View Full Version : I've not tried this one

18th May 2001, 19:24
Ever get tired of those damn Jehova's witnesses bothering you? Well, just collect about 10 or 11 of their pamphlets, and scatter them around the front of your house. Next, draw a chalk-body outline and surround the whole thing with police tape!
You'll never be bothered again!!!

ickle black box
18th May 2001, 19:29
Ever get tired of those pesky milkmen delivering milk at 5am, an waking you up by slamming the gate? Well, all you need is a lose tiger in the front garden, and you can relax with a proper nights sleep, safe in the knowledge he'll leave it outside the front gate from that point onwards! ;)

18th May 2001, 19:47
A friend of mine devised a really evil way of dealing with unwelcome religious callers. After checking through the peephole in the door and seeing the unwanted visitors outside, she would quickly shuck off all her gear and fling open the door wearing nothing but a huge grin. Worked every time.


Biggles Flies Undone
18th May 2001, 20:10
If being polite fails, a Claymore mine normally does the trick. Done in a thunderstorm you don't even have to clean up afterwards :)

ickle black box
18th May 2001, 20:14
BlueDiamond, I don't suppose your friend is a young, fit, large chested 20something year old? If she is, can I have the address, an I promise to turn wearing a cassock holding a political notice board :) I would of course report back to JB :) :) :)

ickle ;)

18th May 2001, 20:32
you sure it was "a friend" ??

18th May 2001, 21:20
I remember when the Jehovah Witnesses paid me a visit a few years ago.

I invited them in, sat them down, gave them coffee - and then engaged them in earnest discussion on the similarity between Hitler's final solution and what their god has in store for unbelievers.

They obviously reported back to head honcho, or whatever, and I never had another visit, although all my neighbours were plagued for months. I am obviously on the Jehovah subversive black list. Get yourself on it - it saves lots of Sunday hassle!

Ickle black box - BlueDiamond's friend must be a dog. Don't waste your time.

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 18 May 2001).]

18th May 2001, 21:51
blue dimmond-ickle is a very nasty person whom you do NOT want around you're friend... :)
I however will be very discreet and NOT run and tell like ickle so feel free to mail me her address..... http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif

(sorry ick)

18th May 2001, 23:41
The last time bible bashers came to convert me they had a youngish child with them.

After they made clear their desire to talk about their particular figment I bent down to the kid & asked him if anyone has ever discussed the merits of atheism with him.

Haven't seen them since.

19th May 2001, 04:49
Big fookin Alsatian - works a treat :)

Feeton Terrafirma
19th May 2001, 05:44
Blue Diamond have you tried that approach? If so whats your address, I'll come with a JW pamphlet in my hand :)

My solution used to be my Blue Healer. I'd open the wooden door, leaving the fly screen closed, and invite them in. The dog growling was enough to ensure VERY quick departure as I started to open the screen door :)

BTW Tunny mate, a Blue Healer (for those not from OZ) will EAT an Alsatian for breakfast and come up hungry. It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. (and reputation helps!!)

I'm not a PPRuNe addict. (just need one more post)

[This message has been edited by Feeton Terrafirma (edited 19 May 2001).]

Drop and Stop
19th May 2001, 10:12
BlueDiamond, try following up by getting her boyfriend/husband to also come to the door minus clothes and state, in a loud clear voice, "Come on back to bed, sister, I'm in the mood!!".

Norfolk and airspeed
19th May 2001, 16:10
My sister kept getting bothered by a couple of Jehova's witnesses so she invited them in. One was a lad about 17, the other a woman about 40.

The conversation turned to sex before marriage, and then to sex in general.

The lad very forcefully made the point that any kind of sex at all, except between a married couple, is a sin.

So sis calmly says "Are you trying to tell me you've never had a wanqk?"

[This message has been edited by Norfolk and airspeed (edited 19 May 2001).]

24th May 2001, 01:18
I find opening the door and saying

"Come in, come in......now, sit down.....My name is jehova, and I am most grateful for you spreading the word.....now, how much have you collected?"

Works a dream


Lurk R
24th May 2001, 12:03
Q. What do you get if you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist?

A. A person who knocks on your door for no reason at all!!!


tony draper
24th May 2001, 12:50
Tell them you serve the horned one, and if they don't bugger off you will summon one of the abb humans from the outer circle and instruct this horror to visit them as they kip and chew on their souls. http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

24th May 2001, 15:47
I told the Jehovah's that we were cathode followers. They apologised and they've never been back!

Cathode followers were a particular electronic circuit used in the days of valves...........

24th May 2001, 18:34
One time, I put two bee hives in the front garden. Shakes their faith.

25th May 2001, 02:32
My mind went blank and I tried to talk to them in the hallway, it lasted hours, I just didn't have the heart to tell them to F off, besides she was rather attractive in a sweet and unobtainable way, and her little boy wouldn't have liked it either. I won't do it again though, as I have picked up all sorts of vile tips here on this thread.

Taxi Driver
25th May 2001, 21:19
Q: What do you call a Jehova's witness crossed with a Hell's Angel??

A: Someone who knocks on your door and tells YOU to F#ck Off!!

PS Velvet, I miss you and your fiery red locks and your saggy arse!

26th May 2001, 00:17
Just post a banner like this:

www.dynamicflight.com/rc/RCO_files/witness.gif (http://www.dynamicflight.com/rc/RCO_files/witness.gif)

Yes ....... :)

[This message has been edited by RW-1 (edited 25 May 2001).]

26th May 2001, 23:54
Bit like Tony Draper's this but it's true

I have a copy of Anton LeVey's Satanic Bible, which I've never read but purchased for such occassions when the Jehova's witnesses call.

I answer the door with the book unde my arm, look at them and turn to the starirs calling "Master, there are some people here for you!!", turn around and they're gone :)

I've leant the book to a friend and haven't had it back yet, but Marilyn Manson's "Long Hard Road Out of Hell" works just as well ;)

27th May 2001, 19:12
Nice one, RadEng - we must be equally youthfully disadvantaged :) :)

Taxi Driver - I'll send the next JWs to you with a nod and a wink that you are more receptive after the 10th visit - naff off :mad:

27th May 2001, 19:14
Nice one, RadEng - we must be equally youthfully disadvantaged :) :)

Taxi Driver - I'll send the next JWs to you with a nod and a wink that you are more receptive after the 10th visit - naff off :mad:

Mergatroid Alowishus
28th May 2001, 12:34
They tend to come to my house every Saturday or Sunday morning. I am usually putzing around in my pajamas until ten and don't want to see anybody until I come back to life. I finally put a note on my door that says I work nights and don't disturb me during the day. Took care of the problem. Thank God! These people had been bringing magazines to my house for the last seven months. Tenacious buggers. Of course, I don't really work nights, but a person has got to do what a person has got to do.

28th May 2001, 17:01
Goodness Taxi Driver, have you run out of young boys, that you need my ass to play with.

29th May 2001, 19:19

I had a friend at Uni who studied Russian (you out there Wig? Last I heard you were with Lloyds?) Claimed his mother once called him from his room to talk Russian at the JW till they went away. He did, they did.

About a month later he claimed it happened again, but when he started on his spiel one of the JWs piped up with "Aaaahhhh! Tovarish!"

Wig bolted, and hid in the backyard, leaving his mother to explain why he only spoke Russian and she didn't know a word of it...

Per Ardua Ad Asda
31st May 2001, 07:09
...'scuse me.....can't stop....just off to donate blood. Bye...