View Full Version : The Clap - Let's keep flying healthy!

14th May 2001, 03:17
I feel that, in the interests of public health, we should identify those airlines whose hosties may carry something we would rather avoid!

I have bared my heart to Marge, but that doesn't alter the fact I have the clap.

Speedlever has generously warned us to be cautious with galley rats from Gulf Air and Emirates.

Come on, I can't be the only chap to get a dose from a hosty?

Let's hear your experiences and learn!! There must be a pattern and, although there are no guarantees in life, comparing notes will minimise the risks. (And just think, if this thread had been started before, I wouldn't be on a course of Deteclo!)

14th May 2001, 03:23
Why do women get VD?

So they know what it is like to live with an irratable C*nt

The Fokker's chocka ocker
14th May 2001, 03:39
Didn't women invent the concept?
I always thought it was another of those so lovable vengeful traits of the fairer sex.

You gotta love 'em. Just careful when you fu<k 'em!

solly ocker she's chocka

14th May 2001, 05:16
Do you feel that, in the interests of public health, you should identify those airlines whose pilots may carry something the hosties would rather avoid?

[This message has been edited by Davaar (edited 14 May 2001).]

Celtic Emerald
14th May 2001, 12:01
Good on ya Daveer

I second that! :)

If you're so concerned Gerund why don't you just keep your knickers on more in future http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif


14th May 2001, 12:32
Davaar - no, of course not! Pilots don't carry nasty diseases; I am sure that pilots out there will back me up on this one. Really! This is a known fact. Please leave eclecticism out of this important public health issue.

Celtic Emerald, on the other hand, obviously hasn't read my plea to Marge and, more worryingly, can't spell your name....... terminal syphilis? Chaps, you have been warned!!

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 14 May 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 14 May 2001).]

Celtic Emerald
14th May 2001, 13:50

On the other hand although Agony Aunt has never been a favourite haunting ground of mine I have been in alot recently dishing out advice by the bucketful to a cyber friend of mine who I felt was in need of help so I had read your posts in there.

That's why I was fairly surprised when I looged on this morning and saw your warnings repeated here. I chose to ignore the underlying chauvinism in Agony Aunt, you wont be grated that repreive in JB :mad: It takes two to tango mate and your assumption that hosties from certain airlines must be disease ridden creatures that run around affecting whiter than snow male pilots seems a bit lob sided, dubious & fairly biased to me.

As women we'd be more interested actually in what airlines harbour pilots we should give a wide berth lest us ladies come down with any nasty contagious diseases (if I was so inclined that is) but I'll let you know Gerund that I don't take my knickers off as easily as you do and I have far more respect for men than you appear to have for women :rolleyes:


14th May 2001, 14:04
Quite clearly terminal - how sad.

Respect for women? Oh yes; I just want us pilots to avoid the poxy ones. (Please - no angry postings by HATS).

Feeton Terrafirma
14th May 2001, 14:31
Well mate,
let me see, you stuck your poker in the fire box, and surprise surprise, you got it burnt!!

And how many women have you shagged since and how many did you tell that you were all clapped out?

I think we all deserve to know who you fly with so that we all know who to avoid!!

Flood Control Victim

14th May 2001, 15:10
Now come on Feeton Terrafirma!

Us blokes have got to stick together. It will do us no good if hosties and HATS see us bickering like this.

14th May 2001, 15:20
That's right, Celtic Emerald, you tell 'em!

No pleasing blokes is there? They're always complaining that women won't have sex with them. Then they complain when they do!

You don't HAVE to screw hosties Gerund; it's not compulsory. When propositioned you could refuse. It's easy; get a woman to teach you how :)

Though come to think of it, when did you last hear of a man saying No?


To fly is human, to hover, divine.

14th May 2001, 15:34
Now Whirly, I asked for no angry postings by HATS.

This is a topic for pilots, ie men.

14th May 2001, 15:54
Er, Gerund, pardon me for stating the bleeding obvious but since the woman engaged in this activity with you, it could be reasonably assumed that she is straight as opposed to gay and therefore caught the disease from a man in the first place. Could that man just maybe, possibly, perhaps ......... have been a pilot? Nah, pilots are as pure as the driven snow aren't they? And, this being the case, you are clearly mistaken in your assumption that you have "the clap" because pilots don't get that do they? Either that or you do have "the clap" and are mistaken in your assumption that you are a pilot.

14th May 2001, 16:12

You are being very simplistic. Everyone knows that hosties sleep around and pilots don't. We have the 'occasional liaison'.

I never said that pilots can't be given the clap; I said we don't 'carry nasty diseases'. We don't. We get treated.

Hosties on the other hand......

By the way BlueDiamond, are you a bloke? I thought you Aussies were a bit less prissy?

Celtic Emerald
14th May 2001, 16:15
Thanks for your support Feeton old mate. :)

Getunds got the clap
Poor little chap
Doesn't surprise me cause he's such a sap
He'd be better off closing his trap
Cause he's so full of crap
Now run off little boy & take a nap
Before I take me scissors & go SNAP :)

Emerald http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif

[This message has been edited by Celtic Emerald (edited 14 May 2001).]

Feeton Terrafirma
14th May 2001, 16:29
hey BlueDiamond you really don't need to look down to check if you're a bloke or not. I'm most happy to comfirm that you're ALL woman.


Emerald hunny, I didn't know you were a poet! Nice verse.

And Whirly I have said no when I was propositioned. Some of us have standards (atleast some of the time when we're sober ;) )

Flood Control Victim

14th May 2001, 16:37
well chaps, at least we know to stay away from Mrs. gerund..... http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif


14th May 2001, 16:39
My god, it's a bloody conspiracy!

I start a thread to help men from catching something nasty, and what happens? Hordes of women start posting; women who have no personal experience of the clap - or do they? Perhaps they are just keen to lull us into a false sense of security.

This is deeply worrying on a thread started with the sole intention of promoting good health.

I need support from other men out there.

Tell us all your stories, or just post a note or two of support.


14th May 2001, 16:43
Gerund, I do understand your shock and dismay. I was once arguing against the Revenue, and their counsel had the gall to appeal to the court's "sense of fairness". I was immediately admitted to Emergency, and recovered only after a heavy course of penicillin.

Celtic Emerald
14th May 2001, 17:58
Ah finally he's beginning to admit defeat, that's what I like to see :)

Maybe you'd be better off Gerund posting your thread in the medical forum, kinda third time lucky if ya know what I mean http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif

Thank You Feeton, you'll find I'm a woman of many hidden talents :)


I'd rather
14th May 2001, 18:14
Use a condom, Gerund; it will have the happy side effect of preventing the production of any little gerunds...

14th May 2001, 18:14
Celtic Emerald -

It's hidden talents I'm worried about!

Are you a hosty or a HAT?

Either way you should be given a wide berth.

Feeton Terrafirma -

Oh, so you 'have said no' when you've been propositioned. Said 'no' once, or been propositioned once. Either way you don't sound as if you would be a good s**g. So you have standards 'some of the time'?

I am afraid you also fit into the wide berth category. Airline?

Feeton Terrafirma
14th May 2001, 18:20
Brilliant idea I'd rather! If Gerund's father had used a condom, he would not have this problem now!!

;) :) ;)

Flood Control Victim

14th May 2001, 18:21
I'd rather -

Yes, I agree. I actually wanted to use one but the 'nice' girl said she didn't like them, and made me feel as if I was doubting her internal state.

Lesson learned!

14th May 2001, 18:23

Allow me to correct you:

1) I am a pilot.
2) I am not angry.

And BTW, what's a HAT?


To fly is human, to hover, divine.

14th May 2001, 18:29
Whirly -

I know you can fly, which makes you a HAT.

Pilots are men.

HATS are females at the controls of aeroplanes: Hosties Above Their Station.

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 14 May 2001).]

Celtic Emerald
14th May 2001, 19:44
Oh cricky 'I'd rather'

Did you say little Gerunds. Please I don't think the world could cope with more than one http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

No Gerund I'm not a pilot or a hostie but I must say any pilots I've met have been complete gentlemen who know how to treat a lady properly & not a cry baby user like you who's just out for a good time, no strings attached. Tough luck mate that you had to pay a price this time, women have to all the time, they have to carry it for nine months and care for it for a lifetime while men like you are well gone, shirking their responsibilities as usual. Gees I hope it didn't spoil your fun too much.

Hope you've learned your lesson but by the sound of things you haven't. What are you going to do after you compare notes, target your results for some further screwing sessions, looks like you think that & serving meals is all you think women are good for. Is that supposed to be one of the perks of being a pilot not listed in the job requirements. Though I must say you sound so full of yourself I wouldn't be surprised if you thought so. :mad:

And by the sound of things it's you that needs to be kept at a wide berth, I mean who'd want to catch that thing you have Yuck!
If you wre the last man on earth I wouldn't lower myself to have anything to do with you :mad:


[This message has been edited by Celtic Emerald (edited 14 May 2001).]

14th May 2001, 21:29
Oh, Celtic

I'm starting to think you're rather cute!

Do you have a picture you could post? Anything will do, but I'm sure all the chaps would prefer something glam! Don't be shy now.

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 14 May 2001).]

Celtic Emerald
14th May 2001, 22:12
What did I say wrong http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/confused.gif

It wasn't supposed a trigger a reaction like that http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

I must be losing my touch!

I'd better get a few lessons from that Anne Robinson or something http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/frown.gif


14th May 2001, 22:18
Thankfully, it seems the ladies that I like aren't the sort who like Gerund.

What's the difference between love & herpes?

Herpes is forever.

Norfolk and airspeed
14th May 2001, 22:40
Gerund, some of the pilots I've met have been gentlemen and know how to treat a lady. All the other pilots I've met have been ladies and know how to treat a gentleman.

Obviously I've never met you.

14th May 2001, 22:46
I've said all this already on the 'wives & hosties'thread,but haven't you heard of HIV? If not you soon might & hell bloody mend you..Oh & as for 'Hosties Above Their Station' carry on like that & you'll get a mug of scalding hot coffee in your lap one of these days.That'll cure your little itch if nothing else...

14th May 2001, 23:06
ScottishBurd -

I like your e-mail address. Not indicative I hope?

Hi Tinstaafl!

Thanks for the input. The problem is that the ladies you like may not like you. The ladies that like me, I may not like. What we have is a situation where you like a lady (loose term), and she likes you. Then you get the clap.

Hey, I'm not a villain here; I'm the victim!

Celtic - you haven't done anything wrong. I've just started to fancy you in a cyber way. I'm quite a nice guy really.

Norfolk and airspeed -

Ladies and pilots are mutually exclusive terms.

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 14 May 2001).]

14th May 2001, 23:19
Just a small digression from the main subject matter.

Does anyone know who the HAT is in the latest Transair Pilot Shop advertisement?

She's just my type, so if anyone can help me shortcut my other lines of enquiry - please let me know.

Send Clowns
14th May 2001, 23:20
As a spectator to this thread - I am not yet a professional civvy pilot, nor have I slept with an air hostess, so I had little to contribute - I have only one concern. Is Gerund trying to provoke a reaction for his own amusement or is he a complete idiot? Either way he is looking ever more stupid and unpleasant as he continues to post.

I am rather surprised any hostie agreed to sleep with Gerund. Those FAs I have met have been intelligent and sensible people. Obviously he gets the dafter ones, who sleep with the charmless pilots who give them social diseases, which remain in that closed population of dumb hosties and unpleasant pilots.

'Me here at last on the ground, you in mid air'

14th May 2001, 23:38
Send Clowns - don't be concerned; this is Jet Blast!

No, I don't get the dafter ones. Quite the contrary. But I used to get none at all! I used to be the perfect gentleman - kind, considerate and always ready to help or listen. This got me nowhere, and gets any man nowhere.

I confided in a good woman friend, who said I was too 'nice'; she told me that women like more of a bastard. So I tried it and, guess what, it worked. I haven't looked back! The more of a bastard I am, the more I have to beat them off with a big stick. Remember the St Bruno's advertisements on television?

I still find it difficult to believe, but it's true.

And all you women on this thread - you know it's true too.

(But Celtic - I have a heart of gold.)

14th May 2001, 23:47
Look ScottishBurd, pipe down.

The whole point of this thread is so that pilots can AVOID the clap.

I am trying to help by being honest about my condition, so that others may benefit from my misfortune. And all I get is stick!

You should be ashamed of yourself. Would you have the courage to tell the world if you had the clap, so that others might benefit - I think not. Why do I think not? Because you belong to a type who revels in other people's misfortunes; you would be too worried that you would be pilloried as you have attempted to pillory me.

Mac the Knife
15th May 2001, 00:16
Gerund ol' bean - Hate to rain on your "Oh-so-funny" picnic but I'd picked up a dose of Cupid's measles I'd sure as sugarpuffs be on the blower to my local HIV/AIDS clinic pronto.

And I'd take my antiretrovirals until I was quite sure that my HIV serology was very very negative.

15th May 2001, 00:40
Mac the Knife

Quite so. As soon as I realised I had a problem, I was off to the doc immediately. Amazingly, these days, your friendly GP isn't interested. I was directed off to a clinic at a hospital 20 miles away, which turned out to be the wrong place. Thanks GP. After making enquiries and phone calls, courtesy of the hospital reception (much to the amusement of all concerned), I drove another 30 miles to another hospital.

They couldn't have been more helpful.

Mac, I am taking this seriously. Are you suggesting that the advice and medication I have been given may not be right. Because, if so, tell me!

I had a blood test for syphilis (standard procedure)and a lovely chat with the nurse whose father, like mine, trained as a doctor in the pre-antibiotic days of the twenties, a swab for analysis, and an early stream urine sample for analysis.

Are you telling me I should be going back and demanding retrovirals? Please tell me. If so, I will be back banging on their door.

(Memories of having to keep quiet when my father's patients were using our living room, twice a day, as the waiting room. Single handed practice, no deputising service, and setting limbs on the dining room table. My sister rushing in when a patient shouted, and offering him a sweet! God, how things have changed!)

15th May 2001, 00:44
Send Clowns,

Yes, I find it fairly surprising that any FA would want to sleep with Gerund. But there are several things here we dont know:

1) Is Gerund really a pilot? I doubt it; he's too stupid.

2) Has he ever slept with any FAs? Well, we've discussed our doubts on that one. And we only have his word for it.

3) On the other hand...
a)If Gerund was a pilot - which he probably isn't...
b)If I was an FA, which I'm not, and wouldn't be, because I'm lousy at serving meals and being nice to people, but much better at flying...
c)If we happened to be on the same flight, and he was acting like he is on this thread...
d)If I happened to have the clap...
e)Guess what I'd do :) :) :)

Gerund, sweetie, I suspect you asked for it.


To fly is human, to hover, divine.

[This message has been edited by Whirlybird (edited 14 May 2001).]

15th May 2001, 00:48
Whirly -

I always thought you were literate.

What, on earth, happened to your last post?

Please edit.

(On reflection, you do know how to use a semi-colon; you can't be all bad. Do you ever come down South?)

Edit: Good god, how did I miss it? We know they have the clap and sleep with you regardless, but until now there was no proof. Read Whirly's post carefully and see what calculating, callous bitches HATS can be. This is WHAT THIS POST IS ABOUT. They'll give you a dose and whistle all the way home.

So far, on this thread, we have Feeton Terrafirma who 'has said no' when propositioned, and who has standards 'some of the time' when she's 'sober', and Whirly who will deliberately sleep with someone when she knows she has the clap.

How many more of you girls are going to come out of the closet?

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 14 May 2001).]

Celtic Emerald
15th May 2001, 01:26

I don't fancy you!

You are the weakest link

Goodbye http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/frown.gif


15th May 2001, 01:54
Gerund, sweetie, why don't you learn to read, there's a dear. If you have enough of a brain, which I doubt.

Firstly, I'm a pilot, Gerund, not an FA. That means I'm not one of the group you've allegedly slept with. That's PILOT Gerund. Even though you seem to find that hard to grasp. But then, when they were handing out brains, you got missed didn't you.

Secondly, I said "If". I don't have the clap, as it happens.

Finally...oh, to hell with all this! You won't follow it, and I can't be bothered any more. Weakest Link? Never was a link at all more like. Goodbye anyway Gerund.


To fly is human, to hover, divine.

Mac the Knife
15th May 2001, 01:58
Well G., it may be that living somewhere where HIV rates in the general population are around the 10% has made me some what paranoid. Bear in mind that I'm not an HIV/AIDS specialist, but my work does involve regular exposure to patients blood - and inevitably some of them will be HIV +ve. Risks vary depending on how we get exposed, but blood is the big nono - that said, the risk of seroconversion from a solid needle through a surgical glove is not large - much less than a hollow hypodermic needle that has been used to draw blood. I do operate on known HIV patients - very carefully.

If we are accidentally innoculated with a unknown patient's blood the general rule is to shoot first and ask questions afterwards. I.e. - take blood from patient for a fast test and go straight to Staff Health who take your blood and give you a big handful of antiretrovirals to take immediately. We then have a nervous couple of hours until the results of the patient's fast test come through. If this is negative we then relax a bit and (still on the pills) wait until the next day for the full test results. If still negative then OK - even if the patient is in the window period one's chances of seroconverting are very small. If the patient IS positive then we continue on antiretrovirals for at least six weeks and then recheck our status. The reason for all this is that there is at least some evidence that taking antiretrovirals as soon as possible after exposure (e.g. after rape) offers some (not absolute) protection against seroconversion. I don't think it really matters which particular lovebug you picked up since even the drip (gonorrhea) takes a few days to declare itself and by then prophylactic antiretrovirals may be less effective. If your partner did turn out to have been seropositive (a smaller chance outside Africa) then you would have to get more specialised advice about whether you should be taking antiretrovirals - this bearing in mind that the chances of seroconversion from a single act of unprotected intercourse are quite small.

I have to say that this damned AIDS thing has taken all the fun out of life. I grew up in the 60s-70s - the great "pill" age - and it was really grrrreat making love bareback with all those wonderful girls. But now...if I went to a Conference and some juicy little sales rep. propositioned me I'd have to think twice. Not that it happens much these days unfortunately - and even if it does the girls want you to wear a frogman suit and produce a health clearance certificate. And if she's not careful with you, then you can bet she isn't careful with other guys either. I have to admit that I loathe condoms - as one of my friends said, "You might as well be shagging your boots". Not to mention the fact that you now need to get Davaar or one of those other lawyer fellers to stand behind the curtains in case you are accused of date rape.

I'm a bit surprised that neither your GP or the Hospital said anything about HIV/AIDS though - these things go together like a horse and carriage.

Your chances that you've gotten away with it this time are good - but what about the next time?

Lets all be careful out there

15th May 2001, 02:09
HATS???? And they trust you to fly??? I can be sexist with the best of them but your ideals went out with the invention of the wheel!! and before you ask I'm male!!!!
I'd recommend a badge that warns any impressionable women that your a bit sad, this would A- warn the majority and B- ensure that if required Whirly could easily identify you for the dose you clearly need.Alternatively stick to [email protected], seems atleast that way you could form a relationship with someone that is interested.Although I fear even your hand would go to sleep. Good on yer 'girls'

15th May 2001, 02:12
Mac the Knife -

Thanks for the detailed input; it's much appreciated. I really have taken this seriously and, obviously being no spring chicken, I do not intend that this will ever recur. (I am posting on Jet Blast, not the medical forum). It is a first, and it will be the last - I hope; there are no guarantees in life. Even the love of one's life may have been carrying chlamydia for the last year without realising it.

Whirly - You are not a pilot, you are a HAT. How many times do you have to be told?

15th May 2001, 02:25
Oh quidam, you have so much to learn.

I appreciate your ideals; I can see you now, trying to chat up that hosty by being nice and wondering why you never get anywhere.

Let me give you a few tips; I was given these by a woman friend a few years ago and I've never looked back:

1) NEVER appear interested
2) NEVER appear appreciative of a favour (any favour!)
3) Ask a woman out but if she makes ANY female prevarication (and she will), say 'another time' and walk away.

There are a few more, but those are the basics.

And hire that baldy to slam the gate shut!!

15th May 2001, 02:44
ScottishBurd - this is Jet Blast! Do not enter if you might be offended. Offended? Well, off you go!

Good heavens, anyone would think this thread was on prime time TV!

Edit: Do you look like the HAT in the Transair ad? If so, and you ever come down South, let me know.

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 14 May 2001).]

15th May 2001, 02:55
I think Flupenthixol Decanoate may be an option here as well as penicillin..

15th May 2001, 03:02
ScottishBurd -

Well, you really take the biscuit. Or should I say both of you.

What a wicked thing to suggest! You are clearly on the 'fringe' of medicine.

No self-respecting medic would make such a suggestion without further enquiry. Shame on you!

15th May 2001, 03:11

It seems that although you are mature, (in years at least) you have yet to learn a few things.

When it's easy for you, it's easy for everyone.

Most adults learn this VERY quickly. It would seem that you failed to pay attention.

You can't complain about your predicament, because my old bean, YOU behaved like a SLAPPER.

Speaking for myself, I don't need your warning and I suspect, no one else in this forum does either.

Before you try to tar me with your brush, I am a pilot, I do decline if an inappropriate suggestion is made ( in a gentlemanly way, since it IS a compliment). I still manage to have fun on night stops, without trying to bed anything with a pulse.

You are probably just a sad old man who has found himself "on the market" again after a divorce.

A bit of free advice for you, be the nice guy, you won't get a nasty reputation amongst the CC. You never know, you might even get one to hang around for a while.

Edited because I can. :)

Stay cool, stay longer.

[This message has been edited by max_cont (edited 14 May 2001).]

15th May 2001, 03:13
My god, this is tough!

Where are all those pilots (ie men)?

Come on, crack a few jokes, don't take this too seriously, and show these bints where to get .....

15th May 2001, 03:32
Hi max_cont!

I see you like diving! My favourite is the Kyarra - a cracking wreck. I used to dive on it almost every weekend a few years ago. Also the Carantan.

Have you dived the M2 in Lyme Bay. I can really recommend it - to stand in the conning tower at 30m is an experience!

And the Salsette - well, I have to say I only dived it once and was so narked, I can't remember it!!

Unfortunately, my diving career came to an end when I got the bends and had to be pumped down by the navy over at Portsmouth. I still dived a bit after that, but it was never the same.

My claim to fame is the book Safety and Rescue for Divers by BSAC. You will find plenty of pictures of me in there!

I digress!

How can you say I behaved like a slapper?

I hadn't slept with anyone for months; I really fancied this woman; I wooed her; I wooed her; I wooed her; we had dinner; I wooed her; we had dinner...... And so on, over several months. Eventually, after a romantic evening we slept together.

Hey? Did I rush things?

Good grief!

15th May 2001, 03:53
ScottishBurd, considering the fellow's delusions & rabid reactions, I'd suggest he's missed a dose (1) or two of his fortnightly Fluphenazine Decanoate + quite a few hundred milligrams daily of Chlorpromazine.

NB. Delusion Defn: An irrational belief impervious to reality. Not a belief normal within his or her cultural milieu

(1) Apart from another recent 'dose'. Hope the lady concerned got herself to a clinic. Who knows what else Gerund might be carrying?

[This message has been edited by Tinstaafl (edited 14 May 2001).]

15th May 2001, 04:04
Tinstaafl -

What can I say? A Guiness drinker. I have noted your other postings on Pprune with interest, and have always taken you for a discerning poster. I am certainly not going to change this view for a minor aberration.

Guiness is good for you!

Which is more than can be said for .....

15th May 2001, 04:18
Well, idly flicking back through the postings before I go to bed, ScottishBurd takes the prize for illiteracy.

Yes, she can spell - but look at her sentences and punctuation.

Well, for ScottishBurd and those others of the mobile phone generation:

One space after a comma or a hyphen

Two spaces after a full stop or a semi-colon

Deaf ears? Probably!

Good night.

Send Clowns
15th May 2001, 12:38

Yes, some of us are pilots. That does not mean we are tarts, though the profession has that reputation. It also does not mean we are offensive towards women. I can be mysogenistic with the best of them, but make it clear I am not serious (which you don't) and actually respect women as my equal. In my experience this is the exact attitude of the vast majority of pilots.

Perhaps I see why I respect women. Since I am not a bastard to get women, I end up with intelligent, capable girls who are worthy of respect. I have been out with several women more intelligent than I am, so cannot justify denigration of women. You are a complete slapper who ends up with the unfortunate women with low self-esteem who can be walked over, so you do so and believe no women are worthy of respect.

'Me here at last on the ground, you in mid air'

15th May 2001, 13:29
Yawn, stretch, roll over....

Who's she?

Only joking!!

Right! Coffee drunk and ready to do battle with all hosties, HATS, and lily-livered oh so liberal men(?) like:

Send Clowns -

I'm puzzled about you. Now are you a man, or a hostie or a HAT in disguise? (Remember folks, never believe all you read on Pprune!)

If you really are an ATPL student, then you can thank your lucky stars that English isn't a prerequisite to pass those exams?

'....we are tarts....' Suspicious eh?

'I end up with intelligent, capable girls .....' God, you're a disgrace. Men don't 'end up' with women, and I doubt women like the idea either!

'...several women more intelligent than I am.....' Oh, please.

If you are a man, which I seriously doubt, then all that puerile talk will get you nowhere with women. Trust me.

Women like men who are men, not champions of their cause.

So, you've been out with intelligent, capable girls. Where are they now? With, or looking for a real man.

And please, it is very offensive to call me a slapper. My women are 'always' intelligent, self-assured and gorgeous. I do not wish to hear you, or anyone else for that matter, bad mouthing them.

I actually believe in the attitude of the late 20th century (and now 21st) toward diseases of the lower abdomen: unfortunate, but not to be hidden away and only talked about in hushed tones, or laughed about down the boozer.

This site is for PUBLIC HEALTH, as long as you're a pilot (ie a man).

God, the people on this thread will soon want to start stoning patients to death for admitting to poor eyesight. Go over to the medical section - there is more sport to be had there: plenty of people with the guts to admit they have a complaint.

Don't fret Send Clowns; Good Luck with the ATPL and study hard, be you male or female!

(Morning Celtic)

15th May 2001, 13:34
Guys and gals,

I've never said this on a Jet Blast thread before, but I really think we should boycott this thread and then perhaps this idiot might go away.

I'm not coming back here, so don't bother replying Gerund.


To fly is human, to hover, divine.

I'd rather
15th May 2001, 13:51
Just skipped through the last few pages - now folks, you know I'm normally like (wind me up and watch me go) but EVEN I am not biting on this one. It's a wind up.

15th May 2001, 14:09
At last, I'd Rather...!

(Sorry to do this to you Gerry me old mate, but can't stand this any more..)

OK folks, listen up. I happen to know Gerund (incidentally, re earlier comments, I think a small Gerund is a gerundive). He is a sweetie and a charmer.(And annoyingly good-looking) He does NOT sleep around, with hosties or anything else. And what he actually has is a combination of mild NSU and severe temporary boredom. He is a silly boy and will be saying Hail Marys and reading Grays Anatomy as penance.

But come on folks.. Apart from I'd rather.. Never mind "wind up".. has no-one any sense of irony? "HATS.." "Pilots don't get diseases, only hosties do.." Funny really (semi-colon) Conspiracy theorists abound in here, doing wondrous things with the most harmless statements. Then, when tongue-in-cheek stares them in the face (see Gray's), it's completely missed.

Now Gerry, stop pretending to be a bastard, or I'll tell them it was you who saved Phoenix.

15th May 2001, 14:17
catswhisker -

Hi! Can't I carry on being a bastard for a little longer?

The Fokker's chocka ocker
15th May 2001, 18:19
As has been mentioned earlier in this thread, this is jetblast.
Gerund has thrown down the "let's have a little boys V the girls banter" gauntlet, i suspect, and everyone's taken it seriously.
It's been tickling my in-check chauvanistic funny bone, but would be a lot better if some of the girls would play the game.
Surely one female should be able to match it and score a goal for the girls!

I've purposely kept quite for a while as it would be way too lop-sided to contribute.
Taking the p!ss. It's all good clean fun. Even with such a seamy topic.
HATS! Have you put this in the acronym therad?

solly ocker she's chocka

Celtic Emerald
15th May 2001, 19:03
Sure fine & dandy

Well girls

Do any of you'se know which airlines have the most notorious pilots (male that is, I'm not that liberated yet http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif ) so we can compare notes and make sure we don't come down with anything nasty and contagious ugh! We could even set up a grading system http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif

Never know I might even be lucky enough to get a job with them or cadge a jumpseat someday. I can chew on the captains ear when I'm up there :)

There I feel bettter already :)

Oh & Gerund Top of the morning to you too :)


15th May 2001, 19:12

All those emancipated, rule following dykes. Boys, watch out for those female doctors and nurses when on duty. God knows which stick they ride until its too late. Always be prepared :)

Send Clowns
15th May 2001, 20:54
OK, Gerund, a wind up, as I suggested this seemed. But don't call me a liberal - too many connotations of Liberals, an illiberal bunch of self-righteous, wet appeasers. My English is not immaculate here, but generally good, and probably better than yours, so don't take the p1ss without justifying your comment!

Also, I am a man (no reason not to call men tarts - I have been so described during a flirtatious period of my life) a real man (I have the background to show this is not in doubt) and an ATPL student. I should take my IRT next week then have my frozen ATPL if it goes well, as seems likely, so thanks for the good wishes.

Good luck surviving the flame-roasting by those angered by your wind up :)!

'Me here at last on the ground, you in mid air'

15th May 2001, 21:47
Oh dear, so on the strength of one person as a character witness, Gerund (an annoyingly grammatical proposition) turns into a sweet, good-looking, really nice person.

Maybe cat's whisper is really the same person, on JB anything is possible.

So HATs are pilots and hosties are toasties and all is sweetness and light in the World of the Weird - look forward to meeting you in chat again honeylamb.

Happy, Clappy chappy I know just the girl for you. OperaDiva was looking - have you emailed her yet. A match made in heaven

15th May 2001, 21:58
Soap boxes and teddies at the ready.......
Hosties- Been there, done that, got the t shirt (just not the itchy balls!!!) and I'm not a pilot.But did work close enough to Gatwick to have had my fill, I just now look for something more......
Have always thought a 'good woman' is like a mountain. Anyone can walk to the top of Ben Nevis, but how many can climb Everest????
Don't mind sexism in the least ( I'd never survive my job if I did), just think that for those of either sex who've spent and gambled everything,they deserve atleast some respect for trying something most would never start.
I'm always willing to learn from a master. Wots it like???? and do the cons outway the quality of the intimate moment you both shared???
I look forward to watching more of your posts.
Offence??? none offered or received

Luv and snogz xxx

It went Earth,Sky,

Celtic Emerald
15th May 2001, 22:25
Gees Velvet

Did you say on Jetblast anything is possible.

Stone the Crows! I would never have guessed it!

What a revelation http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif


16th May 2001, 02:09
Aw bugger,I was really enjoying the fight ! Och well,back to the flight plan..

16th May 2001, 04:19
Oh dear Em, just when I think you're turning into a half way decent person. Still in JB anything is possible, not everything is probable though.

Considering you fell hook line and sinker - what's your problem, he's a pilot sweetie.

[This message has been edited by Velvet (edited 15 May 2001).]

pax domina
16th May 2001, 05:47
Now, when I first saw this thread, I thought that someone had just seen the documentary film Hollywood At War. It had a bit on one of those "hygiene films" - Three Cadets, I believe it was called. The announcer introduced it as "about a problem that has been around since the invention of the weekend pass".

As you can guess, the film is about three cadets who go out on leave. (Cue serious doctor looking out a window at the guys as they are getting ready to leave the camp, he tells us he knows what they are talking about - and that he wants to tell us the story of "three cadets".)

Did I mention that these three cadets just happened to be pilots? ;)

Anyway, the day after the night of his (possible) "exposure", one guy goes straight to the doctor for "prophylaxis". (Let's call him the "good cadet".) Another guy later realises he's "caught" something, but treats himself with various "quack" remedies. (Let's call him the "bad cadet".) Not sure what went on with the third guy - either he used a condom or kept it zipped.

Time passes, the "bad cadet" gets ever more ill - we see him feverish and shaking under the canopy of his aeroplane, gulping down the quack remedy he has purchased. He manages to land (badly), promptly taxys in to the side of a hangar, but lives to learn a lesson about going to the doctor right away . . .

In the documentary, they interviewed the actors who had played the "good cadet" and the "bad cadet". The guy who played the "good cadet" had originally been scheduled to play the "bad cadet". He went to the people making the film and told him that he didn't want to play the part of the "bad cadet" - he just felt that he couldn't. So they switched him to the "good cadet" role.

Then they talked to the guy who played the "bad cadet". A few years after the war he was in a bar filled with military or ex-military guys. Someone came up to him and said, "Hey Lieutenant!" as if he knew him. He didn't know this guy (who seemed to know him) and then the guy said, "But I know I've seen you before. Were you an actor?" "Why, yes," said the guy who played the "bad cadet", a bit flattered.

Guy who thought he knew him then shouts to the entire bar -

"Hey everybody! It's the guy with the clap!"

:) :) :)

pax d (adding nothing to the thread)

[This message has been edited by pax domina (edited 16 May 2001).]

16th May 2001, 06:40
How funny Pax Diva!

For a minute there I was trying to figure out just what in the heck flying and the clapper have to do with each other... Had there been some recent developments with Clapper Ignitions or something (I asked myself)? Nah, not even pilots are that lazy ;).

Nope; this'd be your basic public hashing over Gonorrhea...
Doing her best "Miss Informed meets her career as a Flight Hostess".....

Ahhhhhahahah! The exit doors are here, here, and here!!!! http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif

Celtic Emerald
16th May 2001, 14:56
Coming from you Velvet dear, that’s a joke. From what I hear you’re quite a little expert on pilots already. You may be interested to know that I like jumpseating with them not jumping into bed with them. I prefer to concentrate on the instruments in the cockpit dear not on the instrument inside their trousers. Yes Velvet dear I’m sure it will come as a total revelation to you that there are a lot of women who are interested in aircraft and not just bedding the men who fly them.

Oh please don’t use your one of your 101 different personas or any of your mad relations for that matter to make it appear to the whole forum that everyone is backing you up. It gets a bit tiresome after a while dear. You appear to be quite an artist when it comes to deception as it is.


[This message has been edited by Celtic Emerald (edited 16 May 2001).]

ickle black box
16th May 2001, 15:02
Oooohh nasty !! Handbags at dawn ... fight fight fight fight

Nil nos tremefacit
16th May 2001, 15:02
Hey guys, invite the gals into a male forum and it's handbags at dawn! http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/tongue.gif

16th May 2001, 15:12
Emerald, you know as little about my personal life as you do about many other things - so your comments are not only irrelevant but completely false and are from a dislike of me, not factual background.

That you decided to make these accusations about whether I bed pilots (yes, I lived with one before he sadly died, but so what) - back them up or back off.

Other than that, it's a very sad state of affairs when you bring your prejudices and hates into an open forum, just to score rather cheap points.

The Fokker's chocka ocker
16th May 2001, 16:27

solly ocker she's chocka

Celtic Emerald
16th May 2001, 16:35
Oh & you know as little about me as a person. You deliberately provoke people with your silly two faced deceptions and then call them half decent, is that not without prejudice or hate.

You claim to like men, you've even claimed that I don't, most men I know would disagree with you. I'm beginning to wonder do you have any respect for them or any respect for yourself for that matter. Cop on to yourself woman, because you've lost the respect of alot of people. Let me tell you I have more respect for men, their sexuality and their family lives than you'll ever have. Losing a man which I do sympathise with that does not give you the right to use men. It obviously needs someone to point that out to you.


16th May 2001, 16:55

seconds out, round two :)

Stay cool, stay longer.

pax domina
16th May 2001, 17:06
On a lighter note, I was once at a party at a gay (male) friend's house where "the clapper" had been installed on one of the lamps.

There is some sort of adjustment on the device, and it had been (intentionally) set to turn the lamp on and off when you hissed at it. Now, imagine a bunch of people sat there hissing the lamp on and off. :)

I'd rather
16th May 2001, 17:42
Is there a whole past history between Celtic E and Velvet that we missed?? Was it in Chat or at one of the bashes, or have I not been reading Jetblast carefully enough?

Let us have the background to the dispute, ladies, so that we can really enjoy spectating!

Seriously, why the animosity?

Send Clowns
16th May 2001, 17:53
Em, calm down a little. Velvet gets supports because she generally talks a lot of sense. She may have another name, many here do openly or quietly, sometimes for important reasons, but I haven't seen any evidence that she has many, and having chatted to her many times believe she is very honest. You also get support as far as I recall, sometimes for opinions with which I would disagree but I would not accuse you of posting your own support.

'Me here at last on the ground, you in mid air'

16th May 2001, 18:03
No guys no catfight - we've been here before.

Emerald, you know this is your opinion, not fact, about my personal life. You've never met me, you don't converse with me in chat and, therefore, you are in no position to make these claims. You are indulging in a petty character assassination for personal reasons and as such I shall refrain from responding. I object only that you infer I'm generally disliked, and that you have the right to judge me and then set yourself up as a moral arbiter of my lifestyle (of which you know nothing and what you speculate is totally wrong).

Em this is one-sided (yours), I bear you no animosity and very rarely even mention you to anyone, I'm sorry but you just aren't that important to me. So, I'll call a truce and let's just draw a line under last year's hostilities.

[This message has been edited by Velvet (edited 16 May 2001).]

16th May 2001, 18:17
did someone call?

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

16th May 2001, 18:52
Now, block your ears Send Clowns.

For obvious reasons I have now carried out some research into condoms. Unfortunately, the girl at Boots wouldn't let me open any packets to try some on. If she had been a hosty I am sure things would have been different.

Now, since we have a good contingent of hosties, HATS, not forgetting Celtic, on thread at the moment - can they throw any light on whether those ridges on Durex Arouser actually work?

I don't want to fork out on a gross and then find I should have bought the flavoured ones instead.

Hell, if I've got to wear the damn things I want to make the right consumer decision.

Now let's get this clear. I have no interest in a hosty's pleasure. It's just that if they moan a bit, you usually get breakfast in bed.

(If catswhisker sees this I am dead meat!)

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 16 May 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 16 May 2001).]

Radar Departure2
16th May 2001, 19:33
Oh, Gerund, you're back. How nice. Would you mind telling us why?

Your windup was interesting insofar as the amazing number of people who should know better who took the bait, but as these things happen, the focus of the thread has changed. Now while you may feel a little peeved that the spotlight has been taken off you in YOUR thread, I don't believe I saw any posts begging you to return and flog a by now very tired horse.

In short, old mate, your joke has run its course. Even people who thought it was funny the first time don't want to hear it repeated for the rest of their lives. Do run along, there's a good chap.


Edited to put an extra space in.

[This message has been edited by Radar Departure2 (edited 16 May 2001).]

16th May 2001, 19:47
Fair enough.

Bye all, and thanks for the fun.


ickle black box
16th May 2001, 19:52
Hey, I'm still laughing at it. I've got nothing to do in work all day except pprune, this is my medicine, it saves me from death by boredom. Keep it comming Gerund, Vel, Celtic, ronchonner and Slasher(especially) etc etc

ickle ;)

16th May 2001, 20:02
Gerund I suspect that your experience with Trolley Dollies might be limited to your imagination? Were it not so, you would know that any one of us would by now have rolled down the bl**dy condom over your head, nice and snug! :)
And if you would fly anything bigger than a kite, you'd also be well aware of the fact that breakfast is ordered from roomservice by you, not provided by the poor long suffering hostie who had to put up with your inept fumblings for at least 17 minutes last night! ;)

Eminemmie, I honestly thought for a while that your self imposed exile plus the name-change had improved matters. But alas it seems not to be the case. Shades of Sierra...... http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/frown.gif
Hon, get a life, enjoy your new job, and stop trying to feud with your betters. It's a loose-loose proposition for you, believe me.
If you carry on shooting your puny arrows of bigotry and spite at the very nice person that is Velvet, you will end up sulking off into the pprune-less wastelands once again. And the only person sorry about that will be you.

So do yourself a BIG favour; stop picking on Vel.

PS. Gerund, don't waste your money on ridges :)

Singularly Simple Person........

Send Clowns
16th May 2001, 20:02
Much as I hate to say it, Gerund did have a point in his last post.

Ribbed : worth it or not? http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/confused.gif

I have had mixed response, seems some girls like them and others don't notice the difference. Any comment, ladies, or any reviews you chaps can present of how your lady friends have reacted to these?

P.S. definitive act of selfishness : wearing a ribbed condom inside-out!

'Me here at last on the ground, you in mid air'

Send Clowns
16th May 2001, 20:08
:) trust flaps to answer my question at the same time I am asking it!

Tricky Woo
16th May 2001, 20:36
Hi All,

I can't believe that I've ignored this thread for so long.

First, we have the most blatant wind-up I've seen for ages. This is followed by a sense of humour failure from Celtic Emerald, who unintentionally fans the flames beautifully. We have an evil genius in our midst, folks, and his 'name' is Gerund.

Just as the thread started to fizzle out, (which is just as well 'cos my belly was beginning to hurt), Celtic Emerald decides to have a pop at Velvet. HOW COULD ANY OF US HAVE SEEN THAT ONE COMING? Alfred Hitchcock couldn't have dreamt up a twist like that one. Absolutely priceless.

Celtic Emerald, you are completely insane. But this thread wouldn't have been half as hilarious without your humourless postings. Please don't ever leave Jet Blast: I can't wait to see what you get up to next.


p.s. Velvet, "you're a very stylish lady".

16th May 2001, 21:20
Well, I'm in Gatwick with nothing to do, so I came back.

Maybe it was a windup or maybe not. I thought it was at first, and replied in he same vein. But a lot of what got said wasn't nice, and my gut feeling was that a lot of it was actually meant. People are all too ready to say things on Jet Blast, then scream Windup when anyone complains.


To fly is human, to hover, divine.

Leanan Sidhe
16th May 2001, 22:00
Damn the luck....

Here I was, semi-enjoying this utterly ridiculous thread and then a fight breaks to a clawthirsty chorus from the gallery of fools behind.

Velvet and Emerald,
You've established that you're both smart enough and just wicked enough to inflict damage upon the other. The lovely Emerald has always been a kind face in the crowd to me. Velvet revealed herself to be more than gracious when the sh!te flew between us a while back (perhaps even more than this stubborn old man deserved).
I emplore you, as an admirer of both, before one or both of ye draws blood that you can't put back, to stand down and let this drift.

In time, I hope you'll be wondering what all the fuss was about to begin with; until then, I can't stand to watch two fine women goin' at it like junkyard dogs, and certainly not for any reason that takes its rightful place here in Jet Blast.

16th May 2001, 23:53
Grins at all - quite happy, as I said in my last post, to draw a line under this and let the dust settle.

People don't have to get on, but surely there is room enough for all. I object to someone making rather unpleasant and untrue assertions about anyone (even me), however, I'm not one to hold a grudge, so let bygones be bygones.

17th May 2001, 00:34
Is Gerund really a pilot? I doubt it; he's too stupid.

* * * * *

If I was an FA, which I'm not, and wouldn't be, because I'm lousy at serving meals and being nice to people, but much better at flying...

* * * * *

Relieved to read this from a way back, Whirly. Reassuring to know that hosties are born with natural genius for serving meals and that pilots are clever. Phew.

17th May 2001, 01:31
How easy to misread what people mean (Whirly was responding to Gerund) - but how could we have missed that Gerund is a really sweet and lovely person and good-looking to boot - wow. According to him, pilots are gods and FAs are little tarts. Female pilots are hosties above their station. Female HATS are callous calculating bitches.

So, Gerund is supposedly studying to be a Doctor (or Vet or whatever) - goodness, I think his bedside manner is going to need a lot of work. Please don't let him lose on the public cat's whisker until you have whipped him soundly and sent him to bed without his supper.

[This message has been edited by Velvet (edited 16 May 2001).]

18th May 2001, 15:25
ScottishBurd -

You bet. My father was a doctor, and so was my brother. My brother gave it all up after 30 years - couldn't stand it any longer. Interesting how career fads go in phases, dependent on the latest TV drama. When my brother went to Charing Cross Med School, he was only asked for 2 C's and a D at A-level, missed these with 2 C's one E, and got in through clearing. Emergency Ward 10 obviously didn't encourage people enough. And then along came Mash.

But where did Velvet get the idea I am studying for medicine? Perish the thought! Got a degree in Physiology and Pharmacology about 25 years ago, when a degree still was a degree, but moved on to more interesting things like .... (no, I'd better not start!)

[This message has been edited by Gerund (edited 18 May 2001).]

18th May 2001, 17:16
My assumption was based on catswhisker's response - just shows one should not take too much notice of what is implied in these threads.

Celtic Emerald
19th May 2001, 15:53
How many what http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/confused.gif


20th May 2001, 10:57
Velvet... I'm shocked! http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif After all the time you've been on this forum, I'd have thought you'd know better than to make any assumptions! :) That looks like making it your shout first on 31 July! :) :)

Basil... I echo Emerald's question - WTF is a "Wee Frees"??

Dispela olgeta samting i pekpek bilong bulmakau!

Nil nos tremefacit
20th May 2001, 11:25
Don't go down the line of 'Wee frees'. They are a largely Scottish Christian denomination (Free Presbyterians). No alcohol, no golf on Sundays etc. OCB would find it difficult to belong as he is a drinker.

No to a religious discussion on a thread about the clap!!!!!

23rd May 2001, 00:23
Gereund mate,
Next time you want to go for a ride, get a motorbike. If you come a cropper, the only rash you'll get is from the gravel!

reddo...feral animal!

23rd May 2001, 03:38
reddo -

Quite so! I was out on my bike today - what fabulous weather to be out riding. Was in a bike shop too - full of Ducati's; pity your mount is on the other side of the world. More of a pity that you've got to study hard on a sunny day!

Off to Holland in a couple of days, via Harwich, to see a few friends. Bike riding on the continent, particularly France, is fabulous. Quiet, well maintained roads, and nothing coming the other way.

I'll just have to hope the seat doesn't irritate.

24th May 2001, 22:53
You are a bad lad Gerund, for winding all these good people up. I have a good mind to expose your identity to the world for this - you really should behave a little more appropriately dont you think? And to think I was contemplating flying across Africa with you to celebrate but thank God you really dont have a hope in hell of winning on June 7th. Now apologise publically and get on with what you should be doing if you please.

28th May 2001, 18:09
Gerund, a wind up artist and Pprune connoisseur, split personality, and wag with time to spare and an aeronautical bent, appearing to delight in eliciting outraged outbursts from the peanut gallery and the rest of us weird and warped individuals. I thought it went quite well and yes my punctuation is absolutely crap.
Scottish Burd your experiences at the clinic obviously were disturbing, you sound like a slightly feminine Knoxian conscience hovering over the shoulder whispering about the consequences of fleshly delights, not that I for a moment disagree with your vivd paintings of the possible consequences of our folly. It's just that I hope they haven't totaly put you off for life.
I always wondered if being a gynacologist eventualy interfered with one's arrousal mechanisms, though if flying every day doesn't put one off airplanes then... hmm maybe not.Wonder what the salary's like?
Uh oh! hope that wasn't a chauvenistic thought.

28th May 2001, 21:12
Knoxian??Wee frees??OOH lets not go there..As I am RC of sorts I am therefore the antichrist & worthy of a good kicking...Particularly after abandoning my 'vocation of healing' for the wickedness of flying.As regards gynaecology,twas overrated,dear friend.Dark,smelly,terrible hours & all kinds of nasty surprises hiding in places you didn't know existed.A lot like flying into your average Highlands & Islands aerodrome,really..

28th May 2001, 23:45
The mind boggles at the images you paint, it's quite put me off wanting to go flying into the Highlands. Dark and smelly indeed. Left footer eh, ah well in this day and age that shouldn't be held against you, can't see how it would affect your ability to find those hairy aerodromes up in the Highlands at any rate, even if they do take a bit of groping around to get into the darn things.
Happy flying anyhow.

Nil nos tremefacit
29th May 2001, 00:37

If you'll expose Gerund, I'll expose myself! :)

29th May 2001, 02:39

Ive told you many times about doing that!

Seen it before anyway.


29th May 2001, 03:19
Nil nos, you expose yourself and I'll just have to take back my underwear