View Full Version : Things my Mother told me

SawThe Light
8th May 2004, 23:09
Mmmm, it's Mother's Day.

Was having a moment of reflection on some of the things my late dear old mother told me in those formative years long ago. I'm sure we all fondly recall those gems like . . . .

"You just wait till your father gets home" (Got that a lot)

"I'm not working my fingers to the bone just so you can . . (just think of any thing I may have done wrong that cost the odd franc)"

"You children seem to think that money grows on trees" (Silly me, I had asked for something that cost money)

Take a moment to remember some of your mother's priceless qoutes.


8th May 2004, 23:13
I wish I listened to my what my mother said, then I'd be able to reply! :}

8th May 2004, 23:22
A few weeks before my mum died (I was a troublesome teenager then) she said to me "If you ever start smoking son, I'll come back and haunt you!" :uhoh:

It worked!

8th May 2004, 23:41
'You can't walk on the pavement with no shoes, crows will peck
your feet'.

The bo**ocks parents come out with.

'Go to sleep, children, or the monster under your bed
will get you'.

D O H !

8th May 2004, 23:52
My Mum told me I would never get rich in low pubs and bad company.

She was right.

9th May 2004, 00:16
If the wind changes your face'll stay like that (true):uhoh:

Eat up, there's thousands starving in Africa:sad: She wiz right there too, God bless Sir Bob.


9th May 2004, 00:22
Don't blame the dog....you trod in it!

9th May 2004, 00:53
Mmmm, it's Mother's Day

Hang on, wasn't that last month ? Am I missing something... Don't want to get into trouble with the old girl !:uhoh: :bored:

9th May 2004, 01:29
In AussieLand it is Mothers' Day and I began by suggesting these things differ across countries, but reading TRRBTPS or whatever it seems more widely spread than I realised.

9th May 2004, 01:58
My old mum used to say, "You young people - you don't know what good clean fun is."

And she was right. I still don't know what good it is!

9th May 2004, 02:28
One of her favorites during school holidays

"You're too young to be bored.............."

Never realised there was an age limit on it!

9th May 2004, 02:54
"Make sure you're wearing clean underwear ... you might be hit by a bus and taken to hospital."

But why was it always a bus? Why not a truck or a bike or even a MkIV Old Lady on one of those electric thingies? Mind you, we never had that sort of transport when I was young ... not even for the MarkI.

9th May 2004, 07:22
As a teenager,

''When you are under my roof you will live by my rules''

''This isn't a hotel young lady''

''Ask your father''

''When I say be back by 10.30, I mean 10.30''

and when I was younger,

''If you keep doing that your finger will get stuck there'' (when picking nose)

''Your face will get stuck like that if you are not carefull''
(when pulling up eyelids, nose etc to revolt siblings)

''Don't tie your little sister to the tree when I ask you to look after her''
(directed to myself, my older brother and older sister)

The Filth
9th May 2004, 09:31
In reply to, "it's not fair."

"A black man's hair never is."


"When dad's ship comes in, we'll be rich."

9th May 2004, 10:38
BlueDiamond, I used to get the underwear one from my Mum too! It always used to amuse me because if you, by unlucky chance, got hit by a bus the hospital staff would be cutting you out of your shredded clothes anyway.

A couple of others:

"H(e)y is for horses"

"Who's she, the cat's mother?"

"You don't do your chores, you don't get your pocket money". Ouch!

tony draper
9th May 2004, 10:49
"Welcome home, when you going back?"

"Isn't it time you got another ship?"


And me granny used to say when we was sprogs,
"Don't play beside the grate yerl get the fever"


9th May 2004, 10:53
Upon being presented with a new culinary masterpeice by grandmother:

Me: "What is it?"

GM: "You'll like it!"

Me: "No, really, what is it, Gran?"

GM: "Go on, eat it up, you'll like it!"

Never did take to rabbit after spitting out the furry bits!

And in response to The Filth, I think it was Charlie Brown of Peanuts fame who uttered the immortal line, "With my luck, the day my ship comes in, I'll be waiting at the airport..."


9th May 2004, 11:47
On seeing my father and I, downing pints at a golf club do.......

"Don't drink those big ones....small ones are much better for you."

Mother never did understand that different booze had differing quantities of alcohol...size didn't matter!
Half a pint of whisky was better than a pint of bitter in her eyes!

My dad and I duly got pi**ed on small ones.:ok::uhoh:

9th May 2004, 12:03
My all time favourite:

"When you go out tonight, be careful with cars and women..."

9th May 2004, 12:07
" 'I want', never gets, ask properly".

"Mum, please can I"...


"Eat the crust, it'll make your hair curly".

9th May 2004, 12:08
Don't trust men who say "trust me" ;)

Capn Notarious
9th May 2004, 12:25
"Don't get married for sex."

9th May 2004, 12:28
Because "WHY" is not Z.

Lon More
9th May 2004, 12:30
As made famous by Billy Connolly, and often heard in Scotland: " Keep doing that and I'll take my hand off your face"

9th May 2004, 12:51
When asked how sheŽd like her coffee, she always replies,
"Black and dark, like my soul!"

You canŽt accuse her of not being honest, my mother.

The Filth
9th May 2004, 12:55
In relation to stormy weather:

"It's not the sort of weather for trees being out." - might be unique to Scotland.

...1960's Footballers:

"Long haired, over paid pansy's."

...Her sister-in-law, who flew for British Caledonian:

"So, where's that bitch, the Flying Mattress off to this week?"

...Tony Blair:

"Bloody Blair, has a face on him like someone whose finger had just gone through the toilet paper."

...To me:

"Do that again and I'll give you a thick ear."

Northern Chique
9th May 2004, 13:22
Mothers - gotta love em!

Some dear wife and mother is without her immaculate and clean frilly nickers... we picked her trucker husband up in em after he pranged! I guess she didnt state whos clean knickers they were to be... :p

The Filth
9th May 2004, 15:28
Northern Chique
we picked her trucker husband up in em after he pranged!

And your point is? :\