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I. M. Esperto
18th May 2001, 21:00
The queen of England while visiting the U.S. stopped at
one of our top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room
where a male patient was masturbating.

"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?

The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your Highness, this man has a
very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do
that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly."

"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.

On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a
blow job.

"Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?"

The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."

Biggles Flies Undone
18th May 2001, 21:16
The Queen is visiting a military hospital.

She gets to the first bed “And what is wrong with you?” “Caught a sniper’s bullet in my leg Ma’am – soon be back on duty” “Very good, I hope you get well soon”.

She gets to the second bed “And what is wrong with you?” “Caught some shrapnel in my arm Ma’am – soon be back on duty” “Very good, I hope you get well soon”.

She gets to the third bed where a fat soldier is stuffing cream cakes into his mouth “And what is wrong with you?” “I’ve got a rash on my bollocks” “Oh, er, very good, I hope you get well soon”.

After the Queen has gone, the Matron rushes over to the fat soldier. “You can’t say that to the Queen!” “Why not? She asked me!” “Yes but you don’t have to tell her where the rash is!” “What should I have said?” “Well... tell her it’s on your stomach or something!”.

The next week the Queen Mother visits the same military hospital.

She gets to the first bed “And what is wrong with you?” “Caught a sniper’s bullet in my leg Ma’am – soon be back on duty” “Very good, I hope you get well soon”.

She gets to the second bed “And what is wrong with you?” “Caught some shrapnel in my arm Ma’am – soon be back on duty” “Very good, I hope you get well soon”.

She gets to the third bed “And what is wrong with you?” “I’ve got a rash on my, er, er... stomach” “Oh dear – has it spread?”.

Eagle18th
22nd May 2001, 09:37
Supposedly a true story...

Several years ago the King of Tonga was on a State visit to London, part of which was a procession in open-topped horse-drawn carriages.
The Queen and the visiting King were sat together in their carriage when one of their horses let out a silent-but-deadly fart, the smell of which was completely overpowering.
Feeling the need to ease the uncomfortable atmosphere, the Queen turned to the King and said, "I'm sorry about that".
"It's alright", he replied, "but if you hadn't said anything I would have thought one of the horses did it".

Otis Spunkmeyer
22nd May 2001, 23:49
At a state banquet, the Queen lets off an embarrassing fart. Turning to her head steward she says

'Stop that, Benson'

'Certainly, Your Majesty, which way did it go?'