View Full Version : An Arabian Night

6th May 2004, 05:05
Every now and then a sporting/social club with which I am involved provides an amateur (very) review; a night of song, dance, mime, theatre, sketches, skits and riotous capers of frivolity fabulously unrehearsed on a particular theme. That sort of thing. We have visited, for example, the wild west, prehistoric cavemen/women and Hollywood, to name a few. All sellout shows.

This time round we're presenting an Arabian Night and I would appreciate your help. To assist the MC who, lamentably, is one distinctly lacking in creativity, we are hunting down every cliche in the book. For intros and fillers. But we need more, lots more, hopefully from you really really clever guys.

Now, this is not about contemporary Arab or middle eastern nations for all of which we wish only peace. This is about an Arabia of mythology, dreams and fables. The Arabia of cliche.

"...the oceans of sand...the stony wastes...parched plateaus...oppresive heat...unforgiving sun...depredations of bandits...oasis of scented night breezes...beneath the date palms..." That sort of thing. Only better. Much better.

Quotes and curses are similarly welcome; even one liners..."I've never gone to bed with an ugly camel but I've woken up with a few..." That sort of thing. Only better. Ditto.

The aviation link? Well, we typically auction off sets and prints and things from the production and the dollars are given to the Royal Flying Doctor Service hereabouts. Many thanks if you can help.:)

Rich Lee
6th May 2004, 05:17
..."I've never gone to bed with an ugly camel but I've woken up with a few..."

One hump, or two?

6th May 2004, 06:21
For a colourful insult ...

May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your armpits, O son of a thousand fathers.


tony draper
6th May 2004, 07:07
"Wanna buy some postcards Johnny"


6th May 2004, 07:31
"Why you say me imshi ?"

6th May 2004, 10:55
Better a handful of dry dates and content therewith than to own the Gate of Peacocks and be kicked in the eye by a broody camel.

Better a hundred enemies outside the house than one inside.

If the camel once get his nose in the tent, his body will follow.

There are no fans in hell.

Today it may be a fire, tomorrow it will be ashes.

All genuine Arabian Proverbs - weird or what? :confused:

6th May 2004, 11:06
If a dromedary has one hump and a camel has two, what do you call an animal with three humps?


6th May 2004, 11:37
It's not quite a joke, but it made me smile!


6th May 2004, 12:23
Old Arabic saying - ""Yad Wahidda la Tissafig !""

"" You can't clap with one hand !""

Appropriate or what ?:p

6th May 2004, 12:42
A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks.
He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, " What's the camel for?"

The Sergeant replied, " Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we have the camel."

The Captain said "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sergeant, " BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"

The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captain's quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel.

As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, " Is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The Sergeant replied, " Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.


Open Sesame

After years of traveling around the world in his search, the wicked Wizard finally discovered the enchanted cave in which he believed lay the magic lamp which would make him millions.
He stood before the boulders which sealed the cave, and uttered the magic words,
"Open sesame!"
There was a silence, and then a ghastly voice from within moaned,
"Open says-a-who?"

Well Water

An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his man-servant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.
Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. "Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water??" demanded the Grand Emir.
"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul,
"white man sit on well."

I know... I'm sorry....

Ali Barber
6th May 2004, 13:14
Good luck with it and may all your goats be fertile!

7th May 2004, 03:06
Priceless. Gratitude to all. I fully expect an evening resounding with catcalls, booing, whistles, slow hand clapping and derogatory chanting. It will be wonderful.:)

7th May 2004, 04:47
Have a great night, rainbow.