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BRL
28th Sep 2001, 05:18
I have a problem with tits. They have only just recently arrived on the bird table in my garden but the bloody seagulls keep seeing them off when i hang the nuts out there.....What can i do to keep the seagulls away......?????????

oldpinger
28th Sep 2001, 05:28
How about .22 calibre (or greater) cranial ventilation?
Or alternatively you could get yourself some bigger tits

(to see off those pesky seagulls....)

HugMonster
28th Sep 2001, 05:30
Stop hanging your nuts out there. Alternatively, a good shag should help you, since all the cormorant family are much larger than seagulls, should see them off nicely, and you can enjoy the tits in peace.

jazzi
28th Sep 2001, 05:31
The only way to keep seagully off your tits is to guard the nuts yourself when you hang them out.

I mean when you hang nuts out Tits will come ...and the lecherous seagulls will follow.

Try positioning your nuts right between where the Tits like to sit so the seagulls cant get at them.

Naturally dont ever let a seagull nick your nuts when they are surrounded by Tits.

B747wideboy
28th Sep 2001, 05:40
Seagulls are notorious peckers. I fear that wherever nuts are left lying about, the peckers will come.

Mirkin About
28th Sep 2001, 06:46
Perhaps if Crabs placed near the nuts it would distract the seagulls , it may however discourage the tits. :eek:

sprocket
28th Sep 2001, 07:01
..seriously though;
I'd recommend getting a cock (the bigger the better) it will keep the Tits company, while gulls tend to shy away from larger peckers.
If you do obtain a mature cock always ensure that you get some good layers to go with it.

Slasher
28th Sep 2001, 07:51
I have a very agressive large cock available for any tits that need to be rubbed-out. It has its own nuts too. Has won numerous cock-fight awards with other peckers vying for the same tits.

Oh and I own a rooster too.

Takan Inchovit
28th Sep 2001, 11:03
To Mr Big Red ' L '

As I live near the coast, I do not get to see many Tits but when the weather is fair many Boobies appear along the beaches and remote rocky outcrops. They are much larger than Tits and therefore it is harder to deter them. The Boobies nearly always attract the Larks, which make for an enjoyable afternoons entertainment as they swoop close to the Boobies in an attempt to gain their attention.
Anyway back to the original subject, if your Cock fails to deter the Gulls you might like to introduce a Stork onto the scene. As they are bigger than your average Cock, or
you could try looking further afield by getting some Terns. From my experience having a Tern with the Tits is a great way to keep Gulls, Larks and Gannets at bay and then you might even be able to enjoy the Swallows at dusk in peace.
Keep your nuts out of the sunlight and they will last that little bit longer.

[ 28 September 2001: Message edited by: Takan Inchovit ]

Unwell_Raptor
28th Sep 2001, 12:09
Perhaps it would help if you have the cock hide in a bush. That should please the gulls.

And a happy gull is usually followed by a swallow.

[ 28 September 2001: Message edited by: Unwell_Raptor ]

henry crun
28th Sep 2001, 14:09
And watch out for the robins with their red breasts, could be all sorts of confusion if they get mixed up with the ordinary tits.

Mirkin About
28th Sep 2001, 15:24
Construct a few mud nests on your front porch and install a family of House Martins which are known to swoop Seagulls,now have your milk delivered in bottles and put your nuts out by the front door .That way , when the Tits are gobbling your cream they can also have a go at your nuts and a few little Swallows on the porch will ensure they get it all. ;)

B747wideboy
28th Sep 2001, 21:51
An angry cock is a formidable pecker.

Paterbrat
29th Sep 2001, 17:49
AAaaah Tits, I thought he was refering to the Twin Interconected Teats Suckeling (for the use of).

Lots of Italian posterioraly absobed medication about then?

Per Ardua Ad Asda
29th Sep 2001, 19:00
I was chatting to my neighbour over the fence the other day - Tits like coconuts, apparently.

She said that she always hangs a couple out every month and both the small and the large peckers go absolutely crazy for them.