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BRL
29th Sep 2001, 02:44
I was watching the woman next door sunbathing the other day, when i noticed her gorgeous bush needed trimming. I pointed this out to her and she told me i could help her trim it anytime. I told her i would come around at the weekend with my big shears to sort her bush out, but i have a problem. I have never trimmed a bush before and don't know where to start..!!! Any help will be much appreciated here....(P.S.)Its located next to a south facing wall.

(P.P.S.S.) She also has a great pair of tits. They have nested in her garden just above the bush because the tits keep getting attacked in my garden.(see other thread..)

Stiff Lil' Fingers
29th Sep 2001, 02:59
Just to clarify, are they a great pair of tits or a pair of great tits? Its an important point to a "twitcher"

"...just for now I'm down for ornithology, grab your binoculars, come follow me"

I believe that the 'landing strip' is a favourite design to go for when trimming bush

henry crun
29th Sep 2001, 03:01
Some background knowledge is essential, is the bush mature or just a youngster ?.
If mature it will be able to withstand quite rough clipping, but a younger one will require more delicate treatment.


Also worthy of consideration is the time of day, heavy trimming in the heat of the day can cause severe wilting.

I would suggest a light trim to start with and then a much heavier clipping after you have determined the effect of the first assault.

(edited for afterthought)

[ 28 September 2001: Message edited by: henry crun ]

BRL
29th Sep 2001, 03:30
Its a big one, i might need a stepladder........

henry crun
29th Sep 2001, 05:19
Hmmmmmm, a stepladder will introduce an element of danger but I sense that you are the sort of person who will shrug this off and do your best to accomodate your neighbour's wishes.
Who knows ?, it might even add a sense of spice to the undertaking.

Obviously a firm footing will be essential before starting, and you should also inspect the surrounding area thoroughly and memorise the location of any possible handholds just in case you should fall off.

You could consider fixing yourself to the bush in some manner so that any movement induced by vigourous clipping will be damped out.

Takan Inchovit
29th Sep 2001, 06:15
Well, congratulations. For starters if a pair of Tits is in the vicinity then you may consider that her bush is quite mature.
If the bush has borne fruit recently or is currently in ‘flower”, I would sincerely suggest that you give it a miss for a couple of weeks to give any new roots a chance to develop and it also gives existing ones time to recover.
If a ground cover effect or low spreading bush is desired, all upright growing shoots should be cut back to regularly promote side growth. Remember, many bushes are grown for their beauty of foliage but should not be allowed to grow out of proportion.

After trimming, the bush may require a good watering and the application of a slow release liquid fertiliser. The area of application should be around the base of the bush to give satisfying results (can also be done by hand). This should encourage further growth with much more vigorous rooting in the coming season.
NOTE: If a fish emulsion has previously been used it will not be affected by the application of any fertiliser of your choice.
Regular nightly sprinkling is most harmful and will cause shallow rooting.

Check for pests at the base of the bush as they can spread to your own flora if your shears are not cleaned afterwards. Watch out also for fungi, black beetles and worms. This can indicate a poorly maintained compost container is nearby.

Remember to improve the quality of your environment; you should plant a bush regularly.
:rolleyes:

TowerDog
29th Sep 2001, 06:31
Be extremly careful when trimming close to the vertical end of the bush:
There is very little room for error in that area and any mistake could cause extreme pain to your nose and teeth about a nano-second or so after any mistake is made.

Suggest heavy lubrication before and after trimming. It will cut down on noise and leave a pleasant purr once the operation is completed.

Good luck and be careful... :eek:

G SXTY
29th Sep 2001, 11:32
I would caution against cutting back the bush too heavily, particularly with onset of those cold winter months.

Whilst few things are as visually pleasing as a neatly trimmed bush, its very easy to over do it, resulting in a scrawny bush that can become waterlogged when conditions are damp.

I Am Ugly
29th Sep 2001, 14:23
Just let me see when you are done, there really is nothing like a well ppruned bush... :rolleyes:

dingducky
29th Sep 2001, 17:45
hmmm i have a bush that needs deflowering.

Per Ardua Ad Asda
29th Sep 2001, 18:49
I am a fully qualified gardener. Do you need any assistance?

TowerDog
29th Sep 2001, 18:59
Dingy:

You have come to the right place for deflowering: JetBlast.

Many willing gardeners here, but you can not
trust all of them.

For a proper deflowering, hmm, send me an e-mail and we will make the proper arrangments:

TowerDog is running a Special right now:
Both Trimming AND deflowering for the price of one.
Satisfaction guaranteed.

Per Ardua Ad Asda
29th Sep 2001, 19:06
...and I'm quite a handyman too (without wishing to blow my own trumpet {!} ), as I only live just along the coast. 'Bit closer than Fla. :cool:

TowerDog
29th Sep 2001, 19:21
A quality job may require a bit more travel.

Do not fall in the trap of seeking out Joe Blow down on the corner.

He may have good intentions, but probably need some deflowering himself.

Stay with the experts and a quality job at a fair price is assured:

Lifetime bush and flower maintenance included, no strings attached.

:cool:

dingducky
30th Sep 2001, 11:03
well the bush i have has not been plucked in a very long time
it requires special attention.

SevenFiftySeven.
30th Sep 2001, 11:10
Quick question -
what color is her bush?!

Per Ardua Ad Asda
30th Sep 2001, 14:19
Don't mind. If it's plucked then presumably, no colour at all :)

I got an A++ for practical topiary skills at night-school, Dingy. The examiner said that she couldn't fault my technique and that I really ought to pursue a career as a Gentle Topiarist. Or summink like that.

Having followed the advice, I have to say that I have enjoyed my work greatly in the last few years. Well, not "work" really, is it? Consequently I have stopped charging any fees and it's all done on a 'you scratch my back and I'll tickle yours' basis.

If you're free next week, I'll bring my equipment round.

Assuring you of our best attention at all times (day or night),

N. Kelly,
Managing Director,
Bush-A-Rangers Inc

-----------------------------------------
Through Adversity to the Potting Shed.

TowerDog
1st Oct 2001, 06:03
Dingy:
Ah, so that bush does not need an initial de-flowering? Just a tune up?

No problem, just say the word and the master with the clean tools and the expertice will take care of the trimming.

Suggest you buy a first class ticket to Hawaii and uh, business will be taken care of in style and under the sun.

If not, well, the local boys will take care of it for half the price or less, but the job will not be the same.

For a quote and a life time guarantee, see TowerDog on [email protected]


:cool:

BRL
1st Oct 2001, 09:31
SevenFiftySeven. Its a dark one. It sometimes looks light though when its wet.

Ding..... You will have to send us a picture of your bush to see what excactly needs doing to it.......