that she's a woman.
She needs somebody to tell her that it's going to last forever;
So tell me have you ever really, really really loved a woman?
Just tell me have you ever really, really really loved a woman?
Tell me have you ever really, really really loved a woman?


Bryan Adams
------------------------------------------
Love is...

Love is feeling cold in the back of vans
Love is a fanclub with only two fans
Love is walking holding paintstained hands
Love is

Love is fish and chips on winter nights
Love is blankets full of strange delights
Love is when you don't put out the lights
Love is

Love is the presents in Christmas shops
Love is when you're feeling Top of the Pops
Love is what happens when the music stops
Love is

Love is white panties lying all forlorn
Love is a pink nightdress still slightly warm
Love is when you have to leave at dawn
Love is

Love is you and love is me
Love is a prison and love is free
Love's what's there when you're away from me
Love is...

Adrian Henri

Bally Heck
8th Oct 2001, 19:19
And why do they get so irritated when they find you in bed with their sister? :confused:

Grainger
8th Oct 2001, 21:13
Bl00dy hell HM - sounds like an awful lot of effort just to get a [email protected] !!! ;) ;) ;)

DireStraits
8th Oct 2001, 22:30
HM

I like this line from a movie I saw once,

"Definition of Love - an unfortunate misunderstanding between two fools".

sweety
8th Oct 2001, 23:25
Grainger!!

Do you really think it's funny? You must be very sad if you think you have to do things that are really hard to do (for you, anyway) to get a s**g! I mean - you wouldn't have to try hard to get what you want with woman if you are worth something, you know?

;)
--------
HugMonster !!!

That was really nice to write those lirics! Your other half is lucky to have you! :)

[ 08 October 2001: Message edited by: sweety ]

Onan the Clumsy
9th Oct 2001, 02:39
but there is a substantial package

In your dreams maybe :D

min
9th Oct 2001, 05:46
HM...substantial package of benefits....the mind boggles, but I am assuming you're talking about your ability to spout forth Scottish history without actually being Scottish?? That's certainly something that not everyone can do..particularly me...

Is a Skean Dhu part of this package? I thought that sounded rather nice over on the other thread, if not a little dangerous.

Is cutlery involved at all?

Are the hours very long?

Is the undertaking of menial tasks a requirement?

Does the incumbent have to be able to whip up a four course meal at the drop of a hat, or are boiled eggs good enough?

Thanking you in advance,

M.

[ 09 October 2001: Message edited by: min ]

dingducky
9th Oct 2001, 16:58
hmmm maybe i should apply :p
please send me an application form :D

Biggles Flies Undone
9th Oct 2001, 18:24
Well, I've learnt some pretty hard lessons, and I've got a bloody expensive T shirt to show for it - but the only two things I know for certain about women is that they are incredibly untidy and use loads of loo paper :D

tony draper
9th Oct 2001, 18:43
Grasp the oportunity Mr Hug, Live alone, its absolutly glorious, get up when you like, go to bed when you like, or just lie on the settee watching movies all night, leave dishes in the sink for days, eat anything at anytime, watch naughty movies, surf the net in other words
"Do what though wilt shall be the whole of the law".
Only wish Draper had discovered this secret earlier in life.
I do live next door to my brother and his wife, so Draper is forced into some human contact, also he does have one tyrant that has to be obeyed towit, one small white Jack russel.
As for the other,one should come to some arrangement with a lady living in similar solitary joy or, one can always pull oneself, this being the safest option.

Grainger
9th Oct 2001, 18:45
Sorry you didn't enjoy that, Sweety.

Interestingly enough though, a lot of people list a sense of humour as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. :cool:

FlyingForFun
9th Oct 2001, 19:25
So Huggy - this ex-girlfriend of yours, is she still single? And if so, can I have her phone number?

:D :D

FFF
-----------

min
9th Oct 2001, 20:14
Well, HM, I should think that, by now, the applications will be flooding in!! Although sounds like you've got a soft spot for the old g/f..why don't you just get her back? Would save having to wade through reams of photos and the like!

M.

PilotsPal
9th Oct 2001, 20:23
HM

I saw you perform an extremely intimate examination of Pax D at the last Gatbash. Were you interviewing her?

CatTower
9th Oct 2001, 20:40
When all they want to do is snuggle and and you have the biggest Roger Wilco that you think you have ever had.

HugMonster
9th Oct 2001, 21:04
Sorry - I have deleted my contributions to this thread except for the poem and the song. I'm not happy with it. I'm gradually learning that when things on here get closely personal that it's wise to take a step back.