View Full Version : so that leaves only...um...SEX?

27th Sep 2001, 09:54
now I know the last time I mentioned this I got in trouble but with no religion and no politics we are again forced to tread the thin ice of sexual innuendo....oh god I can see us getting shut down again....

but nevertheless...

it is all we have.

27th Sep 2001, 13:36
No, no - sexual innuendo is right out...

We'll just have to be completely explicit :D

Biggles Flies Undone
27th Sep 2001, 13:59
Hopefully that means we will be getting back to the JB of old - hurrah!

Jazzi, why don't you kick things off by giving us a description of your favourite evening? But remember - phrases like "Oh G*d I'm cumming" will not be tolerated :D

27th Sep 2001, 14:16
Ah Jazzi....
I have found with my Italian pride and joy that it can get a bit of a handful in the wet. Look out there, also, the spark can be a bit dodgy if water gets in the wrong place.
Also, you must keep the servicing up to them or else they get very temperamental.
However, they will give you hours of pleasure and add enormously to your street cred.

27th Sep 2001, 16:07
Innuendo? I thought that was a brand of Italian suppository! :D

27th Sep 2001, 18:09
Oo eck that could lead to a criticalass

Onan the Clumsy
27th Sep 2001, 19:37
Talking about suppositories, I went to the doctor's the other week and he gave me a prescription for some. When I went back this morning he asked me if they were solving my problem. I told him that "No, they weren't any good, in fact for all the use they were...

...I might as well have stuck them up my arse."

28th Sep 2001, 05:49
Anyone had sex in a hotel lobby?

28th Sep 2001, 06:02

28th Sep 2001, 06:06
And, How was it, if i dare ask? hurried?

Knudge, knudge :)

[ 28 September 2001: Message edited by: Rollingthunder ]

28th Sep 2001, 06:07
Dear oh dear. Youz are making my poor ears blush.

28th Sep 2001, 06:07

Oh yes, definately improved my street cred and my mother even approves.


Once I got it home I found It's fuel intake tripled, it's exhaust developed significant noise and pollution problems and it just lost all its get up and go.

It still behaves beautifully on the road and even handles well at family dinners but for some reason as soon as we are home it reverts to trail bike like behaviour.

Have you any advice?

28th Sep 2001, 06:24
Not hurried in the least. I have to add here that the hotel wasn't, in fact, open for business at the time. This was in Montserrat, shortly after the volcano erupted. Plymouth, the main town, was inundated with ash, and the whole of the southern part of the town was evacuated. I (and my g/f) got special permission to go in to take photos, and during this trip we went into the hotel - doors open, ash everywhere, and, well, we spent a while entertaining ourselves (and each other) there...

For a general idea of the scene (in Plymouth, not the hotel lobby :D) take a look at this photo (http://www.geocities.com/thehugmonster/Plymouth.jpg)

It appears that just clicking on the link doesn't work. Try pointing your browser at http://www.geocities.com/thehugmonster/Plymouth.jpg

[ 28 September 2001: Message edited by: HugMonster ]

28th Sep 2001, 06:31
Unfortunately, yahoo calls the pages - unavailable,

28th Sep 2001, 06:43
I know they say that - they don't know what they're talking about. Copy and paste the URL above into your browser address line...

28th Sep 2001, 06:55
Oh, the humanity.

A bit like "Planet of the Apes", actually.

28th Sep 2001, 07:35
All those guns had better be registered, or I'll sic Anne onya! :D

29th Sep 2001, 16:54
The link did't work for me either marra... :(

30th Sep 2001, 05:06
Jazzi I ain't no mechanic but perhaps some things to consider. Possibly some european models are rigged for higher altitude performance meaning their mixture is a bit rich in those humid sea level conditions in Cairns. There is sure to be some nob you can tweak that will lean the machine a bit and realise some performance gains. As for the exhaust problems, well a machine like that that will run only as good as what is put in it's tank. You may need to run it completely dry once or so to be sure that all contaminates are removed and thereafter fill it up with only lead free fuels with possibly some specific performance additives. Possibly an electronic tune up would be of some benefit( you know those alligator clip thingy's). If there is still no get up and go I would try pointing it down the nearest steep hill and do a rolling start, drop the clutch and drive the thing into the nearest wall and look to claim it all on insurance.

Elvis has left the building.

[ 30 September 2001: Message edited by: sprucegoose ]

30th Sep 2001, 16:30
Sex? That's an exercise isn't it, quite unconnected with the actual state of the upper lip Velvet.
I have heard it told, that it's a cardiovascular exercise of great efficy that combined vigorous pelvic and gluteal thrusts, good stomach crunches combined with some fairly comprehensive deep breathing, all over facial contortions and repetitive handclentching.
This set of exercises stimulates excellent blood circulation in the peripheral areas, raises heart rate impressively can be practised in varying positions for all over muscular toning and sometimes combined with vocal training.
Requires little elaborate equipment though accesories can be as wide ranging as the imagination allows. Doesn't take much room. Lends itself to a variety of combinations and can be done with vigor or at a pace suitable for seniors
A good social excercise, it can be slightly limited on a solo basis. Excellent for producing a feeling of lassitude in the cooling off period. (Can have some undesirable side effects)

The Nr Fairy
1st Oct 2001, 00:47
This joke left me without even sex for a bit . . .

Q. What have women and prawns got in common ?

A. Their heads are both full of ****, but the pink bits are quite tasty.

1st Oct 2001, 05:17

You are a Marvel. The alligator clip thingies were just the trick... I still had to roll it down the hill mencingly but all of a sudden the performance has improved. Found the hub to fix that timing, doesnt splutter at all now and the rhythm is perfect.

Having had initial objections and reactions of horror to unleaded fuels we seem to be making progress there also. We are avioding the cheaper Mexican and Indian fuel sources and opting for a more Brittish approach. That and threatening to have its exhaust plugged permanently.

I think the change of lubricants has helped also.

The Fokker's chocka ocker
1st Oct 2001, 06:17
Is that the Tardis?
Didn't see any sex-like activity at all!

1st Oct 2001, 06:42
Yeah.....forgot about the lube. Watch those gluggy types and be sure to change the lube more frequently than the manufacturers recomemdations. Like every 3000 K's. Also with those foreign models be sure to buy the extended warranty. It gives you the option of replacement new for old if the thing ******s up in the days just after the factory warranty expires.

By the way Jazzi, what sort of upholstery did you opt for? Shaggy or that smooth polished look?

2nd Oct 2001, 17:55
The american models tend to be bigger and give a smooth ride, but there's very little response at the top end. I highly tuned italian model is the best way forward - although as mentioned they can be great fun in reverse. With regards to fuel, sont go with the rivita-soya fuels, they leave bits in the tank that you can recollect on the fuel hose - most unsatisfying as they tend to be where the sharp bends are. Remember slow for the bend then put in down all the way out of the curve. Consider a weekend model to preserve the chassis of the week model. The difference is styles required make for a better driver